Friday, April 04, 2008
My plan can be seen in the picture above. It won't know what Hit em!!! lol
I took a break yesterday from all of it, exercise, logging my food etc. This past week as I continued to make myself exercise every day, make myself log my food, while watching my scale not only drop, but climb., I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier. My c25k runs were miserable endurance tests and I was no longer finding any joy in any of it. I got on the treadmill yesterday going to make myself run and three times in less than 5 minutes my ear buds fell out of my ears. I lost it.....I litterly lost it. I was so frustrated I just wanted to punch a wall or something. I ended up in tears. It was insane. Finally I realized I truly need a break. This isn't so much a healthy lifestyle for me anymore, this is turning into major pressure. I'm missing some key componet - balance. I have to find that balance and I have to figure out how to live this as a life style.
Diet rage...I believe its referred to and no question it was getting me.
So I didn't exercise yesterday at all, and I didn't log any food. Instead I went out for a movie and some wings with a friend I haven't seen in a long time.
I'm not giving up here....but i'm definitly in a learning phase. I want to get the weight off but I may have to resign myself to it taking even longer, because focusing only on this and work is making me miserable.
I hate running the 28 minute runs I'm on in c25k and its killing me because i'm so close to finishing the program, yet they make me miserable. That sense of accomplishment that was there at first is gone. Now it feels like getting on the treadmill is going to the torture chamber. I may go back to just running intervals at least it was more interesting and fun.
I'm just really struggling with it all these days. My scale has not dropped but only climbed since march 1 and its getting very depressing.
So I'm taking a small break again today, will get back on program tomorrow. Just need a few days away from all of it, and then I need to figure out how I want to approach this in more of a less driven way.