FORMERCURVYLADY   5,952
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Never giving up. Healthy is a lifestyle.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

I've been away for awhile and had some ups and downs. I'm back and continuing my healthy life. Because I don't see being healthy as something I'm trying to do just for a weight goal, this is not a do over. This is just me realizing I've slipped from the life I want to live and I readjusted. This is what it is all about; what I will do for a lifetime. I now see each day as an opportunity to make good choices for my life.

I know that the motivation from those who are on the same journey is imperative and not having it can be fatal.

I know ultimately that no one can do this but me. I'm going back to being accountable to myself and interacting here on SP. I need this.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLPURNELL 11/6/2013 4:29AM

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PATTYR81 11/1/2013 11:30AM

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And we need you too!!!

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TRAVELNISTA 11/1/2013 9:12AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon mindset!

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CSYOUNG1952 10/31/2013 10:40PM

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emoticon Connie

I canít change my past but this is my chance to change my future.


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KNOEL7 10/31/2013 7:52PM

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Skinny BF has learned to be supportive :-)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Well it took me by surprise; I had a conversation with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago about my intention to get back on track moving towards a healthy life and he was supportive and helpful. Of course that is how it should be but it has not always been that way. He has held the belief that me being fat (obese actually) is not a problem because that is simply my physical makeup. It is great that he can accept a wide range of physical characteristics in people but what he failed to see was the toll that my weight was taking on me physically. I am not sure what changed for him. We have argued and had times of heartfelt conversation about this topic over the years and until last week it really had not gotten to a place that was helpful for me. At times he has been contradictory, enabling, and outright hostile about my attempts to change. I know that part of that was just him not being in a position to understand what it is like to be overweight. He has never experienced this in any significant way for himself. He is one of those people who can pretty much eat what he wants and tends to stay within a 10 lb range. In the 8 years I have know him I have only once seen him at the top of that 10 lb range and the following week he had shrunk again (really, is that fair? :-). He also hates to exercise. I gave him a lot of grace because he really is a good person and we have been through a lot together but I thought this was going to be the issue that ended it. Then all of a sudden it is like he got smacked with a lightening bolt of understanding. When it comes to my weight, I don't need to be enabled, coddled, encouraged to make excuses, ignored, set up for failure, lied to, etc. I just need someone to function in reality with me. I can't eat all I want of whatever I want, whenever I want and I have to exercise....that is it period.

So we were on the phone and I was telling him I had just come from my doctor's office and my doctor basically listened to my usual excuses, then shrugged them off (well he's heard them a million times from me and others) and told me that I know what it is that I need to do and I need to do it. I agreed and he gave me some advice for my diet and said I need to exercise 30 minutes per day at least 3 times per week, no excuses. My BF's usual would have been to change the subject or say something about how he loves me just as I am. But not this day. On this day he agreed with my doctor and reiterated that I know what it is that I need to do and I just need to do it. And then he said 30 minutes out of an entire day is not that long. He said that even if I couldn't get through the 30 minutes in the beginning I should start with what I can do and build from there. He then talked about the resources I already have; a treadmill, work out DVDs, and the great outdoors where I could go walk for free. He then told me, "Baby, I know that you can do this." I was like--who is this guy? :-) I know that it is up to me. It is something that I must do for me but it sure feels good to finally have him in my corner as a support. I wasn't sure if this conversation was a fluke but he has continued to be supportive.

It may be too early for me to push for him to go to the gym with me. I have to give him time to grow into this healthy support role but who knows one day we might actually work out together. One step at a time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLPURNELL 5/15/2013 6:06AM

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FRENCHSEAMS 5/15/2013 12:19AM

    Well that should help. I'm glad this turnaround happened for you. emoticon

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CJJANISS 5/11/2013 11:03PM

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EMMACORY 5/11/2013 10:36PM

    emoticon That is so great that your boyfriend has had an epiphany and is now on board. Hopefully that will give you some momentum going forward. I will be rooting for you emoticon

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Off the sidelines

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

I have been sidelined for a few months again. It is a pattern that is making me weary. I will be doing well, losing weight, staying focused and feeling good and then BAM an injury or illness will knock me down hard.

This time it was a knee injury. I know that I have issues with my knees and when they begin to complain I ease back in an attempt to let them heal. So I had been going through the knee issues but thought I was managing. I was going to they gym regularly and since my knees were complaining on a particular day, I got off the treadmill and got on the bike for a bit. I continued to have increased pain so I left the gym. Later that evening I was just walking and POP; my knee popped out of alignment. This is not a pain I can describe. Those who have runner's knee or something like that can relate. I can hear it and feel it and in the second I swear everything in my vision goes white like a sheet. I'm not prone to cussing as I prefer not to but I'm pretty sure what I said would not have been okay for me to say in front of my mom. :-)

That was the beginning of about 3-4 months of pain, aggravation, and weight gain. I lost all the progress I had made up to this point. I didn't intend it but sliding backwards happens so much faster and easier than moving forward.

I dug myself out of the mental hell of it all in April but have been unable to do hardly anything physical until the past week. My doc wants me to have more x -rays and meet with an ortho. I am thankful for doctors but it seems like they see more of my check than I do. And the list of pills and potions just gets longer and longer. I know that truth and the truth is that the majority of my health issues are due to obesity. And everything I'm taking is just treating a symptom. The cure is for me to lose weight and recover my health.

Watching my ticker show zero weight loss is quite unsettling.

For the past month I've been doing the best I can with diet and have begun to lose some of the weight. I've been doing a little walking and stretching. But I've only been lurking on SP, watching the game of life from the sidelines. Feeling very much like the 3rd string player wondering if I will ever get to play. I made a decision last night that I would get back in the game today. I set a plan for my eating today and my first targeted workout. Yes, I will protect the knees and work towards strengthening the muscles in my legs that keep everything held in place, but ultimately the best thing for life and my knee is to get the weight off in a healthy way and that includes moving to the best that I'm able. Ready or not world....I'm back in the game.

PS. I did 13 mins of a workout tape this morning. I didn't win the game, but I did play. emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVINGAFRICA 5/4/2013 7:34AM

    Walking in the pool? Water aerobics? Have you tried any of those?
I am sorry you got hurt! Hope your knee feels better soon.

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PATTYR81 5/2/2013 11:11AM

    Yay for u!!

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CLPURNELL 5/1/2013 10:59PM

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LOVINGTORUN 5/1/2013 5:29PM

    Thanks for your comments! Great job!

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JLEMUS1 5/1/2013 12:43PM

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NAPPIGURL 5/1/2013 12:06PM

    emoticon Great job in maintaining your resolve to meet your goals despite your setbacks!

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Today is a new First Day

Thursday, September 20, 2012

My liver issue side lined me a bit. Since that little debacle I have just been concentrating on making sure I didn't eat the wrong things so as not to inflame my liver again. I'm getting the hang of that but in the meantime my exercise routine has fallen by the way side. So, today, Thursday 9/20/12 is the day for me to take my new first step.

I'm heading out to go walking. I know that is nothing big but even prior to the latest illness I was doing walking tapes and aerobics. From my past I know that getting out the door is a bigger challenge for me. There is no way to lie to myself about how my body feels walking down the street or at a park. I truly concentrate on my breathing, the way my muscles feel, whether I'm energized or not. For me it has always been the true test of how fit my body is in that moment. I expect it to be bad because I haven't done much lately. But I know that the body has a great memory and whenever I really get involved in a walking program, my body loves it.

So why am I telling people here that I'm going to go out for my first walk tomorrow? Accountability of course. When my eyes flutter open in the morning the first thing on my mind is that I told folks on SparkPeople I'm going for a walk. In fact I'm going to set out my walking clothes right now.

Have a good day. And I will have a good walk. :-)

ETA: I did my walk today, 27 mins. Not too shabby since it has been awhile. I learned that my ab muscles have really gotten week. Now I will keep the momentum. And I must say that posting my intention here really did help. I worked until 4am and so I did not rise up early to go walk. I didn't get up until 10 and didn't get out the door until 11:25am. But from the moment my eyes opened I was thinking, you put in your blog that you are going walking so you better make it happen.

Tomorrow I don't get off work until 9am so I'm not sure if I'm going when I get off work or when I wake up but I will be going. And that is that.

Have a good spark day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOSPELFAN 9/22/2012 11:35PM

    i can relate to being sidelined by injury... your taking the first steps, and that's HUGE... can't let the time lost, or what would have been drag you down... it's what ARE you going to do today... tomorrow to make a difference in your journey?

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MSMOSTIMPROVED 9/21/2012 6:37PM

    soooooo how'd that walk go today?



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CLPURNELL 9/20/2012 6:15PM

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The mess I have created

Sunday, August 26, 2012

This year has been very hard on me physically. I am having to face all the damage I have done to my body. I am not catching any breaks. I ended up in the ER on Friday night/Sat morning and found that I was having an attack of gastritis (not a new problem) and my liver was fatty and inflamed (OMG a new and very bad problem). I have had 3 kids and I must say this pain was on par with giving birth. Two doses of morphine only brought the pain down to a bearable level.

I have actually been doing well (or so I thought). I've been losing weight and being more active. I had actually gotten back to exercising 3-4 days per week after my last illness. I'm not discouraged. I realize all this pain is self inflicted. I have lived my life like a slow, painful suicide and now I am reaping what I have sown. I'm just dealing with the facts and the reality. I created this mess and I am the only person who is going to fix it.

As this is very new to me I am gathering information on what I can and can not have. I can no longer lie to myself and think that if I eat well 50% of the time that is enough.

I did not pick up the 5 medications they prescribed for me. It isn't because I'm brave and decided that being in pain is punishment I deserve. But from what I have read, the last thing I need to do to my liver in its reduced capacity is give it more toxins. It will be a few rough days but I am letting my liver and stomach rest.

I came face to face with my mortality. It isn't that I don't realize that I will die someday and I know that despite the pain, this isn't going to kill me today but this inflammation could lead to permanent scarring/damage. I can't live without a liver. Of course I never in my wildest dreams thought something like this would happen to me. Well it has. I had to realize that I really have been killing myself. As horrible as these past few days have been, I'm thankful for them.

I would have to be a complete idiot to go back to eating badly at this point. I'm not an idiot and I don't have a death wish.

I hope everyone reading this will realize that bad food is not worth it. All the chemicals in those processed foods, the grease, and the sugar are just a slow death. And then once you get sick and they start giving you medications, well this is where it takes you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BFITKAT 8/27/2012 2:42PM

    This blog really touched a nerve...we can all learn from it...best of luck with your health.
Might try to find a good Naturepath ( daughter calls hers the guru doctor) in the area and do a liver cleanse...She did and it made a world of difference.

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ERIN1957 8/26/2012 7:11PM

    ...there are so very many of us in similar situations, lets see if we can help each other and get healthy! My best to your success in getting healthy!
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PIR8CHIK 8/26/2012 6:08PM

    So sorry to hear you had to go through that. But what an eye opening experience it sounds like it was! Sometimes that is what we need to really wake up and smell the coffee on what we're doing to ourselves!

Take it one day at a time and understand that when you change your food choices to healthy foods you will start to feel better in so many ways. It doesn't mean that you won't ever "cheat" and enjoy some of those old favorites, but when you do... you'll be going in with a different mindset. You'll know it's a treat and sometimes you may find that your body will protest that old treat and you will see, with your own eyes (and stomach ache) that it isn't really the treat that you always thought it was. And that's when you know that you've really made progress!
Best of luck to you!!!
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MOMMAPAM1 8/26/2012 6:00PM

    Today is a new day. Start new and keep pushing forward. Good Luck and I hope that you feel better.

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NANCYPAT1 8/26/2012 5:59PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your health problems. I feel much like you describe at times and as you say, the HARDEST part for me was KNOWING that the damage was self-inflicted. There have been so MANY times I wished I were not quite so blessed with good genes and that I could solve my problems (ESPECIALLY FINANCIAL ones) by just DYING and leaving the problems for someone ELSE to deal with. I know that sounds horrible but deep down there is definitely some truth in that suicide by inches diagnosis.

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LAURANCE 8/26/2012 5:57PM

  Thank you for your blog post. I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. and I'm working hard to lose the weight and eat right and do my exercise. Yes, it's not worth it to be in ill health.

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