Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Ah the joys of motherhood. One of the most rewarding, but yet frustrating jobs out there. There are no rules. There are no deadlines. There isn't anything to tell you how to do it. In a real job, there are standard operating procedures, manuals to trouble shoot and and documents and documents of step by step instructions. But being a mom is trial and error and when one thing finally works, then it doesn't any more. There is no SOP manual. Because when you try one thing, it works for a minute. Then there is my child that I cannot parent by following any advice column.
But then I am rewarded with goodnight mommy, I love you. Or no you don't sleep in daddy's bed, you sleep in my bed. Or mommy, I need a knife. I NEED to cut up those pumpkins. Uhmmmm no, you don't need a knife, and we will cut the pumpkins tomorrow. Why mommy. What happened mommy. MOM where is my Thomas the Train. No, not that Thomas, the OTHER ONE. (Really, you have 4,000 Thomas the trains).
I can't imagine not growing up with him. He will be three in January, and we are having such a wonderful time. There are moments where I wonder what in the world happened, what was I thinking. But overall being a mommy is the best thing in the world and those little precious people grow up all to fast. I can't imagine missing the next three years of his life. Which is exactly what is happening to a friend of mine. She is going to miss the next three years of her little boy growing up. Her little boy is three. I can't imagine not seeing him until he starts the first grade. So many milestones and so many things missed out on. So after hearing the bad news, which I had prayed and prayed for her, I have decided I need to be a better mom.
I need to stop being impatient with his stories. I need to stop being impatient with him at bedtime. I need to slow down and make sure he knows that his mommy loves him. Even when he gets into trouble. Which he does a lot.
For whatever reason, I was chosen to take care of and love this precious life that we created. And that means not taking him for granted. That means keeping him safe, and molding him into a kind, strong man. The kind of man I would want to be around, and have people say what a nice young man you have raised. That is my ultimate goal.
I for one am going home to hold my little one a little tighter tonight, and give him an extra kiss or two. We are going to carve the pumpkins, and maybe let him help. At least with a spoon. There is no guarantees, and I am not going to miss out on those moments. I have the choice to be there for him.
This has nothing to do with weight loss. It was just some random thoughts and circumstances that happened in the last couple of days.
My weight loss motivation is non exisitant right now. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to track, drink my water, exercise, or eat healthy. I am not sure where my motivation went but when I hit the 20 lb lost I have kind of lost the momentum. I hope it comes back soon as this is not good for me. But sometimes a little break isn't so bad either.
Gratitude: Grateful for my son and all of his antics, good and bad. Thankful that I am around to see it.
Friday, October 17, 2014
It is Friday fun day, and I am almost ready to tackle the world today. We have swim lessons this afternoon, Blake's flu shot and then home to clean/organize and get stuff done. My dream is to have the house completely clean, and just be able to sit on the couch and enjoy a cup of coffee for a few minutes. I have a two year old so this probably won't happen anytime soon, but I keep trying.
And I think trying is the key word. Not giving up or in to all the chaos in my life. I read several blogs on weight loss one of them 300 Pounds Down. She has some great inspiring ideas and her key is to keep trying, never give up, and 30 seconds at a time. She truly believes that doing something for 30 seconds if you can't do more is beneficial as it sets you up for consistency and as you get stronger you go for longer periods of time.
Weight loss and or anything that we want to achieve I think can be done with these principles. So today I am going to try and focus on what I can do, not think about what I can't right now and build myself up 30 seconds at a time if I have too. Especially when it comes to getting organized. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to do something. And those little somethings add up. I really have to keep this in mind, because I get so frozen with being overwhelmed that I do nothing. I know I have blogged about this before, but I have to keep reminding myself that doing nothing doesn't get me anywhere except a few pounds heavier. With everything! So today my focus is not perfection, or even finishing anything. It is just getting started. Do something.
I have been watching reading the news and I am worried. I know that it is probably silly, but this Ebola outbreak has me very concerned. I know that the internet isn't always reliable but with the invention of instant news 24/7 it seems like this could get really bad. I know where I am at I am not at risk for Ebola, I haven't travelled anywhere so my family is pretty safe. But it is still very disconcerting to thing about. Maybe I worry way to much, but this to me is pretty scary. I normally don't follow much in current events, and I usually keep my opinions on most topics that are controversial to myself. I don't want to start a war with anyone. But this to me is really scary. Anyone else worried? Anyone else worried that our government and health officials are NOT taking care of this as they should? That more protective action NEEDS to take place? I am sure that my fears are ungrounded, but they are still there just the same.
Gratitude: Grateful today is Friday. Grateful for bountiful baskets, and getting fresh fruits and vegetables tonight. Grateful for having really great friends.
WINS: Getting up and getting to work. I hope I have more wins today.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
I have no motivation today. I think it is because it is getting closer to the end of the week, and I just don't want to do anything today. I am feeling kind of whiney and a big case of the I don't wanna's.
Blake got his school pictures last night and they turned out awesome. I can't wait to get the package to post a couple of them. He is such a grown up in the pictures and he did so good. I am excited for the whole package and most of Christmas is taken care of now. A few frames to make them pretty and I can mail them out.
In my quest for a happier, more organized person I was reflecting last night on how much I have changed in the last year by putting being positive first. In a past time, I would have not realized the consequences of my actions and just jumped in with both feet. This time, I didn't jump in with both feet and analyzed the situation, and came up with the RIGHT answer. Without going into detail, I had to make a decision and that decision was going to affect the rest of my life, possibly my job, and possibly my marriage. I came up with the right answer after careful analysis and realized I didn't want to affect my job, marriage, or my family. After explaining my reasons, I had a friend say thank you for the reality check. It made me feel really good to put myself first and to think and realize that this wasn't for me anymore. In a past life I would have jumped at the chance. Not now... and my rational decision making came from my happiness/positive experiment. Instead of looking at the grass as greener on the other side, I was able to see my own green grass instead. And this was very empowering to me. I am being vague on purpose as I do have people that read this blog that know me well.
While cliche and sometimes even cheesy being positive really works. As the year is winding down, I have noticed so much more happiness in my life by changing one thing. And that one thing was looking at things in a positive way instead of always bemoaning how bad things are. Do I still want more money, a better car and a bigger house? Of course I do, but right now I am just happy that I have some money, a pretty good car to drive, and a house with a roof that doesn't leak. I also want a housekeeper and a nanny, but that isn't ever going to happen.
I am being vague on purpose as I do have people that read this blog that know me well.
So now I am working through trying to not be disappointed because my trip to Hailey this weekend got cancelled. She wants to postpone it for next weekend, but I have things going on for that weekend that I really want to do. I can do both, it just puts me getting into Hailey pretty late in the day, but I don't want to cancel out on my other plans. So trying to be positive, and hope it will kind of work itself out. One way or the other.
Gratitude: Today I am thankful for my Sparkfriend Christine. She dropped off some toy trucks for Blake, and he is going to love them. I am also grateful for cooler temps.
WINS: Drank most of my water, got out for a run today.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
I ended up being out sick for a week. I had strep throat of all the stupid things to catch. No wonder I felt so crummy. I have been on antibiotics now for the last week and oh feeling so much better. Still a bit tired and my energy isn't 100% yet, but I am getting there. And luckily my family hasn't caught it yet, and I think we are on the downhill side of that one.
Now that I am feeling better it is time to hit it hard with my organizing and cleaning. I found the cutest thing at Hobby Lobby and I want it SOOOO bad. But it won't fit on the wall I want to put it on. Nothing I want ever fits, so I am trying to decide if it would be worth it to put it on a different wall. Small spaces!!
My weight is holding pretty steady which is good. I have been eating more, but healthy while I have been sick. I ordered a bountiful basket this week as I am really wanting some fresh fruits and veggies. I don't think I am going to volunteer, just pick up my basket and have an early night.
I am so disappointed lately at the grocery store. It seems that all of my fruits and veggies are going bad within a couple of days. I shop at Winco as they have the lowest prices, but now I am starting to wonder if it is worth it to save the few dollars. I have taken back several watermelons, a canteloupe, bananas, and last night a bag of potatoes. I have NEVER had a whole bag of potatoes go bad on me within 3 days. This is just the stuff I have returned. I have thrown away so much more because I didn't want to go back to the grocery store. A whole bag of lettuce that had gone bad before I even opened it, a package of mushrooms that had two or three rotten ones in the middle and I didn't see it.
It is disappointing to buy healthy fare for my family to have it be no good and have to use a box of mac and cheese as backup. And really really frustrating.
Here is a picture of the shelf that I want:
I stole this off of a website, and now I don't remember the name of the blog. The shelf I want is the one with the coffee cups hanging off of it. It is 32.5 inches wide, and my wall is 32 inches. (SIGH)
I will be back tomorrow with more fun stuff. Now it is time to call it a day.
Gratitude: Oh so grateful for insurance, and antibiotics. I am grateful for having sick leave on the books. I am grateful for a wonderful husband that took care of the baby while I was so sick.
WINS: Got a run in on Monday. Still not quite up to par with exercise, but I have gotten up and gotten dressed for the last 3 days. Last night, I cooked dinner, did dishes, and got everything ready to go. Not much, but it is a start.
Monday, October 06, 2014
So I woke up this morning feeling like heck, but actually made it in to work. Now I am fading fast and no amount of cold medicine seems to be helping. I think I am going to throw in the towel today, and go get some rest.
This being sick is not helping anything. And I seem to be catching everything!! Just a couple of weeks ago I was out for 2.5 days with a miserable cold, and now it is coming back. O.k. enough whining. Here is what you all have been waiting for, The Pumpkin Patch pictures.
Blake had a great time getting to bounce in the bounce house, (the first time I convinced him to go in by himself) running through the pumpkins, and getting donuts and hot chocolate. It was a great time and I am so glad that he got to do this again.
When he got up this morning, he looked outside and says, Oh there is my pumpkin patch. He got 1 huge one, 2 small ones, and 2 medium sized ones.
Now I just have to finish up the treats to BOO the neighborhood. I did let him decorate some rice krispy treats last night with his girlfriend. They didn't turn out great, so moving on to another project.
Gratitude: Today I am grateful for having lots of sick time.
WINS: I did drink some water, and ate healthy this morning.
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