Friday, November 21, 2014
I ve written before,,, I have a friend,, who's now over 300 lbs (She refuses to tell me exactly,, i can NOT blame her,,, I've almost always been smaller,, she HATES it).
Today she called me with "a new phone #",,, cos she's in DEEP DOO DOO with $$$$. I had told her when her X was paying her,,, and she an abundant of $$$ "Put some aside S is going to graduate in ___ yrs, when she does,,, I'm strongly expecting him,, to NOT pay you " ! I was right,,, they have such a HATE/HATE relationship,,, even when her D (whos my choosen GD ) was in crisis and threatening suicide,,, she would NOT call him,,, she instead " I think it'll be "FUNNY" when he gets the bill, and doesnt KNOW why" (IMMATURE ! I TRIED my hardest to get her to call him. I WANTED to call him,,, so he could help out my GD who so badly needed him to be HONEST with her),,,, but K (F) is soo immature,,,,,, it showed.
So now,,,, today she got a "new phone" #,,, she can't pay bills. I HATE calling someone's house,, and having to wait til their machine picks up,,,,, for them to answer. So today yeah,,,, she did what they do,, and just changed phone companies. It'll hit where she can't also pay that,,, will come to me crying (again,, she knew to change to this one,,, from whining to me a few weeks ago,,, my "Choosen D,,,,, does this crap all the time,,, so I knew what to say). She's in such deep crap from not having $$$,,,,,, in July she had an appointment with the housing people in the city,, for a lower rent. She "OOPS FORGOT" than she said "I didn't go, I do NOT want to move "There". I told her,, as I would anyone " being on the streets,, vs having a place,, ANY PLACE to live is much better" !!! I know,,, a few yrs ago,,, when I moved back from CO to ME (Maine) I WAS homeless. It was NOT easy,, being a "couch borrower". Than finally to having NO place to go, but I had opened up about the bad abuse (they termed it severe,, I have a hard time with that) and my Dr arranged it,, so I was instead of the streets,,,, put into a domestic shelter for abuse. I KNEW I needed it,,,,I was frightened to even use the "ladies" for living "with my family" was very traumatic,,, if I went to use the ladies,,, "HE" (Supposively Son In law) would POUND DOWN THE DOOR ! If I went out to cook,, his MOUTH was there,, insulting me,,, it finally ended with him saying "I'll show HER " !! The police were called,,,, I moved back to ME. From the shelter (if you know ANYONE in crisis from a spouse,, family,,,, bf etc, let them know,, THERE IS VERY GOOD HELP ! and URGE them,, HELP them to go ! PLZ !!),,, in the shelter they helped me to find a place to live. So I was NOT THANKFULLY on the street,, they also worked with me on scared I was,,, now this friend,,, who's in crisis now,, allowed me to stay with her for 2 weeks. (She's in some type of housing thing, but its not at 30% her rent).
SHhe has stated "I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THERE" !!! Tonight,, I hit her hard with "So what will you do"? "ur losing the car in the next 2 months approx (its a new one,, she can not afford it,, I made suggestions, that she WORK,, she said 'NO" !!! I suggested she babysit for others,, and bring in income that way (She'd HAVE to go others homes,,, she's a terrible hoarder) she AGAIN said "NO" !!! I HAVE NO PITY for someone who will NOT help themselves,,,, when I was between my disablity being approved,,, and leaving work (they said too,, I had 5 surgeries,,, they knew I was hurting badly,,,, I needed help,,, they at work,, said they'd help me with the disability,, I had been hurt by an 18 wheeler,, work did this with me,,,, saying how hard I tried to stay,, i had my checks in less than 2 months) but during those 2 months I HAD bills to pay,,, I babysat as much as i could,,, sometimes 35 hrs a week,,, and it HELPED to pay my bills.
Why do SO MANY people now a days,, think they ARE OWED $$$ FOR NOTHING??? I DO NOT,, WILL NOT EVER undestand this.
It took me step by step for her to understand where it is she's REALLY at,,, that her X has NO Intentions of paying for her (its going to court,,, but, its between ILL and ME,, so that's NOT going to happen first,, he had PROMISED the courts he'd send a certain REDUDED amount,, he did NOT do so,,,, I hope they throw his lazy butt into jail,, nice example of a Dr he is ,, NOT !),,, such HATERED between them,, NO REASON for it. I am a lot nicer to him,,, than she is.... and I've only seen him a few times,, belive me I DO NOT AT ALL like him, but he IS My GD's Dad,,,,
I WILL respect THAT ! If it were NOT for him,,, she'd not be,, and awww she's sooo sweet !
I FLATLY REFUSE to loan her any $$$$ it'd only help her for the month,, than she'd be indebted to me also,, LOL She's NOT paying bills,, I DO NOT TRUST her. So that's OUT !! I told her tonight,, I'll help her as much as I can,,,, emotionally,,, go to appts with her,,,,, and "hold ur hand" thru them,,, for she has NO real support,, my GD,,,, is NOT at ALL Impressed by her (Her Mom) and I am also sooo sick of bailing her out of her messes,, been doing this since she was a kid.
I had ALWAYS said,, once my GD is grown,,, I will DROP her as a "friend", but she's of the same faith I am,,, and I helped her with that,,, I just "can't" do that,,,,, it'd not be right,, but I am sitting here ALL ANGRy and WORRIED AGAIN From her. I WILL NOT talk to my GD about this,, unless S brings it up,, which she probably will,, than I walk a TIGHT ROPE in NOT saying anything NEGATIVE about her Mom,,,,, we talk over the facts,, but I DO NOT want negative things said from me,, to my own precious GD,,, who has since growing up,, ,, moving out,,, now sees ALL the DAMAGE done to her,, by the way her Mom,, kept showing her the bills,, telling her "We have NO $$$, I do not know if we will be in the streets soon" (I'd of taken in at least my GD,, who wanted me to adopt her,,, I SHOULD of if I had known what mY GD was going thru,,, but my "friend "LIES LIKE MAD to protect herself,, and is STILL doing so,, which ALSO pisses me off).
I WAS going to let her move in with me,,, that'd be WAY TO STRESSFUL On me,,, she's a HOARDER like you see on TV,, and I am OCD,,,, to the MAX about my place,, and how I look. EVERYTHING on me HAS to match and just so. I can also NOT stand to have ANYTHING outta order. Being as disabled as I am,,,, it makes my cleaning,, MUCH easier,, she'd drive ME NUT'o's IN A SeCOND. I am hoping when the crap hits the fan,, one of her sisters will take her in,,, I've talked to my Gd,,, we both agree, ,, NOT HERE !
Still i am worried,, stressed,, frustrated,, when you love someone,, you care, no matter how much you try to NOT !
Monday, November 17, 2014
I KNOW What SPARKS says about "DO NOT WEIGH IN DAILY" cos most will fluctuate up and down as much as 2 to 5 lbs on a given day. Notice "MOST" for I am not one of those,, and I've been clearly addicted to the scale for as long as my teenage yrs. I was on the gymnastic team,, you had to weigh 115lbs,,,, and I DID NOT ! It was such a hard struggle for me (OH WHERE are those DAYS NOW???).
Life changes,,, and it did. Now I am with the rest of us,, walking this journey, but I ve met some really NEAT people here. There's always a plus side to things.
Saturday I was at 211,,, this AM,, 209,,, though that will most likely go back to 210,,, and hopefully by Sat,, our weigh in day on the Dawggie Team,,,,,, I hope to yes, be at that 209.
So its GETTING IN SIGHT ! WOOHOOOO !!! I KNOW my body though,,, it goes UP and DOWN easily. If I fall,,, develope another infection,,, my legs, foot swell for ANY reason any of htis wishes,,,,,,, I am a gaining. Still all in all within the next 2 weeks,,,it'll be back down again.
Originally I had set Dec end of,, as wanting to be at 203. I am STILL ON TRACK For this !! I set that back in August ! WOOHOOOO !!!
I am as all regular readers know,,,, STILL recovering from a surg in June,, on a fusion of 2 bones on big toe,,, left foot, but I had fallen and broke it all the way thru (Surg area) than recently gotten an infection (Dr says he thinks its in the bone,,, tests were taken on Fri),,,, and he's getting me a bone grower,, which hopefully will be here next week,,, my insurance company has to approve of it first,, they most likely will. Hmmm they are sooo STRANGE,, they argue on the smaller expenses,, and grant the HIGH ones,,, who can figure THAT OUT?? NOT ME !!! Hopefully by Jan,, the bone will be steady,,, than he will prob go back in and remove it,,,, or wait a little bit.
With that back ground,, NO DOUBT you realize I can't walk,,either use my power chair,, or my knee walker. Lately power chair,,, I had fallen again last week (wheel needing tightening, my own fault),,,and hurt my knee which I use on the knee walker.
So what is my SECRET to LOSING without really doing anything REAL For exercise,, like most can? ANd if I can do this,, can you????? Its all a game of MATH.
Calories in,,,,, Calories OUT !
I eat on the LOW end of my tracker,,, and when I can, I DO MY BEST to leave some calories left over on the low end,,,,, while still eating so I am full. :) I am a HORRIBLE eater,,, so I DO NOT recommend eating as I do,,,,,, I've NEVER been one for eating well,,, and I most likely will NEVER be. But, I can play around with my calorie eating,, eating near 1350 cals a day. That's fine.
This WORKS for me,,,,,, and YES,,, I AM Seeting it !! And getting EXCITED that Ive FINALLY STUCK by this,, and I WANT to for ALL of next yr,,, when I am HOPING I'll lose at LEAST 20 lbs,, and reach 180 lbs !!! (Or REALLY hope for 171 !)
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Today I had an appt at 2,,,, it was for a scat scan (SP) and at 3 I had the Surgeon. On my way outta of the hosp from the scan,,, I hit some tiles,,, and I had NOT tightened my knee scooter,,, and the tile of course has gout ,,, so KA BANG !! My wheel had suddenly turned to the right,, my body FLEW OVER the knee scooter,, and down on my knee,, of course of bad foot,,,, I am thankful it's only got a good knot on it,,,,, and a finger is sore,, not broken,,, as well my hip, leg, and back on left side,, they will heal in about 5 days. Not a biggie,,,, hmmm sure do wish the security guard who helped me upwould show me that in SLOW MOTION on the camera ! he ,,, with 2 others (a nurse was nice enough to give me an ice pack for my knee/finger). It took me a few minutes,, but I got my act together,, as the security guard,, got some tools,, and so SWEETLY tightened the scooter for me ! HOW NICE !
Here's the report from Dr: He "thinks" I have an infection in my bone (big left toe) and Ive been on antibiotics since Fri,,,, My weigh in this week,,, will be GR8 ,,, that "side affect" . Also he has extended the complete bedrest SIGH to another 2 MONTHS !! During this time,,,, he's having a bone grower rep come over,, and how me how to use it. (I know how to use the one I had 4 or 5 yrs ago,,,, when you have otheoporsis, neurothy and diabetes ,, the bones grow very slowly),,,,, he wants to see me in 2 weeks to check up on the infection,,,,it should be gone,, it looks soooo much better to me ! and also 2 months from now,, the hardware is trying to work it's way OUT of my foot,,,,, from dislodging it during a previous fall. so as long as I STAY OFF IT,,, and I WILL as much as I can,,,,, and STAY either on couch, or bed,,,,, he will be able to tell in those 2 months,, if the bone is FINALLY Healed. If so,,, the hardware will at some point than come out,, if not,,, I'll LOsE ALL SANITY !! LOL There's NOT much left !!
Acceptance. TY Dee(107) for being very honest with me. U are soo right,, I need to STOP bein frustrated cos I can't swim, do yoga right now,, and ACCEPT this is the way it is, and will remain for quite some time. So I am now remindin myself,,, how much FUN I STILL have doing the limited moves of yoga I can,, while sittin down,, and NOT movin that leg. I can still bring my back pain from an 8 down to a 2 thanks to yoga that I CAN Do. I am grateful for this and oh sooo many things which encourae me.
TY ALL For bein a part of my support team !!! and for reading my blog.
Thursday, November 06, 2014
Yesterday,,,, I needed to vacate my apt,, while the landlord worked on it,,,, LOL So did Missy Izzy,, and how just to have TO MANY RULES of STUPIDITY the landlord has decided we can NOT bring our pets from one apt to another one !! GRRRR That put me in QUITE A BIND !!! So I called the office,, got "special permission" since kitty was not doing a "social call" (DUH??? Ever know a CAT to WANT to go to another place as a SOCIAL CALL???),,, she was allowed to stay at a friends,,,,,,, as LONG as she STAYED in her carrier. She LOVES her carrier,, and SHOULD ! LOL its a very fancy airline one,,,,,, she loves flying !
So OFF I went to the MALL (130 stores !) in my power chair,,, NO WAY could I use my knee walker or crutches for this ! I left here at 10,,,,, and remained out til 4:30 !! YO !! 6 1/2 hrs !! I did NOT mean to be gone so LONG ! POOR KITTY !! Good thing she holds herself for at least 16 hrs,, LOL once she RAN into my coat closet,, I had NO CLUE she was in there,,, and I went away for the night,,, to a HURRICANE PARTY ! LOL that was FUN !!!
I KNEW I needed food (was planning to be away for only 3 to 4 hrs,, got shopping ! LOL). So WHAT WOULD I DO??? At the food court,,, theres a Japense grill/ veggie bar I LOVE ! But the cals are WAY MORAH than I wanted,, and I KNOW MYSELF,, I wouldof EATEN ALL 960 CALS !! YMMY !! that was gonna be TO MUCH for the day ! So SKIP THAT ! Than there's Arbys and Taco Bell,, and a DECLIOUS Burger place,, which does triple shakes,,, I used to ALWAYs hit those,,, if not 2 at the same time,, back when.
So WHAT TO DO????
I PACKED my lunch,, and grab something I often do,,,, and that is Pineapple/Cherry cottage cheese,, and greek yogurt. I didn't wanna bother with nuts ! So THAT my friends was MY lunch !!! I did 2 servings of the c cheese,,, for 200 cals. NOT BAD and I ended up not being hungry,,, so I didn't eat the yogurt. I had it later on at night. I MUST do my proteins !
ANd THAT is how one can BEAT UP THE FOOD COURT MONSTER !!!
As I sat a wifi station,, and also worked on my SPARKS Emails. FUN !
TY For reading !
Saturday, November 01, 2014
This is what I woke up with today:
As you can see it's quite sore and I was soooo scared I had broken my toe again.
I at once called the Dr. I was told. "It's supposed to hurt a lot. Be swollen, and the bruises are from not being able to walk on it. Well of course I didn't tell my Dr that I had been walking some. Tuesday when I finally got off the cast, I then had permission to do so. I cleaned some, probably to much.
I also remember Amy from boot camp saying to keep some of our pain meds, that we would need them. I had NO CLUE it'd feel as if it were broken. Thankfully. Leslie at my. Drs office must be used to those of us in a panic!! I'm grateful she was soooo Lind. I felt much more assured.
I'm to go very lightly on it this weekend, keep icing it, if needed wear my cast. Phew though it looks like the skin will break open. I'm and am keeping it elevated.
For this week my weight has gone back up, but easily it'll go down next week. That is an improvement, in the even recent weeks that'd upset me, but I now trust my body. Wooohooo
TY for reading
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