Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Okay, I had a BIG a-ha this morning and the things I learned have had a big impact on my emotional eating and I want to remember that I need to work on them so....
I was abused as a child. It left me fuzzy about boundaries, and without boundaries I can't keep people from hurting me so I've got to learn to humbly but firmly set boundaries and consequences, or I will live my life feeling resentful and violated.
I live with someone who dwells in shame. I don't, believe it or not. I'm about making a different choice and keeping the learning. So...when he wants compassion when he's in a shame cyclone, I DON'T really understand. I don't live there. I'm about getting out of the Shame Dodge, so to speak. This disconnect causes more disconnect. Also, often when I do something he doesn't like instead of just setting a boundary he shames me. The message is I'm so wrong and worthless that I shouldn't be allowed to breathe in his presence. (Only in this one relationship do I feel constantly forced into a shame worldview. It SUCKS!) Shame is a cancer that can metastasize souls and relationships. Gotta work on shame issues so I don't feel in trouble all the time. (I don't really feel in trouble, I just feel angry and I eat to stuff my anger because I haven't set any boundaries that take care of me in those situations.)
Vicious cycle: shame and lack of boundaries. Time to get deliberate about who I am. Only then can I find true compassion for myself and him, and the connection we both seek.