HARPERLADY   46,464
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HARPERLADY's Recent Blog Entries

still having challenges with my computer

Saturday, September 20, 2014

this is irritating but the only choice is to deal with it instead of having fits, lol, for awhile know it has been going to the side when I log on, making it a challenge to do things but now I get so many pop ups and had to go through an email to log on because logging on through my newly created short cut says that everythings wrong, it worked for awhile but ...... well I will try to create another shortcut and hope to get some of it taken care of that way.
I have decided to break up my calories into increments of 200, lol, that will have me eating all day, mornings I have steel cut oats and 1/2 a bananna, working on my lunch still, days when I workout, I plan to add just a nit more to my dinner, I have gotten use to cooking my meals seperate since I became a vegetarian because my hubby and son still eat meat, that was the hard part before at sticking with my diet and in my calorie range, now it is just part of the routine to cook separate meals so this is a wonderful time to get serious for me.
I have been trying to find ways to re identify my self difinition, and I have found one, I am looking at a new me, thats what I tell myself and I am going with what feels natural to me, the new me has ( this has been part of me for a long time but I'm embrassing it now) eating healthy, I love eating things that are good for you, not because they are good for you but they have a better effect on the environment , I feel better eating a plant based diet and I think better.
the new me has many creative Ideas( always have but I am letting myself run with it this time), I am having so much fun with it!!! I really have a flare for creating and making old things new and interesting.
I am no longer dealing with disrespectful individuals , that has been family and co workers that believe they can yell at me, do what they want at my expense and think I have to put up with it, it may seem like I am being mean at first but thats only because some don't like change and refuse to treat others with respect, I am embracing new friends ( soon I hope) and treating others with respect and care, soon those around me will catch up or get lost, lol.
I guess I am going on so much because I am never sure when I will be able to get back on line, I can on my phone but I am limited to what I can do .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATTUTT 9/20/2014 11:46AM

    Sorry to hear you're having computer problems, those suck. But it sounds like you're doing great. So glad to hear you're sticking to your guns and not putting up with people that don't treat you well!

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back on line for now, so here is what I am personally working on

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

have been struggling with this for some time and have found out some amazing things, found out some of the things that have been holding me back and have successfully eliminated some of them, this one though, well some of those little voices from the past creep in without me being aware.
that is personal identity, some of the definitions , well most of them come from a childhood of being picked on, at home and school, ( I believe this world has a picking problem, lolI mean who has not been picked on) at school it was the usual, I wore hand-me-downs, had holes in my clothes etc, at home it was different, my mom and sister picked on me ( dad passed when I was 4) saying I just didn't get things, I was slow, I was to shy, well it goes on but I will spare you details.
these limiting beliefs are really hard to shake, they creep up and becoming conscious of them to destroy them is my goal, as well as building new, empowering beliefs, I find my challenge in just getting into my daily routine and really not paying attention, but I understand that this is an instilled limiting belief, and I am trying to discover a way to uninstall it, I have tried many of the old stand by's and that has not been helpful, so I am looking for a new, stimulating way to increase my awareness and make the a positive , exciting change.
just last week, my sister started her cruelness again, just because I would not bend to please her, so I deleted her...... from my phone, web sources etc and it felt sooooooooo gooooooooddddd, I know this may sound callous but I am relieved that I do not have to deal with her, the evening I deleted her after getting several texts telling me how mean, heartless I am, ( this is after taking in her son that she kicked out) I felt my spirits lift, I just automatically starting thinking of the friends I could have ( right now is 0) we have new people at our church who are very nice and I guess I just had that underlying fear that they would not like me, that there was something wrong with me, subconscious can hide many things and fear has been one of mine, fear of not being liked for who I am etc.
well that ghost can not flourish if it is out in the open, hope to keep it there, lol as I continue to look for better ways to change my personal beliefs.
if you read this far, thanks so much for taking the time

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KTTAYLOR21 9/17/2014 4:37PM

    emoticon fear can paralyze you! But you hold the power!! "Deleting" your sister is a good step to take. Cast out ANYONE who brings you negativity. It's YOUR choice to be happy.

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CATTUTT 9/16/2014 8:49PM

    Great job standing up for yourself and not taking your sister's crap. You're better than that and you don't need it. It's so awesome that you're working on not seeing yourself the way they have painted you. I know it will be hard, but SO worth it.

Best of luck!

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KNEEMAKER 9/16/2014 7:20PM

  Keep on keeping on this Tremendous Tuesday! emoticon

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CMCDONNA 9/16/2014 6:25PM

    I have been there, have had to remove people from my life that were just not edifying to me. I completely understand it. I hope to be open to reconciliation were it to be requested though.

I hope you find some new friendships that build you up rather than tear you down! You know you will find some here on spark for sure!!

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TEEBEE44 9/16/2014 6:19PM

    Thank you for sharing! I'm so proud of your for cutting your sister out of your life for how she treats you. Just because someone is blood related to us does not mean we need to keep them in our lives if they treat us cruelly. They need to earn their relationship with us. Good for you for doing so much self reflection. Sending hugs your way! emoticon

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BHENDRICK2 9/16/2014 6:16PM

    emoticon

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whew !

Sunday, June 15, 2014

this week has been a week of many little things but the one thing happened that just made the rest of the weeks trouble surface back up.
I have been working on just eating unprocessed foods to see if it would help my fatigue and foggy thinking and was doing well, and stress seems to kinda blow things out of portion, first my sister calls me to harp about her and her husband , which is basically her thinking the only point that matters is hers and he is awful for not seeing it ( she has always been that way) after a few minutes I stated that it would have been nice if they could have made it out with me and my hubby for my birthday an it hurt my feelings at which time she started yelling and said I didn't have to put up with this=?>I(&*&^^$%*U) and hung up, i didn't let that get to me to much, at work one lady let a door slam right in my face, I let that go, we have rotation at work and that was not followed & I let that go, my son decides to be insulting and I let that , my hubby got made at me because I asked him not to let out my stray kitty ( I have a stray that I make sure is feed and has a place to sleep, my husband knows I have always done this) at work the lady who let the door slam in my face, got 2 inches away from my face and yelled at me about something someone said that I said.
well that was it I was MAD!!!!!!!!
I let it bother me half of the evening then it hit me, just how much the people I work with make me feel bad everyday and how much I let them get to me, it is a constant surrounding of negative energy , no place like I have ever been before, I have been here for 12 years and as The Secret unfolds in my life I realize just how much growing up with a family like my mom and sister who thought that the only valued opinion was theirs , I know realize that , this is what I on a subconscious level expect to be treated like , now I need to do some reprogramming .
I have aimed for this in the past and failed but I have a broader view now, a deeper understanding and have specific things that I will no longer tolerate from anyone, I value others and believe there are wonderful people in this world and I plan on finding them.
as for my eating processed foods, I plan on correcting my eating plan and creating a variety on my menu to make the plan easier to stick with if a stressful situation should rear it's head again, btw, I have decided not to talk to my sister until she apologizes for her behavior, I deserve to be shown respect as I have her all of these years, we are both 43 right now, we are the same age until august , so for the next 43 years i want to be treated with the same courtesy that I have given her and if she chooses not to do so I feel I would be better off just keeping things on a very casual basis.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANINE8969 6/25/2014 7:50AM

    I am glad you made a conscious choice about your sister. I would like to see your son and hubby pay a little bit more attention to what you are asking and need. You will get there. As for work, I know that you were telling me you are looking for a part time job. Any luck?

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JUMPINJULIE 6/18/2014 10:05PM

    Sending Hugs. You deserve the same respect that you give your sister. I agree if she doesn't apogize keep it at a causal level.

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KTTAYLOR21 6/17/2014 8:03AM

    I noticed the end of last week a lot of negative energy as well...my husband and one of my sons. I started back reading "The Vortex" By Jerry and Esther Hicks and decided that I need to put out the energy that I want to receive in order to get back what I desire. I can not have another week like last week anytime soon.

I like the decision you made about your sister. You are absolutely correct! I hope this week has started off great!! It has for me.

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JULIAINLA 6/16/2014 7:16PM

    Sounds like you are on the right path. Keep up the strong, well thought out approach on how to handle difficult people and situations. Always stay positive about yourself and your actions no matter what! Sorry about your sister-I understand what that is like -my sister and I have been estranged almost all our lives. It hurts (sometimes more than other times) but life goes on and I try to fill my life with much nicer, positive (uplifting) & healthier spirited people..hang in there-you're doing great... emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/16/2014 7:17:49 PM

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CATTUTT 6/16/2014 12:04PM

    Oh man, sounds like you had a really trying day. I would've been ready to punch someone!

Good for you for deciding not to let your sister treat you that way. You deserve much better.

Hope things are better for you today!

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30 day challenge day 4

Thursday, June 12, 2014

well today has not been so bad craving wise, I had a few at the beginning of the day, after work I came home made dinner for family them made mine and stayed busy so I wont be tempted to snack.
this is day4 so i know the worst isn't over but I have noticed that when I'm stressed the processed food cravings tend to kick in, there are few people at work that can hang on your nerves even when they're not around, lol, this has been one of my biggest challenges to work with, I figure if I can work around the people at work, no one would be able to get to me, lol, this has been a key in my law of attraction, The secret I have seen how much it works and learning to keep it at a constant where I work is monumental .
Still much of the evening left but I think I will be okay, nice to have a day without struggle against what you're striving for.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUMPINJULIE 6/18/2014 10:00PM

    Your doing awesome.

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THINFITFEMINIST 6/12/2014 7:50PM

    emoticon emoticon

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30 daY CHALLENGE DAY 3

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

did really good up until i got home and was worn and tired , I put pizza's in the oven with the intent to give in just this once, well, I DIDN'T !!! lol, something inside me just wouldn't give in, ,maybe it is all of the positive talk throughout the day, maybe it is knowing what processed foods can do to you, maybe a combo, a little stressed because I found out I will have to work the next 2 saturdays , really need the overtime just wish it was not at my work, lol.
I feel fantastic that even though I had my mind set on a conscious level to give in and eat processed food, my subconscious won , I guess i finally found the right way to give messages that stick!!!! WHOOOO!!!!!!
I made it to the gym this morning and decided to get a little something for breakfast so I went to get some fruit, this is the first time I stuck with it today because I wanted to get a bread snack thing but stuck with my fruit, so all in all this has been a successful day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUMPINJULIE 6/18/2014 10:00PM

    Your doing awesome.

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MOMMABEAR121 6/12/2014 7:17AM

    thanks for sharing .. you inspire me to stay the course as well .. one choice at a time .. we will get there .. try to make working Saturdays a game .. have your Saturday on Friday night or Sunday .. make time to play and have fun
the almighty dollar steals our joy if we let it ... envision all the good things that come with the extra income .. and take some of that freedom feeling for your very own .. good stuff .. rooting for you

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HERMIEME 6/11/2014 8:04PM

    Wow, sounds like you've really risen to this challenge!
emoticon emoticon Inspirational!

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CATTUTT 6/11/2014 7:12PM

    Wow, great job turning down that pizza, even after you put it in the oven. That's major will power.

Bummer about working 2 Saturdays, though. That stinks.

Have a good evening!

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THINFITFEMINIST 6/11/2014 6:07PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon I am so happy to hear someone say that their better self won the battle. Thank you!

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FITWITHIN 6/11/2014 6:01PM

    emoticon emoticon

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