Monday, July 21, 2014
I must start this blog stating that I did well turning my talk around this morning when I would notice my frustration rising with little boy. I am going to have to work hard at remembering to do that so I can change the voice inside my head to reflect the truth. These are his choices and I am not a failure if I do all I can and he still chooses differently. (Thank you Trish for validating that thought!)
I calmly made it through the morning even with kids being fussy with each other at the vet office. I wanted to leave them home, but they wanted to go. LOL I was thankful for the help though getting the houndies in and out of the truck. My first time taking the "new to us" Dodge Dakota! Really need to get it cleaned inside and out though...still a mess, but we haven't made it a priority yet with all the dirty projects going in and out of the truck bed.
Swim lessons went well for both of them (4 more to go!) and then we came home for lunch. I did call the chiropractor's office while at the pool and made an appointment for this afternoon to once again reset these emotions. I couldn't believe I actually waivered about whether or not to do that over supply boxes for co-op! I am glad I placed myself as the priority, but that tells you how off my internal balance was today.
I'm thankful I went in.... my balance was way off and he had to work harder than usual to restore it. He then went after my emotions and said that something was attached to my heart so he cleared out those negatives for me. Interesting.... I know it is working because I'm tired. He also advised me to discontinue my current weight loss program as my brain is just not getting the healthy fats that it needs. He said since I've been doing this long-term (since October) my brain just can't keep things going as smoothly so it is time to make changes. I promised him I would switch to the next stage tomorrow when I see the Nutritionist. Have to get my metabolism regulated. I am sad that I only have 40 pounds to go, but I am happy that I am down 87 lb. and gave myself a jump-start on my health. If I find the last 40 just won't go on their own over the next six months I can go back on this program for a month or two and finish it off, but for now I know this is the right thing to do.
Now, for the irony of the decision made (co-op supplies vs. my health). I did get all the pencils sharpened and distributed into their individual class bags. That was the hardest part of the task at hand for the supply boxes. I only need about a dozen items from the office store and know exactly what boxes they go into and that will take all of about 10 minutes!
Tonight's decision.... go to Costco or not with my daughter to do price shopping and pick up a few items. The tiredness is what is getting me, but I know she could use an outing. Feeling very sad today about her hamster. If not, we'll go tomorrow instead.
Tomorrow: Nutritionist, swim lessons, Isaac's counselor here at the house.
Bible study: I have been able to find more time lately to work on my individual bible study time. Very thankful about that! I am working through Beth Moore's "James" study and honestly maybe there was a reason it took me so long because the lessons are so relevant to things happening in and around our family right now. I knew I was being pushed to do this study about a year ago and had only gotten through two weeks of the eight by the time we moved to the new house. At any rate...I'm now on the seventh week and learning so much. Need to start looking for a new one soon!
BL Challenge - Team Emerald: This week marks our 6th weigh-in out of 10! The time is flying by! So proud of this group too...they are doing amazing things and working so hard! Go Emeralds! Karen's an awesome co-leader too!
5% Challenge - Team Daisy: I haven't been doing very well with this challenge, but I'm sticking with it.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
When I saw this quote the first time I did not like it at all, but today I am totally there. What I am fearing the most right now is my son not having an independent future, but today I love that it means it is important to me. However, as this quote indicates, this means this particular issue is where I am not fully trusting God. This message came today after an evening of sharing with two good friends who are also moms of kiddos on the autism spectrum and then two messages this morning on prayer (in class and worship). Before I saw this quote again today I had figured out something about me so I think God's "hammer" was well placed. (I always laugh that He has to hit me over the head with a hammer several times for me to get it.)
What I've realized is that part of my trouble with Isaac is the same old loop called "You aren't good enough." I've heard it all my life in different ways and even though I know that isn't the truth about me, it is easy to fall into. Lately it has been so discouraging knowing that Isaac is choosing to be okay with not putting effort into working on things regarding his autism that he is totally capable of doing (even at the age of almost 10) and then with the additional white lies/excuses about things it has been so frustrating and difficult. So what I've figured out is this has become another "you're not good enough" time for me because I don't know what else I can do/try. When I told Tim about it he said, "You're doing all you know to do and you can't be responsible for his choices." I get it, but when you've lived with the stronghold of not being good enough it is hard to say "I'm okay with it." At least I know a place to begin if I ever get myself to a counselor! So...this day I am changing my prayers and must make myself focus on the fact that I have done what I could and his choices are not a reflection of me whether the outside world thinks otherwise. We all know the world usually isn't even watching! LOL
The afternoon has been quiet for me and that's been wonderful. Maegann was at Dakota's (a friend from church) all afternoon so the rest of us went to Lowe's (didn't find the tools Tim needed) and then to Costco. We bought a year membership and will monitor it to see if it is worth the money or not. They are finally getting more gluten-free options and everyone has been telling me that their meat is better than the grocery stores and now that we don't have a way to raise our own anymore that is a definite need. Better meat & poultry!
Maegann is now swimming with her friend's youth group and the boys are out working in the yard again. More quiet minutes for me!
Tomorrow.... Vet appointment for nail trims (easy now that it is only 5 min. from home) at 10, swim lessons at 11:35 and school in and around those. I think Maegann and I will head to Costco in the evening just to get that task accomplished.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Spent my morning running errands and doing some cleaning at home. One errand was to the jewelry store as I'm ready to get my rings resized. Haven't worn them since December and had them size them a little smaller than they fit today due to knowing I will have 40 more pounds gone by winter and that they will fit looser when it is winter. Expensive little project, but I miss wearing them.
This afternoon I have been getting little paperwork things caught up and then we will be heading to a baby shower on our way to playgroup. Thankful we will be swimming tonight as it is just hot, hot, hot!
My tolerance level is still quite low today so I'm trying to avoid known "attackers" which isn't easy when it is your own son. LOL I am sure much of this is the pre-TOM mood swings so will level out in a few days time.
Tomorrow.... church and ??? Planning to listen to the next video segment of the Beth Moore "James" study in the afternoon.
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