I'm writing this blog as a plea for all of my SparkFriends to give me a swift kick in the behind and to hold me accountable . I have been in a real depressed funk for the past year & only recently realized what is causing it. It is something that happened about 12 years ago & I can't change what happened but I can change how I'm reacting to it but will need lots of support.
My husband died in February 2001 and that was hard. It's been difficult all of these years but July of 2012 he would have been 66 and I turned 62 so it would have been the year we could have been thinking about retirement. It may not have happened, but it's really been working on my emotions for the past year. We had always talked about traveling and now I don't have that to look forward to. I can go on vacations & take my granddaughter with me to visit my sister in Florida (which I just did), but it's definitely not the same.
I'm hoping that now that I realize what is going on in my head I can get my body back on track. I have put on about 12 of the 35 pounds that I originally lost and have pretty much quit tracking anything. As of today I have reset my tracker with my correct starting weight of 170 (weighed last Friday) and will go back to tracking everything I eat - not just what I feel like tracking.
Any of my SparkFriends that want to chime in & hold me accountable - feel free! I can use all of the support I can get. I will also start checking in more with you and cheering you on, too.
A friend of mine shared this from an editorial in a Colorado newspaper he read today. "If the list of things you would do to make the final year of your life count is really, really different from your life today, you're doing life wrong." He then adds, "If you don't have the life you want, change it. And you shouldn't have to wait for Mayan calendars to grant you permission."
This goes right along with my goals for 2012. Losing weight is not first on my goals - finding happiness & contentment in my life is. One of the Healthy Reflections talked about standing in your own way of finding happiness or success and that is very true in my case. I am going to work on changing my attitude. If I wake up in the morning thinking it is going to be a bad day chances are it will be. I can choose to be happy or choose to be unhappy. In 2012 I will work on choosing happy
Finally got a chance to meet a couple of other Spark Friends. I've walked with GOLFGMA a couple of times but Saturday we were joined by JAMMGIRL & FLOWERGIRL. We met at the Rural Hall park & were able to get in a 2 mile walk in just under 40 minutes and it sure is a lot easier when you have someone to walk & talk with. The weather was gorgeous & it was so nice to meet a couple of other WinstonSalemSparkers.
L to R: GOLFGMA, JAMGIRL, FLOWERGIRL
Sure hope we can do this again before the holiday craziness & cold weather set in!
One of my good SparkFriends posted a blog a while ago suggesting that we go back & re-read some of our blogs from when we first started with Spark (which was just over a year ago for me) I thought it was good advice & I did. Since then I've been trying to figure out what is different & why - even though I'm 30 pounds lighter I'm really struggling to have the motivation I need to exercise. My main (or only) form of exercise is walking and I have a little park that I love to walk in. You can see it on my SparkPage - isn't it pretty & serene? So . . . why don't I walk anymore? ? ? I can use the excuse that it is unusually hot in NC already but it was hot in August last year & I still found time to walk so that's not it. It had to be something else.
I asked for a kick in the butt to get my motivation back & got a couple of responses - one with a cyber kick & one with a map to get me back on track. The map gave me the idea to get back to walking in my pretty neighborhood so I didn't have the excuse of having to drive somewhere so that's just what I did tonight. I have one route that I've been walking that is just about a mile & pretty level (or as level as it gets in NC) but since I had my and my "map" I branched out a little further & up a few hills and took the time to enjoy the scenery around me. I wasn't out to break any speed walking records - I was just out for a walk . I watched the squirrels running back & forth across the road, stopped for just a second to pet the gorgeous dog that was out for a walk with his owner, and waved & chatted with the other walkers I met along the way. I ENJOYED my walk and was very pleasantly surprised when I got home to find that I had walked 2.5 miles in 44 minutes. Instead of putting the PRESSURE on myself to walk faster or farther I need to get back to enjoying the PLEASURE of walking - not just for the exercise, but for the stress reliever that I used it for when I first started on this journey. I may not always be able to walk 2.5 miles but that that's OK. IS something that I enjoy doing - I just need to do it to remember that
Right after I joined Spark and read about tracking my steps I bought a pedometer. Not an expensive one. I didn't care about it having any kind of a memory or even how many calories I burned (even though mine did show that) - I just wanted to know how many steps I walked so I could try to do better the next day or the next week. I do sit a lot at work, but tried to walk as much as I could but still couldn't get in the number of steps I saw a lot of other Sparkers post. The other day I noticed the time of day on mine wasn't right so figured the battery might be going. Bought a new battery & it still didn't really keep the time right so I bought a new pedometer. Guess what - I'm now logging in twice what I did before! Still not getting in 10,000 steps a day, but I'm in the 7,000 to 9,000 range & that's without going for my walk after work. I guess when I dropped it a few weeks after I got the first one may have knocked something out of whack and since I was new to tracking I didn't realize it. 10,000 steps a day - here I come