Tuesday, November 19, 2013
I'm back to making changes around the house, I want to be able to host people without feeling embarrassed about my house. I painted on the kitchen and plan to finish it this week. Then I'll be on to another room. Today I'll be cooking so I don't go for fast food. I can't be trusted to order anything that isn't terrible for me.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
I waste alot of time trying to avoid doing things. I jump from p[roject to project wthout finishing until I have so many things going at once that I get overwhelmed. It's not productive at all. So I've decided to take things one at a time until they are 100% complete. I have to learn to be patient and finish things. I have a schedule planned for my days, and I really need to start sticking with it.
2:00pm - Wake up
2:15pm - Eat Breakfast
2:45pm - Go to Y
3:00pm - Do exercise program for that day
4:30pm - Arrive home & check blood glucose levels
5:00pm - Eat a snack
5:15 - 7:30 - Chores, projects, and ect
8:00pm - Eat Lunch and check blood glucose levels
9:00pm - Leave for Work
10:00pm - Check blood glucose levels
11:00pm - Eat a snack
2:00am - Eat Dinner
5:00am - Eat a snack
6:00am - Leave work
7:00am - Go to bed
During the Chores, projects and ect time I can clean, work around the house, complete home improvement projects, read, have creative time, and get things done. Also, once or tiwce a week I can go have some fun during that time. This is my work day schedule, I need to work on a weekend sechedule.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
I had my first appointment with a therapist yesterday, and I know making that phone was the right thing for me to do. I'm feeling better and more confident that I can make improvements and the sense of hopelessness has retreated. I'm learning to identify parts of me that react in ways that don't necessarily benefit me and the parts of me that just seek to protect me from my hurt parts and hopfully identify the hurt parts so I can heal them. Two things that keep popping up is my sense of loneliness and the sadness with it. I think it's going to be a focus for many sessions, and I've been trying to figure out where it might have come from. Which means I've been trying to remember when I didn't feel like that, in hopes of discovering when it started. The whole experience has made me more mindful of my interactions with other people and my own self-talk.
I hiked, for the first time in a long time. It kicked my butt, and I've been sore for 4 days afterward. I'm thinking that climbing to the top of a 500ft ridge (the trail was .5 miles) to climb up 20 steps to the top of an arch wasn't the best idea ever. The decent wasn't cake either, try climbing down 200 ft of stairs and then hiking another .5 miles. In between all that climbing was a nice .75 mile semi-flat trail. By the time we got to the trail head I my legs were shaking. I'm not alone, my 115 pound friend was in the same shape, more or less. Neither one of us could move very well the next day. I am proud of myself though, I didn't quit or think about quitting. My friend hung back with me, told me to go at my own pace, and that we weren't in any kind of hurry. She stopped at the rest stop benches with me and even suggested stopping to read the history signs so we could take a breather. She kept telling me that I could do it and that I'll be in better shape for the next hike. She told me the longer we took to get to the top, the more chat time we had and that she was more than ok with that.
Talk about some moves in the right direction. I'm forgetting the scale for a while, focusing on eating to control my blood sugar and enjoying spending time in the outdoors with my friends. One thing at a time, one small step at a time, and the bigger picture will emerge.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
I've been trying to plan for the future, which really isn't something that I do. I've been making lists and doing research. I am trying to move forward and give myself a sense of purpose. I think that's been the hardest thing for me, feeling like I have no purpose in this life. I used to take care of my ex-husband. I used to be the problem solver, the repairman, the money maker, and pretty much everything else for me. Now, it's just me. Now I have to take care of me, and I have no idea how do that. Some I have to learn, and part of that is figuring out what I want out of my life. I started planning a trip to the Grand Canyon. I want to take two weeks to drive there and back. That way I can add to my list of states visited. I'm trying to make like a bucket list of sorts, and then figure out ways to check items off that list. I have to look forward to my life, and move beyond my past mistakes and regrets.
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