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On she goes....

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

I weighed myself this morning for the first time in a couple of days. In those days I tried to moderate my eating, do some exercise and continue to drink water. I lost 2 pounds!! This is after a week or two of gaining a pound a day.

Thank you for the comments and the support over the past week or so. It has meant a lot. I will keep up what I've been doing. I also have a ten day streak of signing in to Spark each day. This is after several months of very sporadic "attendance." I had been kind of looking down on Spark after losing 25 lbs very quickly on Dr Fuhrman's diet. He has some great research and I know his diet works....however I simply could not keep up with it. It was too stringent and the recipes were complex and time consuming. However his main point was "Salad is the main course" and that I can keep doing, and I think if I do that I will continue to lose weight. It will help to minimize the animal products but I'm not going to go crazy with that...

So here is my plan:
continue to do strength exercises daily (asthma has been too bad to do cardio)
continue to eat a lot of salad
track exercise and food

Breakfast: smoothie
Lunch: Soy yogurt and fruit
Dinner: salad possibly with some chicken
Overnight:a bowl of cereal

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANISMKW 4/15/2014 10:23PM

    emoticon on losing 2 lbs!
Sounds like a solid plan, except make sure you get enough protein so you don't lose muscle (it burns calories 24/7 and it's so hard to put back on.) So I vote for adding that chicken to that salad. We need good nutrition.

Glad you're feeling better (I assume, with your exercising.)

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_LINDA 4/15/2014 4:04PM

    Sparkpeople's plans work well when used as directed, that is accurate tracking of everything you eat and your exercise. Anyone looking for a quick fix and a rapid weight loss will be disappointed. This is meant as a lifetime commitment. Severely restrictive diets don't cut it and most people can't stick with them.
The sad fact is ST alone simply doesn't burn enough calories to really lose a lot of weight :(( Which means you have to be careful with the calories. Its great that you are able to do that much though! I sure can't!
Keep the great work! You can do this!
{{{gentle hugs}}}

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SUSIEPH1 4/15/2014 2:15PM

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SEATTLE58 4/15/2014 11:36AM

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PGHP31CK 4/15/2014 10:50AM

    Awesome! Cheering you on!

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JOMAMA 4/15/2014 9:52AM

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Monday, April 14, 2014

I didn't weigh myself today. Every time I weighed myself in the past week or so, I gained a pound with every weigh in. I am really seeing how fat I am ---feeling heavy and fitting in to only my biggest clothes. But I have been making some positive steps. I have been doing some strength exercises (asthma is acting up so no cardio) and I have been signing in to Spark as well as tracking once again. Tomorrow I'm going to weigh myself. I also should take a "before" picture soon because last time I was this heavy I was so disgusted by myself I didn't weigh, measure or photograph myself so I never really did have an accurate comparison. I feel like my baby steps will soon start to be visible so I want to take a picture soon. I wish my daughter were here to do it but she's away for a few days. I can't ask my it's up to me to do a "selfie." I haven't measured myself for a long time, so it really is like starting over.

my husband does not want me to cook him dinner. I can just eat fruit and home made soy yogurt. Or I can heat up a freezer meal. I'm considering using the menus prepared by Spark....I will have to give that some thought. For tonight I'm going to have a frozen meal and also prepare some asparagus tips I bought . That sounds good.

It's going to be a very lonely week with my daughter gone til Thursday. On Thursday I have my infusion for the RA/PsA meds....and then on Friday I have to go to the eye doctor to see if my glaucoma is progressing. Tomorrow a friend is coming over. and Wednesday I have I guess the week is not a complete bust....there is something happening each day.

My daughter has been on her own weight loss journey--she has had greater success than I thus far. For her, as well as for me, there is a danger whenever we attempt to lose weight as both of us are recovered eating disordered patients. For me, there has been some years since I was dangerously thin....but those thoughts and fears still play with my mind. I cannot grasp how big I've gotten. My body image is skewed and I cannot perceive myself accurately. I can see someone who weighs in the 300's and I will think I am bigger than they....and yet too, somewhere in my head is this skinny little thing and it is with disbelief that I read the scale. It's an odd thing....I still struggle with the urge just to stop eating all together. It would be easier and less complicated than dealing with the dangers of calories and fats and carbs. It is kind of frightening to even talk about that stuff now....even though it is years away. My daughter hates it when I'm on a weight-loss effort because I become so focused and obsessed that I do not have time or attention for anything else. It's the only way I know how to do it. Even a couple years ago, here at spark....when I lost 70 lbs. I was consumed. I wish there was another way for me to do it. But it's the only way I know how..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANISMKW 4/14/2014 9:46PM

    Dear Cynthia,

"A hammer is not a spiritual tool." It doesn't help to beat yourself up or indulge in negative thoughts about yourself. Baby steps are good, I think, because that's the way to really change your habits. You can't change everything all at once.

This is your life, each day is precious, you are precious. Strive for health and self-love. I think that's hard for all of us who have been overweight. Having RA is a huge challenge too, in many ways. Lots of us, me included, can identify with that.

I'd suggest changing one habit... eat 5 fruits and vegs a day or track everything you eat or just drink 8 glasses of water. You have been exercising and tracking that very consistently... kudos for that. I've read that it takes 30 days to solidify a new habit. So maybe keep exercising at least 5 days a week until that's been 30 days, then add another baby step. What's that Chinese saying? "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Just keep moving toward health and happiness. You deserve it!

Thank you again for all you do as one of the leaders of the RAD Team. The team means a great deal to me.

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_LINDA 4/14/2014 9:38PM

    Looks like you need to do all things in moderation. Those baby steps apply to training the mind not just the body. Can't really do one without the other. A healthy mind set will go a long way to producing a healthy body. You need to be stable to make it last for the long term. Its the long term that counts. As long as on average, you are doing most things right, you can get this. I have had some serious snacking binges, but because all my meals are healthy and I love to exercise this has saved me. But when I can't exercise then it becomes critical to watch the food. I haven't done such a great job with that so I have regained weight. But I can't blame anyone but me.
Lets keep banging our heads against the wall. Sooner or later we are going to bust through! Hang in there!
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SEATTLE58 4/14/2014 7:00PM

    Baby steps are truly a way to get there. Remember how we started out with just little minutes of exercise to a whole day? That counts for something and really a lot too, when one hasn't been doing much with having RA. I know so much how RA can affect our exercise routine and we just do what we can do. I'm having a bad day with pain, etc., and it feels so good to lay low today. We just do what we can do. There, I said it again, but it's so true. emoticon Karen

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SUSIEPH1 4/14/2014 6:36PM

  Sweetheart, You know what to do .. Use the spark tracker .. It's their for you .. Start by tracking everything you put in your mouth .. Check out their recipes ... Eat fresh fruit and veggies .. If you can't be bothered to cook... try juicing your veggies .. Make sure you do include a quarter of the pulp back into your juice .. Just baby steps darling ... Know that you are loved... Hugs Susie xx emoticon emoticon

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GOOSIEMOON 4/14/2014 5:06PM


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ROSEOFSHARON87 4/14/2014 4:52PM

    Baby steps are okay. They lead to big results. Don't beat yourself up because that won't get you anywhere. You can't change the past, but you can change today and tomorrow, and so on. emoticon

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ROCKPORT9 4/14/2014 4:18PM

    Using the spark food tracker is a good way to eat real food and stay in calorie range. You can do steps.

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BABY_GIRL69 4/14/2014 4:13PM

    Learn to do it but take time with your family, friends & hobbies. I know exactly what you mean, I trying to pull back but gaining weight as I do. I need to be more focused on fitness & then food. This equation for me equals success but if I become focused people ask me to stop losing....ugh! It's frustrating and both can do it & emoticon emoticon

God bless, emoticon


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Tiny Steps in the Right Direction

Thursday, April 10, 2014

It's not much, but it beats nothing.
1) I've logged in 5 days in a row
2) I've done my PT for my shoulder
3) I did a seated exercise sequence I found online
4) I did squats and calf raises
5) I tracked most of my food yesterday

I still ate too much at dinner, granted 1/2 of what I ate was salad.
I had one doughnut last night. Just one. But still....

So I almost don't want to write this blog in case I jinx myself....but maybe it will hold me a little bit accountable, which is a good thing.

The good thing is that I am psyched to exercise today....still not up to the recumbent bike. I'm not ready to sweat yet. Plus my asthma is acting maybe that will come later.I would like to do some work on the ball but am thinking it may be best to wait until my arm is a little better and stronger....if I were to fall on it, that would really hurt.

well off to my day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 4/10/2014 10:48PM

    You are absolutely right to be cautious at this stage -a fall could set you back.
You are doing what you can and that is emoticon
Keep on those baby steps, they will add up!
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JANISMKW 4/10/2014 8:59PM

    emoticon Keep up the good work! Being consistent will get you farther than exercising heavily one time.

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SUSIEPH1 4/10/2014 3:52PM

  Baby steps my friend .. One day at a time .. Sending healing vibes your way .. Hugs Susie xx emoticon

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PGHP31CK 4/10/2014 9:03AM

    One step at a time, one day at a time. Small steps = forward progress!

Cheering you on!

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MISTYDAZE42 4/10/2014 8:51AM


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MAPFARMS 4/10/2014 8:46AM

    Stay positive! Progress not perfection is what is important! emoticon emoticon

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A Familiy Needs Your Prayers

Saturday, April 05, 2014

Igot some good news yesterday evening.The initial reports on Matt's crash were exaggerated.He didn;t fly through the windshield.He climbed through it to get out of the car. Then he passed out face first into the dirt....and he aspirated some of the dirt and that was what was causing the respiratory problems.They put him on the vent I guess to somehow clear out his lungs.And as for his hip....the ball part of the joint broke off.He is having surgery to get a new hip on Monday. All in all the news is good.....but still keep him in your prayers if you would.Thanks. OH I just got an update on Matt. He is having coronary issues from a congenital heart ailment that was heretofore undiscovered. They think he blacked out in the car and that's why he ran off the road....and why he blacked out into the dirt. They are very concerned about the possibility of blood clots. He has three cervical fractures and a fracture at T8...he's not even allowed to lift his head off the pillow. This is going to be a very serious situation. and it's going to be at least 6 months before he will be allowed to walk.I spoke to his mom , Mary Sue at length this afternoon. She desperately needs a car. Pray for that. Pray for Matt's heart and for quick healing of all his fractures.

I know this is not Spark related, but some of you volunteered to pray and I wanted to up date those people....and if any more of your wish to hold this family up in prayerI know they would appreciate it. Matt's Father,(my friend Mary's husband) killed himself about a month or two ago. Now Mary is without a car...Matt just lost his partner who took his little daughter with her. It's been a horrendous time for this family....I want to cry just thinking about it.
Thanks for your prayers.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEDICATED2HIM 4/6/2014 8:27AM

    Thank you all for the prayers. The Bible says "where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am, in the midst of them"....this is our gathering place and I know the Lord is listening to the cries of our hearts.

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_LINDA 4/6/2014 7:40AM

    So very sorry to hear this. Just horrible :( I am really surprised the heart condition went unnoticed. My brother's wife's sister just underwent surgery to repair five holes in her heart. Normally, they fix this congenital stuff when its first discovered. Why they waited and let her have a heart attack, don't know. She had heart troubles her whole life!! It was just day surgery as they went in with just a catheter through the vein.
I hope Matt makes a complete recovery. Poor Mary, so much in one family :(
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SENIMMO 4/5/2014 10:04PM

    Prayers as requested and hugs as needed. Take care of yourself, too.

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JANISMKW 4/5/2014 9:50PM

    Cynthia, I have been praying for Matt & Mary morning, noon & night, as well as during Mass. Hoping the cervical fractures heal well and the injuries and heart problem can be treated successfully. He and his mother have had such a terrible series of losses and tragedy.
Praying for you too. God bless.

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LJCANNON 4/5/2014 9:22PM

    emoticon Sending prayers and hugs!! I can't imagine the pain that they are enduring!!

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LUNADRAGON 4/5/2014 8:16PM

    I am praying for this family! Such dire circumstances. In our dear Lord's name - comfort, relieve, heal this family and bring them to full recovery.

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KASEYCOFF 4/5/2014 6:55PM


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    Awww, praying for everyone! How sad! Hugs! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Well, what do you Know?

Saturday, March 22, 2014

I just tracked my food for the day(we haven't eaten dinner yet but I know what I'm eating and how much) I have between268 and over 300 calories to spare.I will have a protein bar in the middle of the night and a cup of prune juice. That juice packs on the calories but without it, I cannot move my bowels due to the fact that morphine makes pooping impossible.(TMI??)

I had two naps very short one right before PT and one that was over an hour...Kitty on my lap on the recliner in the living room. My favorite way to nap....and Mayo is always a willing participant in a group nap. lol

I'm doing some maintenance work on my life. On my inner self; on myself as a wife (I can't change him but I can change myself);on my friendships. I've come to the realization that everything in life involves a deliberate choice. And I was spending 99% of my choices being made on the basis of my emotions or my selfish "wants" can easily see how food falls in here. Eating mindlessly or according to your greed is only going to end up in Fatty-land (I can say that because that is where I am now). I want to stop--take a time out--when confronted with a choice--what words will fly out of my mouth or be typed with my hands--I want to stop and take a "think break"and to ask myself, "Is this something I should say (eat,type, do)? Or is there a better option--one that will not result in negative consequences?"

Life doesn't just "HAPPEN"....Life is littered with occurrences, some we caused by our choices, and somethings (LIKE RAD) come from some other place (God, genes,fate....what ever you choose to blame)...These are not things we can change but they ARE things we can respond to....I believe in the power of Prayer, to a Truine God in Heaven who hears me because I've chosen to make Him my Lord. I know not all of your "buy" that and that's your right...For me, prayer helps not just by getting things off my chest but by actively working in my life to respond to my needs, pain, emotions, circumstances, finances. There is nothing about me or my life that God is not interested in.

And every time I open my mouth and blurt something out or stuff something in, without pausing a minute to listen to God (or you may listen to your inner self, but I warn you: selves can be really misguided)--I end up in hot water and can wound the people I care about or I can damage my body on top of the way these diseases have already damaged me.

So today, I began to read a book on marriage by Lyse TerKeurst and I'm writing out some pages on my computer to which I will refer and respond to when I need to vent or when I need to meditate on this journey.

Thank you all of you dear friends on the RAD have become a family to me and you have encouraged me despite my vehement and sinful outbursts about the things and people in my life that make me crazy. I'm going now on a journey where I take life one bite at a time. I hope you will join me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEPH1 3/30/2014 6:34PM

  Thinking of you my friend and hope your new plan works for you .. Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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KASEYCOFF 3/23/2014 6:38AM

    A lot of good thinking in this, Cynthia - I think any endeavor can succeed as long as you approach it with thinking and ideas. That's got to be the first step. You're on your way--!

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SENIMMO 3/23/2014 12:40AM

    You seem to be making some positive moves for yourself. I will keep you in my prayers. You are an amazing person, you can do this.

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_LINDA 3/22/2014 11:38PM

    It really does boil down to how we react to things. What we choose to do. How we take action. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to get out of that reaction phase as opposed to thinking before leaping. My hats off to those who can stop and think and decide to ignore that siren call of ice cream or a salty snack.
You will have your work cut out for you, but you have a proven track record of strength, courage, faith and determination! You got this!!
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SEATTLE58 3/22/2014 9:46PM

    emoticon that you lost 2#!! That's awesome and it shows that you've been making good choices. I know that you and I can do it!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BKWERM 3/22/2014 8:12PM

    I agree with Laurel. I hope your journey takes you where YOU want to go.

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ROCKPORT9 3/22/2014 6:40PM

    I hope your journey let's YOU be in front! DH and DD need to make their choices. emoticon

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