HARTMOM7   7,369
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Connection is Key

Sunday, September 28, 2014

I have struggled with my health challenge these past two weeks. So very much stress in my life just derailed everything. I have been somewhat mindful of what I've eaten but not diligent about exercise or food choices. I've withdrawn from lots of people and stopped reaching out to other members doing the challenge. This week I must force myself to open up and BE WITH others in my boat. It builds hope and enforces accountability. I promised myself I would PARTICIPATE in this challenge, and participate I will!



Monday, September 15, 2014

Okay, I recognize this feeling. I want to hide. In the past, I would watch TV and graze to hide from it. Not today. I will work through it both physically and emotionally.

DIG deep=
D. eliberate choices
I. nspiration
G. et Going

Also, FYI, popcorn is like a gateway drug to overindulgence. Be VERY careful if and when you eat it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MADZEEE 9/15/2014 1:37PM

    Like that, popcorn is like a gateway drug to overindulgence. I'll keep that in mind. Oh yeah, I need to DIG today too. You're not alone.

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Shame and Boundaries

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Okay, I had a BIG a-ha this morning and the things I learned have had a big impact on my emotional eating and I want to remember that I need to work on them so....

I was abused as a child. It left me fuzzy about boundaries, and without boundaries I can't keep people from hurting me so I've got to learn to humbly but firmly set boundaries and consequences, or I will live my life feeling resentful and violated.

I live with someone who dwells in shame. I don't, believe it or not. I'm about making a different choice and keeping the learning. So...when he wants compassion when he's in a shame cyclone, I DON'T really understand. I don't live there. I'm about getting out of the Shame Dodge, so to speak. This disconnect causes more disconnect. Also, often when I do something he doesn't like instead of just setting a boundary he shames me. The message is I'm so wrong and worthless that I shouldn't be allowed to breathe in his presence. (Only in this one relationship do I feel constantly forced into a shame worldview. It SUCKS!) Shame is a cancer that can metastasize souls and relationships. Gotta work on shame issues so I don't feel in trouble all the time. (I don't really feel in trouble, I just feel angry and I eat to stuff my anger because I haven't set any boundaries that take care of me in those situations.)

Vicious cycle: shame and lack of boundaries. Time to get deliberate about who I am. Only then can I find true compassion for myself and him, and the connection we both seek.


Taking time to take care of me is paying off

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Got on the scales this morning and I had dropped another 5 pounds! It was a nice boost after my emotional disillusionment last night. Back on with the Challenge.

I am however very stressed about the prospect of marriage counseling starting next week. I just don't see how it will be safe to talk about what needs attention. Trust the process , trust God, trust the counselors and learn to trust my spouse.

God, I hate trust!


Challenge vs Competition

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

I have thoroughly enjoyed the health challenge this week but the laser just posted a "board" of how we all rank both on points earned & %of weight lost. I am in 2 ND place on weight last & 18 points behind on points. I find myself having a very negative reaction to the comparison... Like it robs the joy & self care out of what I'm doing. I know it is a perfectionist lie & I need to continue because the challenge itself care & it is bringing me joy. But, I think I won't won't open the rankings as we go forward. I'm not competing against others, I'm challenging myself. So much of the lifestyle change is a mental battle. I wrote this blog to keep it honest & acknowledge my weak areas. Any kind of competition or having to be responsible for someone else simply shuts me down.

So, know thyself; protect thyself; free thyself.


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