Monday, October 20, 2014
One of my dearest friends since childhood,,, has been very depressed most of her life. She "says" now "I am not" I tend to disagree. She sees one emotion at a time,,,, whereas most of us swing from one to another. We 've been friends since we were in the 7th grade,,,, I was 12,,, she was 11. She was over weight then,,,, I was drop dead skinny. we both ate tas much, but it piled pped on her,, not me.
Well until I was in early 40s or was it my late 30s? I've forgotten tonight , i am tired. She was SO HAPPY I was gaining !! She actually said "NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL" !!! someone we barely knew,,,said at that point to me "HI K,,,," I responded with "No, I am Diane" "Oh well you both look exactly alike". That and one of my Dr's showing me Mr Bones,, how my fat was affecting my back,,, both of those around the same time,,,, discusted me,, I KNEW I was big 288,,,, over twice of my normal weight,, and soon if I hadn't of taken action it would of been 3 x's ! But I DID take action. my BFF K,, (For I really have 4 BFFs,, including MaryAnnGi,,,, on this site,,, who we've met in person,,, and will of course again,,, we live state by state) did NOT take action.
K,,, has a D,,,,, when she was very small,,,, I had wanted by then,,, I was almost old enough too,, a GD !! Of course that was not possible,,,, so I talked to her D,,, and we were very close,,, we agreed,, K approved,, I could Adopt S as my GD ! YES was the answer from both,, esp happy was my GD !!! So since then,, though she was small,,, she began to spend as much time as possible at my place,,,,, as a tween she pretty much moved in. Stayed this way all the way up and thru. She's now though Married on her own.
When my GD was 11,, I had K over,,, I was talking to her,, about her denial to her being depressed,, which would continue for yrs (both denial and depr),,, I asked her "Do you want to die?" "Yes" "Will you do urself ,, do you have a plan" (Scared me horribly to ask that !) "I do not have plan" "Are you safe" "yes, I just do not care if I die, I want too". "You do realize you have S,,, to raise" "ur doing that" "but I AM NOT HER MOM !! I am her GRANDMOTHER,,, a Child NEEDs their MOM and not just from when they are young, but ALL thru life" ! "She has you, that's enough".
Yrs later,,,, I told her to please pick me up (by that time,,, i was on narcs for pain,, my lience was no longer any good),,, she came over "Where we going"? "I will just give you the directions, you do not know that part of that city well" So it was take a right,, aother right,, take a left,, go straight for 3 blocks,, etc,,, finally it we were pulliing into a parking lot. She asked "Where are we"? "We are at UR Therapy appoinment" "WHAT?? NO " !!!! " If you do NOT go in,, they will charge you for it was not cancelled 24 hrs in advance,, and you will have to pay cash" (LOL I know her well unless its HER IDEA,,,, NO $$$ was gonna VOLUNTARLY leave her FINGERS !LOL So in we went. She was NOT willing at first to answer ?s,,, I let the intake worker know,,, it was MY idea to drag her in,, that she was NOT happy with this, but I was scared for her. She was getting larger and larger,, and soo down. The writing was on the wall.
She did than towards the end start to answer a few ?s,,,, the intake worker was GREAT !! JUST PERFECT for being an intake worker. Looked at K,,, said "you are severely depressed,, and you would benefit from coming here,,, life can again look good". So K,,, agreed to go back.
That was 3 yrs ago. K did for a little come out of the depression,, It was GREAT,, but she did NOT change any habits. Come to find out,, she was controlling what was said,, not said,,,, she out right would "not tell the truth" about what was happening. She is also very dirty,,,, and a hoarder to the MAX !! I am scared also,, that this coming week her place will NOT pass inspection from her manager. She has filled my GD's room,, 21X 16 Ft,, with ALL Boxes floor to ceiling,, the closet which is also 16 Feet,,, is not able to be opened. I KNOW She has MICE in there,,, she "found" a bunch of babies this past summer,,, that does NOT AT ALL help her breathing,, dried feces from any animal is NOT healthy. I looked it up,, toxic. I told her,, what was her answer?? This week she went out and bought an air filer,, isntead of cleaning. The depression is back,,, she's very scared also,, cos now she says she has a hernia,,,, we ALL know a good cause of that is,, BELLY FAT,,, up into her lungs,, heart being pressed,, from the hernia,,,,, she says,,, and so she's now struggling to breathe.
A small walk from the drivers side to the rear passengar side,, putting in my knee walker (light,, I can lift with one hand),, into the car,,, to than walk back to the drivers side,, we have to now sit there for a few mins,, she's outta breathe ! A small walk into a Dr's office,, where all she's doing is walking,,,,,,, less than 20 feet,,,, she's also breatheing hard.
I know my BFF is simply dying now,, and it's from over eating. she's now around 300 to 325,,,, her BP is UP and UP ! Etc. I am saddened,, I talked to her today,,, she has no hope,,, she does not care.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
I am a SUD (Spirited Undah Dawg) with the 5% challenge. I am also the CL (Challenge Leadah) and as such I always do my best to be a good example.
This week though, we have 2 LTGL (Living The Good Life )part of the challenge,, and its a 2 parter neither of which I'll do well on. One is the NEE (No Evening Eating), and also how many hrs did you sleep? We can count a maximum of hrs we can count is 9 hrs of sleep. And where do I average?? SIGH ! In general about 4 to 6 !! Generally the 4 !!! I function rather well,, cos I also take naps,,,, not always by choice, around 1PM, or 3PM into 4PM (OH NO !! Judge Judy is on,,, and LOL I LOVE that show ! LOL She's soooo funny and straightforward !),, and than again at 7PMish. Than I am up til my usual time of 2AM. This week though I am working on going to bed at 1AM instead. On Fri,, I had gone to bed at 2,, I KNEW it'd be ROUGH to NOT eat at all til 9AM,,,, well I woke up at 4 and was hungry,, forced myself to go back to sleep,,,,,,woke up at 6,, nauseous,,,dizzy, there was NO WAY I was going to make it to 9,, I ate,,,, we will try again on Mon. SIGH !! Why do they NOT consider us with blood tests? I can go in at 7AM,,, which is the earliest they are opened. So you can tell with the NEE (no Eveming Eating) I am also NOT able to make this challenge,, thanks to y TERRIFIC MOJO our team I think?? Judged on what I saw when I went to turn in a report today,, we may of been either #1 on the Landing,, and also the NEE as well as this past weeks, eat 3 meals a day,, which I WAS able to ALL WEEK LONG ! WOOHOOOO !! I even COOKED a REAL MEAL ,, and made enough for the WEEK to eat it !! WOOHOOO !! Sometimes cooking for 1 is GREAT !! When the kids were here,,, and I cooked,, ZzOOM it was GONE before it HIT the TABLE ! LOL So this is kinda nice,,, since I DO NOT Enjoy cooking,, I DO LOVE the smell,,, but hey ! Thats about IT !
I have hypoglycemia and in general NEED to eat every 3 to 4 hrs,, this ALSo plays into my sleep role. If I had been asleep I will feel the urge to wake up,,, pee, and eat. If at times,,, I DO NOT Eat,,,, I'll get dizzy, neasous ,, and can also get a fast not so nice headache. So yeah,,, I d rathr NOT go thr any of this !!! I had a blood test on Fri at 9AM,,,, I ate a lot of protein (Each night b4 sleeping I have a greek yogurt,, and also another protein,, getting in from 17 to 21 grams of it !) still the"HUNGER BEAST" does NOT understand my need to wish to sleep. I'll wake up at either 4 or 6AK,,, I Do though eat,, and DO TRY often successfooy sleep from then to 8AM. I seem to always wake up with the sun,,, which is 8 now,,, I was waking up at 5 or the earliest time,, 4:45 aM,,, with the sun,, though my shades which are the dark ones,,,,, are totally down,, and my room is vrey dark. So that's NOT it. My bed is hugely comfy !!!
Hmmm I am apologizing my team mates,,,,, I'll do my BEST for with MORAH Sleep also comes better WEIGHT LOSS,, and I coud USE THAT !! if I try to go to bed before 1AM,,,, All I do is lay there. Still i'll do what I CAN !!
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Today's weight in day for the Spirit under Dawgs team. I had gone up the first week 6.2 lbs cos I had fallen and of course was (still am some) swollen. Especially on my left side where I hit the floor. I'm working on this.
2nd week I am soooo grateful I lost those 6.2 lbs. I had my feet above my heart, which I need to do again. Lol Izzy doesn't like this, for she is much of a lap cat. Any time I sit cross legged,, she runs right over. Soooo cute , but hard to do with feet up. Poor. Gizmatt she'll just have to enjoy another spot,, she's a cat,every place she loves,, she'll get over it, or can pack her kitty bag. Lol I do so love this bag of fur.
Today is week 3 of th he challenge. It's a lose 5% of Ur weight in 8 weeks. I have succeeded in the past though not every time. Today I came in minus another lb. So yes I'm pleased.
I have joined it Sparklers who put their monthly weigh in on the bottom of their page. This is both scary and exciting. It's holding me more accountable.
TY soooo much for reading my blog.
Monday, October 06, 2014
Sometimes life just surprises us !
Yesterday,,, which was soooo gorgeous outside,, and again today,, how can my spirits,, my well being not soar with the eagles? Well it feels this way.
I used to be soooo very depressed,, for 20 yrs. So to say this now,, is such a gift,,, i am sooo grateful to God for this,,, and also to my sweetest GD, who's now all grown, but I had such an influence on her,,, and she's a Lovely Young Lady,,, reflecting on these,, the amount of loving family (Even though there are some, I choose to not to o,, they are not good for me) and a great amount of friends,, including 4BFF's,,, I can't choose one above the other,, they are sooo special in so many ways. Thanks MaryAnn (GI) for being one I so treasure. She's a Leader on the Spirited Undah Dawg team,, as am I. There are 4 other Leaders,, each so very close to my heart and mind.
Today we wanted "to Land the Plane" its a virtual plane,,, which moves from country to country based on the amount of exercise we do. 2 Mins of Exercise,, moves it 2 miles,, 10 mins 10 miles,, 20 /20 miles etc.
We have what we call "Super Dawg of the Week" which is a Dawggie, ,, who has done 120 mins a day of exercise,,,,, for 5 out of 7 days a week.
I had NO ,, NOT ONE intention of being in this category !! I am working with a broken foot,,, which had been recoverying from surg,,, I broke it only 2 weeks and 1 day ago. It surah can get to hurting. I am doing my dangest to NOT take the oxy for it,,,,, since the Dr is now suspecting I am in the starting stage of either kidney or liver damage. The solution,,, will prob come off the oxy (a break thru med) and also morphine,, which I've been on for yrs. So we will see,,,, i am willing to,, for it'll mean,, i can DRIVE again,,, and I will soon have the $$$ for a fairly decent 2nd hand car ! Or "Cah" as we pronounce it in Maine. LOL
On Sat,,, I did my usual time,, of 70 mins,, well thats the top of the time,,, for exer I've been doing,,, since the surg,, it's generally been 30 to 50 with at times,, 70 mins.
In order though yesterday to help the plane land,,, I did in SMALL amounts at a time,,, took me 4 diff times,, to achieve this,,, 120 mins ! Than again today,,,, I've ALSO done the 120 mins !
So now I am sitting here,,,, I CAN FEEL the MOJO ! Now I WANT that "Weekly SUper Dawg" for week 3 of this challenge !! I WANT IT BADLY !!
So now for my MOJO to stay up. guess when ur this happy,, and life is this good,,,, one needs a healthy,, achievable goal,, dream to reach.
This is mine,, WOW ! I did NOT think I'd do the 120 til I was back on my feet..... and able to swim again (I usually swim 60 to 80 mins,, than I do yoga,, or heavy house work,,,,, and my place is stil nice, but I want it SUPER NICE,,,, once I am healed,,, so yeah,,, i did NOT think I'd do the 120.
I am soo happy !
TY for reading ! I FEEL GREAT !
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