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no one said life would be easy

Monday, December 30, 2013

So, I went to the gym Friday and Saturday night. Did cardio and a little strength training. I've been feeling tired lately and I forced myself to go and workout hoping it would boost my energy a bit. My doctor switched my anxiety medication about 3 months ago and I've gained over 20 lbs since then. I have NEVER been this heavy. I decided to step on the scale Friday morning and I was SHOCKED when I saw the number on the scale. I figured I had gained a couple of pounds but not THAT much.

The last couple of months have been so stressful, with my daughter having leukemia, and having to have to drop out of school, I have been stress eating BIG time. emoticon

So much has changed, and with the year coming to an end, I think about how much has changed over the course of a year. You don't realize who your true friends are until there isn't anyone around any more. My phone doesn't ring any more. No text messages like before. Forgotten, alone, and going through probably the roughest time in my life, EVER.

I don't think I have felt more alone than I have the past two months. I always think to myself, I need to make my children's childhood the best they could ever have. Especially now more than ever. But how is that possible with my youngest being sick and my emotions being hard to control? What is a mother to do? I try watching funny movies just to laugh once in a while because I am having a difficult time finding joy in anything any more.

Hopefully I will keep pushing to do the elliptical every day or at least 5 days a week, and incorporate ST more each week.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1STEELERLADY 1/15/2014 9:22AM

    Hana, my goodness girlfriend, you have a load on your shoulders. Nothing is worse than when our children are sick. I'm so sorry you are going through that.

You have a lot of friends here, that's for sure.

I'm not doing very good either. I'm at my heaviest weight ever in my life too. If I keep up this madness I will hit 300 lbs in the next month. I never thought that would happen. Lots of reasons why but not one of them good enough to use as an excuse.

If you ever want to talk 724-689-8690. Just call...

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMSEXY09 1/11/2014 2:55AM

    OMG! honey I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through, and very sad to hear that your daughter has leukemia. I know that I have not been on here much lately but will try to be more now than before. If you would like to chat or just text I am down for that too. I know we don't live close by each other but maybe we can motivate each other by checking in daily or every other day to ensure that we are each staying on track and exercising. Let me know, and if you happen to still have my number it is the same girly. I hope you can start to feel better and hope that your daughter does as well.

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READY4CHANGE81 1/5/2014 10:07PM

    I know that I am practically a stranger, but my I wanted to send you a huge hug and let you know that my heart goes out to you. You are incredibly strong to endure what you are going through and to make a lifestyle change on top of that is commendable.
I have endured a particularly hard year as well and have learned the lesson of "true friends." I am in no way comparing it to what you are going through, but I know how hard it is to feel that way and how lonely and empty it can be. Please know that your spark friends are always here any time you want to blog, talk, vent... hang in there! emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/5/2014 10:08:12 PM

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RYDERB 1/1/2014 5:19PM


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WINNIE1978 12/30/2013 9:25PM


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JCARDINAL 12/30/2013 3:16PM

    I agree with John, I also include you, your daughter and your family in my prayers daily. You are never alone . You can vent on here any time you want. emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/30/2013 3:17:08 PM

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JOHNTJ1 12/30/2013 11:29AM

    First and foremost you are not alone, ever. I for one include you, your daughter and your entire family in my intentions each morning and evening. If I run across some minor inconvenience during the course of my day I realize that it is nothing compared to what you must be going through.

It's easy for me to say have faith and to be strong. But please realize there are many of us here who hold you in our hearts

Much Love


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DEBJAE 12/30/2013 10:16AM

    I am so sorry to hear that about your daughter. I'm praying for strength and healing for you and her.

Shame on your so called friends...look to your doctor and ask for support groups. Others that have been through or are going through this can offer the strength you need. Even if you don't think strangers can help, do it for your daughter.

Good for you for looking for ways to stay motivated for your health and find humor in things to lighten your mood. It's a difficult time and I'll keep you in my thoughts.


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AJDOVER1 12/30/2013 8:59AM

    You're in my prayers. I'm inspired by your courage through such a difficult time. You're so smart to think about things like exercise and funny movies to sustain you right now.

Thanks for writing this.

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DIANE7786 12/30/2013 1:33AM

    emoticon I'm so sorry about your daughter's very scary diagnosis. Cancer books say that friends the patient and family always knew they could count often disappear. Shame on them! You need to find strength for your daughter. If you are taking her to a cancer center, they likely offer a lot of free support. If not, ask her doctor for names of support groups. Take advantage of all the support available even if you think it sounds silly, you think you don't have time, or think you'll feel out of place. The people who run the support groups are extraordinary.

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LESLIES537 12/30/2013 1:31AM

    Sending hugs and prayers your way sweetie. Try not to worry about the have so much else on your plate right now. Cuddle up with the kiddos and watch some funny movies. When I'm depressed, I like to watch America's Funniest Home Videos with my kids. Hearing them giggle and letting myself laugh is the best medicine of all.

Big hugs. I'm here for you ANY time you need someone to talk to, vent to, cry to, whatevs. I'm here. emoticon

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FENWAYGIRL18 12/30/2013 1:13AM

    First of all emoticon , I know exactly what you mean about the feeling of being abandoned by friends. Before I got sick my phone was ringing , invited to parties , having parties then I got lyme disease. EVERYTHING CHANGED!!!!!!!!!!
I felt like I had died and no one told me, no more calls, no more invites it's when there is a sickness in the family or you get sick that you know who your REAL friends are and believe me I HAD NO REAL FRIENDS!
My life has become a living hell but through it all my husband and son have been my guiding light.
You have to look to your husband and kids to be yours, your little girl is going through something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and I pray that she'll be okay!
You've been through a lot and you need to find the lighthearted times like watching cartoons with the kids or a funny movie.
Don't worry about the weight right now you have so much on your plate just be aware of what your putting in your mouth and keep tracking, exercise when you can but your under so much stress give yourself a break.
You and your family just need to embrace everyday and feel the love, sometimes that makes a bad day tolerable. I live with chronic pain there are times I want to give up but my family sitting down watching a show with me or us laughing makes all the difference in the world.
If you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen feel free to send me an email I sure do know what it's like to look around and see a whole new version of your life with no real friends.
God bless you , your family and your little girl! emoticon emoticon

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self awareness

Monday, July 01, 2013

The last week, I have become self aware. And I am trying to stay that way. Familiarity with actual hunger is key. Trying not to eat out of boredom is key. Drinking water is key. Lots of stuff to remember. But I know that I can keep this up. I've lost almost 7lbs in one week.

This is insane. Losing 6.6lbs in one week is insanity. I haven't been to the gym or worked out ONCE.

I've been reading "The Life You Want" by Bob Greene. Lots of inspiration and great info. I think my body is finally caught up on sleep. I have been sleeping in practically every morning until 10am.

I wanted to take a bike ride with my daughters today but my stinkin' bike tire was low on air and when I go to grab my BRAND NEW tire pump, the stupid part that latches onto the tire valve friggin' broke off. I was so mad about that. So by the time I wasted time trying to fix it, it started to rain, then I was mad AND disappointed. =/

I am trying to stay active. Not gym active, but physically active cleaning, and doing activities and stuff with my kids. Going to the gym isn't gonna happen. My hubby works INSANE hours and even if I did want to go the the gym at night I'd have to go super late or wake up at 430am. And I'm not doing that. Call it laziness, lol.

I am not going to over do it and overwhelm myself with 100% change all at once. That has failed many times in the past. For now, I am focusing on food and spending time with my kids. Then, if I can get some gym time, then bonus for me! Thanks for all your support!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIAA382 7/3/2013 9:49PM

  Keep it up ur amazing emoticon

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CARRAND 7/2/2013 8:53PM


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JCARDINAL 7/2/2013 4:04PM

    Congrats on the weight loss!! You can do this!! emoticon

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IAMZBEE 7/2/2013 9:46AM

    You've got it... getting back into the grove slowly... being with your kids and showing them how important just staying active is.... just enjoy your summer. Glad you finally caught up on sleep, too. Congrats on the loss. emoticon

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IRP1114 7/1/2013 10:34PM

    Good plan! Being active all day counts for way more than just a couple of workouts a day, then being sedentary and eating out of boredom.. Sure fire way to get in to trouble (I should know! Yikes!) You CAN accomplish what you set your mind to with that attitude! Keep it up. Every small change counts!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DAZZEEDOO 7/1/2013 9:30PM

    Yay You!
7lbs- that's emoticon !
I have read that not getting enough sleep can cause your body to hang onto weight. Maybe finally feeling caught up,helps.
No doubt being mindful of how You feel is a big part of those lbs lost.
I would think You could burn just as many calories running around, playing with your kids, as you could working out at the gym.
Continued SUCCESS!

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WALLINMW 7/1/2013 9:14PM

  keep going!

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School's out for summer!

Friday, June 28, 2013


It has been a VERY long year for school. I have just wrapped up the summer semester and doing great! Currently an Honors student with a 3.8 gpa. Feeling great about that! Just have to maintain that grade now! emoticon

Started Body by Vi again since yesterday. Going strong so far. I also got quite a bit of exercise the past two days. Last night I went with my girls to see some fireworks. We had to park literally a mile away from the park. So I was pushing two girls in a stroller filled with water bottles and blankets and folding chairs... needless to say my calves are STILL burning! Today, I finally got to cleaning house. Washed and folded laundry, and FINALLY washed the windows. emoticon Lemme tell ya, that is HARD work! lol Gonna finish off the day with my midnight coffee at 1600 calories. Doing great and tomorrow is going to be just as good if not BETTER! Its good to finally be back. I missed you all! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AAIEE1985 7/2/2013 3:49PM

    yay! missed u!

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CARRAND 6/28/2013 9:13PM

    Welcome back!

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BARCLE 6/28/2013 7:40PM


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ANCILLADOMINI 6/28/2013 4:35PM

  Congratulations!!!! Have a great summer :)

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JCARDINAL 6/28/2013 12:48PM

    Congrats on the GPA, that's fantastic!!

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SHRINKING_SARA 6/28/2013 10:22AM

    Congrats on that awesome GPA! Take a break this summer and enjoy the sunshine!

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a new outlook

Sunday, February 24, 2013

So! Since Lent started, I gave up bread, pasta and sweets which has given me a bit of motivation to eat just a little healthier. I had become SO SO addicted to cookies that I gained 8lbs in the last 2 and a half months. The first few days were tough. But since it is now out of my system, I could care less that I have 3 boxes of girl scout cookies in the pantry.

I actually gave some to my kids yesterday for a snack and didn't even have an ounce of temptation to eat one! =o0 I know, WICKED! =D

I am going to give myself ONE goal for the week: log onto SP at least 4 times per week. I miss SP. I miss my spark friends. I especially miss SP Live meetings. -=( Since they were cancelled I pretty much stopped sparking. I appreciate everyone who kept checking in with me. I love all of the goodies you have left me in my absence. =) Means so much.

A lot has changed over the last year. Some things were hard to adjust to. Some were for the best. I have turned to my faith to strengthen me. So far, it has been very humbling. I know that it will help me both spiritually and physically so I can overcome the obstacles of weight loss that are to come.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RYDERB 3/3/2013 2:56PM

    Stay strong Hana! emoticon
I'm so glad you're back. I've missed you!

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1STEELERLADY 2/25/2013 7:12PM

    Great to see you back Hana...I too have been struggling...I feel just awful. I gained back the 25 lbs I lost last spring emoticon

I'm desperately trying to find my mojo again.

Never give up!!


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ANCILLADOMINI 2/25/2013 2:25PM

  I've been doing the SparkCoach thing. It's not very interactive, but it does help me keep Sparking. Awesome about the Girl Scout cookies!!!!

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JCARDINAL 2/25/2013 11:28AM

    No girl scout cookies??? You are really committed!! emoticon

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IRP1114 2/25/2013 9:51AM

    Hey girl : )!!! So happy to see you here again. MISSED YOU! I hope you are loving school. I know you had been wanting to go back for a while! Bet it feels good to be doing that for yourself?
I love that you decided to leave out breads and sweets for lent. That will really help you get yourself detached from over doing carbs. I know how hard that is! You can get back to your old self. Just take it one step at a time and before you know it you will be doing all of the positive healthy things you use to do for yourself and more!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Since Lent started and I gave up sugar, desserts and wheat products I feel so much better and my weight is sliding down again, too!

You've got this! emoticon emoticon

Glad to see you back emoticon emoticon

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CYWSMILEY 2/25/2013 4:16AM

    I agree and I used to eat 10 - 12 cookies at a setting. Now i eat a few cookies and a package of cookies can last me almost a month. So, not so, many months ago. Keep up the great work and I can certainly relate.

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CKENSINGTON 2/25/2013 12:24AM

    Hana! Hello! Good for you on your Lent commitments. I am strengthening my resolve this month as well.

I would love to stay in touch and make great progress!

Have you seen the ads for the Fitbit? I absolutely love mine. If you get one we will need to track together!

Talk SOON! Suzy

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me and sugar are frenemies =/

Friday, January 04, 2013

How does a girl stop her sugar addiction?! I have never been this bad with sweets, EVER. I guess it's true what they say, the more you eat it, the more you crave it. I am especially addicted to these lemon cookies from a local produce market, holy moly they are delicious. BUT I have been controlling myself, I only had two with my coffee today. =) My only question is how do I stop eating them all together? lol I don't know if I can quit cold turkey.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IJUSTNEED10 2/18/2013 7:55PM

    have you tried making them yourself? you can always make them healthier. let me know what worked for you, am on the same boat right now. :)

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IRP1114 1/6/2013 12:16AM

    So happy to see you back ;-)! Sugar is really addictive. I think you are on the right path in noticing it and limiting it. There really isn't an easy way to stop. We just have to be committed to it and know that after a while we will crave it less. Good luck girl. I know you can do it!!! Mya makes a great point there. Hard to eat it if it isn't in the house ;-)

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SARASMILING 1/5/2013 5:30AM

    I have to be off of sugar ALL together to not crave it. Even in my coffee I use Stevia. And never allow what you are too tempted to eat in the house!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! emoticon

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AEROGIRL1594 1/5/2013 1:27AM

    Girl I have been having the same problem lately, I like to blame the holidays, and sweets being everywhere! Hopefully we'll all be able to get ourselves back in check soon! Good luck, you can do this!

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JCARDINAL 1/4/2013 9:01PM

    I agree, I have to not keep them in the house!

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SOKKERNUT 1/4/2013 7:52PM

    IAMZBEE is right! That is what I had to stop doing with Sprinkle's cupcakes!

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CARRAND 1/4/2013 7:23PM

    Sometimes I do OK until I have the first piece of sweets for the day. Then I really lose control. If I wait until right before bedtime to get my bit of chocolate, I can go to bed and not eat the whole box of candy.

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    I agree with IAMZBEE. haha

I've quit sugar cold turkey. The more sugary things I eat the less sweet things seem. When I'm off sugary foods, after a couple of weeks fruit seems so much sweeter! And a piece of cake tastes like the most divine thing ever. Oh, and did I mention after a couple of weeks of not eating sugars I went into major withdrawal, plotting out Christmas when I would eat all the chocolates I could get my hands on?

I went through many months with having a little bit here and there, tracking it all, and still losing weight. Then I started to notice an increase in sugary foods in my tracking and I was actually missing eating 'real' food. So I cut it out. And real food is delicious. And I did so well. Until Christmas. Where I binged on chocolate. And had the worst headache and felt awful.

Maybe set-up your own experiment on yourself. Right now is an 'eating it and craving it' time, and then in a day or two set up a 2 week time frame (or a month) when you don't touch desserts and added sugars. Just an idea. See which one you like better and makes you feel better.

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APLUSGURL 1/4/2013 4:33PM

    I am also addicted to sugar (to the point that I feel sick). Once I get off of the refined sugars, I feel fine. My suggestions are to get some fruit to get some natural sugar and don't buy any sugary treats. I cleaned out my fridge and pantry after the holidays and polished off a left over jar of natural chocolate and strawberries. Drinking water helps clean your system out. I don't buy any sweets except for natural fruit and graham crackers. With sugar, I think we have to quit cold turkey. Good luck!

Comment edited on: 1/4/2013 4:34:05 PM

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IAMZBEE 1/4/2013 4:20PM

    if you don't buy them, you can't eat them... emoticon

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