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Day 3 Food Sober...Getting Stronger

Monday, July 21, 2014

It was a better day today. I spent my work day training a new employee so that kept me pretty busy and mind occupied. Somehow, that lifted my spirits. Yay!

My DD decided (on her own without my influence) not to go for the home in the bad school district. I'm so relieved. I really didn't see that coming. So, yes, I worried, a lot, for nothing. I'm really surprised and relieved that she changed her mind and that she was upfront with her husband about her feelings on it. I do want them to find a nice home...but not at my granddaugter's expense. I do feel they are both good, caring parents. I know this house hunt has just been a real struggle for them. I'll continue to pray that a better option comes to light for them.

I remained "food sober" today. I was upfront with one of my co-workers about it. She mentioned something about having chocolate or something...I can't remember how it came up...but I told her that I had given that up...indicating I was no longer eating to make myself feel better. She knows how I struggle with my weight and my eating and she respected my decision and said, "okay, I won't tempt you then." I really appreciated that.

Training a new person, coming back from a day off on Friday, handling new supervisor responsibilities, and handling my usual load at work all add up to a pretty stressful/busy day. I feel like I handled it all really well...with no food crutches. Yay! Getting stronger...pushing on.

Hope you all had a great day! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 7/22/2014 11:48AM

    That is good news about the house. She was listening to your concerns and obliviously makes good informed decisions.

I'm glad to see you have some support at work.

Great day!

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WORDLILY 7/22/2014 10:26AM

    Good for you! Have you thought of what non-food tools you can use if/when you really need something? Just stocking your toolbox, essentially. Keep up the great work!

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MILPAM3 7/22/2014 9:58AM

  emoticon Haven't you heard? Worry works. Ninety-five percent of what you worry about, never comes to pass. *hee hee*

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LOSINIT52 7/22/2014 9:28AM

    We raised wise kids and it's wonderful to see them make wise choices. Needless worry consumes too much of my time.
You are doing great! It is so helpful when those around us support our efforts.
Have a great day. You're on a roll. Keep doing whatever you're doing.

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WORLDSERIES11 7/22/2014 12:50AM

    emoticon on having a good day...and for your daughters decision:-)

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_RAMONA 7/21/2014 11:45PM

    What an awesome response from your coworker!

Glad you had a good day!

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SHARON10002 7/21/2014 10:48PM

    Another day down - one day at a time . . . You are doing it! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 7/21/2014 10:39PM

    That's awesome that you had a food-sober day. Congrats . . . . and proud of you!

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AUNTRENEE 7/21/2014 10:26PM

    sounds like a good day. Hope for more in the future.

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Day 2 Food Sober...Feeling Low

Sunday, July 20, 2014

I'm coming to the end of day 2 of being "food sober." I have felt a little down all day. The scale was not kind this morning and that was not a good start to the day. But I still know I'm better off eating on plan than I am overeating. So, I've continued on...feeling good or not.

It's been a pretty low-key day. I watched a couple movies, did some reading, did some cleaning and organizing.

My DD and her husband are looking for a home and they put in a bid on a house today. I'm disturbed that it is not in a good school district. I am concerned about my granddaughter going to a low-par school. They seem to think they might not be there when she starts school and so it'll be okay. My experience has been, though, that one doesn't move around that much and they probably will be there. It's hard being a mom of adults. I can see that they are probably making a mistake...and I hate that...but it's their mistake to make. And I don't want to be a Negative Nancy on their plan. It's all made me very tired and sad. I would love to blur these feelings with food. But I'm not going to do it. So, here's the first big emotional upset I've faced "on the wagon" with my eating. I'm going to help my daughter a little bit more with an organizing project we are working on (my other daughter) and then I'm going to bed. I'm looking forward to this day being over.

Hope you all had a great day! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 7/21/2014 11:43PM

    "So, I've continued on...feeling good or not."

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...for both of us!


You might appreciate this read... it helps me immensely:

Leaving 'Normal'... in Pursuit of Happiness!
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individual.as
p?blog_id=2232914

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DUXGRL1 7/21/2014 9:13PM

    Good work. Movies are a good non-food way to make yourself feel better!

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WORDLILY 7/21/2014 10:43AM

    When we've bought a house, planning to stay there longterm, we end up moving. And when we buy, planning on transitioning quickly, we end up staying. Seems like you never know for sure. Most places there's at least the possibility of going to school in another district, though, yes?

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WORLDSERIES11 7/21/2014 2:35AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DS9KIE 7/21/2014 1:03AM

    wow wee all that stress and stayed on your eating plan emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOSINIT52 7/20/2014 10:08PM

    I guess we never stop worrying about our kids.
I am glad that you are sticking with your food sober ness . Spark on.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/20/2014 9:21PM

    Turn your concerns over to God. Maybe their bid will not be accepted. Trust that things will work out. As my grandma used to point out - most worry is pointless as most of the things we worry about never come to fruition.

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1CRAZYDOG 7/20/2014 9:18PM

    ((((HGUS)))) Yes, it IS hard w/adult children when YOU can see something one way and they do not.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

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One Day Food Sober

Saturday, July 19, 2014

This journey is really hard for me. I have asked myself time and time again why it is so hard. Over this past week, I've asked myself this again and I've observed my behaviors with food and the "whys" of my overeating. I got an "aha."

I am eating for the same reasons that an alcoholic drinks...for the same reason that a smoker smokes...and for the same reason that a drug abuser abuses. I'm trying to numb a feeling, trying to blur the sharpness of a pain, trying to raise my spirits...with food. I think that there is a "dark spot" in my mind. The food, especially sugar, can reach that spot and brighten it. I have a sadness. I try not to let it show. And I try to feel better. I think that, over time, I discovered that the sugar does make me feel better. However, there is a negative trade-off...the weight.

Today, I decided that I just need to give it up and live "food sober". I need to eat 3 meals and track them and eat in range. Other than that, I need to abstain. When I eat outside those times and that range, I'm eating to feel better...not for my nutritional needs. I need to find better and different ways to light up that part of my mind and to feel better.

One way that I've found that I can light up my mind is through reading. I've found that I really like the Debbie Macomber books. I'm reading her Cedar Cove series. And today, on the Hallmark Channel, they began Season 2 of Cedar Cove and I'm enjoying watching the show. I also bought her cookbook and am cooking my way through it. I've only just started. I fixed the first recipe that was a fruit smoothie. I fixed the second recipe that was a banana bread recipe. I've purchased the items I need for the next recipe...a breakfast muffin. I think I will try to bake them tomorrow. So, that's all fun.

So, Day 1 of being food sober is coming to an end. I've had opportunities to go off plan. McDonalds even gave us an order of fries for me...that I didn't order...and I didn't eat them. I spit out a cookie that I realized I had stuck in my mouth while filling the cookie jar...just a reflex "pop in the mouth" action. As soon as I realized what I'd done, I spit it out without chewing or swallowing any. I know that's extreme. But this is really and truly important for me because it takes me down a road I do not want to travel. I can't travel it if I don't take the first step down that road. So, I'm not. My plan is to stay "food sober" one day at a time.

In the Cedar Cove series, one of the characters is a recovering alcoholic, Jack. It helps me to see how he is coping. He has a sponsor that he can call and talk to when he is feeling tempted and struggling. That is so good. So, I guess I can use SP as my "sponsor" for when I need someone to talk to. It's going to happen. Life is hard...and food has been my crutch for nearly my whole life. Giving up that crutch is not going to be a piece of cake...hmmm...so many sugar references...ugh, At any rate, I am going to take the advice of AA and take it one day at a time and live by the Serenity Prayer. It's worked for so many AA members...it can work for me. I need to stop the madness that is being a foodaholic. I just don't want to go down this road anymore. I know it won't be easy...but I just have to make this change.

My weight is up to 230. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will see the return to the 220's and my weight will respond to my eating in range. I think it will. I'm glad Day 1 is under my belt. It's a start. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Journey underway!

Hope you are all doing well! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 7/21/2014 11:39PM

    Cathy, I really appreciate the spin you've put on this. Your words are helping me over a rough patch... our family has committed to eating gluten/sugar/starch free for the foreseeable future... at least a year (healing protocol). We're just over five months in, and it's getting harder to remember why we thought this was a good idea... the rewards aren't so obvious and dramatic, and subtle temptations don't seem so terrible anymore. We're feeling good, we'/re feeling in control, so how much could one little 'slip' hurt, right?

Your words have given me what I need to stay the course and remain "food sober." I'll be back to journey beside you.

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KANSASROSE67 7/21/2014 8:26AM

    You are definitely onto something here. I think for all of us who struggle with our weight, the issue is something emotional, not just a love a good food. Just last night, after a week of good eating, I turned to food to deal with tiredness and stress and now, of course, I'm regretting falling off the wagon. But today is a new day.

Best wishes, my friend. You can do this, and we're all here for you.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/20/2014 9:18PM

    It's great to see you getting back on plan!! emoticon

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MRSKATEDUVALL 7/20/2014 6:55PM

    I am with you. I was looked into OA, over-eaters anonymous. It's a foogy memory, more than 20years old, but the idea, since we can't not eat, is to come up with food rules, and then day by day, follow them. For me, it's eating paleo. and I am on day one. Here is looking at day two.

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DS9KIE 7/20/2014 3:58PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOPEYP 7/20/2014 12:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DUXGRL1 7/20/2014 11:52AM

    This is all true and one day at a time is a good way to think. A few months ago I was thinking about that...we can do anything for one day, right? And then you just do that every day. If I think that way, I can stay on track. The thing is to remember to think that way!

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1CRAZYDOG 7/20/2014 10:24AM

    emoticon emoticon You nailed it, because it IS just like any other addiction. Problem is that we definitely NEED food, so the road is a little dicier. But for sure, just like AA or any other self-help situation, having those who UNDERSTAND to turn to in times of temptation, times of success, times of the not-so-good . . . that is what makes the road navigable.

Here for you and HUGS

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LOSINIT52 7/20/2014 9:57AM

    Yes! And I am with you. I have just started day 5 food sober. We can do this. emoticon

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WORDLILY 7/20/2014 9:47AM

    Sounds like a good plan! Those lightbulbs of self understanding are so helpful. You can do it!

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KRISZTA11 7/20/2014 3:27AM

    Great blog!
Your plan is good, I hope you will feel better soon.
Your brain will need some time to learn new ways to find positive experiences that fill in the place of comfort eating, but it is possible.
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WORLDSERIES11 7/20/2014 2:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Walking Myself Happy

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Took the dogs for a walk this morning...now we all are sitting here cooling down. It was perfect walking weather...sunny and low 50's! Sweet! 7,282 steps and it's only 9:58 am! Rockin!

We have a family get-together today. I'm a little stressed...hence the walk. I wanted to get my endorphin fill before the get-together. I don't know why I worry over gatherings...I'm just not a group person. So, I thought the endorphins might help. I know it will be fine.

Yesterday, I had a really stressed work day. I just wasn't "into it" and it was all I could do to go in and get through it. But I did...without overeating...and with a walking break! I think I'm getting hooked on walking again. It's not so much for the weight loss aspect...I'm looking for the happy/emotional lift it gives. I really need that. My natural is the downward feeling. So, I'm really working to live life on the happier side. I'm continuing to read my Happy for No Reason book. The section I just got through was about the physical aspect of being happy for no reason and it went into the physical/chemical balances that take place in our body and their effect. When I read about the aspect of exercise...walking, and the positive effect it has on us physically due to the chemical changes that take place, I immediately wanted to go for a walk. I was on a long lunch and stopped reading, went to Menards and walked up and down all the empty aisles to get some active minutes in before heading back to work.

Now, when I'm worried about something or feeling down about something, my mind goes to getting a walk in...so I can get that chemical effect that will help me lift out of it. Today's walk was more "preventative" so I will go into the situation with a more positive mind-set. Yay! In the past, I would have been filling up on sugar. POSITIVE CHANGE!

Oh, and I really like listening to my "Katy Perry Radio" channel on Pandora when I walk. A lot of the songs that come on are right on target for the pace I am at or challenge me a little bit.



Hope you all have a good day! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONA791 6/24/2014 2:48AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WORDLILY 6/16/2014 5:17PM

    Yeah, I need exercise for the mood/feel-good-ness of it, too. Way to go! Keep up the great work! :D

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BAZOOKABOBCAT 6/16/2014 9:26AM

    I love this! I think the switch towards a sustainable attitude towards fitness happens when we realize that fitness is its own reward. It just feels GOOD.

Good for you!

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DS9KIE 6/15/2014 1:08AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BUSYGRANNY5 6/14/2014 11:22PM

    Great blog! I went for a bike ride and walk with my grandson tonight.. so good for the spirit and soul!!!

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STRONGERLEANER 6/14/2014 8:38PM

    A good walk helps to improve my mood too!
Hope you had a great walk!

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BEFIT014 6/14/2014 7:35PM

    emoticon is GREAT exercise and a wonderful de-stressor! Good for you!
I ran across another members' Blog who mentioned the same book. Maybe I'll have to look for it!

Have a great weekend!

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1CRAZYDOG 6/14/2014 5:20PM

    Walking is my go-to ultimate de-stressor Go for it!



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MORTICIAADDAMS 6/14/2014 3:30PM

    I like Katy Perry too and love to walk. I use it to lift my mood too and increase my energy. It is my happy pill.

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KRISZTA11 6/14/2014 2:10PM

    Great observation! It is wonderful you discovered walking lifts your mood, it is something you can do almost anytime, anywhere.
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I love walking, it brightens my mood too.
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SLIMTHICK2 6/14/2014 10:44AM

    Congrats emoticon

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Day One Complete...Onto Day Two!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

So, yesterday, I made it through the day...tracking and eating in range. That's hard on a Monday...my hardest day of the week at work...because the phone calls are insane. But I did it...and so I began my streak. I have a goal of 100 days.

Lately, I have been getting on track and staying on track for about 10 days...then going off track for one reason or another...and then struggling to get back on track. This has been a pattern for awhile...and I'm really tired of it. I'm glad that I did not stay off track to the point of getting back up into the 230's this time, though. After being on track for one day, I am at 227. Not exciting...but not the 233 that I did my last turn-around on. So, I get to start out at a lower starting point. Yay!

Having regained almost all my weight is really discouraging. Right now, I can wear about 1% of my clothes. I can wear 4 pair of dress pants, 1 pair of jeans, a couple different pj's, and quite a few tops. I kept thinking this was temporary so I have tried not to invest in a lot of new larger clothes. But it hasn't been very temporary. emoticon

I'm reading my Happy for No Reason book and getting a lot of good information there about working on why I am not "happy" so that I can increase my happiness set point. I am hopeful that this will make a difference for me in my eating. I am hoping I will not be eating my way to happiness...I can find it in other ways.

Last night, I watched Extreme Weight Loss. It was really good...with Kathie and Josh...mother and son. I could see myself a lot in them. I would like to come out on the end of the weight loss game where they did...successful. I think it can happen. I know I've done it before to the point of getting down to 156. And that was good. It wasn't goal...but it wasn't 227. So, I venture on.

One day down...99 to go. I guess this will be my quote of the day...A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu. Chinese philosopher

Hope you all had a great day! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement. Spark on!

(I did put a post-it note on my desk...following the way of Spark Guy...with the #1 on it...so I could look at it throughout the day...and realize that I am on my way...streaking...Day One complete.)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DS9KIE 6/14/2014 1:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 6/12/2014 8:55PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PATRICIA4472 6/11/2014 9:35PM

    One day at a time!! emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 6/11/2014 2:54PM

    I've seen you do amazing things before so I know you can do this. I am again trying harder too and hope it work for both of us.

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SWAN47 6/11/2014 2:25AM

    emoticon complete.... emoticon Now just take it a day at a time!

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STRONGERLEANER 6/10/2014 11:28PM

    Congratulations on Day 1! Hoping you have a great Day 2!

I watched that Extreme Makeover episode too. I felt so sorry for the son not having his father.


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DANCINCAJUN1 6/10/2014 10:39PM

    emoticon

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BEFIT014 6/10/2014 10:01PM

    Yep, one day at a time! You know you can do it!

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GIRLAGAIN2014 6/10/2014 9:17PM

    One day at a time! emoticon

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BABY_GIRL69 6/10/2014 9:08PM

    emoticon

God bless,

Dee

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1CRAZYDOG 6/10/2014 8:48PM

    good job today!

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BABY_GIRL69 6/10/2014 8:04PM

    emoticon

God bless,

Dee

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LOPEYP 6/10/2014 8:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BABY_GIRL69 6/10/2014 8:02PM

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God bless,

Dee

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WORDLILY 6/10/2014 7:10PM

    You can do it! It's all one day, one step, like you said. And if you somehow mess up? Just get back up the next day/meal and keep going! In this way lies success.

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WORLDSERIES11 6/10/2014 6:34PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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