Thursday, August 01, 2013
I have not. Of course, I haven't be doing that great with my plan either.
Yes, my brother remains in the hospital with no answers available. So as a family, we are struggling. Since he was placed in our home, he became the center of our universe. Now the universe is skewed. My Mother and I take turns staying with him because his disability makes it difficult for the Dr's and nurses to understand.
I have gained but at least I have not returned to the weight I was when I first started. I realized the other day that I needed to get back on here. There is so much support and that's what I need desperately.
So YES! I'm still here. Can't promise to come back every day but am certainly going to do my very best to do so. Your support is tremendous and it's my own fault for staying away so long.
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
I knew he wasn't feeling well yesterday. He didn't smile when I took him his blankie. He didn't want his bus (his favorite of all toys). He wasn't jabbering or singing (a very loud hummmmmmmm). He's so ill
He isn't healing. Actually, his incision area is healing but his insides are not. If anything, he is worse. A test performed on Monday evening showed distention in both the small and large intestines. I was wondering why the Dr. that came in was questioning us about his biological/familial background with cancer. That word has never even been mentioned or on our thought radar. So, of course, when I got home, I did what you shouldn't do unless you want to be frightened beyond reason. . .I googled it! A distention in the large intestine is rare and is indicative of many things but the most prominent reason is cancer.
.Oh. My. Freakin'. Goodness!
Okay, it is hopefully something else, like diverticulitis, or a twist there, or whatever. . .
PLEASE GOD...DON'T LET IT BE CANCER! Not for him. Give it to me. I'll take it. I'd take his place right now if it would only bring him good health and bring him home! He's been through so much in his young life! I know God has his reasons and we shouldn't question so I'm not. I just ask that He let me take my brother's place. Let him be well.
***Thank You God!*** It isn't cancer but there is a definite blockage in the large intestine. His surgery has been scheduled for Friday afternoon.
And THANK YOU to all who have commented and lifted prayers for him and for my entire family. They are greatly appreciated and definitely welcomed!
Sunday, April 07, 2013
Yeah, I took a break.
I was so obsessed with NUMBERS.
From calorie counting and measurements to what my scale shows, I let those blasted numbers rule how I felt about myself.
I'm not "all-of-a-sudden" cured from weighing and measuring and counting.
I have decided that my identity cannot be measured by those numbers.
During my self-imposed sabbatical, I didn't go crazy, consuming huge amounts of food. Instead, I used what I've learned from when I started on Spark, and have actually lost a little. Perhaps I didn't lose as much as I "should" have since it has been close to a month of being away. But, I'm content with a 5lb weight loss. It's certainly not a weight gain. Yet,
And, I think I may, finally, perhaps, possibly be starting to believe what my boyfriend has been trying to tell me since we first met and became friends over 10 years ago, that
Granted, there will be men AND women who will completely disagree with his assessment. Yet, I may not believe they are all that great looking, outward or inward. You may think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are simply gorgeous. I disagree.
But, close your eyes. . .now what do you see?
Nothing. You must base the beauty of that person you are interacting with solely on their personality, their beliefs, their morals, and their values.
Yes, I've lost weight. And yes, that has helped my spirits. But as my guy has asked me, "Do you feel better?" My answer is yes. He continues with, "Will you feel better if you lost more?" My answer continues to be yes. His response? I love you, regardless. I love your body. I love your mind. I love everything that is you.
For what more can a gal ask?
And, you know what?
I love him for loving me as I am.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Update posted at the end...
I know I haven't been changing my status or blogging. But, life's mean streak decided to come crashing down. My brother is still causing great stress in both my parent's life and mine. And I thought that was bad enough. Then, on top of that, my back goes out and has stayed "out" regardless of rest, movement, medication, no medication, nothing makes a difference.
And then there's this:
This is Bitty Girl, or I also call her PeePee. There's no reason for the nickname, I just started calling her that. She is my, somewhere between, 13-15 year old kitty. I had noticed that she was hiding herself but didn't give it much thought until she hid under my bed for an entire day. I pulled her out and put her on my bed. And there she has stayed.
She hasn't eaten.
She hasn't drank.
She peed on my bed in a couple places and I could care less. The last time it was bloody.
She is dying.
Those of you who have read some of my blogs know that I do not have two-legged children so my babies are of the four-legged purring kind.
And therefore, my heart has exploded with pain. I have cried on and off, and even as I'm writing this, for the past two days. I laid beside her crossways my bed for the past two nights; staying awake to remove the dried, crusted snot from her nose so she can breathe.
I would like to believe she understands when I tell her that she doesn't have to struggle anymore to go ahead and let go, that she is a beautiful kitty, and I love her. Even if she doesn't understand, it's true so why not tell her?
Granted, there will be some who think I've lost it to be so broken up over "a cat." Well, you don't really want to know what I have to say to you.
Before I realized she was dying, I was struggling because I couldn't exercise because of the back pain. Now, I wish that was the only pain with which I am dealing.
I'll hopefully be back soon, blogging with my usual picturesque humor.
But for now, my heart is breaking, my back hurts, and my face is swollen from tears.
And that, my dear Sparkler friends, is why I'm in crisis mode.
An update: She began suffering on Thursday around 1AM so when I could I called the vet and took her in to be euthanized. My best friend took me and cried with me. But, now Bitty is no longer suffering and is playing at The Rainbow Bridge waiting for me to join her and all my other four-legged babies! Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support.
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