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Crash and Burn

Friday, November 22, 2013

Stress eating, the reason I am fat. Am I overly tired? Eat. Am I angry? Eat. Did I have a bad day at work? Eat. Is my husband sick? Eat.

Food comforts me. Certain foods evoke strong emotions, memories of childhood, places, people. Cooking is relaxing after a stressful day. If I can't control a situation, at least my kitchen is running smoothly. And cookbooks are my favorite bedtime reading.

So, when I got sick this last week and had to go off my RA meds for 10 days, the stress got to me. I ate. I ate. I ate, brownies, sloppy joes, chips, Taco Bell, mac and cheese...I was stressed and tired and not feeling well, so that was an excuse to eat out, and make bad menu choices.

Crash and burn. And getting back on track is not happening. And that creates guilt and stress, which makes me want to stuff my face. Even as I sit here typing, I am so full from dinner that I am uncomfortable.

Usually, this is the end. My attempt at loosing weight is flung in the garbage heap, and I shuffle off into unhealthy eating once again. But now I MUST get healthy. Now loosing weight isn't really a choice. My weight can keep me from remission and create joint damage, fatigue, pain, not just a large waistline and a double chin.

The holidays are coming, but I can't use that as an excuse. This time I have got to make my health more important than food, and that is very difficult, when good health is so far down the road and the donut is right in front of me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANISMKW 11/23/2013 12:28PM

    I am in kind of the same boat. Been sick 3 weeks, immune-suppressant meds for RA, got off track eating (2 high-dose courses of prednisone have had me starving and craving carbs), not able to exercise, sleeping erratically. I've gained a few pounds, which I haven't done for 5 years; I had at least stayed the same.

I wish you the best... take care of you, be gentle with yourself and live your best life. I am just re-committing to get back on track.
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ROCKPORT9 11/23/2013 12:10PM

    Start with a baby step....for instance, promise you will drink 8 glasses of water. When ready... in a day or so...add exercise for 10 minutes. Your good habits will come back. Hugs, Laurel emoticon

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DEDICATED2HIM 11/23/2013 11:48AM

    good for you for "facing your demons" and honestly confessing your struggle. Just remember, every person who has successfully lost weight, has fallen and struggled and failed for a season. FOR A SEASON. Your "failure" was yesterday. Leave it in yesterday. Tomorrow is a new day. Keep up the blogging. Keep being honest about your struggles. We are all in your corner cheering you on. Tomorrow you will start a new path and in the evening , instead of feeling full and defeated,you have the chance to feel proud of yourself and to know you did a great job.

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PATSYB7 11/23/2013 6:41AM

    Keep Sparking! You're worth it!
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MONICASHAFFER40 11/22/2013 10:37PM

    Just pick yourself back up and start new tomorrow. Don't give up. We all have our set-backs. Y emoticon

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Crash and Burn

Friday, November 22, 2013

Stress eating, the reason I am fat. Am I overly tired? Eat. Am I angry? Eat. Did I have a bad day at work? Eat. Is my husband sick? Eat.

Food comforts me. Certain foods evoke strong emotions, memories of childhood, places, people. Cooking is relaxing after a stressful day. If I can't control a situation, at least my kitchen is running smoothly. And cookbooks are my favorite bedtime reading.

So, when I got sick this last week and had to go off my RA meds for 10 days, the stress got to me. I ate. I ate. I ate, brownies, sloppy joes, chips, Taco Bell, mac and cheese...I was stressed and tired and not feeling well, so that was an excuse to eat out, and make bad menu choices.

Crash and burn. And getting back on track is not happening. And that creates guilt and stress, which makes me want to stuff my face. Even as I sit here typing, I am so full from dinner that I am uncomfortable.

Usually, this is the end. My attempt at loosing weight is flung in the garbage heap, and I shuffle off into unhealthy eating once again. But now I MUST get healthy. Now loosing weight isn't really a choice. My weight can keep me from remission and create joint damage, fatigue, pain, not just a large waistline and a double chin.

The holidays are coming, but I can't use that as an excuse. This time I have got to make my health more important than food, and that is very difficult, when good health is so far down the road and the donut is right in front of me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 11/23/2013 7:22PM

    So sorry you got sick :( I hate having to go off meds :(
Please take care of yourself, you are so worth it!
You love to cook? Maybe its time to try Spark Recipes and their healthy substitutions for your favorite comfort foods. Smart substitutions would be a good start.
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Is this really fair?

Saturday, November 09, 2013

I've been working hard. I log in every day. I measure and count every bite. I track my food. I plan meals and create skinny recipes. I move daily. I review my goals.

My husband, on the other hand, is a real bum! He just tags along for the ride. He swills full sugar sodas. He just eats whatever I put on the table at meals, taking as many helpings as he wants with no measuring or anything. He downs boxes of Poptarts. He sneaks fast food burgers.

Now several weeks into this, I have lost 4 pounds. I'm glad for those 4 pounds. I worked hard for them. But today my husband gets on the scales and he has lost 10.2 pounds.
Augh!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 11/10/2013 3:47PM

    Congratulations on your 4 lbs!! At least you are moving in the right direction!
It is sad that men can eat what ever they feel like and just need moderate exercise to burn it off. Women are meant to store fat to nurture those babies while men just have to fight or flight and gather the goods, so need more muscle which burns more fuel. I have seen it so many times here on Sparks, the women trying to lose diligently while avoiding the landmines of junk the hubby brings home to snack on.
A tip is to make sure strength training is part of your routine, at least twice a week. This will make a huge difference to your weight loss program. Also its so important for women to build strong bones as they are more prone to the arthritic diseases. Proper ST means lifting until fatigue, that you can't lift another weight in good form.
Good luck with it all! I feel your pain!!
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ANGRITTER 11/9/2013 6:58PM

    I know exactly where you are. Frustration to the extreme. Right?

I am pretty mad too. I had to take a full month off from working out just to see if I can kickstart my weight loss again and start losing, I keep working out and the scales just go up and up. So far, I have gained 17 pounds in a month.

it's disgusting, I know!

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ICEDEMETER 11/9/2013 10:41AM

    I am sitting beside the Man as I'm reading this - and read it to him when he asked why I burst out laughing.

We have EXACTLY the same situation here (it's those "mantabolisms", as someone commented when I blogged about it).

The Man's comment was "Don't blame him - he's working so hard, eating all that extra food, just so that this wouldn't happen... He's trying to be supportive."

Any jury of women would unanimously declare it as Justifiable Homicide...

Kudos on how well you're doing, and try to not let him anywhere near the scale...



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EXOTEC 11/9/2013 9:46AM

    Condolences! but congrats on your 4 pounds. You worked for them!

I've read lots of commentary on the fact that men lose differently than women. Not only that, many of them seem to metabolize differently, too. Of course, every one of us, gender aside, manage our nutrition (physiologically) differently. I agree, it can be so frustrating to see that in action with someone you're living with!

But hang in there. You're moving in the right direction. Try not to compare. It's going to just drive you crazy!

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NETGUNNY 11/9/2013 9:22AM

    No, not fair . . . but don't give up! Also, speaking form experience, if hubby is not careful it will all catch up with him one day :-)

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Giving up is hard to do

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Salt, my secret obsession. I could eat it right out of the salt shaker. Actually I do. Now the doctor and the blood pressure cuff are telling me to lay off the salt, not just cut back but give it up entirely.

Chips, ramen noodles, fries, popcorn, dill pickles, peanuts...these are a few of my favorite things. For most of these things I can come up with a low fat alternative that satisfies, but they all need SALT.

Last night I was actually successful at dinner. I made spicy marinara and grilled portabellas over pasta. No salt added. It was delish. But the urge to "shake" was hard to resist. And how many recipes can I actually eat without salt? My success is doubtful at this moment, especially since I totally failed at lunch today. Who can resist ramen with a poached egg and Sriracha?

Of course the swollen legs and inability to wear cute shoes is a big incentive, but taste, that's a powerful force. And don't tell me Mrs. Dash is a great substitute. She's nothing but a poser in the worst sense of the word. It's a fine balance between my enjoyment of food and my need to be healthy. Most times in my life, the food wins out.

Like I've said before, I don't want to end up like my dad, eating myself into long term decline in health. But for a foodie, the adjustment is not going to be easy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DJSHIP46 10/26/2013 8:51PM

    I wish you MUCH luck on your quest!

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CRAFTSFAN1 10/26/2013 6:35PM

    Tell me about it. I had to stop cold turkey due to the high blood pressure.
I had to get into the kitchen to prepare my meals without salt, from scratch.

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EXOTEC 10/26/2013 4:08PM

    I crave salt, too. I don't use table salt though - it's been stripped of so many necessary minerals... I use mined salt. I like Himalayan, although the Celtic is fine too. Mined salts - not evaporated sea salts.

I'm okay with salt, since I'm also restricted-carb. That makes you metabolize sodium differently; in fact I have to supplement potassium since it tends to get dumped in the same process.

I really don't have much trouble with sweets - sure, I like them, in moderation (and not the intensely sweet things), but I could go without sugars a lot more easily than I could give up salt!

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ICEDEMETER 10/26/2013 3:45PM

    I happened by your blog and had to laugh at the fact that we each, apparently, have our polar opposites! You see, I'm another foodie who finds the idea of life without enjoyment of food to be intolerable. I'm coming at it from the other side, though, since I loathe salt (to me, it hides the flavours of everything else) and have had my doc insist that I start adding it to everything... and I find that it takes a lot of work so that I can taste anything besides the salt!

I am in absolute agreement that Mrs. Dash is awful, but seriously - how many and how much fresh spices do you use besides the salt? Do you like a lot of "heat" to your food, or more of a fresh taste, or something more dark and nutty? There are spices that will do all of that, and more. Quite seriously, once you start getting used to mixing up the spices to get the flavours that you want, your taste buds will change and you won't miss the salt any more.

Strong thoughts, and remember to have fun with the spices --- I hope you'll be pleasantly surprised at just how great food can be even without the salt!

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HEALTHY4ME 10/26/2013 2:45PM

    Salt doesn't interest me, but SUGAR is everywhere and I am so addicted......... hard to get rid of it but I have and will again.

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Moving is not always easy

Saturday, October 19, 2013

This time things are different. This time I have to try something new. This time I have to cut myself some slack. Rheumatoid Arthritis is changing my life.

This first week back to SparkPeople has had more than its share of challenges. Of course there are the moments when I forget and just stick something in my mouth without thinking about it, out of habit. But tracking everything has helped keep myself on track. The food part has actually been the easiest change. Planning and tracking what I eat has given me some sense of control over my health when other things are beyond my reach.

My biggest challenge has been exercise. My goal was to purposely move ten minutes every day. That may not seem like a lot to some people, and in the past that would have been a small goal, but this time I am living with RA.

Some days, just straightening my elbows counts as strenuous. Getting out of bed means hunched and shuffling with the classic RA morning stiffness. Standing up from my chair at work draws comments from others because some days the pain is written all over my face. So I have had to redefine exercise in my mind and make smaller steps.

On the bright side, I don't have to feel guilty when I see others working toward a marathon, or completing a 5K in record time. I have doctor's orders not to run. I have always hated running, so that's a load off my mind!

So accomplishment for me this week has been finding a range of motion and stretching routine that will work for me. I can do part of it before I even get out of bed. And going through the motions and stretches can be done again when I get home to keep me moving freer through the evening.

I tried Tai Chi this week too. Boring, and surprisingly difficult. I may give it another go. The morning afterward I felt as thought I had been to the gym and used the BIG weights! I have always enjoyed the gym and aerobic classes, but adjusting to RA speed and taking it slow will get me where I need to be, if not at the speed I am used to.

There are things in my body I can't control. I have RA, but (sorry for the cliché) it doesn't have to have me. I will do what I can. I will do the best I can right now, with the body I have. I don't understand why I have RA, what I am supposed to learn from this in my life. I sometimes get angry and frustrated. Yet, I will not let that anger and frustration paralyze me figuratively or literally. I will live my best life, and I will MOVE.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EXOTEC 10/26/2013 4:26PM

    Small steps are truly the key. For those of us with autoimmune conditions, those "small steps" can attain monumental proportions. For anyone who hasn't experienced them firsthand, there's simply no way to describe it. But those of us who have been there, we know, and can relate.

I have an autoimmune condition too. I'm *completely* unable to exercise. Just getting in and out of my powerchair and the short forays overnight to the bathroom is as much as I can manage. Even that "winds" me many times.

I encourage you to keep trying with the Tai Chi. It's a great stretching exercise, and is a form of "physical meditation." It isn't very exciting, I agree. It is a beautiful thing, though. It's also a great help for balance and stabilization. Before my muscle weakness progressed to the point it's at now, Tai Chi helped me very much. I *wish* I could still do it.

Just keep taking your small steps. I can tell you from experience, don't allow yourself to lose any amount of mobility or range of motion you have. I don't know about RA, but mostly, once you lose something, it doesn't come back. Only the pain and fatigue persists, and that's going to be there no matter what.

Best health to you
BB
~v~

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MOM2ACAT 10/19/2013 5:46PM

    I have chronic pain from different health issues, but I know how much it takes sometimes to do 10 minutes, so I give you kudos for trying and finding ways to work around it. I've had to change how I exercise also, but I have learned that if there's a will, there is a way!

Even with just 10 minutes at a time, those fitness minutes add up!

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GOOSIEMOON 10/19/2013 10:09AM

    Ten minutes is a great way to get yourself going. emoticon

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