Monday, September 01, 2014
Its Day 11 of my exercise streak. I've been watching HEAVY, A show in which 2 contestants lose what they can (its NOT a contest against each other) to lose their weight in 6 months. The first month they are under a managed, control 6, which they do exercise, 5 to6 yhrs a day, along with therapy to figure out :What bought this about, what emotions?:
That got me to thinking, what emotions has done this to me? Andof interesting, in talking to one of my BFF's who's rather large,,,, they do NOT have to be bad ones, in her case, her Dad (Large family of 9 kids) so her Dad would take her shopping, with 9 in family, there's not enough attention for one child with 9. So when her Dad would take her groc shopping, he'd also teach her about prices, how to get the best bargain. He'd end it with a candy bar for HER. She'd have to eat it b4 they got home, about 4 blocks. She remembers this very fondly,,, it bought her happiness. See it doesn't Always have to be a negative.
For me,,,, as far back as I can remember i have ALWAYS LOVED sweets, but NOT good foods. I'd climb up to the cupboards with a chair when little,,,, and eat PB with sugar (GROSS, but I was a child hooked on sugar !). My parents did fight a lot,,, unfortunately we do remember this, if that was a part of it, I can't say. The next time I remember using food, was a neighborhood laundry matt,, the pig who was the manager,, was molesting myself and a friend,,, and he always compared us to each other ,,, I was pretty much "useless" to him, I was tiny. Very tiny. She was not. He'd pay us for it,,, and also threatened if we told ANYONE he'd Kill our Moms. (GRRR !CREAP ! So when he paid us, we'd go out and buy all kinds of candy. We HAD to eat it b4 we went home,,,,,,,
I did NOT gain, I took after my Dads side of the family. Than in 92,,, my Mom died,,,, the car accdient, the rape, and a loss of a dear friend who could not handle my saddness. It was to much, I continued to eat UP ! That was fine,,, I remained at 115 to 120,,, the emotinal eating has been life long. I was locked upped in a mental hospital,,, they said my thyroid wasn't working right, that's why i was depressed (IDIOTS ! LOOK at what I HAD GONE THRU !) my thyoid should NOT of been messed with. I put on weight, antidepressants,, more weight,, and if I REFUSED to take them,, i was threatened with being put BACK in that awful place. So I took them,,, the STINKING Dr was doing labs to make sure.
So yeah my eating goes way back to a young child,,, than it continued thru the years. From all of this,, looking back,,, I just never did cope with anything rocking "My World". i am so THANKFUL that my Mom realized I had almost always been a "negative" thinker. Today that is much better,,, it was a chemical imbalance, but some "habits" can be hard to break. I am doing the Inbetween Break of the 5% challenge on the Dawggies team. So I am going to now think of being MUCH more positive. NOTHING in my life right now is negative, sure my Dad and Dick have both died,,, Dick was as if a 2nd Dad to me,,,,, but life happens, and I am so thankful neither of them is continuing to suffer,, they both had so awefully !
Now I just need to ask myself "Am I hungry or eating for an emotional reason"? Before reaching for something,,, to eat. I still do not eat the "normal" foods others do, I most likely won't for a time. I do though own a "Biggest Losers" cook book,,, and I am first gonna finish out what I have at home,, enough thru Weds or Thurs,, than start to buy foods from the cook book,,,, and fix up veggies (ewww) and other foods, so they taste at ppealing,,, I had watched the Biggest Loser for as long as its been on, many have NOT liked good foods,,,, so the cook book is designed in part around that. I CAN DO THIS ! They DID , I CAN !
Today is day 11 of my streak,, I did 50 mins,,, some simple stretches,, I had learned in gymnastics,,,, to help deal with the pain,,,, some yoga (this time, sorry, I did a combo of things I've learned, so no link today) and some heavy house work. It needed to be done,,,,, doesn't it always??? LOL !
I am very pleased with today. I need to put up some stickers, signs,,etc which state "POSITIVE THINKING" "EAT ONLY WHEN HUNGRY" !! this will help me to remember.
There's NOT a thing wrong with me,,,,, nothing for the emotional eating,,, I am at "this time" OK with Dads passing on Weds,,,,, (in time it'll hit me),,, so there's NO REASON o over eat. I HAD last Tues,, and Mon, but that was when Daddy was alive, due to die at any time,,,, and yes, my eomotions were all over the place,, I had decided to do art work instead,,, which I love. That's a MUCH better thing to do, or read a book, watch a TV show I enjoy on my tablet. Or as I did at 8 tonight,,,, EXERCISE ! WOOHOOO !!
TY for reading.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
First I want to say THANKS to ALL of you !! During this time,, of my Dad's passing, I DO SO MUCH SO wish say "THANKS For ALL the support" !!! Its amazing how those of us on a putah though in some cases we haven't met, are still as close as we are. He is now free of all the pain.
Today is day 8 !!! Of my exer streak ! YEAH !!! I waited til just b4 I wind down for bed (2AM, did this starting at midnight) 25 mins of yoga,, and did "relaxation" one. They use a strap for yoga,, in such a FUN WAY That your cradling ur head,, with ur feet,,, and AHHhhhhh !! Talk about the WHOLE BODY just COLLAPSING in a thrilling relaxing way,,, ohhh yeah ! It has totally prepared me for bed. If you do not have a strap,,, than hold ur head up with a pillow and stretch ur feet with a towel,,,, so ur back is cradled and all the muscles let go.
Here's the link:
This is a great one to do,,,, either if ur going thru something upsetting during the day and just need a break,, or if like me,,, you wish to sleep more soundly. It lasts for 25 mins. If I were still working,,, I'd EASILY take my matt to work,,, and change into my pants,, and do this. :) I'd also encourage my co workers to come and JOIN ME !! I worked a very, very stressful and extremely fast paced job when I worked for the city,, in social services,,,, seeing well over 100 clients ,,,,, giving them food stamps,,, rental assistance,,,, etc, in a DAY !! I worked in the office part,,, handling these out. It was GO GO GO from the first order by 8:10 thru til 4:50ish,, before the last one went. The waiting room,,, they'd actually FIGHT and SHOVE each other,, PLZ I'd Say !! There's not like we had a shortage,,, it was usually those with a mental illness,,,, or someone who was high/drunk,,, who'd be very inpatience,,, esp if a case worker who did A to D,,, saw their people faster than a case worker who was more through and saw L thru N. So they thought "Oh I ve been FORGOTTEN " or the "I was HERE FIRST" thing. MAN OH MAN !! I DO NOT miss that job AT ALL !! The $$$ was NOT WORTH IT !! now from the new I still know there,,,,,, its been yrs,,, the clients,, many of them now refugees,,,, bring in with them BED BUGS !!! The waiting room,, is taken care of DAILY and yet, they STILL LINGER !! NO JOB is worth that ! I WISH I had this video and others such as what I've been posting when I worked there. We did have a gym for FREE Usage thru the city,,, we could use on our lunch or ight after work. That was fun,,, I DID take advantage of it,, as did many who worked there.
HAPPY YOGA to RELAX Everyone ! Again it's a 25 min one. But it is NOT hard,, go at ur OWN PACE !! If you can't yet sit in an indian position, just sit on ur knees,, if you can ,, if not ,,, fold ur legs wa out in front of you. Little by Little you WILL Accomplish it. :)
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
My Dad did pass on this AM,,,, around 9EST. He went peacefully thankfully. He lived in FL,,,, and most of us kids are in Maine. He was with his hospice nurse, Caroline. It takes a special type of person who can work with those who dying/than gone. She knew Daddy from working with him over the yrs,,, he thought the world of her. I am so THANKFUL she was with him. That helps to sooth the worry/pain of losing him.
My Dad,,,, he was just the PERFECT Daddy for me,,,, if we each got to pick our parents,,, mine were GREAT For me,, though Mom and I were sooo much alike,,, those growing up yrs,,, were a little rough, but once I hit adult yrs (FINALLY in her words ! LOL I gave her the RUN FOR HER $$$$$) and I am also a great combo also of Dad. They were both soooo funny,, and wild,, no wonder they had fallen in love (at first any ways).
The humor you all see in me,,,, is from them both. I will always be thankful for this,, and also the positive person I am,,, is from them both also. I treasure them both in my heart. Til we see each others again. Its my belief,, though diff from most,, that while some do go to Heaven,, not all do,,,,,, with the resurrections Jesus did on Earth, as a forshadow of the prayer he taught is "Let ur kingdom come on "earth" as it is in heaven" so he did those,, to show that he can do so on a grander scale in the future. See John 5:28, 29,,, and than as the last book of the bible says,,, Revelation 21:3,4,,, there will no more death, tears,,, anguish. All will be as if Adam and Eve hadn't of messed upped,,, bringing death to all mankind. So yes,,, I await those days. I know many of you have very diff beliefs than mine, I ask that mine is plz respected.
Thanks all for all the WONDERFUL Support you have given to me,, during these LONG Days of knowing my Dad would pass,, it's only been since Sun, we knew he'd be gone "From any minute to the next 10 days",,, I am sooo thankful it didn't take him all 10 days,,,, he was in pure agony,,,, well with hospice,,, they did their BEST to make sure he was NOT feeling the pain. PLZ let ur parents know,, or anyone older,, who sits alot (or any disabled ones) that if their back side,, or back etc,, starts to "feel numb, and itches some" its the start of a bed sore,,,,, and for them to AT ONCE call their Dr. I had started one also,,, mine told me to get some diaper cream,,,, it STOPS it each time,,, whereas I am still very limited on moving. I do hope none of ur relatives,, freinds,, go thru what Daddy did with his,,, it's actually his cause of death,,, his bed sore got so bad,,,,, and than when he stopped eating,,,it spread quickly. So yes,,, plz always talk to ur older /disabled ones,, you love. It was a painful way for him to feel,,, and I know from my own,, his stage 4, mine only stage 1 (no broken skin) they HURT LIKE MAD !!! I am still doing my BEST to keep it from getting worse,,, I DID learn from Dad.
Daddy left me with this: Its a video he did yrs ago,, some of you may of seen it,,,,, Its him singing me "Daddy's Little Girl" back from when Frank Sinanta (sorry do not know how to spell his last name,, not popping up right in spell check) sang it.
LOVE YA DAD !! See you again,,,,,,, a darling, devoted Daughter.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Today is DAY 5 of my STREAK !!!
How am I getting in some time you may ask? For Friday I was put on restriction from bearing weight on my surgery foot. (It now has an ulcer on the bottom of it,,,, need to see surgeon again next week,, as I did today,,,, they are inbetween on 0.............(LOL Izzy just walked on puter ! LOL She THINKS its her toy. now my Kindle Fire, IS one of her toys,,, I have downloaded a CAT /MICE game ! She LOVES to play it ! It's terribly funny,,,,, I need to get it on youtube,,,, once I do,, I'll post the link)sending me to a wound clinic,,,,, I hope the foot will clear up soon. :) They put an insert into the cast,, ,, so that area of the foot is barely craddled,, instead if it scraping back and forth in it. So lets HOPE it'll soon heal. :)
Today for my time,,, I DID have to do some walking,,, first to get outside (4 mins),,, I live in a high rise,,,, at the end of the hall. LOL I LOVE/HATE that,, I LOVE not having a neighbor on the side,,,,, and the other neighbors wall connects to my bedroom,,,, she's the 2nd person in their in a yr,, and she's VERY QUIET ! The PERFECT neighbor. She's also very very nice. But, I DO NOT like having to walk down past 5 apts to get to mine, when I am as I am now,,,, on one leg,,,, which I push the knee walker with. Still the knee walker is a BLESSING for I am NO GOOD AT ALL On crutches,, and I've fallen with a walker,,,,, so I do NOT trust that ! Than it was only 2 mins into the Dr's office,,,, 2 back out,,,,, a 5 min walk ,,, cos Karen didn't realize she could of had an EASY parking spot next the Dr's building,, there is some construction in the large parking lot,, so she parked in the furthest spot avaialbe,,, that's OK !! It was a GOREOUS day,, and it was the only time I'd be out today. With all going with Daddy,,,, and knowing yesterday was my last day to talk to him,,, he knows of course who I am,, his mind while confused gets it,,,, and he tries sooo hard to say "I love you hon" that it hurting him,,, I can't do that to him,, though of course I keep each "I love you" in my heart. Than to reverse the walking time back,,,,, is 15 mins of walking. Karen wanted to do any errand I needed,, she's precious. Found out later on,, she has a migraine , but still she wants to help. Poor kid ! we both tried thru the phone line to our Jeh Witness meeting.
I am sitting here,, with Ma GOONDA (Izzy LOL a cat of a thousand names ) ! watching my FAV show,, "America's Got Talent" during the summer it is,,,, as it's on,,, I am going to YOUTUBE.com and typing in Begginers Yoga for neck,,, heres the link,, I figured out what the prob was when I posted the other night,, so if ur neck is hurting you,,,,, here's the Link !
HAVE FUN with it !
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