DETERMINEDJANET   137,596
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Monday, 7/21/14

Monday, July 21, 2014




I must start this blog stating that I did well turning my talk around this morning when I would notice my frustration rising with little boy. I am going to have to work hard at remembering to do that so I can change the voice inside my head to reflect the truth. These are his choices and I am not a failure if I do all I can and he still chooses differently. (Thank you Trish for validating that thought!)

I calmly made it through the morning even with kids being fussy with each other at the vet office. I wanted to leave them home, but they wanted to go. LOL I was thankful for the help though getting the houndies in and out of the truck. My first time taking the "new to us" Dodge Dakota! Really need to get it cleaned inside and out though...still a mess, but we haven't made it a priority yet with all the dirty projects going in and out of the truck bed.

Swim lessons went well for both of them (4 more to go!) and then we came home for lunch. I did call the chiropractor's office while at the pool and made an appointment for this afternoon to once again reset these emotions. I couldn't believe I actually waivered about whether or not to do that over supply boxes for co-op! I am glad I placed myself as the priority, but that tells you how off my internal balance was today.

I'm thankful I went in.... my balance was way off and he had to work harder than usual to restore it. He then went after my emotions and said that something was attached to my heart so he cleared out those negatives for me. Interesting.... I know it is working because I'm tired. He also advised me to discontinue my current weight loss program as my brain is just not getting the healthy fats that it needs. He said since I've been doing this long-term (since October) my brain just can't keep things going as smoothly so it is time to make changes. I promised him I would switch to the next stage tomorrow when I see the Nutritionist. Have to get my metabolism regulated. I am sad that I only have 40 pounds to go, but I am happy that I am down 87 lb. and gave myself a jump-start on my health. If I find the last 40 just won't go on their own over the next six months I can go back on this program for a month or two and finish it off, but for now I know this is the right thing to do.

Now, for the irony of the decision made (co-op supplies vs. my health). I did get all the pencils sharpened and distributed into their individual class bags. That was the hardest part of the task at hand for the supply boxes. I only need about a dozen items from the office store and know exactly what boxes they go into and that will take all of about 10 minutes!

Tonight's decision.... go to Costco or not with my daughter to do price shopping and pick up a few items. The tiredness is what is getting me, but I know she could use an outing. Feeling very sad today about her hamster. If not, we'll go tomorrow instead.

Tomorrow: Nutritionist, swim lessons, Isaac's counselor here at the house.



Bible study: I have been able to find more time lately to work on my individual bible study time. Very thankful about that! I am working through Beth Moore's "James" study and honestly maybe there was a reason it took me so long because the lessons are so relevant to things happening in and around our family right now. I knew I was being pushed to do this study about a year ago and had only gotten through two weeks of the eight by the time we moved to the new house. At any rate...I'm now on the seventh week and learning so much. Need to start looking for a new one soon!



BL Challenge - Team Emerald: This week marks our 6th weigh-in out of 10! The time is flying by! So proud of this group too...they are doing amazing things and working so hard! Go Emeralds! Karen's an awesome co-leader too!



5% Challenge - Team Daisy: I haven't been doing very well with this challenge, but I'm sticking with it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSICMOMOF2 7/22/2014 8:36AM

    I'm glad to hear that you did put yourself first yesterday! Hope today goes smoothly!

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DOROTHYBERO 7/22/2014 8:20AM

    emoticon

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CARRIE1948 7/22/2014 8:06AM

    It is hard to learn to put yourself first. But, if you don't, things spiral out of control more easily. Good for you for making yourself a priority.

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LINTPICKER 7/22/2014 7:32AM

    emoticon

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DIANNEMT 7/21/2014 8:16PM

    Glad you know you made YOU the priority! And you are an important part of the Daisy team--whether or not you feel successful at it!!

Hope all goes well tomorrow! emoticon

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Sunday, 7/20/14

Sunday, July 20, 2014



When I saw this quote the first time I did not like it at all, but today I am totally there. What I am fearing the most right now is my son not having an independent future, but today I love that it means it is important to me. However, as this quote indicates, this means this particular issue is where I am not fully trusting God. This message came today after an evening of sharing with two good friends who are also moms of kiddos on the autism spectrum and then two messages this morning on prayer (in class and worship). Before I saw this quote again today I had figured out something about me so I think God's "hammer" was well placed. (I always laugh that He has to hit me over the head with a hammer several times for me to get it.)

What I've realized is that part of my trouble with Isaac is the same old loop called "You aren't good enough." I've heard it all my life in different ways and even though I know that isn't the truth about me, it is easy to fall into. Lately it has been so discouraging knowing that Isaac is choosing to be okay with not putting effort into working on things regarding his autism that he is totally capable of doing (even at the age of almost 10) and then with the additional white lies/excuses about things it has been so frustrating and difficult. So what I've figured out is this has become another "you're not good enough" time for me because I don't know what else I can do/try. When I told Tim about it he said, "You're doing all you know to do and you can't be responsible for his choices." I get it, but when you've lived with the stronghold of not being good enough it is hard to say "I'm okay with it." At least I know a place to begin if I ever get myself to a counselor! So...this day I am changing my prayers and must make myself focus on the fact that I have done what I could and his choices are not a reflection of me whether the outside world thinks otherwise. We all know the world usually isn't even watching! LOL

The afternoon has been quiet for me and that's been wonderful. Maegann was at Dakota's (a friend from church) all afternoon so the rest of us went to Lowe's (didn't find the tools Tim needed) and then to Costco. We bought a year membership and will monitor it to see if it is worth the money or not. They are finally getting more gluten-free options and everyone has been telling me that their meat is better than the grocery stores and now that we don't have a way to raise our own anymore that is a definite need. Better meat & poultry!

Maegann is now swimming with her friend's youth group and the boys are out working in the yard again. More quiet minutes for me!

Tomorrow.... Vet appointment for nail trims (easy now that it is only 5 min. from home) at 10, swim lessons at 11:35 and school in and around those. I think Maegann and I will head to Costco in the evening just to get that task accomplished.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 7/21/2014 4:45PM

    emoticon

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BLESSED2BEME 7/21/2014 11:46AM

    I always said God has to knock me up side the head to get my attention. I like your hammer theory better though. Great quotes.

I went through a lot of the "I'm not good enough" for my son because of the addiction issues he had and a lot of 'where did I screw up". It all comes down to the fact we do our best with what we have and they make their own choices no matter what we do to teach them or lead them in a particular direction. Isaac is so blessed to have you for a Mom...many a mom would have just given up by now.

We love our Costco membership.

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LINTPICKER 7/21/2014 8:55AM

    great quotes. We each have our struggles with that!

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MUSICMOMOF2 7/21/2014 8:27AM

    Hugs Janet! I think that you are on your way to healing. I will be praying for you!

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NELLIEC 7/20/2014 10:36PM

    With Jason, I knew he was (and is) a genius. However, I do know that some aspects of being "independent" are difficult for him. What is a relief to me is that at least 2 of his sisters have been willing to help him when needed, and of course, I help as much as I can. He is now 41 and his major difficulty has been having a steady job. Unfortunately even though he has a master's degree in biology, there aren't very many jobs in that field that are year round full time. So now he has taken advantage of the fact he served our country in the Navy and has veteran's preference and is working on de-constructing a ship. That is definitely a long term job! He still feels disappointed that he isn't working in his chosen field. I keep praying for God to direct him.

I know that at some point I will leave this life. It could be soon or it could be a long time. But I am leaving all my children in God's care.

The Costco idea seems like it could be a benefit to your family. I hope you find good bargains there!

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DETERMINEDJANET 7/20/2014 9:27PM

    PinkTwinkleLove~They would totally feel "not good enough." In my opinion, I would imagine consistent sexual assault would be much worse than the verbal assault I had for years, but they are both very damaging in their own way. Stuff like this is so hard and so varying.....

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PINKTWINKLELOVE 7/20/2014 9:11PM

    This is nuce but if you were say 5 years old and say gor instance your dtrp father constantly sexually assulted a girl for say 3 years how else would they feel

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AJB121299 7/20/2014 8:36PM

    nice

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Saturday, 7/19/14

Saturday, July 19, 2014





Spent my morning running errands and doing some cleaning at home. One errand was to the jewelry store as I'm ready to get my rings resized. Haven't worn them since December and had them size them a little smaller than they fit today due to knowing I will have 40 more pounds gone by winter and that they will fit looser when it is winter. Expensive little project, but I miss wearing them.

This afternoon I have been getting little paperwork things caught up and then we will be heading to a baby shower on our way to playgroup. Thankful we will be swimming tonight as it is just hot, hot, hot!

My tolerance level is still quite low today so I'm trying to avoid known "attackers" which isn't easy when it is your own son. LOL I am sure much of this is the pre-TOM mood swings so will level out in a few days time.

Tomorrow.... church and ??? Planning to listen to the next video segment of the Beth Moore "James" study in the afternoon.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRIE1948 7/20/2014 8:58AM

    It must feel good to be able to wear your rings again

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DONNABRIGHT 7/20/2014 6:28AM

    Awesome job on getting the rings a little small - good plan!
My son is quite a challenge these days so I understand what you are going through!
This, too, shall pass.

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NELLIEC 7/19/2014 9:16PM

    Yes, very hard, when it is a member of your own family! I hope things calm down!

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LADYDARYA 7/19/2014 8:00PM

    Glad things went better today. Hope your tolerance level grows LOL.

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MUSICMOMOF2 7/19/2014 7:41PM

    Glad that today has gone better even with your mood being low. Hope tomorrow is nice and relaxing!

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LOSE4LIFE47 7/19/2014 6:20PM

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ROBBIEY 7/19/2014 6:00PM

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EDDYMEESE 7/19/2014 4:58PM

    Sounds like a fun day!

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Friday, 7/18/14

Saturday, July 19, 2014




What a long and trying day this turned out to be. Started out pleasant enough with a trip to Target to shop for a baby gift (a shower tomorrow afternoon) and then get home before Dakota arrived to be watched for the day. Got Isaac busy on his schoolwork (he wasn't happy about that especially once Dakota got here) and then we all headed to swim lessons. It was safety day as the temp was mid 70s which is the coolest we've had for weeks. Still got up to 98 in the afternoon though. Made pancakes for lunch although Dakota definitely wanted tacos. LOL Afterwards we headed off for the aquarium. This is not a huge place and was sad to see much of their remodeling is housing more reptiles than fish. The kids had fun and then afterwards we stopped for ice cream and french fries. Once home the neighbor boys came over to hang out with Isaac and the house turned into complete chaos. I think that was the beginning of the end of my patience. I held it together until supper and then just had to get out of here. I was planning to go to the laundromat anyway so I got out of here quick. (The part that Tim ordered to fix the washer did come in but it was faulty so we wait again.) Once home Isaac was still up to his disrespect for me so any ground I'd gained was lost quickly. I think it is a good thing the kiddos are in bed now.

Tomorrow.... Bountiful Basket, a few groceries to purchase and bathrooms to clean. We have a baby shower (drop by) and will go on our way to playgroup (swimming).

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 7/19/2014 9:47AM

    Smart move Janet - sounds like sometimes he just gets so sound up and over stimulated.

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CARRIE1948 7/19/2014 8:56AM

    I think you were clever to get out of the house

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MUSICMOMOF2 7/19/2014 8:47AM

    Sorry that it was such a rough day Janet! At least you were able to escape for a little bit. Hope your weekend goes great!

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DETERMINEDRUTH 7/19/2014 6:00AM

    It is not easy to be patient when the kids are mouthy. I had a hard time with keeping my cool with that, too. Kids time out in the bedroom till I could respond in a more patient way would be the best way for me. I did have to seek the Lord's help in this. Not easy.

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NELLIEC 7/19/2014 12:34AM

    It is trying when you get disrespect! Sorry your day got messed up by an attitude!

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Thursday, 7/17/14

Thursday, July 17, 2014




Another quiet day and thankfully a less emotional day. The kids and I slept in until almost 9 (guess we were tired) and then we headed to McD's for breakfast as I needed to go by the library and the bank. Once home we got some school finished before heading out to swim lessons.

This afternoon we just hung out and then about 3:30 the kids went out to play with the neighbor boys while waiting for Isaac's counselor to arrive. We had already seen the "ringleader" of the mean bunch earlier so I reminded of our rules regarding opening the door (you don't) and if they come outside you are to come in after politely excusing yourself. No issue as they didn't come out thankfully. A little later it would have been an issue as anytime our door opened (it was usually myself or Tim) the boys of the mean girl would go get the girls out of the house. At 7 friends came to pick up Maegann (she's swimming and going out for ice cream) so it must have thwarted their entire purpose for being together (to be mean to Maegann) as she left laughing and they never got their chance and I doubt the ringleader will be here very long tomorrow as I can't imagine a parent would drop them off for more than one sleepover. If it isn't until afternoon...no big deal. Between school, babysitting Dakota, swim lessons and then going to Boise to the aquarium after lunch...the kids won't be outside. Just breaks my heart to watch kids being so mean to each other and finding joy in that.

The counseling appointment went great. We sat down as a family and helped Brent fill out a family flow chart. Through the conversations he could figure out our personalities, etc., and I was thankful today that Isaac's autism was very much in place so he wasn't able to "perform" like he usually can to hide things. I have told this new counselor that he had his previous counselor fooled. We will continue to do this for a time just to see if it will help all of us in our interactions with Isaac.

We are definitely getting smoke from all the fires burning in other states. Maegann got a picture of the sun about 7 p.m. and later it will only be a beautiful red and orange sunset.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYDARYA 7/18/2014 6:55PM

    I'm glad the day was better!

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DOROTHYBERO 7/18/2014 1:20PM

    So glad you were able to contol all situations today.

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MUSICMOMOF2 7/18/2014 6:30AM

    I'm glad that the day went better. Have a great Friday!

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LINTPICKER 7/17/2014 10:28PM

    Sounds like the day went very well! It is good to have those kind of days. It is unfortunate that so many want to bully. Even adults in their driving or in any other kind of bullying. emoticon

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FORZACHANDMATT 7/17/2014 9:58PM

    Glad the counseling session went well and that your family had a mean free day

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