Sunday, November 15, 2009
Looking thru some old photos my sisterinlaw had and came across this picture of me. Its about 8 years ago. I just shuddered when I saw it, because over those 8 years my weight went up and down but the smallest I got was 183. When I decided to get serious with spark last year I was back to this weight 206. I didn't have a before picture because for years I had avoided having my picture taken unless it was just a head shot. I look at this picture and honestly my stomach feels sick. Who is that girl! I just look absolutly miserable and sick even.
I showed it to my sons girlfriend who has only known me since I lost the weight and she just couldn't even get her head around it. Can't blame her I can't get my head around it. Why, why, Why...did I ever live like that, when it was really easy to get it off, it was just a matter of eating right, exercising , being patient with the weight coming off slowly and not giving up.
I honestly can't imagine ever going back to that size. Its soooo awful...all I can think of is EEEEEWWWWW no way...never again!
I hate this picture and really didn't want to share it, but I remember at the beginning of this journey I really couldn't believe I could ever really be at a healthy weight and feel attractive again.
So if this horrible, awful, terrible, make me shudder picture can help someone make the connection that it can be done, then its worth the humiliation I feel posting it.
It may take some time...it took me a year...but you can get yourself back.
There have been so many changes, so many victories along the journey.
1. I learned to eat healthy.
2. I went from being a coach potato to a regular exercise routine and recently completed a 10 k run.
3. I went from not being able to shop at my favorite store to being able to put on and like anything I want there. No more crying in the dressing rooms.
4. I was promoted into a PR position at work and it was no secret how I was looking and the confidence I was displaying was a large part of that. My skills remain the same.
5. I love the surprise on peoples faces who haven't seen me in a while.
6. I love being able to tell them what I did and encourage them that yes...they can do it too.
7. The other day I said something about being cold at work and one of the guests said well I'm not surprised dear...your such a tiny little thing. hahaha
Well I'm far from a tiny little thing...but I was so thrilled when she left I shut my office door and burned a few calories doin my happy dance. hahaha.
8. I feel like a new door has opened on my life, new opportunities are coming my way and life is an adventure again.
9. I'm even starting to think I may try a half marathon.
10. I may be a little vain, but when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, store window, car window, puddle...I can't help it...I smile
Don't give up until you get to goal its way too much fun.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
I've really been struggling since reaching my goal weight.
I was promoted at work into a position that is very demanding of my time and energy and leaves me a good part of the time feeling stressed.
My old job as a front desk agent allowed me to work 3-11 pm. Lots of time to plan your food and get in your exercise. This job is day shifts and anyone who knows me knows I'm not a morning person. So to get in my exercise I have to get up with the birds...or exercise when I come home from work. Neither works well. early I can't force myself out of bed on most days, and after I so totally zonked its just not happening. So my exercise has suffered, and then this week I got so sick...Migraine, toothache, pulled muscle in my back sciatica attack, quitting smoking...."ALL AT ONCE" isn't that crazy????
I thought the universe had just fallen on me. lol
Anyway I was so sick and I just ate whatever was handed to me, pizzas, donairs, casseroles full of cheese, chocolate, you name it, hardly a healthy thing in there, fast food just a littney of foods I wouldn't normally be eating and because I was all about oh poor me I just continued to stuff my face. Oh I forgot to add on my list I was also in pms mode. So you litterly couldn't fill me.
I was so scared to get on the scale and with reason that fast I have gone from 154 -160. It took me months to get from 160 down to 154 and now I have to do it again.
I'm so depressed about it, but I guess this is welcome to the world of maintenance learning how to balance life with a healthy lifestyle.
I've even thought about giving back my promotion and going back to my
little front desk job. I will not gain this back.
I did have one great victory this week though...I ran my first ever 10K and I'm super happy about that.
I would really appreciate any support you guys could give me over the next few weeks as I try to turn things back into a positive and workable plan and get back to goal.
Friday, October 16, 2009
For the last few months no way could I get that last pound off. In fact I was kind of just settling things in my mind that I'd have to put up with it, and consoled myself with...one pound isn't going to change how you look.
Then this week happened and I was feeling really bad, because its the first week in a year of absolutly no exercise. I've been sick and working and just didn't have it in me. Then today I pulled out the scale and whooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooo
not only was that awful stuck on pound gone it took a friend with it!!!
I'm now one pound under goal. Yippie so doing my happy dance!!!
As I begin the journey of maintaining...I just want to encourage everyone out there. You can do this...its mostly about being patient, committed, and willing to never see anything as failure. You will come up against road blocks, thats life, you just find a way around, but you never give up, and if you slip you learn everything you can from that slip and carry on. If you do this you will definitly get where you want to be. If you don't learn this...you'll still be where you are now. Celebrate every victory and remember 80/20 80 percent of the time make good healthy choices and exercise and 20 percent of the time just live your life.
I'm so happy right now...its only a couple of pounds and like I figured...I don't look any different but the incredible satisfaction of knowing I set a goal...a big goal...and reached it is great. Too funny that it finally came off the week I didn't exercise.
Friday, September 25, 2009
hahaha it's kailee's revenge. Went to the hip hop class last night pretty sure I had it down. They stretched us really good before we danced and so I'm not nearly as sore as I was last week when Kailee was showing me the choreography I missed. Anyway, I'm not shy but I got in there and we had to do the steps in a different way across the floor. For each individual segment. So your going across the floor and the rest of the class is watching. LOL. Well I got so self conscious I was constantly forgetting what I was supposed to do. If it was go right, I went left and so on. Then to my horror I felt myself blushing which had the effect of completely shutting down my brain. haha.
As for Kailees revenge...lol...she is nothing but supportive and encouraging, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking of how very shy she is. She is in the world very shy, but let me tell you see her on stage and you would never dream it...she is 100% a performer. It shocked me when she told me she wanted to compete in dance, I never dreamed she'd get up on stage in front of so many people. She did though and I was very proud of her, and shocked at how when her feet hit that stage she is like another person. However I do remember a few times at the beginning when doing very complicated routines esp. tap I'd say to her now remember its not just about the steps you need to remember your face and perform and engage the audience. LOL. Words of the totally ignorant sitting comfortably in her seat waiting to be entertained. lol
Last night the absolute enormity of what she's done hit me. I was so self conscious with just my class mates watching I couldn't do it, can't even imagine getting on an actual stage with lights on you and every eye on you and performing a solo, or even a couple steps.
This is a beginner adult class and I know I'll get it with practise...lots of practice and I know I'll gain confidence too. It wasn't that I couldn't do it, I just got painfully shy in the middle of doing it. lol Something I'm sure was really funny to kailee.
Kailee is also taking this class which is way beneath her but just to spend time with me and help me in it. As a teacher for the studio she can take anything she wants for free. It was amazing to me though doing the across the floors she just stands out a mile...her every movement is so precise. One lady not knowing Kailee was a teacher or my daughter said...my goodness that girl is a pro. lol
All in all it was very fun, definitly had a good laugh, but was uncomfortable by times.
Its so easy to judge things until you have to do it yourself. After all these years of dance competitions the kind of hip hop I'm doing would put me right to sleep. To watch its total beginner and boring and I'd just kind of nod off thru that kind of performance. Now that I'm doing it myself I have a new respect for the girls who get up on stage and do it. Its not easy and just getting on that stage is a big deal.
Anyway thats my hip hop experience so far. I'm gonna need a lot of help...fortunatly I have a my own private dance teacher for free. hee hee. She definitly has her work cut out for her, and I will not leave her alone until I can do this and not look like a total dork. hahaha
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Yesterday I had my first hip hop class...well not really class...I missed the first one do to work, so my daughter came by to teach me the choregraphy I missed. So for an hour we worked on it.
It was super fun, we had several laughs...My brain to body messages seemed to be on a time delayed system. lol
I was amazed how much of a workout this was...after running I thought I'd be good as far as the cardio goes, but I was breathing hard.
Then I woke up this morning and oh my...I'm sore "everywhere". There is just no place on my bod that doesn't hurt, so I know not only is this fun...its a major workout.
Hip hop crews battle it out thru their dance...but I think for me...just doing the hip hop is the battle. lol I definitly feel like i've been in a battle today...or run over by a truck or something. lol
Still looking forward to doing it again,
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