Wednesday, October 01, 2014
This morning as I did the recumbent bike while doing my reading before work it git into what they call the feedback loop, as it turned out today was an excellent day for me to read that, lol
The feedback loop is what we let continue, or enforce and this is where those nasty little habits can cause so much difficulty, it is so easy when we run into it on a constant basis, we may not dwell but one you have that feedback loop installed ( by continuous repetition of anything, good or bad) it only takes seconds to run through hours of your internal program, many times it can cause you to remember something that happened 7 years ago in great emotional detail.
Today, seems like work is such a wonderful place to work with this ( home too but I get into that later) I have noticed some of my feedback loops, well most of them are very unpleasant , never really feeling like I am a part of anything there but others hostility, I took the challenge today to create different feedback loops, for instance, I have been rotated backwards at the presses , which is not how it should be, today I get rotated forward only to keep me on the harder presses, I noticed my loop right away , it took a little time but I got it under control and every time something new happened , which is often, I reminded myself that I wanted a different feedback loop ( I understand this is at many places and I have worked many places but nothing like this one, and have heard that from many others that have also had plenty of jobs) so installing a more productive feedback loop, I reminded myself that I am tough enough to handle this, I workout 5 days a week including weights and my body can hold up well,and I am not as sore as others due to their lack of exercise, ( not muscular but toned under my insulation ) , then I noticed that someone was sending pictures around, which again reminded me just how much I don't fit in there ( been there 12 years , no wonder my feedback loop is so loopy, lol) I did not get the pictures because many do not have my #, one acted like she was a wonderful friend and then invited everyone there to her daughters wedding but me and some of the new people, which opened me up to another feedback loop I am working to change.
I was successful at creating a wonderful start at changing my feedback loops, then I got home , well one my son totaled my car awhile back and the truck he drives has the transmission going out, ( he was not suppose to have my car where it was so I know he was lying to me on a reg basis) he picked me up from work and we got home and I asked him if my nephew said anything about leaving (his mom , my sister kicked him out, his grandmother kicked him out and I am about to, 26 yrs old and hoards money and offers no help and ignores you when you talk about it) when I saw his stuff I asked and then my son got mad, ( I am minus 113.00 in my acount make less than 300 a week and have over 200 going out a week) so this is another loop I am ready to deal with and the feeback loop, that makes me feel like a terrible person for getting mad.
wow this has been a long one, lots a loops, but I am facing each one of them, the cause and effect behind them and so on, I may feel mad at some but this is keeping my open to the instaklled feedback loops that are under reconstruction.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
today was wonderful, I decided to create new routes for my mind to go, we get stuck in the same routine and negativity can become a habit, I noticed today that I asked if I could make a change in the way I was doing my job, ( it was so much faster and better results) without even looking at it I git a big fat no and told to do that one certain way, well I got upset, this new way would increase productivity , be easier on the person doing it and we would have less scrap, I noticed that I let this go on in thinking for a bit then I decided to turn it around, took some doing but thinking things like she is just not happy, maybe there were extenuating circumstances that I was unaware of, she was not blessed to see things like I do and on of course but I eventually got to a love compassionate feeling. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!
I have a book I'm reading, I just love books that help you realize your patterns, etc, well anyway I was reading that habits in our thinking is exactly where we need to start, , give your brain new commands, search for different pathways to think, do not let the "habit" of what you normally think rule your life so that is what I focused on today , really made the effort and I love the fact that I am creating new neural pathways for my brain to react in the future, I have to strengthen this pathway of course but i have a wonderful start.
I have noticed that when I at work or home or any usual place that my mind tends to wonder the same direction, no wonder I am always bored, lol, so part of getting my brain active and thriving , my life to, lol, is to create new pathways , not just go for the same meal or the same walk or workout, or even the same place, my house can be a creative playground as well /
I became a vegetarian over a year ago still eating cheese but without the drive I never really came up with many great dishes, but just in the past couple of days I have come up with 4 to try next week, creating new pathways has made me feel sooooo good, I hope you will take at least one day to truly give this a try.
Monday, September 29, 2014
I use to lead a group by this name and have done challenges in other teams as well but now that I am no longer doing that due to computer difficulties I thought I would post them as blogs and you can use these in your daily life as well.
It is easy to get caught up in the negativity that surrounds us which makes it more of a challenge to enjoy the wonder and positivity that can enhance each moment, today I am taking the time to allow those positive feelings to flow, perhaps when I look at the time I will remind myself to look and feel the wonderful things that surround us, or when I see someone smile, I can think of all the good that is in the world, when I hear laughter I can think of the constant flow of the natural feelings that are natural to us but sometimes we seem to bury, when I face any challenge today I will remind myself that this is an area that I need to work to let it flow easily or discover what thinking has lead this to become a challenge.
working on different things daily helps keep me focused and headed in the right direction, this is just a basic outline, in the future if anyone would ike more detail I will gladly include it in my blogs.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
this is irritating but the only choice is to deal with it instead of having fits, lol, for awhile know it has been going to the side when I log on, making it a challenge to do things but now I get so many pop ups and had to go through an email to log on because logging on through my newly created short cut says that everythings wrong, it worked for awhile but ...... well I will try to create another shortcut and hope to get some of it taken care of that way.
I have decided to break up my calories into increments of 200, lol, that will have me eating all day, mornings I have steel cut oats and 1/2 a bananna, working on my lunch still, days when I workout, I plan to add just a nit more to my dinner, I have gotten use to cooking my meals seperate since I became a vegetarian because my hubby and son still eat meat, that was the hard part before at sticking with my diet and in my calorie range, now it is just part of the routine to cook separate meals so this is a wonderful time to get serious for me.
I have been trying to find ways to re identify my self difinition, and I have found one, I am looking at a new me, thats what I tell myself and I am going with what feels natural to me, the new me has ( this has been part of me for a long time but I'm embrassing it now) eating healthy, I love eating things that are good for you, not because they are good for you but they have a better effect on the environment , I feel better eating a plant based diet and I think better.
the new me has many creative Ideas( always have but I am letting myself run with it this time), I am having so much fun with it!!! I really have a flare for creating and making old things new and interesting.
I am no longer dealing with disrespectful individuals , that has been family and co workers that believe they can yell at me, do what they want at my expense and think I have to put up with it, it may seem like I am being mean at first but thats only because some don't like change and refuse to treat others with respect, I am embracing new friends ( soon I hope) and treating others with respect and care, soon those around me will catch up or get lost, lol.
I guess I am going on so much because I am never sure when I will be able to get back on line, I can on my phone but I am limited to what I can do .
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
have been struggling with this for some time and have found out some amazing things, found out some of the things that have been holding me back and have successfully eliminated some of them, this one though, well some of those little voices from the past creep in without me being aware.
that is personal identity, some of the definitions , well most of them come from a childhood of being picked on, at home and school, ( I believe this world has a picking problem, lolI mean who has not been picked on) at school it was the usual, I wore hand-me-downs, had holes in my clothes etc, at home it was different, my mom and sister picked on me ( dad passed when I was 4) saying I just didn't get things, I was slow, I was to shy, well it goes on but I will spare you details.
these limiting beliefs are really hard to shake, they creep up and becoming conscious of them to destroy them is my goal, as well as building new, empowering beliefs, I find my challenge in just getting into my daily routine and really not paying attention, but I understand that this is an instilled limiting belief, and I am trying to discover a way to uninstall it, I have tried many of the old stand by's and that has not been helpful, so I am looking for a new, stimulating way to increase my awareness and make the a positive , exciting change.
just last week, my sister started her cruelness again, just because I would not bend to please her, so I deleted her...... from my phone, web sources etc and it felt sooooooooo gooooooooddddd, I know this may sound callous but I am relieved that I do not have to deal with her, the evening I deleted her after getting several texts telling me how mean, heartless I am, ( this is after taking in her son that she kicked out) I felt my spirits lift, I just automatically starting thinking of the friends I could have ( right now is 0) we have new people at our church who are very nice and I guess I just had that underlying fear that they would not like me, that there was something wrong with me, subconscious can hide many things and fear has been one of mine, fear of not being liked for who I am etc.
well that ghost can not flourish if it is out in the open, hope to keep it there, lol as I continue to look for better ways to change my personal beliefs.
if you read this far, thanks so much for taking the time
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