DERVAPPY13   3,717
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Weight and Money - My Two Demons

Friday, September 05, 2014

THE two big problems in my life right now: my weight, and my severe lack of money. No wonder I can't seem to stick with SparkPeople for very long when I'm always so anxious over being unable to pay bills (much less save anything or know I can pay back my loans) that I can't function properly. Outside of those two areas my life is fine...they're just such huge looming monsters that most of the time I can't see that.

I have about $50k left in student loans (and still no real job prospects, hence the constant stress).
As of a couple days ago when my car died and I needed a new one, I have another ~$10k in debt.
Not to mention regular bills and fees and Lord know what else on top of them!
And I have about $2k to my name in total right now.

I really feel like I'm sinking, but I don't know what else there is I can do. I can't afford to just pick up and move when I see out-of-state job listings. There're no opportunities here, and I can't even try to get back to my boyfriend in Texas because I can't complete with all the ranch-raised competition that bump me out of the running for every job that comes up.

So...since I can't seem to do a blasted thing to get out of my biggest hole (yes, I consider money a bigger problem even than my health it's so bad), I can AT LEAST try to exercise more to put a slight dent in my other big problem: my weight.

While I haven't gained ALL of the weight back that I had on January 1st this year, I'm pretty darn close. I think my net weight loss at the moment is like 5-6 pounds now...which IS really tiny, but at least it EXISTS and it's not a negative number! In this case, literally EVERY little bit helps.

I'd expected to lose more weight doing field work this summer, but due to some project troubles and having to eat out so often that didn't really work...but at least I know how to better prepare if they'll take me back again next year, so there's that I guess.

One day I will be healthy, and able to have a body type I can be proud of. And maybe one day I'll even be able to pay off my financial nightmare and be able to live a happy debt-free life I can also be proud of....but either way it's going to be a huge struggle.

....on a side note, if anyone knows anyone who may want some simple [usually semi-cartoony-based] art commissions or to look through some nerdy things on eBay, let me know with a SparkMail or something XD

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKNB 9/12/2014 9:50PM

    Hang in there; lots of the suggestions of McJulieo are great to start brainstorming.

Also, exercise will help with stress, and clearing your head. Good luck, keep us updated!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/12/2014 9:51:07 PM

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MCJULIEO 9/6/2014 12:34PM

    So sorry to hear of the money problems.... it's certainly true that when one part of your life is whacked out, usually the others get wonky, too....

BUT, on the other hand, when you can GET one area cleaned up and straightened out, you are well on your way to having victory in other aspects.

In other words, baby steps will get you where you want to steps in just one area!

Just a couple of questions (now I am going to talk to you like your mother would),
What do you WANT to do?
What are you qualified to do?
What are you WILLING to do? Move? Take an intermediate job in the meantime?
Are there any government programs which you could do that would absolve you of student debt? (teaching on Indian reservation, Teach America, Peace Corps, etc.)
Have you taken advantage of the TAMU Job Placement department?
As a last resort (this is not something I would want to do indefinitely), have you considered being a substitute teacher? Or a school bus driver? School districts are always looking...

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I just can't.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I've pretty much gained everything back and destroyed any progress I'd made.
I can't make myself do anything.
I can't do this and I don't want to try anymore.
It just makes me feel even more terrible about myself when I ruin it all.

I don't know what else to do.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATTYKLAVER 5/29/2014 9:54AM

    Sounds like there's something in your life that's got you unhappy. That's the key: if you can resolve this you will be able to do anything. Good luck to you.

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STEVEN2GO2 5/29/2014 1:48AM

    Do not give up, you still are not above where you started. Give yourself a mini-break and start fresh June 1!

You just have to start a new emoticon !

Also you may be learning what helps and what does not. If you learn from what you have done you are taking steps forward in the future!

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MCJULIEO 5/29/2014 12:07AM

    Some very good advice here.....

The only way you can be defeated is if you quit. We're rooting for YOU.

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LIFENPROGRESS 5/28/2014 1:30PM

    You CAN. How do I know? Because I did. In 2009, I lost 66 pounds here... and in 2010, I let it all go and gained it back.

I'm here yet again and I'v e lost 17 pounds so far. I'm here for ME. I want to be healthy for ME.

Now is the time to focus on YOU.

YOU have the ability... YOU have the will.

I will come here and cheer you on to victory! emoticon Y*O*U are emoticon and you will not be defeated!!!

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TRIXYMAHOGANY 5/28/2014 1:29PM

    I know it's hard, but try to just take it one day at a time. Do one thing each day that you can be proud of. If you never eat enough vegetables, try to just get an extra serving in every day - that way at the end of the day, you can point to a specific thing that you did and say, "Hey, I did that, that's good, I should be proud."

And eventually, that one thing a day becomes a habit, and you can start working on something else.

Anyway, I wish you luck in all your endeavors and hope that you feel better soon. emoticon

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AJR2013AJR 5/28/2014 1:29PM

    Why don't you just try focusing on exercise instead of doing it all? Consistent walking goes a long way for maintaining weight. Progress is not always linear!

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Sunday, May 11, 2014

I didn't mean to "give up" but I guess i kind of did? Whatever, I'm gonna get back on the dang wagon and keep going. At least I didn't regain everything, so if nothing else, I am NOT starting back at square one--I've kept some of my progress!!

I'm starting my new job soon, so at least i can't mindlessly eat throughout the day anymore. Once I get a decent schedule down mentally, I'll see what I can do.



Sunday, May 11, 2014

I didn't mean to "give up" but I guess i kind of did? Whatever, I'm gonna get back on the dang wagon and keep going. At least I didn't regain everything, so if nothing else, I am NOT starting back at square one--I've kept some of my progress!!

I'm starting my new job soon, so at least i can't mindlessly eat throughout the day anymore. Once I get a decent schedule down mentally, I'll see what I can do.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATTYKLAVER 5/12/2014 8:44AM

    Oh, it's so hard to shift gears and get into a new schedule! I wish for you the best on your new job. May it be challenging enough to keep you stimulated, easy enough to keep you from going crazy, and pay enough to have some "rainy day" money for yourself.

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MCJULIEO 5/11/2014 11:09PM

    So good to have you back!

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ARNETTELEE 5/11/2014 9:24PM

  You can do it!

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Prepare to Gain! (no, seriously, I've been preparing lol)

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Sorry about my outburst in my last entry...I REALLY needed to get all that frustration out to SOMEBODY because it was driving me wild with no outlet big enough to handle the surge that was trying to explode out lol! I'm...staying away from pilates. Like, really away. I don't need to start crying after 80 seconds of trying s video.

ANYWHO, I FINALLY get the see my boyfriend tomorrow night!! For the first time since August!! I'm so excited it's unbelievable! I get to see my precious Aggieland again for a whole week! HOORAY!!! With it being practically a holiday for me (and AggieCon! WHOOP!), I do expect to go way over my calorie limits and all that for a couple days straight, so I know my weight is going to bounce back up for a bit...but I'm prepared for it. Almost welcoming it, even, considering all the fun and reunions it represents to me! Heck, I'm kind of hoping the damage won't be as bad as I'm expecting since I'll prety much be walking everywhere in town. My boyfriend is situated within walking distance (for me, anyway) of 99% of the places I need/want to go! Yes!!

Now, last night I did get a scare from my laptop. After troubleshooting/researching a bit, I've come to the conclusion that the ac port is damaged (something probably loose) and needs to be fixed. Which, from what I hear, can cost me $150ish. Still better than a totally new computer, but ouch! I do have a temporary "fix", though, so I can use my machine...I just need to duct tape the jack into the port REALLY tightly until I can get it to someone....better than nothing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SALAM4545 4/6/2014 3:41PM

    Congrats on getting to see your sweetie! Have a great trip!

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MCJULIEO 4/1/2014 11:55PM

    Duct tape has rescued more projects than we can even imagine!

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