Thursday, July 03, 2014
The past couple days I've been doing partial fasts. I find in doing so that it's like hitting a "restart" button for my eating habits. It wasn't too hard, especially since I drank water whenever I felt "hungry."
I put "hungry" in quotation marks because I realized that I don't necessarily know when I'm really hungry--when I really need food in order to fuel my body, or when it's noon and I should be eating lunch now or it's early evening and it's time for dinner. So much of my eating habits are, well, habits. It had become habitual to eat in the evening. Was I really hungry? I don't think so. I think it had more to do with a block of time that was otherwise unoccupied and I wanted to fill it. Or, I was working on something and got frustrated and food comforted me.
I have never lived in a situation where I have been really hungry, like so much of the world. This puts my own "hunger" in perspective. But there's another side to hunger, a hunger and thirst for the righteousness of God. It occurred to me that I can't know how to hunger for the Lord if I don't know what it means to be hungry!
I think there's more to be said about this, but it's pretty late and I'm getting up early to go to the gym. What do you think? Do you know what it means to feel hunger?
Saturday, May 31, 2014
It's all about sacrifice, isn't it? We have to give up something in order to get something. To get work done, we sacrifice time spent in leisure. We sacrifice for our children so they can have what they need. Jesus sacrificed His life for us so we could have eternal life. Love equals sacrifice.
So, why don't we sacrifice for ourselves? I don't say this in a selfish manner, for there is sacrifice involved, after all. But if we give so much for others, why can't we give up for ourselves?
Today was not a good day for me, foodwise. Lunch was rice crackers with homemade peanut butter, which on one hand isn't so bad...except that I love peanut butter and put LOTS of peanut butter on my crackers. And then, instead of eating an orange and some carrots, I had an ice cream bar. OK. Not so good, but if I control myself I can make it through the day without blowing everything.
I did fine until three o'clock, and then all of a sudden I wanted to do nothing but eat. I don't remember all I ate, but it was quite a bit. More than was necessary for sure. At one point, I realized what I was doing and knew I had to stop and ask God why I can be doing so well with something, and then suddenly blow it. So I sat down and pulled out my prayer journal. I opened it to the last page and found these words that my husband had included in his sermon last Sunday: "God will transform the situation when we make the sacrifice." And I realized I had the answer to my question.
Why do I suddenly blow it? Because I'm not making the sacrifice. I'm not getting up early for quiet time (hence the reason the last entry was notes from last week's sermon), I'm choosing leisure over work, I'm choosing food over reliance on God. I'm being brutally honest here.
But thanks be to God that He is merciful and forgiving! He reveals these things so I can trust Him more. And I'm admitting it to all of you so I can be free! Amen!
Thursday, April 03, 2014
The question to ponder today is what my craving looks like. The first time I went through "Made to Crave," I think it looked like a big comfy couch, something in which to curl up and forget about the world. But now, as I am consider other studies I'm doing, I'm thinking my craving looks more like me as a spoiled child.
Always looking to do something better...actually it's more like realizing I HAVE to change my behavior or there will be dire consequences...I began working on something that Pam Young (of the Sidetracked Sisters) developed some years ago about naming your inner brat. There is part of us that always wants our own way, and that part of us has to be trained not to be such a brat. This brat does NOT want to get organized or clean or do any of the things she should do. She only wants to do what's fun. So I think my craving looks like that spoiled version of me, who wants ice cream NOW, so I will have it NOW.
In addition to the training of my inner brat, I'm also in a church study group of "Experiencing God," where we are currently learning how when we hear what God wants to do through us, it requires us to adjust our lives to God's call. That is, to not give in to the brat inside us who doesn't want to change. I should say, the brat in ME who doesn't want to change.
Of course, it will get me nowhere to refuse to adjust to God. I will have no witness for others to see God working. So today, when I came home from church, I was a little hungry and thought maybe I would stop at Dairy Queen and get a Mini Flurry. After all, it's small, and I hadn't had any dessert today. I wrestled with myself, especially as I turned the corner and saw the Dairy Queen. But I did NOT stop! If God is going to work through me, I have to say to my inner brat, "No. We will not have ice cream right now. We can have it another time, but not now. It is important for you and I to be able to have self control. You may not like it right now, but you will appreciate it later."
Thank you, Lord, for today's victory, and for loving me AND my inner brat!
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
The song "Break Every Chain" has been in my head for days now, and I think I know why. God knows that I need Jesus' power to break my slavery to food. So, literally, one day at a time, I will call on the name of the Lord and walk in His victory to break every chain!
Monday, March 31, 2014
It's been a while since I've bee an active on SparkPeople. I have been entering fitness minutes, so it's not like I've been sluggish. But my eating habits! Arrrgh! I find myself thinking about food constantly, and giving in to the desire to eat. A lot. So much so that I'm slowly approaching the weight I was when I started on SparkPeople four and a half years ago.
On one hand, I am stronger physically because I am working out on a regular basis since I finally found an exercise buddy! But now I need a food buddy or something. I have started "Made to Crave" more than once, but never finished it. Since tomorrow is April 1st, perhaps that's a good time to start. And that's not an April Fool's joke!
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