Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Do you know what's more frustrating than a hip fracture diagnosis? Doctors that can't agree on the diagnosis. The ortho doc says fracture, my GP says possible but really he doesn't think it's as bad as the Ortho guy says - In fact, he really feels like it's more of a stress fracture. My GP (who was formerly an ortho dr.) has really stuck in his heels about NOT doing the surgery (instead he'd like activity modification and rest). So he's consulting a second Ortho, and I've agreed to let them hash it out before making a choice.
But don't mind me, I'm just sitting here waiting.
I've had quite a bit of time to think about things and realize again how important good health is. I have some things working in my favor. I'm only in my early 40's, I'd been actively exercising/walking/running so my muscles are in pretty good shape.
So, I'm sitting here waiting. Well, mostly I'm napping because waiting makes me sleepy.
Yesterday I discovered that I could in fact still conquer some strength training with hand weights, which was nice (even if it did take longer than the norm). AND I'm still in ninja stealth mode, thankfully! This week has been long.... and today is weigh in day. My official weigh in at the Dr.'s office.......
284.4 (down 1.6 pounds)!!!!!!
All that diligence in my nutrition is paying off. I'm happy with the loss and more than ever stuck in to not letting things get in my way.
Monday, September 22, 2014
How was your weekend?
let me tell you a funny little story. A little over a week ago when leaving the gym I stumbled off the curb and if you know anything about heavy people, we fall hard. I landed on my hip and leg and got up slightly embarrassed, knee scraped, ego bruised, but only for a few moments.
It hurt. I mean, it hurt a lot. I figured I'd rest it and it'd be better.
but it didn't get better.
and my version of rest was to walk slower on a treadmill (flat surface) instead of using the elliptical or out on the running path. I did also NOT use the stair climber machine. I kept telling myself that my hip pain was just bruises and it would get better. and well, I spent a good portion of the day Friday and Saturday seeing my General Dr., an ortho guy, radiology, etc. and the verdict? I have a hip fracture.
Note to self : Listen to the not-so-normal pains. They are saying something.
Not exactly a happy making moment. I spent a good part of this weekend doped up and trying to decide how to move forward with things. After a second visit to the ortho center this morning the reality is I have to have some surgery. blah. I had a moment of self-pity where I began the spiral talk of "why does everything bad happen to me just as things are turning good?" and then I stopped. And I remembered all the things I have that are amazing and took a deep breath, and signed on to see where this injury left me. I worried that I'd have to take a break from BLC and if so if I'd be able to keep up the forward progress I've been making. Thankfully the ninjas are keeping me on - and helping me modify things so I can still be part. I'm so grateful!
I realized a good lesson in all this, that is - to remember that no matter the situation, happiness is a choice. I've had a bad couple of months, and my baser self wants to kick and cry and go to my mom's house and lay on her bed and have her stroke my head and reassure me that things will get better (so not going to happen). And the grown me is realizing more and more that for all the blah moments that seem to come my way I actually have a pretty amazing life. So I'm sharing that with you today. No matter what - Happiness IS a choice. Not a destination, not an event, it is a choice. All the stuff you can't control - I have to give that up and make choices that I CAN deal with. So it's not gonna come easy, and it isn't going to go as smoothly as I'd hoped, but I can still keep going forward, and I can pick my attitude along the way. It's not forever.
Note to self: When it feels like forever, come back and read again. It's not forever.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Did you see that?
Probably not, after all I'm a ninja now. All about moving stealthily away from crapola and Training ourselves in the way of all that is good and healthy and productive....
I wasn't sure I'd get in with being late to the party and all, and to be honest I was a little hesitant but decided that if a team would take me on I'd do my all to be a good team member. I've talked with a bunch of friends I've met on here and their experiences in BL Challenges and there are a mixed amount of reactions, but overall, for those that were serious, they were able to learn a lot and make good strides in their journey. I want that. Today was weigh in day and I was a little worried since doing the NO-weigh September challenge, but decided that it would be better to do this....and do you know I was down almost 5 pounds since the beginning of the month? What a huge hooray!
So what am I expecting? In my dreamland I'd love to wake up in 10 weeks and be done. LOL hahaha but in real life, I'd like to see between 15-20 pounds over the next 10-12 weeks. More important to me, I'd like to see improvement in my upper body strength and mile time. OFFICIALLY, 1 year ago today I was walking with a lot of huffing and puffing, a 24 minute mile. Tonight, I ran/walked a 15.5 mile. It's awesome to see that kind of growth. I'd like to improve my current mile time, and work on some strength training (something I've been wanting to do!!) and it seems like these ninjas read my mind because we are a great match. Plus.....they're BLUE, navy blue :)
I feel like my eating has been so much better and I'm not feeling a constant need to fill my face, so I'd like to keep that going. Along with that, I'd like to keep up the meal planning/packing so I don't have to think so hard about what to eat. This whole week I've been just below or within a 200 deficit off my intake goal which I'm really happy with. And, tonight when faced with a have to go to dinner, I was able to eat without killing my delicious points (calorie count).
Accountability has always been a big issue with me, so I'm hoping/planning on taking full opportunity in using this process to kickstart my own habits. Not just answering about myself, but learning to be aware and present with others in the process. Hopefully this will make me a better friend!!
I'm super excited to be a part of this process, even if it is hard sweaty work. So watch out....
Ninjas are all around :)
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
I didn't go to the gym yesterday.
Instead I went home and just went to bed. Part of me just felt so exhausted by the toll yesterday took on me, and I could feel the stress creeping up on my anxieties. Rather than over analyze things any further, I made the choice to just stop. Stop stressing, stop worrying, stop feeling so hurt, stop harping on my issues. I realized mid stop that I've fallen into victim mode, and i don't want to be a victim.
As I laid there resting and praying I found myself feeling very small - something I've not experienced in a long time. I started going through my issues that have been weighing on me heavily lately and realized that perhaps the impact of the kids all moving (out) forward at once is having a much more than subtle influence than I'd realized. Having an empty nest, and being completely alone is scary to me. It was one thing when the ex and I split, I still had the kids. But now, now that they ARE grown and making awesome progress (which I want for them) in their lives, I'm not needed the same, and I've got to figure out a life beyond all that. What does one do by themself?
My sleep last night wasn't great, but waking up I felt somewhat better. I know I've got to make some changes including moving to smaller house so I need to put together a plan of action and perhaps that will help me figure out what direction I want to go. I know I'd like to move, but that means a new job too... sigh... it feels a little overwhelming. I suppose it's much like eating an elephant, you CAN do it, one bite at a time. Trying to swallow the whole thing at once will weigh anyone down.
I did not give in to old habits this morning, in fact I stuck to my guns and skipped getting the fast food breakfast, instead eating the food I'd already planned! Small wins! I've decided that I am going to hit the gym tonight (made a promise to myself). It might just be cardio, but I've got to start somewhere.
SO that's my day today, work, gym, maybe a little more sewing... and I'll figure out a plan of action toward bettering where I am.
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