DJPG49   8,341
7,000-8,499 SparkPoints
DJPG49's Recent Blog Entries

Coming out on the other side

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

So it has been almost a year since my last blog...alot has happened since then. I weighed 142ish then I weigh 150 (*ugh*)...I never dreamt I would reach that number. I am (once again) working on getting back. Just completed day 4 of the 28 day workout video. My goals are attainable...finish the 28 day challenge and track my food.

I stopped "sparking" not too long after that last post and went through the most difficult time of my life. Looking back on it...I dealt with it in an okay way...but a big source of comfort was food. Hence...I now weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life.

Since my last dad died, I got laid off, I started another job, family problems came to a head, my sister-in-law died, I found out that my landlord is selling my house so we have to move and my cat of twelve years died. So yes...this has been a challenging year.

Although my losses are still very raw, and the problems are still there, and house-hunting is not fun. I have to count my blessings. I have an incredibly supportive husband whom I love more than anything and my mom and sister whom I am very close with. I also have a great group of co-workers and friends.

Though I still feel out of sorts...I feel like I am finally coming out on the other side...and day by day...I am getting there... I am grumpy...

Wednesday, June 01, 2011 I am starting to see a trend in my behavior as well as my last two posts...I am sounding so cranky these days.

I have to admit, I have been struggling with somethings in my personal life for the past several months. I am frustrated with a particular situation that I just cannot change right now. I am emotionally exhausted from dealing with this particular issue and it is not going to change anytime soon.

At the end of January I was down to 134 and am now back to 139 after hitting 141 at the beginning of May. I have been trying to eat better and have been exercising at least a little bit everyday. Yesterday, I was so frustrated that when I was on the elliptical I was on autopilot and before I knew it, I was at level 12 and cranking away. That is a good thing I guess.

But it is not enough. I was listening to myself at work the other day and heard constant complaining. I am turning into the person that I cannot stand to be around. I don't want to be that person...not to my family, my friends or my coworkers. I keep telling myself to be more positive...and I am trying...but sometimes...just the little things get to me...and before I know it the rant begins...

I am trying to vent more in my journal and when I exercise...but sometimes...I just need to say it out loud... blog will be more positive...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GABBY308 6/1/2011 8:21PM

    That's what these blogs are for aren't they? Vent all you want, then look into meditation for relieving all that stress! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARNABUSA1 6/1/2011 3:12PM

    Yay for GRUMPY! He was my favorite dwarf because all that grumpiness just covered up a lovely, large marshmallow heart.

Sounds like you are using all the positive means available to you plus the power of realization. You are okay, friend. You are so much further along than I am on the fitness route. Thanks for sharing the bumps in your road. I am a long ways behind you but I can see the path you have forged ahead of me.

I am following you, slowly, but steadfastly….love, Sleepy emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

I am never going to be a "skinny gal"

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Today during lunch I decided to do some retail therapy.  I have been feeling a bit down for the past few days and thought I would treat myself to shopping.  I bought a few things and found a few that were on sale.  I was feeling pretty good.  Then, I walked out of the store and there were these tall, young, thin stylish women walking in.  Geez what a way to make me feel like a frump!  Even when I reach my target weight, I will still be short and curvy..and older than them.

Perhaps I am going through my midlife crises...perhaps I am just over whelmed by the stresses and frustrations of my life..who knows...but wow...did that take the wind out of my sails.

I spent much of the afternoon mulling this over.  I have to accept myself for who I am.  I need to get comfortable in my skin.  I know this...I am working on it...and frankly somedays are better than others.  Geez...I am 41 and entirely to old (in a "good no nonsense" way) to be feeling this.

This not a "poor me" blog.  More of a "get over myself" blog. Anyways, I feel better just saying it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITFORMYKIDS 4/29/2011 9:10AM

    I like your message. I hope you are able to believe it about yourself. Similiarly, I look at the perfect bodies at the gym and know I weill never look like that. I used to aspire to that and feel less than for never making the cut. Now I just want to stop binge eating and consistently stay one size. Have a good weekend!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
THENOTORIOUSB 4/28/2011 10:53PM

    I think the same thing sometimes... that my youth was spent on being fat... wasted, is really the word that usually comes to mind.
And I, too, will be short and curvy when I hit my target weight... but I will be strong of body and strong of character... both of which I have and will continue to develop because of my struggles.
And if that doesn't make me feel better, I just think, "I've lost 28 lbs in the last two months, what the heck have *you* done?"
And somehow that makes me feel better about "those" girls.
Best wishes to you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TELLYSAYS 4/28/2011 9:25PM

    It's always good to have a place to spill those feelings. I understand how you feel. I am 47 and it is so hard to type that number. I think of how I used to be and even though I am older and wiser and so much happier we can't help but miss it.

You are not a frump. You are you and that is a gift!


Report Inappropriate Comment

I hate salads!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Okay...I am going to say it...with nearly every ounce of my being I really hate salads! I just sat down to wonderful dinner...seared tuna, potatoes, a little avocado on top...accompanied by a salad. Yes...some roughage with balsamic and olive oil. So I did the polite "lady thing" and ate some of the lettuce. But really, I could not wait until the main course got here.

I have tried...really I have tried to enjoy salad. Don't get me wrong, I do like veggies. Steamed and grilled are my favorites. I really don't need all of the additives. Snacking on a cucumber or fresh tomato is the best. But is like eating the lawn to me. I want to be like my skinny coworkers, who would not dream of having anything else for lunch. Or my husband, who looks forward to it every day. But to have a bunch of leaves with the vinegar and oil dressing...well...I am weighing my I don't like lettuce and its 53 million variations...does that mean that I am destined to be fat?

I don't know the answer. I am sure someone is going to tell me "it will grow on you"...but in all honesty...if losing weight means that a big leafy salad is the center of my diet...well...I am not sure this is sustainable. Call me weak, call me stubborn, but I call it like I see it...I am setting myself up for failure if salads have to be the center of my world.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DJPG49 4/13/2011 9:36PM

    Thanks for the comments feels so much better to just get that off my chest!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MRE1956 4/13/2011 8:49AM

    Don't feel bad - know that you're not alone in this - I'm not a big fan of the stuff myself (though I've had a few combinations that have actually impressed me, though not enough to attempt to duplicate @ home).....

Report Inappropriate Comment
ORIONAIMEE 4/13/2011 8:19AM

    I work with a guy who wont even touch a salad, if it comes with his meal he tells them to keep it or gives it to someone else. I have never EVER seen him touch a piece of lettuce. He calls it rabbit food. I personally love salads but I much prefer romaine lettuce and baby spinach which has more taste and lots of nutrients. I was raised on them by a very health conscious mother who also made her own yogurt (yuck) and gave us carob chips in lieu of chocolate so....yeah... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THINMAMAWARD 4/13/2011 7:03AM

    I hear ya. My coworkers love it, I even joined the salad bar club, but I don't participate much. Oh and hubby has to be the main course.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ASKILLMAN 4/12/2011 10:53PM

    I feel ya! I also dread the salad and I maybe have 2-4 a week. I like to dress them up with chickpeas, fruit, other veggies (mmm, bell peppers), and left over meat from previous meals. When I do eat a salad, it's usually the entree because I do fill it will protein. Have you tried different varieties of lettuce? I love the sweet butter blend. Maybe do some experiments and see some interesting ways you can dress up your salad.

And if you still can't make salads happen - oh well! You said you like your veggies! You don't have to eat a salad. Make a bean salad using varieties of beans and chickpeas. Have an extra serving of broccoli. I know lettuce is low on calories, but you're getting your veggies! Lettuce will not be the determining factor on whether or not you can reach your goal! You can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
EDDYMEESE 4/12/2011 10:38PM

    Ha ha! I love it :) I'm a fan of salad with substance: lettuce plus a whole bunch of other stuff...artichoke hearts, soy nuts, sunflower seeds, cucumber, peppers, feta, olives, etc, etc, etc....don't get me wrong, I haven't made an awesome salad like this in a long time...salads can be such a pain!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Starting Over... Again...

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Well... here I am again...reaffirming my commitment to eat better and move more...geez how difficult can that be? can be difficult. The last month has been fun, crazy and hectic. A ski trip and a trip to Vegas...out of control work schedule...deadlines...all "reasons" to have another glass of wine or like a food shortage is imminent...and hit the snooze button instead of getting up and working out...

Although I am not Catholic, the beginning of lent seemed appropriate for restart. So here wine or bad carbs until Easter. No excuses...just commitment.

The cynical side of me thinks "here we go again"...and I guess that is true...I can honestly say...I will have wine on Easter and probably a piece of chocolate. But...I want to have just that...and then stay on track. I have to stop allowing myself to "have a reason or excuse"...I could have indulged on my trips...but that did not mean I had to continue when I returned. I just need to keep working on it....this is so hard...but I am working on it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DJPG49 3/10/2011 8:22PM

    Thank you all for your kind words and support!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NUTMEG1125 3/9/2011 5:54PM

    Yes, you can do it! You are right, indulging on a trip isn't so bad, but getting back to reality includes getting back to healthy habits. You can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLDACQ 3/9/2011 4:00PM

    I agree with RiverRun, take each day as it comes. Having said that, what about trying a SparkStreak or two? If the Streak only runs for a week at a time, I wonder if that would make it easier for you to manage. Then you could start a new Streak the following week, even if it's the same Streak you set out to do.


Spark on!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RIVERUN 3/9/2011 1:59PM

    One day at a time, one pound at a time, Don,t beat yourself up , it happens to all of us from time to time, You can do this.

Report Inappropriate Comment

1 2 3 4 5 6 Last Page