EVILPASSION   7,698
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9 monhts ago

Friday, November 07, 2014

nine months ago I lost my daughter and I've kind of lost em too, along the way. Both the youngest and i are still mourning, jsut not ever second of every day now. So muc we could have said, or done. Oddly, I know that if she were here right now, she'd be saying, "Get ofver it ma!'

iN THE MEANTIME, i'LL TRY TO GET BACK TO WATCHING WHAT I EAT, AND OCCATIONALLY GETTING SOME EXERCISE. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHICAM 11/7/2014 11:16AM

    I lost my late husband he was 31 and I was 27 when I became a widow. I am so sorry for your loss. It has been 20 years since I lost Jose, I thank God for all the good times I had with him in my life and for being the great dad that he was. I never have really gotten over this hard time of my life. I never thought that people died young. This is supposed to be against human law!!! I wished he had saw his kids grow up, get married and all those things that dads are supposed to do. I was alone to raise my 2 kids and I had a big det on my farm. I had to take care of everything alone. But I was not alone, God was holding me in his arms and he was there for me and my kids. I managed to hold on to the farm for 4 years and then when I could sell the farm to pay off the debt I did and then I got a great job and that was when my life started to financially get better for me and my kids. You have your other daughter. Do all those great things that parents do so they can look back and say my mom did this for us or did that for me, or we did this together. Your daughter is your angle looking over you and she is saying "MOM get over it" Look after my sister and be HAPPY. We are with you. Think of all the good memories you have of her. Do something special for you that will make her happy.

Comment edited on: 11/7/2014 11:18:06 AM

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FORZACHANDMATT 11/7/2014 7:24AM

    My thoughts are with you

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Getting to a better place?

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Well, i made this a post and realized its more of a blog. I lost my 27 year old daughter this past month, and haven't been "right" since. sorry, but that is how i feel. i don't even know that i'm back yet....but this last six months has been awful. the worst was february, when penny died from an overdose. Like so many addicts, she had been clean a while and decided to take "one last" dose. RIP, penny lane. the world will miss you, but no where near as much as your mom and sisters will.

so i'm right at that point where i forget to eat, to sleep.....its a good thing breathing is automatic. apachesteve has been moral support, as well as some other people from that area where sparkpeople intersects with 'in real life'.

My youngest daughter is out for the evening, with her 'fiance'.......scary. she's too young, but youth knows everything. at least she is happy and sees the world in front of her still.

I'm sitting here, in the quiet....won't go into why I'm single again, suffice it to say i'm addicted to bad situations the way my daughter is to heroin. Was. at least i don't have to deal with him, for now.

My son has decided to move his family closer to my home, much closer. He'll be about 2 1/2 hours away instead of 2400 miles, definitely more doable. I can't wait till Easter, when I meet two of the three grandkids by him for the first time. He's got his new job and will be flying out this week to get settled in.

I guess the best I can say about life right now is that I haven't binged and I've only been out for chinese once in about three months. Weight's about the same, but size has changed a LOT, 20's are now on the horizon.

Got a smoothie in front of me: ice, unsweetened almond milk, cocoa powder, 3 strawverries, 3/4 of a banan and some stevia and whey. would;ve added chia seeds but much to my suprise, opened the sealed canister and the top of the jar had been ripped open. Never seen anything like it. but, that's the story of my life lately. Anyway, the smoothie is a bit over 300 calories, certainly acceptable for a middle of the night breakfast, and it seems to cut the carb cravings tremendously. Like the domestic maven says, it's a gooood thign.

blessings to ya'll. hold your kids tight. good night.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBBYHS 3/22/2014 3:34AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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4 a.m. and I cannot sleep

Saturday, August 03, 2013

So I decide to take the dog for a walk, because all I've been able to think about since midnight is Ben and Jerry's and thank goodness the kid is spending the night at friends', or she and I would be on our way to the grocery.... But...I digress.

Yes indeedy. Dog and I were out in our little town snooping around and who should come barreling down the main drag in a pickup full of teens...at 4 a.m....... in a town so little they could not POSSIBLY have been up to anything good.....but the kid.

Well, the kid and at least 6 other teens, maybe more. I counted four or five in the bed and at least three in the cab. At 4 a.m., in podunk USA.

I am so glad I made myself a nice cold 4C drink before I left, and sat it beside an overly stevia-sweetened coffee, for my return. It probably kept me from making a 4 a.m. run to the all night grocery the next state over in search of Ben and Jerrys, Hoggen Daze and any other creamy sweet drug I could find.

Wait, that's it. Those kids were out grocery shopping for the parents. I wonder when I will get MY groceries? emoticon

  


So why do i sit here.......

Sunday, May 26, 2013

So why do i sit here
eating these crackers
when I know the calories
make me go quakers
I know that the wheat
makes me feel fatter
makes tummy puffy
and never grow flatter.
I eat and I snack,
I chomp and I chew
and all the good foods
I swear, I eschew.
So why do I do this
when its clearly so bad?
the more that I think
the more i get mad.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDTHREN 5/27/2013 6:39PM

    True, but cute! emoticon

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NutriBullet!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Finally decided to invest. Works like a dream if you follow the directions. I will give it some time to see if the liquified fruits and veggies works for me -- i love veggies but hate fruits and this is an effort to balance my diet a little.

This thing can WHIZ. emoticon

  


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