Monday, July 21, 2014
It was a better day today. I spent my work day training a new employee so that kept me pretty busy and mind occupied. Somehow, that lifted my spirits. Yay!
My DD decided (on her own without my influence) not to go for the home in the bad school district. I'm so relieved. I really didn't see that coming. So, yes, I worried, a lot, for nothing. I'm really surprised and relieved that she changed her mind and that she was upfront with her husband about her feelings on it. I do want them to find a nice home...but not at my granddaugter's expense. I do feel they are both good, caring parents. I know this house hunt has just been a real struggle for them. I'll continue to pray that a better option comes to light for them.
I remained "food sober" today. I was upfront with one of my co-workers about it. She mentioned something about having chocolate or something...I can't remember how it came up...but I told her that I had given that up...indicating I was no longer eating to make myself feel better. She knows how I struggle with my weight and my eating and she respected my decision and said, "okay, I won't tempt you then." I really appreciated that.
Training a new person, coming back from a day off on Friday, handling new supervisor responsibilities, and handling my usual load at work all add up to a pretty stressful/busy day. I feel like I handled it all really well...with no food crutches. Yay! Getting stronger...pushing on.
Hope you all had a great day! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on!
Saturday, July 19, 2014
This journey is really hard for me. I have asked myself time and time again why it is so hard. Over this past week, I've asked myself this again and I've observed my behaviors with food and the "whys" of my overeating. I got an "aha."
I am eating for the same reasons that an alcoholic drinks...for the same reason that a smoker smokes...and for the same reason that a drug abuser abuses. I'm trying to numb a feeling, trying to blur the sharpness of a pain, trying to raise my spirits...with food. I think that there is a "dark spot" in my mind. The food, especially sugar, can reach that spot and brighten it. I have a sadness. I try not to let it show. And I try to feel better. I think that, over time, I discovered that the sugar does make me feel better. However, there is a negative trade-off...the weight.
Today, I decided that I just need to give it up and live "food sober". I need to eat 3 meals and track them and eat in range. Other than that, I need to abstain. When I eat outside those times and that range, I'm eating to feel better...not for my nutritional needs. I need to find better and different ways to light up that part of my mind and to feel better.
One way that I've found that I can light up my mind is through reading. I've found that I really like the Debbie Macomber books. I'm reading her Cedar Cove series. And today, on the Hallmark Channel, they began Season 2 of Cedar Cove and I'm enjoying watching the show. I also bought her cookbook and am cooking my way through it. I've only just started. I fixed the first recipe that was a fruit smoothie. I fixed the second recipe that was a banana bread recipe. I've purchased the items I need for the next recipe...a breakfast muffin. I think I will try to bake them tomorrow. So, that's all fun.
So, Day 1 of being food sober is coming to an end. I've had opportunities to go off plan. McDonalds even gave us an order of fries for me...that I didn't order...and I didn't eat them. I spit out a cookie that I realized I had stuck in my mouth while filling the cookie jar...just a reflex "pop in the mouth" action. As soon as I realized what I'd done, I spit it out without chewing or swallowing any. I know that's extreme. But this is really and truly important for me because it takes me down a road I do not want to travel. I can't travel it if I don't take the first step down that road. So, I'm not. My plan is to stay "food sober" one day at a time.
In the Cedar Cove series, one of the characters is a recovering alcoholic, Jack. It helps me to see how he is coping. He has a sponsor that he can call and talk to when he is feeling tempted and struggling. That is so good. So, I guess I can use SP as my "sponsor" for when I need someone to talk to. It's going to happen. Life is hard...and food has been my crutch for nearly my whole life. Giving up that crutch is not going to be a piece of cake...hmmm...so many sugar references...ugh, At any rate, I am going to take the advice of AA and take it one day at a time and live by the Serenity Prayer. It's worked for so many AA members...it can work for me. I need to stop the madness that is being a foodaholic. I just don't want to go down this road anymore. I know it won't be easy...but I just have to make this change.
My weight is up to 230. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will see the return to the 220's and my weight will respond to my eating in range. I think it will. I'm glad Day 1 is under my belt. It's a start. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Journey underway!
Hope you are all doing well! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Took the dogs for a walk this morning...now we all are sitting here cooling down. It was perfect walking weather...sunny and low 50's! Sweet! 7,282 steps and it's only 9:58 am! Rockin!
We have a family get-together today. I'm a little stressed...hence the walk. I wanted to get my endorphin fill before the get-together. I don't know why I worry over gatherings...I'm just not a group person. So, I thought the endorphins might help. I know it will be fine.
Yesterday, I had a really stressed work day. I just wasn't "into it" and it was all I could do to go in and get through it. But I did...without overeating...and with a walking break! I think I'm getting hooked on walking again. It's not so much for the weight loss aspect...I'm looking for the happy/emotional lift it gives. I really need that. My natural is the downward feeling. So, I'm really working to live life on the happier side. I'm continuing to read my Happy for No Reason book. The section I just got through was about the physical aspect of being happy for no reason and it went into the physical/chemical balances that take place in our body and their effect. When I read about the aspect of exercise...walking, and the positive effect it has on us physically due to the chemical changes that take place, I immediately wanted to go for a walk. I was on a long lunch and stopped reading, went to Menards and walked up and down all the empty aisles to get some active minutes in before heading back to work.
Now, when I'm worried about something or feeling down about something, my mind goes to getting a walk in...so I can get that chemical effect that will help me lift out of it. Today's walk was more "preventative" so I will go into the situation with a more positive mind-set. Yay! In the past, I would have been filling up on sugar. POSITIVE CHANGE!
Oh, and I really like listening to my "Katy Perry Radio" channel on Pandora when I walk. A lot of the songs that come on are right on target for the pace I am at or challenge me a little bit.
Hope you all have a good day! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on!
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
So, yesterday, I made it through the day...tracking and eating in range. That's hard on a Monday...my hardest day of the week at work...because the phone calls are insane. But I did it...and so I began my streak. I have a goal of 100 days.
Lately, I have been getting on track and staying on track for about 10 days...then going off track for one reason or another...and then struggling to get back on track. This has been a pattern for awhile...and I'm really tired of it. I'm glad that I did not stay off track to the point of getting back up into the 230's this time, though. After being on track for one day, I am at 227. Not exciting...but not the 233 that I did my last turn-around on. So, I get to start out at a lower starting point. Yay!
Having regained almost all my weight is really discouraging. Right now, I can wear about 1% of my clothes. I can wear 4 pair of dress pants, 1 pair of jeans, a couple different pj's, and quite a few tops. I kept thinking this was temporary so I have tried not to invest in a lot of new larger clothes. But it hasn't been very temporary.
I'm reading my Happy for No Reason book and getting a lot of good information there about working on why I am not "happy" so that I can increase my happiness set point. I am hopeful that this will make a difference for me in my eating. I am hoping I will not be eating my way to happiness...I can find it in other ways.
Last night, I watched Extreme Weight Loss. It was really good...with Kathie and Josh...mother and son. I could see myself a lot in them. I would like to come out on the end of the weight loss game where they did...successful. I think it can happen. I know I've done it before to the point of getting down to 156. And that was good. It wasn't goal...but it wasn't 227. So, I venture on.
One day down...99 to go. I guess this will be my quote of the day...A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu. Chinese philosopher
Hope you all had a great day! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement. Spark on!
(I did put a post-it note on my desk...following the way of Spark Guy...with the #1 on it...so I could look at it throughout the day...and realize that I am on my way...streaking...Day One complete.)
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