Thursday, November 27, 2014
Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving!!!
I started off the day by ordering my friend, my boyfriend and myself all Fitbit Flexes. I used to have a Fitbit One, but lost it in a horrific laundry accident. My friend suggested the Flex because it's a wristband, and my bf and I jumped on board.
Then I did a great cardio workout on the elliptical and treadmill. After that, I made a broccoli and cheese omelet. I've got my mind made up to eat fairly healthy at dinner tonight. We usually go out to a restaurant (a tradition that sprang up a couple years ago), but this year we were invited to have Thanksgiving with a friend of the family. Since I don't eat meat, the bulk of my meal will be vegetables. My splurges will be mashed potatoes and wine. I don't eat pie, so that's good. I don't really know the people very well and I certainly don't know whoever they've invited (aside from my mom, her boyfriend and my boyfriend). In a weird way, I think this will keep me from overeating. I won't be comfortable enough to look like a pig in front of them! I would have honestly preferred to go out to eat, but hey, silver lining!!!
I feel very positive today.
I am so thankful for all of you! Happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday, November 23, 2014
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." -Maya Angelou
I have realized that I am burned out with my current job. I love being a social worker, but I can't work for this company anymore. I was off on Friday and my boss emailed me to follow up with one of my residents regarding something petty on Monday. I was stunned to realize that my first thought was "I DO NOT CARE!" That is so not me! I have ALWAYS cared. I have ALWAYS wanted to help. I have felt so used by my agency that I just don't know if I have anything left to give them. Not to mention I had a falling out with a co-worker who I was extremely close to. He never told me what I supposedly did to piss him off, and he refuses to talk to me. I know there's no hope of repairing that relationship, and I guess at this point I don't want to. It does make the work environment pretty sucky though. I think I'm just ready to move on. I'm applying for jobs and going on interviews. I've yet to find a job that suits me financially and emotionally. I know the right job will come around, but I'm an impatient person and I hate waiting.
In the meantime, my only option is to change my attitude. I am so happy with my personal life that I smile all the time! A year ago I would have given my right arm for the chance to be this happy. My weight sucks right now, but that falls under the category of things that are completely within my control.
Wow, it just occurred to me that my issue might be control. I've allowed my weight to get out of control, and work is using up so much of my brainpower. Maybe once I start to take control again, things will be better. Once my weight starts to move in the direction I want it to...once I make the decision to leave work at work. I know that's something that I have difficulty with. Even on my days off I sit around and stress about what's happening at work and what disasters I'll walk into each morning. I need to remember that those disasters are going to be there whether I worry about them at home or not. Hmmm, novel idea, Erica.
Thanks for listening to me vent. I think I need to do this a little more often.
Going to head to bed so I can get up tomorrow morning and workout.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Well, I think the title of this blog just about sums it up. I had a hugely stressful day at work today. After eating super healthy all day, my boyfriend and I caved and went to Taco Bell. I'm a social worker and am in the middle of a massive project at work. My part culminated in moving the second of my two 45 person units to a newly renovated unit. It's a lot of work and a lot of stress.
What frustrates me is how easily I caved today. When I lost weight the first time around, I had iron willpower. Seriously! I could say "NO!" to anything! Temptation really wasn't an issue for me. I'm working very hard to rebuild that willpower and hope that it makes a speedy appearance!
I guess I can be happy that I had ONE bad meal. I also passed on the ice cream I almost ate. Funny thing...I don't really care for ice cream. I looked at my boyfriend and said, "I want that ice cream but I shouldn't have it." He responded with, "No, you shouldn't." So I ate a hard-boiled egg and am now watching "The Big Bang Theory" in bed while blogging to my Spark friends.
I've been sick lately and have another horrendous day ahead of me, but I have my alarm set for 5:10 so I can attempt to get a workout in tomorrow morning.
I have a lot of really amazing things to look forward to coming up, and I just want to build a better me along the way.
Time to lay back and wait for the NyQuil to kick in. Here's to a great Hump Day!
Saturday, November 15, 2014
I am starting over for what feels like the millionth time! As I type this I'm also sending a text to my lovely friend Zana to tell her that I'd like to join her in her quest to lose 15# by Christmas. I think that's a good short-term goal. My 31st bday is the day after Christmas, and my boyfriend is planning something special. I want to look and feel amazing, and being 15# lighter will certainly help me achieve that.
How am I going to do this? Well, it's time for me to go back to basics. I lost 80# before and I need to revert back to that lifestyle. That included working out religiously, eating lean protein and veggies, and most importantly, show some damn willpower! I feel like I've completely lost that. My willpower the first time around came from my anger over my ex and what he did to me. I've lost that anger and am actually happier than I've ever been. I now need to refocus and allow my willpower to stem from the happiness that I feel. I want to be a mother someday...definitely in the next few years. I want to be healthy when I get pregnant and to have a healthy pregnancy. I also want to look sexy as hell on my wedding day in 2016. We're not engaged yet, but that's the agreed upon year for our nuptials :)
My downfall lately has been how busy I am at work (and how very much I hate my job). I'm working on that second part by searching for something new. In the meantime, I need some ideas for quick, easy late afternoon snacks to munch on before I get home. That way I'll have plenty of energy for my PM workout (which my sexy, amazing bf will be joining me in!) I have my standby snacks, but am looking for some new, fresh ideas. Please keep in mind that I'm a vegetarian...
So, I'm back...again...and not quitting until this weight is gone! Please continue to be here for me in my journey...I need you all!!!!
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