Saturday, March 22, 2014
I just tracked my food for the day(we haven't eaten dinner yet but I know what I'm eating and how much) I have between268 and over 300 calories to spare.I will have a protein bar in the middle of the night and a cup of prune juice. That juice packs on the calories but without it, I cannot move my bowels due to the fact that morphine makes pooping impossible.(TMI??)
I had two naps today...one very short one right before PT and one that was over an hour...Kitty on my lap on the recliner in the living room. My favorite way to nap....and Mayo is always a willing participant in a group nap. lol
I'm doing some maintenance work on my life. On my inner self; on myself as a wife (I can't change him but I can change myself);on my friendships. I've come to the realization that everything in life involves a deliberate choice. And I was spending 99% of my choices being made on the basis of my emotions or my selfish "wants"...you can easily see how food falls in here. Eating mindlessly or according to your greed is only going to end up in Fatty-land (I can say that because that is where I am now). I want to stop--take a time out--when confronted with a choice--what words will fly out of my mouth or be typed with my hands--I want to stop and take a "think break"and to ask myself, "Is this something I should say (eat,type, do)? Or is there a better option--one that will not result in negative consequences?"
Life doesn't just "HAPPEN"....Life is littered with occurrences, some we caused by our choices, and somethings (LIKE RAD) come from some other place (God, genes,fate....what ever you choose to blame)...These are not things we can change but they ARE things we can respond to....I believe in the power of Prayer, to a Truine God in Heaven who hears me because I've chosen to make Him my Lord. I know not all of your "buy" that and that's your right...For me, prayer helps not just by getting things off my chest but by actively working in my life to respond to my needs, pain, emotions, circumstances, finances. There is nothing about me or my life that God is not interested in.
And every time I open my mouth and blurt something out or stuff something in, without pausing a minute to listen to God (or you may listen to your inner self, but I warn you: selves can be really misguided)--I end up in hot water and can wound the people I care about or I can damage my body on top of the way these diseases have already damaged me.
So today, I began to read a book on marriage by Lyse TerKeurst and I'm writing out some pages on my computer to which I will refer and respond to when I need to vent or when I need to meditate on this journey.
Thank you all of you dear friends on the RAD Team...you have become a family to me and you have encouraged me despite my vehement and sinful outbursts about the things and people in my life that make me crazy. I'm going now on a journey where I take life one bite at a time. I hope you will join me.