Sunday, January 06, 2013
In short, 2011 and 2012 were the hardest two years of my life. After getting to my lowest weight ever, 251, I have gained over 90 pounds in two years. I now weigh 344.
But, I'm not truly upset about it. I know why I gained all the pounds. I was pregnant twice in 2011. The first one, which resulted in a miscarriage of twins, I gained over 40 pounds. The second pregnancy, which resulted in a beautiful 10lbs 1/4 baby boy named Lucas, I gained the remainder 30+.
After I gave birth I gained the rest of the 20 pounds.
So there you have it. 90 pounds. No excuses. Yes, I went through a very personal battle with myself and life happened.
Now I stand before the mirror and I weigh 344. And I'm not lamenting on how I weigh 251 two years ago. I'm moving forward. I have already returned to the gym. I have already cut some nasty food habits from my life and water has returned.
Baby steps. So I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to take my 344lb pound butt to the gym right now.
And looking forward.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Hi Spark friends.
What I like about this site is the no judgmental attitude of my spark friends and even strangers.
since my last blog, I have been trying to get back into the swings of things. My miscarriage I gained close to 30 pounds. I'm sure it was all water since they were twins. It's been seven weeks.
I've taken it slow. During these weeks,
- I've regained my love for exercise.
- I've have (almost) stopped my love affair with Coke soda.. I've switched it up to Diet Coke. In two weeks, I will completely stop.
What I have NOT done is weigh myself. Nor have I fully tracked all my calories. I'm not ready. I'm going to be completely honest with you. I'm not going to give you any excuses. It's not that I don't have the time ( I do. I have the Spark APP on my phone), it's not that I don't know what I'm eating ( oh yeah I do, and ENJOY IT), and it's not that I'm thinking the scale is wrong( it's not wrong, completely on Point!)
It's none of the above. I know full well what I'm doing, eating, and experiencing when it comes to my weight loss journey. And guess what, I'm totally owning it. I understand my body, my emotions, my doubts, my self confidence, or lack thereof.
And I'm working on it. I'm not blaming it on the miscarriage, the weather, my kids, my partner, my stupid landlord, my stupid coworkers.
It's ALL ME.
And I forgive myself every night and every day I change a small thing, not everything, and I give myself a hand for changing it. Saying no to that cookie, choosing water instead of soda. Leaving some food on the plate.
It's going to take a lifetime to change things and I'm ready for it.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
I have not written a blog in a long time. Not because my life has been calm and drama free. Rather I have so much to write about ,I don't know where to start. It's been an emotional rollacoster for these last two months.
And it's not because I don't want to open tibits of my life to my Spark friends..... I wouldn't be in Spark if that was the case.
No, it's just I have not finished processing my loss. I had a miscarriage two weeks ago. Of identical twins. I was 10 weeks pregnant.
Just writing causes emotional turmoil. But don't worry Spark friends, I'm still here. I'm still exercising. I still get up in the morning and try to best person that God has made me out to be.
When I'm ready to write more, I will.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying commenting on your blogs.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I'm in a bad mood today. So bad.... I can't stand my OWN self.
Have you ever felt that way? Where you are looking at yourself from the outside and you are like I'll stay out of your way?
That's they way I feel today. I feel like closing in my own cacooon and just staying there forever.
And to top it all off, my BF cooked and burned the rice. Really? I'm supposed to eat this crap? Really?
Friday, April 01, 2011
I have been off my mark, sparkies. Really off. I mean I ate a whole box (or two) of the Samoa girl scouts cookies. You know it's that time of the year that the girls scouts make their move. I really don't think it's a coincidence I mean you order the darn cookies 6 months ago. Why do they come NOW!!
Second, Sparkies I have not been to the gym in like two weeks. All the friends that know me, know that I LIKE THE GYM. I have not been able to do nothing. Yes I know its because I have been moving, but I find no excuse to eat like the world is coming to an end.
Third, I feel run down. I feel like a mac truck has run all over me. This is the weirdest feeling. Am I getting old ( Just turned 34 years old) I mean 8pm is late for me now, lol!!
Fourth, work is kicking my butt!! I mean really, why all these reports and stats and paperwork gotta be done NOW!! Really
Fifth, I hate my hair. I cut it short months ago and I loved it. This morning I woke up and I hate it. I hate it.
Sixth, why do old refrigerators make alot of noise. I mean I can't hear Hutchner from Criminal Minds talk on my television. You know he talks low. Yes I have a small apartment.
I know I'm all over the place. I could be my period, It could be my inactivity ...... oh lord, it could be the fridge, inside and out. But I sure do hope that April is a better month for me.
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