Wednesday, August 27, 2014
August 29th is our "Corn-Roastaversary." We met at church. And August 29th, 2009 was the first time we spoke outside of church; We went out to lunch. We've been inseparable since then.
This man changed my life. I love him more than I ever knew possible. He is a strong Christian man. A loving father. A doting husband. A perfect best friend.
It's been 5 years, some ups and downs, a sadistic nutcase trying her best (and failing) to tear us apart, lots of health issues, and we are still going strong. (Quite SOLID, if you will. But, for real...) After 5 years I still get butterflies when I see him. He still texts me everyday just to say "I love you." I still grin when I get the chance to see him at night. We talk about anything and everything.
This may sound arrogant...but I actually believe we are the best couple ever! I literally think no one out there is as perfectly matched and happy as we are. (Arrogant? Perhaps... but I truly feel that way!)
Seriously...I just love this man!!!!! So happy Anniversary to us! After dating for over 4 years, he proposed and we got married this past April. Can't wait to keep spending forever with him!
Our first hiking/camping trip together.
New Years Eve 2009
Camping Penninsula State Park April 2010. We do a lot of awesome camping trips!
Relaxing in the hammock together. We can be doing everything or nothing...and just be happy together.
We are awesome hiking partners!
Devil's Lake... "Our" Place.
Wonderful father. I love watching him with his girl. So beautiful!
This is how we are....often.
Just love this man!
After hiking through a severe thunderstorm! 2011
Back at Devil's Lake!
Marine Corps Birthday Ball Oct 2011. Handsome man, eh?!
I'm not kidding when I say we do awesome stuff together!
Relaxing time at the beach!
We are avid hikiers...even hiking in sub-freezing temps.
I married my best friend.
This picture is one of my faves. It is perfectly us. Just laughing and having a great time!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
I've felt like blogging all day...but not sure why or what about.
We've gotten my mom set up with home hospice care. Post-Mortem arrangements will be made tomorrow, since the hospice nurse advised us to get this done sooner rather than later, because mom could leave us any time now. I can't fathom this.
I haven't been crying. I am a hugely emotional person, and I haven't been crying. I know this is a bad sign...but I don't know what else to do. I feel like if I start crying...I won't ever stop. I've distanced myself from the reality that my mom is going to die soon. I take care of her and see her and watch her.... it hurts so badly, but I just try not to think about it.
(Yes, I should really get back to counselnig, but.... I don't want to.... I don't want to talk about it. I don't *want* to think about it.)
I went out to lunch with my bff/spiritual mentor last week. She is the only person, aside from my husband, that knows everything (everything) I've gone through recently.
After getting the recap on my mom, she asked how things have been with Josiah (DH.) I told her we were happy as ever, with the lame smile I get whenever I think about him. (I still feel about him the same I did 5 years ago.... just happy as ever, every moment I see him! I still get those happy little butterflies.)
She asked if we were getting much time together. It was only then that I realized, apparently not! Thinking about it...as newlyweds, we should be spending a lot of time together, just the two of us. But truth-be-told, other than a quick meal, or driving some place together, we don't spend alone time together.
He is a *busy* man. He works at his "day job" at least 50 hours a week. He is in a popular local band and has practice once or twice a week in a city 45 minutes away. He has at least one (sometimes up to four) shows each weekend. The band has also been traveling out of state for bigger gigs as well.
When he isn't doing that, he is with his daughter. And don't get me wrong, I Love spending time together as a family, no doubt. But I realize that I have a deep ache...missing him. We live together, and 'see' each other most days...but usually just in passing.
This needs to be rectified...but at the moment, I don't see how it's possible.
~ He loves his band, music is super important to him, and he is amazingly talented. I wouldn't want to ask him to leave it. I love watching him perform (on the rare opportunity that they have a local show.) The band isn't the problem.
~I've been spending most of my free time at my parents' house helping my mom and dad out. Mom cant walk, eat, go to the bathroom at all on her own, so in addition to the nurses we have coming, we do it all for her.
~ We have his duaghter 3 days a week...and that won't be changing. We love her and I would NEVER sacrifice his time with her for time with me. He is a wonderful father and she adores him. Like I said, family time together is great, but it isn't the same as alone time together.
~Work is work...we need the money to pay the bills. (The ever-escalating medical bills...)
~We also have a friend we visit once a week who fractured his spine last year and is now a paraplegic. All his friends basically ditched him and we are the only ones that visit him anymore. So that will NOT be removed from our calendar!
So.... for now...we'll just have to go on "missing" each other.
So much rambling....about nothing, *sigh*. Sorry about that!
I've still been doing the yoga a few times a week. not sure if it's been helping the headaches much or not...but I have actually been enjoying it. The kiddos do it with me too when they are there. My weight has been steady...some days I hardly eat anything...too much stress and depression. Some days I eat waaaaaaaay too much...too much stress and depression,. But, that's been keeping my weight steady...so I won't complain. (Not that I care much about my weight right now anyways...)
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
I could have used this quote a few months ago.... wow!
"God often uses other people as the chisel to carve true integrity into our rough personalities." - Beth Moore
Another good one....
"What Satan and others mean for evil in ou lives, God wouldn't have allowed unless it could be used for good in some way." - Beth Moore
Love hearing awesome truths that really hit things home for me!
Monday, August 11, 2014
I've been working on cleaning out my parents' attic for a LONG time. After over a dozen hours, I'm only about 1/4 of the way done. I've salvaged a few cute pieces of clothes for my girls, and a few toys...but most of it is heinous garbage. Sometimes I find a true gem....and it actually fits me. I laughed sooooo hard about this one....
Monday, August 11, 2014
Last week, my mom was given less than 6 months to live; could be days, weeks, or months. Her Alzheimer's is now deteriorating the part of her brain controlling basic functions. She was in the hospital a few days last week, and was brought home on Thursday into home hospice care.
We spent the night on Friday rearranging furniture at their house to accomodate her wheelchair (which she now has to stay in, since her legs randomly stop working) and a hoyer lift.
My parents have spent Apil - Oct up at their permanent site camper for a few years now. My dad took Mom up there this past weekend, so that some of their friends could say goodbye. While up there, she suffered a mild heart attack. She is doing ok, and home now....but it just reiterates how quickly she may go. Her brain could just stop sending signals to her heart at any moment.
We have a family meeting tomorrow to discuss funeral arrangements. Breaks my heart. I already miss my mom so much....and thought of her dying is killing me. And it is just as heartbreaking to watch my dad. He lost his mom to Alzheimers, and is now losing his 54 year old wife to it.
We are doing the Walk to End alzheimer's again next month. If you can spare any amount for a donation, or at least add her/us to your prayer list, that would be great.
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