ERICAANN44   27,808
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ERICAANN44's Recent Blog Entries

Feeling extremely bummed!

Saturday, October 25, 2014

So, my boyfriend and I were switching out some dressers today. Obviously this involved taking out all of my clothes to transfer them to the new dresser. Well, I was shocked and appalled to find that I had a TON of clothes...most of which don't fit! I literally have 30 pairs of pants and I can't wear most of them. I grudgingly put them in the dresser in one of our spare "I hope to wear you someday soon" dresser.

At first I was so disheartened. I mean, I had fit into all of those clothes a mere few months ago. I held each pair up in front of me and thought, "I have gotten so freakin' huge!" I literally felt like crying.

Instead of crying, however, I decided to do something. I am currently making a huge batch of black beans in mango sauce...a very healthy, homemade, high-protein dish (I'm a vegetarian so I always need more protein.) I'm making it and freezing it. Last weekend I made a huge batch of lentil soup to freeze, and next weekend I'll make chickpeas in tangy tomato glaze. I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I lost weight before and I can lose it again, damn it!

Spending a nice romantic night with the love of my life tonight. Dinner, shopping and a movie at home.

Thanks for always.


I'm back!

Monday, September 01, 2014

I'm back...after putting on 50 lbs! Yikes!!! I'm back on track and working really hard though, so that's all that matters.

My life is good, aside from the weight gain. I'm in love with a wonderful man, and couldn't be happier.

More to come :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNYAGENYA 9/2/2014 7:47AM

    Welcome back

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JADED_CHICK19 9/1/2014 12:13PM

    I am seriously SO happy you are back. I have gained about 25 pounds back probably since we last talked. I missed you!!! I hope everything is well..which it sounds like and I hope we can catch up soon! Can't wait to see more posts from you!


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What?!?! We can CHOOSE how we feel???

Sunday, January 05, 2014

I know, I know... this shouldn't be such a emoticon moment, but it is!

There ARE things that get me down at times, and I accept that. In fact, in some ways, I WELCOME that. After all, you can't have the highs without the lows, right??? emoticon emoticon Work is stressful and uncertain emoticon , and my love life is rather pathetic emoticon . I know there will be days when all I want to do is vent (and trust me, I will!) I know that there will be days when I feel out of control and lost emoticon . I know that I will stumble at times, and even *gasp* fall!

But you know what else I KNOW? I know that I have all the power in the world emoticon . I have the choice to wake up in the morning and welcome a new day with optimism and gusto emoticon ! I know that, despite not being able to control anyone else's actions, I sure as hell can control my REACTIONS! I know I can choose to be thankful for the opportunity to change the things in my life I want to change. I know I can surround myself with nurturing, kind, humorous people who enrich my life emoticon . I know I can choose to feel hopeful instead of hopeless.

I choose to start living my life for me. To explore the world and not be afraid to fail. I choose to hold myself in the highest esteem, and not allow ANYONE to shake my faith in myself.

I hope you all do the same. We ALL owe it to ourselves.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEWASKO 1/7/2014 7:03PM

    I totally agree!! Right on sister!! Great attitude! I really enjoyed your blog. emoticon

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JADED_CHICK19 1/6/2014 7:05PM

    I love your new outlook!! You are such a great person and only deserve the best! Great job on the motivation!

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KNYAGENYA 1/6/2014 8:44AM

    Focusing on what you can control is great!

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FEISTYLIZARD 1/5/2014 9:36PM

    Fake it til you make it. Vent when you need to. And never forget that you're doing this for you. That helps me when I'm having negative thoughts. :)

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    that's right. focus on YOU. HUGS

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What I deserve.

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

I've been having a tough time lately. The guy I'd been seeing fell off the face of the earth last week...ironically, after I told him that I want to be in a serious relationship with him. He sent me a text telling me "Happy Birthday, Hun" on the 26th, and I responded by asking when I was going to see him. I then sent another text. He never responded.

In my drunken stupor last night, I decided to suck it up and text him. He CLAIMS he never received any of my texts after he said happy birthday. I don't believe him. We then got into a conversation about how he still wants to take things slowly, and the reason he didn't get a hold of me when I supposedly hadn't gotten in touch with him was because HE THOUGHT I HAD FOUND SOMEONE ELSE. Do you know how livid that made me!?!? Not only did he not trust that I meant what I said, he couldn't even be bothered to fight for me. I was disgusted. Beyond disgusted. And that's assuming that I even believe him. Most of my subconscious believes that he just doesn't want to see me anymore and really isn't all that invested in this relationship so he made up some bull$hit excuse. I've decided to end things with him. He's going to end up breaking my heart.

Anyway, that got me thinking about what I want and what I deserve. I realize that what I want IS what I deserve. I'm a good person, and I think my karma has earned me the things I want. Maybe not right now, but eventually.

I DESERVE... be treated the way I WANT to be treated emoticon stand up for myself if someone is hurting me emoticon laugh as often as possible emoticon surround myself with people who love and respect me emoticon

...a healthy mind, body and spirit emoticon be kind to myself emoticon empower myself, because nobody else can do it for me emoticon have a house stocked with healthy foods emoticon break a sweat everyday emoticon have confidence in myself emoticon look in the mirror and see beauty, intelligence and compassion emoticon

...inner peace emoticon find my soul mate...the man who loves me and would fight for me, for us, for as long as it takes to have the life we want emoticon

...passion, kindness, love and hope...not despair, indifference and heartbreak emoticon

As I'm sure we all know, it's so difficult to get our heads and our hearts on the same page. It's easy for me to say I deserve better, but to actually believe it?

I just realized something...every man I've been in a relationship with or dated has left me. I'm never the one to leave. That's because I've always been so scared of "blowing" it or making a mistake...even when deep down I KNOW a situation isn't right for me. I guess I now realize that I DESERVE to make my own decisions and not allow others to make them for me.

I really needed to write this blog. Thanks for listening!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNYAGENYA 1/1/2014 10:06PM

    The One won't abandon you. If this guy isn't it he's leaving room for the right one.

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    congrats on making a self discovery. take care of you and it might sound taboo but at this time, be selfish and do you. for real. HUGS

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FEISTYLIZARD 1/1/2014 5:15PM

    This is basically what I've been going through the past few weeks, SO GIRL I FEEL YOU. We do deserve better. We do deserve love. We deserve to be fought for and to be cared about. Happy new year, take care of yourself. :)

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PLUGINALONG 1/1/2014 4:47PM

    I believe there is someone out there just for you. So don't give up and especially don't give up on YOU. YOU are SOMEONE.

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Life begins at 30...right?

Friday, December 27, 2013

So, I turned 30 yesterday. Yup. You heard me right. I said 30. I'm not having a breakdown about it or anything, but it definitely is a wake-up call that time continues to march on.

I am 35 lbs lighter than I was last year at this time. Not as much as I was hoping, but I'll take it. Despite slip-ups and episodes of "I just don't give a $hit", my weight is trending down.

I'm the type of person who needs things to look forward to. best friend's sister, who is very overweight, has decided that she is going to go to Mexico to have gastric bypass. Yeah, I realize how insane that sounds, and my friend and the rest of her family have been trying to get her to reconsider. My friend is also overweight, but has lost a bunch of weight on her own. She's tried (unsuccessfully, obviously) to convince her sister to do it the old-fashioned way. It hasn't worked.

Back to my point...since we can't convince her not to have the surgery in Mexico, we're going with her! We'll be staying at a resort in Puerto Vallerta. After surviving another CNY winter, it will be a welcome change. So, not only do I have something fun to look forward to, it also gives me extra motivation to continue working hard on my weight loss.

So, my "dirrty 30" has started off pretty damn well! I'm planning a trip with my best friend, getting skinnier/healthier, and continuing to work on my self-esteem.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATURALSHAPELY 12/30/2013 7:10PM

    HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! 30s aren't soo bad..ahem... enjoy your unexpected trip, that's always a motivator!

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KNYAGENYA 12/28/2013 1:50PM

    Congrats on the weight loss! This year will be great for you.

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ROWDYWITH4 12/27/2013 7:25PM

    35 lbs. is awesome! Keep it up!

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