Friday, August 16, 2013
The face of dementia...
Look at her. My mother in law. No one could know she has dementia just by a photo. You'll know right away when she speaks. Dementia is a thief! It steals your memory. It steals your personality. It steals everything that once was an actual human being.
Odd. Back in the day when Gramma was who we knew her to be, she was...well, difficult. She just wasn't a people person. She didn't like to babysit the grandkids or spend much time with them. But all of that is behind us now. Today, gramma is very sweet, pleasant, and yet a chore at the same time. LOL! Who knew things would turn out like this. I have learned a lot of life lessons just by being her care giver alone. My children ask me how I could be so sensitive and patient with her. They seem so bitter. I tell them it is the Lord that helps me do what I have to do to take care of gramma. It's called agape love. Loving someone who doesn't return love. Make no mistake, it is very difficult...or WAS for me in the beginning. Nowadays gramma is no longer the gramma we once knew. Forgiveness is key to any relationship. Life lessons are endless. I can hide behind the door of anger, resentment, or whatever else goes along with negative feelings. What good would it do now? Today, I just trust the Lord to help us do what needs done. My friends have told me I'll get thru this. I tell them I don't want to "just get thru this"! I want to be better! My husband tells me all the time...I don't know how you do it, but I appreciate it! Dementia steals the memory of people, but it also teaches us a host of lessons as well. I try not to dwell on what was or what might be. Instead, even though I cry sometimes, I know for sure God is in it and I believe He knows my heart, and will take care of us...no matter what!
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
I loved bringing home our new baby from the hospital. We were all settled in and cozy. UNTIL, the baby seemed to have a set of grown folk lungs. I remember those days very well. Sleepless nights, pacing the floors for hours, colic...yep it was all there. Back then I couldn't pretend to care what I looked like after giving birth. I didn't think about having nice tight abs or having arms that don't jiggle when I wave good bye. All I cared about was taking care of my sweet newborn.
By the time I had my next baby, I had a different perspective. All I could think about was how much weight I gained. I just couldn't feel comfortable in my own skin. Then, wouldn't you know it; here comes baby #3 and he was huge! He was almost 10 lbs. at birth. I gained 50 lbs with that baby. I completely felt like a heffer! Hmm, what to do what to do! My eureka moment came when I leaned over to pick him up. He was a very poor sleeper and had childhood asthma. I swear the kid was allergic to sleep. I'd lean over his little bassinet and scoop him in to my arms. Carried him around for hours on end. My arms eventually got really strong. I had some awesome biceps.
Next came the challenge of tightening up my tushie. When I sat down to nurse him, sometimes I would just squeeze my butt while sitting. Don't laugh! It works. That poor baby was in and out of the hospital so often...I can't say for sure, but I think the hospital just kept a room available to us. I eventually lost interest in losing weight or strengthening muscle.
OH OH...Here comes baby #4! I was 36 when I had my last child. Baby #3 finally started sleeping thru the night. After all, he is 6 yrs old. I'd say it's about time! I started using my baby as weights. Pacing the floors for what i'm sure felt like miles and miles! Holding, kissing, lifting...sweating! Now their all grown. I will never EVER have six pack abs, or have arms that don't jiggle. I do however have a tight family. All that lifting and pacing and holding paid off very well.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
My daughter is 2 yrs out from being diagnosed with cancer. What was supposed to be a migraine was actually brain cancer. So rare is her cancer that the Dr.'s at Cleveland Clinic had never seen it before. Finally, a physician was found in California that was familiar with her cancer. Donna was diagnosed with Plasma cytoma. Ugliest words to hear....EVER! Typical this cancer has been found in elderly black men. The Dr's couldn't offer an explanation how a young white female got it.
This can't be happening. Jim just left for overseas. I can't have a terminally ill child at the same time!! No way is this happening!
So many up's and down's, fear, confusion, and a host of other terrifying emotions when I heard those awful words in the same sentence as my daughter's name. I've always been a praying mom, but somehow...prayer couldn't be said. I felt like God let me down. All I had in me was anger and frustration. I told the dr's I have anything she needs...liver, kidneys, lungs, heart. It didn't matter to me. Whatever she needs please take. What I heard was, "i'm sorry Mrs. Warner. It isn't that type of cancer.
My sweet child was terminal and I had nothing in my power to help her. Not even God! Oh I did not respond well after her treatments. All I wanted to do was out bad my bad, but I couldn't even do that. Life can be so unfair!
In the end, finally, I had a spiritual break through. It seemed like the Lord just picked me up with both hands, drew me to His side, and whispered in my ear "don't be afraid, I'm here"! WHAT?? After everything I said and did? Well now, there it is. Just what I needed to hear. "I am with you"! 4 little words that packed a powerful hug, right to my broken heart and changed my anger and fear to hope and faith. I'm so thankful God is faithful even when I'm not!
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the surgery. Today, she's still recovering from continued treatments. A 2nd "blip' has been found. But the good news is NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!
This is my account of my child's diagnosis. Her's is very different from mine. I should've followed the leader. She taught me how to be strong and fight. don't lose faith and don't blame God...He's God. We're not.
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