CYBERCITYSHELL   4,196
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CYBERCITYSHELL's Recent Blog Entries

It's been awhile~*~

Friday, March 14, 2014

Hello Sparkies!! It has been awhile since I have updated what I am up to. I have been dropping by daily, but have not had as much time to hang around. My new job is going well, and I am almost finished doing orientation. Although next month I have a formal orientation day, to complete the ins and outs,and rules, regulations etc of my job. I am a caregiver at a psycho/geriatric hospital. It has a small amount of residents, approximately 50. And it is set into different parts depending on their physical/mental ability. I am enjoying it and have been really busy doing it, it is shift work.
As for my health/weight loss status-ummm sorry what was that again??? I am still aiming to get back to what I had reached on my ticker. I am more ranging a few kilos over it 110-113 ish. But, believe me when I get back there I will be happy. Turning fifty is still my motivating goal right now. Although getting there much earlier like say thirty or fourty would have been great. But hey, I know we can't turn back the clock. Getting under 100 by the time I am fifty is my least expectation, and yes I know it is all up to me. And I can do it, so I better put them words into action.

The picture is in February at a friends house. I got to go up and spend a couple of days with her before I started my new job.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMAVISION 4/15/2014 1:18PM

    Wishing you well on the new job & with achieving your goals in the weight dropping department!

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Letís do it together!

God bless!


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KIM22211 3/24/2014 10:53PM

    I love your out fit!!! You look great! And I am so glad to hear you are coming along with the job!

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PRACTICINGPEACE 3/22/2014 1:23PM

    Congratulations on the new job! Its great to be back in touch through our shared team. Way to go!!

Best,
Janet emoticon

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8THMILITIA 3/20/2014 2:38PM

    Congrats on the new job!!! We can do this together!!! Keep pushing along and we will get there! No matter what bumps we face in the road! emoticon

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SHILOBOOTH 3/17/2014 2:54AM

    Glad the job is going great :D

That weight will shift - it's so hard. We just got to keep at it :D

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KAREN608 3/15/2014 11:38PM

    hi!!!
Pretty in Pink!

Glad you are liking your job.

I hear you on the weight.
We are all in this together.

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STEVEN2GO2 3/15/2014 9:17PM

    emoticon emoticon It takes a warm heart and nerves of steel to do the job you are training for!

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CAKAROO 3/15/2014 7:21AM

    emoticon

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WALLAHALLA 3/14/2014 10:14PM

    Glad you're liking your new job! You look nice in pink. emoticon

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I Got The JOB-OMG I thought I didn't , but I got it.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I got the job. After today writing a blog about how dumb I felt because I thought I was going to get the job. And then every time I rang , not hearing back I got it.
It is exciting and it is scarey. A new journey and a new direction after eight and a half years doing the job I do at the moment. Wow, I can't believe it. I am on annual leave at the moment so it is really an ideal time to be moving jobs. I start in March. Yipppeeee. I got it!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYLLYNNE 2/24/2014 3:30PM

    Congratulations and best of luck!!

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CYBERCITYSHELL 2/21/2014 6:35PM

    Wow thanks for all the comments and support, congrats etc. Sparkies are so cool!!
Karen, I agree some of us are born worriers .
Linda, I don't have to move. I meant that it is a good time to be going through the changing jobs experience while on leave. Because I wouldn't have managed all the times I've had to go to the place I will be working if I wasn't on leave. It has meant that I haven't got to do the things I would have done on leave. But getting a job after being in a different one for eight and a half years is great. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAREN608 2/19/2014 10:04PM

    boy maybe it is true that 98 % of all worrying is for nothing.

So happy for you.
Scary I know, to start something new, but WOO HOO for you!

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MJ7DM33 2/19/2014 10:03PM

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CARYN0927 2/19/2014 5:41PM

    CONGRATS and Good Luck!

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STEVEN2GO2 2/19/2014 5:40PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NATNOEL 2/19/2014 4:56PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
I am so happy for you.

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FANCYKAYAH 2/19/2014 3:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Kudos to you for getting a new position!

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GOOSIEMOON 2/19/2014 3:17PM

    Wonderful news!

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WALLAHALLA 2/19/2014 11:54AM

    emoticon to you, and Kudos to the bossman for seeing your true value and real worth!

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TINADEE86 2/19/2014 11:47AM

    emoticon emoticon

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REBIRTHDIVA 2/19/2014 11:14AM

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BRANDTSGIRL 2/19/2014 10:32AM

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PATTYKLAVER 2/19/2014 10:09AM

    emoticon emoticon I'm excited for you! Hunting for jobs is stressful. I'm glad you got a new one. Good luck to you.

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JANET552 2/19/2014 7:51AM

    emoticon Good luck in the new job!

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 2/19/2014 7:16AM

    Well done!! :D

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FERRETLOVER1 2/19/2014 7:15AM

    Outstanding - Congratulations!

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LISASGONNADOIT 2/19/2014 6:59AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CAREN_BLUEJEANS 2/19/2014 6:59AM

    emoticon
So happy for you. In this economy jobs are hard to get. You must have wowed them!

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SLEEPERELLA 2/19/2014 6:48AM

    WooHoo!!!
Oh how I know the bitter sweet feeling of leaving one job for another! I am still in orientation for my new job. You are going to do great! emoticon

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CAKAROO 2/19/2014 5:44AM

    emoticon

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ARNETTELEE 2/19/2014 3:31AM

  Congrats!

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SHILOBOOTH 2/19/2014 3:18AM

    emoticon emoticon

Go you emoticon



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KIM22211 2/19/2014 2:52AM

    SWEEEEEEET!!! Really hear the excitement in your typing! hee hee

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IMLOCOLINDA 2/19/2014 1:54AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon How far do you have to move??

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LOSE4LIFE47 2/19/2014 1:32AM

    emoticon

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Am I too dumb??

Tuesday, February 18, 2014


I grew up believing I was really stupid. As well as being self conscious about my weight as a kid I also was very self conscious about feeling really dumb. Which is one of the reason's I used to not talk often. I mean I did block so much out, that is how I handled my childhood. I did have it drummed in my head from a young age that I was : "an imbecile, retarded,lunatic, cretin etc" referring to dumb. And I have believed it ever since. Except over the last few years with my soul searching-about seven or eight years, I have learnt to accept myself the way that I am-even if I aren't super quick mentally. I often do things or say things and I wonder "why did I do that, or say that??" Stupid things that either make me look like a fool, or just plain dumb things. But as I said I had leant to accept that part of myself, although I have always been very sensitive to being called an idiot or for people to think that I am.
Recently I went for a job interview. It was a long interview and I thought I did okay. I got to do an observation shift at the place I applied for. To see if it was for me and also I guess for them to see if I was okay for the job. I did that shift and saw the boss afterwards. He said he would talk to my referees etc, and to call back if I hadn't heard by Friday. That was last Friday. I decided to ring back on Monday-this week. And I got the lady who answers the phone there(typical-you have to go through someone to talk to who you want to talk to)she said he was on a phone call. She's get him to call me. Talking to her, I sounded like a gibbering idiot. I rang again this morning-early. The lady who got the phone said he was at a meeting. I rang again half an hour later and she said he was with someone. Both the times today I didn't say who was calling.
Last night I was in bed thinking how I would juggle a couple of my clients from my currant job to do with the job I'd applied for-(still believing I may still get the job). The job I do at the moment I have clients who I go to their houses to care for -personal care and housework.My hours were not enough and I applied to a place that is an institution where they live. Well this morning I woke up early and my brain started thinking of all the odd stupid things that I had said in the two episodes that I'd seen this boss. After all these years trying to rethink about how I see myself-not dumb, but not a super genius either. Now here I am going back to how I used to believe about myself. I had accepted myself as being not a master mind, but not an idiot either. And I really do say and do odd things at times. So what am I getting at?? Scars don't heal over night, childhood abuse and truama don't just vanish. As much I I try to move on and not let yesterday spoil my present and future it will always be there. Preferably not in the here and now constantly following me.
People often don't understand how some of us carry past truama and difficulties etc into the present day. How we don't just leave it behind and get on with it. Healing is not a fast process for some people-not emotional healing. And as much as we know it hinders our growth, scars can be deep.
For me doing every day things can be a struggle sometimes. People might not realise it, but while my son was growing up and I brought him up on my own with no adult support I so often struggled. It was hard, I had nobody to turn to and I have always felt alone in that sense. As a child with everything that was going on there was no one for me then and I have always felt that way.
This is not meant for any purpose what I am about to say, well not pointed anywhere or at anyone. But please don't judge people by your stardards of what you manage well and what you believe people should be doing. Some of us really struggle. I have found that I express myself so much better in writing than verbally. Verbally I can be such a clutz, I can't say how I feel or what I am meaning to say that well. Don't judge a book by it's cover, that cover might be only one tiny facet of the story. It might not even look like it belongs to that story, but the depth involved might be so far from what the cover shows.

I am going to ring the man again to see if I got that job or not. I just need to know rather than wasting more time. I can handle a no, but being held waiting is not great. Please don't judge!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMMIESMOM13 2/21/2014 11:26AM

    So glad you got the job. I know what you mean about people judging. The old saying "walk a mile in my shoes/moccasins" is so true. I had a good childhood, mainly, but I had something happen about 13 yrs. ago with an ex-husband which caused us to loose everything. I was shocked when some folks blamed me "because I should have known"... I remember thinking, "you need an experience of some sort like this to learn a bit of compassion and understanding". Just remember, some people are just shallow and totally self-involved. Ignore them. You are worth more than they'll ever understand.

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KIM22211 2/21/2014 2:39AM

    you are so right. We all have different things we excel in and you are VERY smart!

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IMLOCOLINDA 2/19/2014 2:01AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CYBERCITYSHELL 2/19/2014 1:24AM

    Thanks for the supportative comments, they are very much appreciated!!!
Karen, it was my step father who verbally,physically and sexually abused me. My mum was sick and lived in a hospital. With the truama of my mum being sick, and I love and needed her so much. if I had a supportitive adult things may have been okay. i might not have been so messed up. But the one adult other than mum , who I saw once a week when we visited her in hospital was my step father. He brought us up. In so many ways he did do his best, and I always excused his mistakes. But now since my soul searching I can no longer except his "mistakes". I never talked to another person about his things he did or his style of parenting. I always blocked things out, just hid them away to deal with when ever. And it is these last few years that i have confronted my past and it is more out there on the surface.
But on a brighter note I GOT THE JOB-YAY YAY-I GOT IT!!!!
I got it, I thought the worst, and I got the job!!!!

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AWESOMECHELZ 2/18/2014 10:54PM

    As you know, I deal with abuse issues too and, you're right, the issues just don't go away because we are older. As soon as you hear the negative voices, talk back. I do! Sometimes I say the opposite of the voice "yes, I look great" and other times, I clap my hands loudly and say "stop". You and I, and other survivors deserve happiness now. Yesir!! emoticon emoticon
LOVE, CHELSEA

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KAREN608 2/18/2014 8:35PM

    Such a soulful honest blog!
I had kids verbally cut me down all my childhood, and do better writing than verbally, so understand somewhat, what you are saying.

Surviving alone like that is a big accomplishment!

Places of work are rather cold and sorry they will not say either yes or no and be done with it. There may be lots of applicants for the job.

I always do badly in job interviews, get nervous. And saying things others do not say: that is me to a tee.
I think we are sensitive people, and are great friends and employees for the ones that get to know us.

May you get better hours in some job where they will appreciate you.

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WALLAHALLA 2/18/2014 5:52PM

    I hate waiting and not knowing. Hope you hear soon.

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NIGHTWISHFAE 2/18/2014 5:51PM

    We are the sum if all the experiences we have had. You can't just say to yourself "This thing that affected me deeply, yeah. I'm going to ignore that now." But scars are the things that make us unique, distinguish us from the rest. Two people can suffer the same type of injuries, and the scars remaining (physical or mental) will not look alike. They are with us forever. All of us.

I hope you do get the job. But if you didn't, just remember that it's one more bump on life's road, and look back without judging yourself (to the best of your ability) to see what elements you feel you can change in the next instance.

The scars will always be there, but you can try to hide and deny them, or you can learn to embrace them as the things that make you unique. Try to remember, you wouldn't have made it this far with so little support if you truly were as flawed as you see yourself when you are most insecure.

And in the end, scars are just tattoos with cooler stories.

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14BLESSED1 2/18/2014 5:40PM

    Good luck on getting a new job. Don't be so hard on yourself. A lot of people still carry the old negative thoughts about ourselves until we are old and gone. It is a hard process to change these beliefs. You can do it and you are worth it.

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If I saw Through Your eyes~

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

If I looked through your eyes
at the world~
what would I see??
Would I be surprised~
Or maybe mesmerised~
Could I walk in your shoes~
if I saw through your eyes??
Would I feel what you feel~
could I understand~
where you've been~
What would I see??
if I stepped in your shadow~
Envisioning your emotions~
seen the places you've been~
Hearts may be broken~
Would I see that??
Could I touch what you feel??
Should I even imagine~
that I know how you feel??
~~~~~~~Shell~~~~~~~~



I like writing and I was playing my daily bingo game on facebook and this one
entered my head. Sometimes stuff just comes to me. A word or a phrase and I go with it.. The truth is none of us have lived anybody else's life and as much as we follow a similar journey we have different places we have been.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINADEE86 1/27/2014 10:37AM

    Love It!! Thanks for sharing!!

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KIM22211 1/21/2014 2:06PM

    that is beautiful and something we need to think about always before quick to cast judgement on others! thank you

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ANGELN325 1/20/2014 8:30AM

    So true. Everyone's journey is unique.

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KAREN608 1/19/2014 12:06AM

    Thanks for blogging that!

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REMONA100 1/18/2014 6:55PM

    You are a very talented writer. Loved it and so insightful.
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BUBBLETOES165 1/18/2014 11:09AM

    Love it!! emoticon

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IMLOCOLINDA 1/16/2014 4:51AM

    WOW!! This is great. You are very creative!

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STEVEN2GO2 1/15/2014 7:09PM

    Yes we are all unique, and have different views of life and emotions! All these differences are the spice to life!

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GRANDMABABA 1/15/2014 1:30PM

    Beautiful! Thanks for sharing.

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8THMILITIA 1/15/2014 1:29PM

    That is so awesome! It would be wonderful if that were possible because you can never tell what someone is truly going through! Thank you for sharing with us!

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WALLAHALLA 1/15/2014 11:04AM

    I admire your creativity! You're very talented.

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PATTYKLAVER 1/15/2014 10:00AM

    It's beautiful. If we could only do this.....

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AWESOMECHELZ 1/15/2014 9:04AM

    You wrote that poem? It is amazing! OH, and it is SO true too. Thanks so much for sharing this morning. emoticon emoticon
LOVE, CHELSEA

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CELEST 1/15/2014 8:01AM

    This is so beautiful....could I put it on fb for my niece to see?

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FANCYKAYAH 1/15/2014 7:42AM

    very lovely poetry, fabulous~

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FERRETLOVER1 1/15/2014 6:35AM

    Beautiful!

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DMEYER4 1/15/2014 6:33AM

  this is great thanks for sharing your thoughts

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JANUT57 1/15/2014 5:46AM

  emoticon nice!

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We want to be HEALTHY!!

Thursday, January 09, 2014

Hey Sparkies, of course we want to be healthy.
Listen to:Crystal-ginger and white chihuahua,
Princess-black and white chihuahua,
Spookie-black fluffy cat, Angel-black and white cat,
Maxi and Asher the two inseparable black cats(father and son).

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIM22211 1/31/2014 3:15AM

    I love it!!! those babies are adorbs!

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GAYLLYNNE 1/15/2014 6:53AM

    Love these pictures!! Adorable!

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8THMILITIA 1/13/2014 2:22PM

    This is so cute! I love my animals and know they feel the same way yours do for me! Keep up the great work!!! emoticon

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AWESOMECHELZ 1/11/2014 8:44AM

    Is this a picture of your collage? LOVELY! I really like it. Give my love to ALL, including you. emoticon emoticon

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FANCYKAYAH 1/11/2014 6:13AM

    Lovely to share the cats & dogs ideas for encouragement of being healthy.
Yes we all a work in progress ever evolving and learning~

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-BLESSINGS- 1/10/2014 3:43PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CYBERCITYSHELL 1/9/2014 8:43PM

    Thanks!! It is not showing as large as I wanted. But I have the picture on my profile page and have added it as my background .

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WALLAHALLA 1/9/2014 8:32PM

    cute

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JAMBABY0 1/9/2014 8:28PM

    thanks for sharing

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