ERINLINDSAY83   89,317
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Five Years

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

August 29th is our "Corn-Roastaversary." We met at church. And August 29th, 2009 was the first time we spoke outside of church; We went out to lunch. We've been inseparable since then.

This man changed my life. I love him more than I ever knew possible. He is a strong Christian man. A loving father. A doting husband. A perfect best friend.

It's been 5 years, some ups and downs, a sadistic nutcase trying her best (and failing) to tear us apart, lots of health issues, and we are still going strong. (Quite SOLID, if you will. But, for real...) After 5 years I still get butterflies when I see him. He still texts me everyday just to say "I love you." I still grin when I get the chance to see him at night. We talk about anything and everything.

This may sound arrogant...but I actually believe we are the best couple ever! I literally think no one out there is as perfectly matched and happy as we are. (Arrogant? Perhaps... but I truly feel that way!)

Seriously...I just love this man!!!!! So happy Anniversary to us! After dating for over 4 years, he proposed and we got married this past April. Can't wait to keep spending forever with him!

Halloween 2009.

Our first hiking/camping trip together.

New Years Eve 2009

Camping Penninsula State Park April 2010. We do a lot of awesome camping trips!

Relaxing in the hammock together. We can be doing everything or nothing...and just be happy together.

We are awesome hiking partners!

Devil's Lake... "Our" Place.

Wonderful father. I love watching him with his girl. So beautiful!

This is how we are....often.

Just love this man!

After hiking through a severe thunderstorm! 2011

Back at Devil's Lake!

Marine Corps Birthday Ball Oct 2011. Handsome man, eh?!

So sweet.

I'm not kidding when I say we do awesome stuff together!

Relaxing time at the beach!

We are avid hikiers...even hiking in sub-freezing temps. usual.

I married my best friend.

Our family!

This picture is one of my faves. It is perfectly us. Just laughing and having a great time!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 8/28/2014 11:40AM

    Happy anniversary! (We celebrate all of them - our hurricane anniversary, our wedding anniversary - all of them!)

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 8/27/2014 9:35PM

    You guys sound awesome!

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ANGELBELIEVER 8/27/2014 4:00PM

    You sound like you have a great relationship and marriage. I too married my best friend. We met in 1975 and were married Christmas Eve, 1979.

Love your pictures. You are a great looking couple. emoticon

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NELLIEC 8/27/2014 3:28PM

    It is great to have a wonderful relationship, to look back at good memories, and to look forward to a loving future!

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A bunch of words....

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I've felt like blogging all day...but not sure why or what about.

We've gotten my mom set up with home hospice care. Post-Mortem arrangements will be made tomorrow, since the hospice nurse advised us to get this done sooner rather than later, because mom could leave us any time now. I can't fathom this.

I haven't been crying. I am a hugely emotional person, and I haven't been crying. I know this is a bad sign...but I don't know what else to do. I feel like if I start crying...I won't ever stop. I've distanced myself from the reality that my mom is going to die soon. I take care of her and see her and watch her.... it hurts so badly, but I just try not to think about it.

(Yes, I should really get back to counselnig, but.... I don't want to.... I don't want to talk about it. I don't *want* to think about it.)

I went out to lunch with my bff/spiritual mentor last week. She is the only person, aside from my husband, that knows everything (everything) I've gone through recently.

After getting the recap on my mom, she asked how things have been with Josiah (DH.) I told her we were happy as ever, with the lame smile I get whenever I think about him. (I still feel about him the same I did 5 years ago.... just happy as ever, every moment I see him! I still get those happy little butterflies.)

She asked if we were getting much time together. It was only then that I realized, apparently not! Thinking about newlyweds, we should be spending a lot of time together, just the two of us. But truth-be-told, other than a quick meal, or driving some place together, we don't spend alone time together.

He is a *busy* man. He works at his "day job" at least 50 hours a week. He is in a popular local band and has practice once or twice a week in a city 45 minutes away. He has at least one (sometimes up to four) shows each weekend. The band has also been traveling out of state for bigger gigs as well.

When he isn't doing that, he is with his daughter. And don't get me wrong, I Love spending time together as a family, no doubt. But I realize that I have a deep ache...missing him. We live together, and 'see' each other most days...but usually just in passing.

This needs to be rectified...but at the moment, I don't see how it's possible.

~ He loves his band, music is super important to him, and he is amazingly talented. I wouldn't want to ask him to leave it. I love watching him perform (on the rare opportunity that they have a local show.) The band isn't the problem.

~I've been spending most of my free time at my parents' house helping my mom and dad out. Mom cant walk, eat, go to the bathroom at all on her own, so in addition to the nurses we have coming, we do it all for her.

~ We have his duaghter 3 days a week...and that won't be changing. We love her and I would NEVER sacrifice his time with her for time with me. He is a wonderful father and she adores him. Like I said, family time together is great, but it isn't the same as alone time together.

~Work is work...we need the money to pay the bills. (The ever-escalating medical bills...)

~We also have a friend we visit once a week who fractured his spine last year and is now a paraplegic. All his friends basically ditched him and we are the only ones that visit him anymore. So that will NOT be removed from our calendar!

So.... for now...we'll just have to go on "missing" each other.

So much rambling....about nothing, *sigh*. Sorry about that!

I've still been doing the yoga a few times a week. not sure if it's been helping the headaches much or not...but I have actually been enjoying it. The kiddos do it with me too when they are there. My weight has been steady...some days I hardly eat anything...too much stress and depression. Some days I eat waaaaaaaay too much...too much stress and depression,. But, that's been keeping my weight I won't complain. (Not that I care much about my weight right now anyways...)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHMARA 8/25/2014 1:34PM

    I just read your blog and my heart breaks for you. I lost my dad to cancer just this past February, he was only 51. So I know how awful it is to watch a loved one slip away from you and how we cope by removing ourselves from our own feelings.
I wish I had advice, but there is nothing I can tell you other than to breathe. Look at all the beautiful, amazing things in your life and try to be present. Take all that is meaningful to you and embrace it. Yoga really helped me stay grounded through my loss and it keeps me grounded still.
Hugs. Stay strong.

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 8/22/2014 1:39AM

    HUGS. You've got alot going on!

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NELLIEC 8/21/2014 5:57PM

    Wow, a bunch of stuff in your life making stress for you. I suspect that at the time your mom passes, you may want to spend some time alone with your DH if only just to talk about how much you have loved her.

When my mother passed away, I was prepared since I could tell she couldn't hang on much longer. However, my grandmother was devastated since she kept hoping her sweet daughter would recover. Just knowing that it is close is still a mercy when it does finally occur since it won't take you by surprise. I still miss my mother even though she passed away over 46 years ago. I guess I always will until I get to see her in Heaven.

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ANGELBELIEVER 8/20/2014 11:06PM

    I am so sorry about your Mom and all you are going through. You have a lot of stress and sadness and responsibility in your life at the moment. Please keep talking to your spiritual mentor. That is so important. I will keep you and your whole family in my prayers. I feel badly about the no alone time with your husband. I pray that there will be a way found for that important part of your marriage and relationship.


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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

I could have used this quote a few months ago.... wow!

"God often uses other people as the chisel to carve true integrity into our rough personalities." - Beth Moore

Another good one....

"What Satan and others mean for evil in ou lives, God wouldn't have allowed unless it could be used for good in some way." - Beth Moore

Love hearing awesome truths that really hit things home for me!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAGGIEVAN 8/13/2014 3:37PM

    Good to remember. Thanks for sharing.

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JANAYA2424 8/13/2014 2:10PM

    Reminded me of Romans 8:28 emoticon emoticon

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MJRVIC2000 8/13/2014 12:48PM

    Godís way is always better. Try it! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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WIFE48 8/13/2014 12:44PM

    emoticon quotes.

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Bahaha! Look what I found?!

Monday, August 11, 2014

I've been working on cleaning out my parents' attic for a LONG time. After over a dozen hours, I'm only about 1/4 of the way done. I've salvaged a few cute pieces of clothes for my girls, and a few toys...but most of it is heinous garbage. Sometimes I find a true gem....and it actually fits me. I laughed sooooo hard about this one....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 8/14/2014 10:45PM

    Wonder Woman workout gear!!!!!

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NELLIEC 8/12/2014 4:22PM

    Great picture! Looks like good exercise clothes!

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NYARAMULA 8/12/2014 2:53AM

    Really cute! You look emoticon

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ANGELBELIEVER 8/12/2014 1:07AM

    I like that on you. It's so ...cute.

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Update on Mom....

Monday, August 11, 2014

Last week, my mom was given less than 6 months to live; could be days, weeks, or months. Her Alzheimer's is now deteriorating the part of her brain controlling basic functions. She was in the hospital a few days last week, and was brought home on Thursday into home hospice care.

We spent the night on Friday rearranging furniture at their house to accomodate her wheelchair (which she now has to stay in, since her legs randomly stop working) and a hoyer lift.

My parents have spent Apil - Oct up at their permanent site camper for a few years now. My dad took Mom up there this past weekend, so that some of their friends could say goodbye. While up there, she suffered a mild heart attack. She is doing ok, and home now....but it just reiterates how quickly she may go. Her brain could just stop sending signals to her heart at any moment.

We have a family meeting tomorrow to discuss funeral arrangements. Breaks my heart. I already miss my mom so much....and thought of her dying is killing me. And it is just as heartbreaking to watch my dad. He lost his mom to Alzheimers, and is now losing his 54 year old wife to it.

We are doing the Walk to End alzheimer's again next month. If you can spare any amount for a donation, or at least add her/us to your prayer list, that would be great.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELBELIEVER 8/11/2014 9:56PM

    Dear Erin, I am praying also. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for all for you, esp. your Dad. May God give you peace about your decisions.

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NELLIEC 8/11/2014 3:49PM

    I am praying!

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    Will Keep Praying Erin ((hugs)) May the God of Comfort, Our ever present Holy Spirit wrap His warm and loving arms around you, and your family. God bless, keep, and nourish you. It is well with your soul.

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    I am so sorry that this is happening. I was surprised when you said she was on 54 years old. So young! I will definitely keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
The only other thing I can say is that we are here to help you through this , by being available and by listening. Sadly, that is the most we can do. I know you are extremely upset, that is ok...that is expected. Please try your best to look after yourself during this time. emoticon

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