EMMYJO1980   2,434
1,000-2,499 SparkPoints
EMMYJO1980's Recent Blog Entries


Monday, July 29, 2013

As part of a weight loss challenge I was asked to blog about Ten Things Id like to Change.

My first thought: well you know, only a couple things- lose weight, eating healthy all the time with no barriers, have the most perfect boyfriend. All those shiny things.

But then I thought of all the tiny little changes that would add up to the those: Id have to win the lottery first so I wouldnt have to work or ever worry about money. I had to have the roads cleared secret-service style whenever I decided I wanted to drive somewhere so I would be able to get where Im going-- heck while were at it, Id like a limo and a driver. Id like to relocate to a fancy, expensive apartment across the stress from central park in NYC. Id like to own a beach home and travel on a whim. Id like to have servants and handmaid. All of these changes depend on the lottery thing panning out for me. And whats really unfortunate is that I dont even play the lottery.

Of course this tongue in cheek exploration of external change is not what this challenge assignment was about: what really is change? Ive wrestled with this concept over the past 3 years in both concrete and abstract sorts of ways. The first thing I did was decide that I needed to do something because weighing 285 pounds (301 at my highest) at 29 wasnt cutting it: I could barely walk more than 15 minutes- so what else needed to change: I needed to get strong! How do you do that? Exercise- my favorite thing now! I only do things I really enjoy so that makes it easier. Then came the food: I had to change what I was eating. Which went from whatever I felt like to tracking calories and then limiting calories while exercising and 3 years later Im 110 pounds lighter than I was when I started this whole journey.

What helped me change? Crisis: I was on my knees with no where left to turn and if I kept doing things my way I was fast heading to daily HCTZ and Im sure metformin someday very soon. I was so lucky to not have these outcomes but my doctor did give me a prescription for HCTZ which I filled, once. And never took.

I struggle right now with change because Im still at a place where I want to hold on to the shred of flexibility I can sometimes get away with here and there with my food. At the end of the day no matter how many changes Ive made there is still this part of me that just wants to have freedom with food at no cost. To eat what I want, when I want and weigh 150 pounds. I know now that this desire is part of me and one that I might have to live with for the rest of my life--but today I can accept it and this gives me an opportunity to make the changes I may need to make to continue my journey to health.

I know that after all these changes it becomes a little unclear of what else can I possibly have to change? So there might be 10 things:
I want to be more consistent with low calorie eating.
I want to have energy all the time so I can do what I want-- this means I need to slow down and relax sometimes.
I want to always prioritize the actions that I know demonstrate self-love around food and exercise.
I want to know what I need and do it without reservation.
I want to remember how important this is to me all the time.
I want to eat 8 servings of fruits and vegetables everyday.
I want to want to never eat junk food again.
I want to fill my life with lovely happy things so I never feel so depleted I want to binge.
I want to remember I am always full from the inside out and that I just need time to feel it, to see it.
And most importantly, I want to be full always of the willingness to accept that healthy choices are a day in and day out comittment and not something that I am just doing because I have to do it. I can chose not to, yes. But if I choose otherwise I am also choosing to move myself away from what I want deep down and to possibly feel bad and guilty. I know I will never regret making the right choices to eat clean and healthy but Ill probably feel bad if I choose otherwise.

So today, I had a really great day. And I get to go to sleep and feel happy and proud of my choices. There really is not anything better than that feeling in my book.
I want to choose this every single day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSANELAINE1956 8/5/2013 3:53PM

    I love your list and the thoughts in your blog. I just asked the question the other day about whether that desire to eat sweets or snacks ever goes away. I control it by not having the stuff in the house and I can be successful when that's the case, but then as soon as it is around me I eat it. Why is that? I know it's not what I should eat and I know I really do like the taste of fruit better, but I am still drawn to it. I hope it's a matter of time and habit.

You have done a great job of losing weight. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITLIKENIC 7/31/2013 6:21PM

    Love your list. You CAN do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DRADDIE 7/30/2013 11:56PM

    I love the want to remember how important it is to me part...and LOVE LOVE the want know what I need to do it and do it without reservation!! Great wants....now which one will you work on first?? :D

Report Inappropriate Comment

I heart BLC

Friday, July 05, 2013

I am so grateful that I found the BLC this past May. I think that it was just what I needed.
I have lost over 100 pounds through so many different avenues and mostly recently was working Weight Watchers but really struggling. I have changed everything about how I think and use food in my life but sometimes I struggle to break out of my old patterns of thinking that eating is going to make me happy -- or that it can calm down anxiety. I know that what happens when I eat dirty or food that is not whole, healthy and unprocessed that I usually feel like crap later mentally and physically and more and more I am able to think ahead, through the fantasy and the hope that the feelings will just go away to know that I am okay, I can feel what it is I need to feel and that it will get better and the any feeling or negative moment I am experiencing will pass and much more peacefully if I dont abuse myself in the process. I have a lot of battle scars from long-term obesity and the yo-yo diet cycle that has caused a great deal of pain. The BLC has helped me focus on what I already know and feel ready to take action on the steps that I know work for me and helped me turn the page on a downward spiral that I had unfortunately started. There is a lot of love, understanding and support on spark and Im so glad I found the BLC challenge -- because sometimes I need a reason bigger and more important than me to make great choices. Most of the time I can do it because I love myself but when I cant I can do it because I love my team and honoring our commitment to this process has a great deal of meaning: weve all been through the fire with this and overcoming it together makes each one of us stronger, better, and more confident. thank you to my team and the BLC!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITLIKENIC 7/20/2013 1:50AM

    BLC loves you too! You are an asset to the team!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDERSO23 7/13/2013 1:51AM

    I so totally agree! I am grateful for BLC it is helping push me and keep me accountable. BLC rocks!! Sapphires rock!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRISTA-GIRL 7/6/2013 1:47AM

    I wholeheartedly agree!! Being on a team is what totally keeps me going sometimes, too. :-) Very well said! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNMACP0212 7/5/2013 9:32PM

    You are spot on! Keep it up!

Report Inappropriate Comment
YO~YOLANDA 7/5/2013 7:37PM

    Awww...EmmyJo...You make my heart smile with this blog...The BLC has done so much for so many...I am happy to hear that it has touched your Life as well...Go Forward...Continue on your Path to SUCCESS...YOU ARE DOING IT! ...And you're never alone. Wrap yourself up in that BLC love...It is POWERFUL STUFF!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DRADDIE 7/5/2013 6:38PM

    Way to go, Em! So glad to see you find your way!! BLC and the team did it for me!! :D

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARIANEC 7/5/2013 5:34PM

    Well said and I completely agree! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

My goals for now and later

Monday, June 10, 2013

Goals that I’ve considered relevant for myself right now:

9-10 cups of water each day
Focus on 1500-1700 cal/day with one day each week I can go up to 1800-2000 if I need to to accommodate social things, and it makes sense overall.
30 minutes of cardio minimum daily, 7 days/wk no exceptions
Track all food and all activity daily, no matter what.

Find balance with social life and self-care: be present in social thing 3-4 days/wk
Consider options for a weekly reward (non-food) each Sunday.

Yoga 2x/month
Complete my circle of life activity (looking at areas of life balance)
Massage (if budget can afford)

Overall goals:
Reach goal by the end of year (it’s doable but I need to stay focused and push myself!!!)

By end of BLC 22:

End of December

That’s about 31 pounds in 29 weeks. I could get there earlier too but I really need to stay on top of my actions and habits. I have been hovering around 190 for a year. Went down to 172 from Nov-Feb then gained a BUNCH back.
While I’ll still be me and still have to deal with my feelings and limitations and tendencies and people in the way that I do…. I want to be 150. Because I deserve it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

35ANGELS 6/13/2013 11:19AM

    Looks like a great plan. It's very important to lay down a strong foundation of good habits.


Report Inappropriate Comment
WATCHMEGO! 6/10/2013 9:58PM

    Your plan is really well thought out. I like it!


Report Inappropriate Comment