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HAWTGRANNY2014's Recent Blog Entries

giving up. I just can't do the exercise right now.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I am going to give up on the blc right now. I am hardly eating right now and gained 5 pounds probably from all the fluids they put in me before I came home yesterday. I just took a Norco for pain and waiting for it to kick in so I can go back to sleep. I was up til 3 am. I am in pain but passed about 4 stones now. I feel like a tight band is wound around me and pulling. I have not moved my bowels in 5 days either. They say I night have to go back to the hospital if it doesn't ease up. Have to call the doctor later. Took another laxative too. Sorry this is such a topic to talk about but it is what is on my mind right now.
I thought I could keep on with the blc but want to stay a floater so I can get back in on the next one. I need this so bad and just can't right now.
I feel like I am letting myself and others down. I can't even go see Jack right now but I knew it would be hard. I am trying to find the positive in all this...but I can't right now...maybe later. Just weighted and it is 10 more pounds. I feel like a bloated whale.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COLOR-BLUE 10/21/2014 11:36PM

    Pam,

First off I want you to know that I'm still praying for your and your DH, that all is well and in Divine Order.

Secondly, you're not letting ANYBODY down. You're in a fix and so is your DH! Pray, baby, Pray! I'll pray with you, just let me know what you want me to pray for so we're both praying for the same thing.

OUCH! YIKES! Do me a favor and take yourself back to the hospital and have them admit you! Believe me, it's not an easy task to get rid of that edema! I ended up with over 30 lbs. of fluid in me from edema. To date, I've lost 24.4 lbs. of it and it all came off this month. How long did it take to lose it? Well, it started on 12 Jul 14. It's very painful, so please see if they will admit you and get it taken care of, NOW, PLEASE!

Blessings and Still Praying,

- Nancy Jean -
GA

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AUNTALICE2 10/21/2014 11:25PM

    Be good to yourself and do what you need to do. We will be here when you come back. emoticon emoticon

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LADYDL 10/21/2014 10:52PM

    Take care of yourself....you come first!!

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Comment edited on: 10/21/2014 10:53:03 PM

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L*I*T*A* 10/21/2014 9:36PM

    take care and get well soon..........
blessings and hugs...lita

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Comment edited on: 10/21/2014 9:36:41 PM

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SALGUOD2 10/21/2014 5:35PM

    Take care of yourself and stop in and make sure we are still RROOAARRing!!!

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SEATTLE58 10/21/2014 3:56PM

    I'm hoping that you feel better real soon too. Hopefully your med. will kick in soon and you can have a good sleep and forget about all this for awhile. Thinking of you with love and emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/21/2014 3:57:07 PM

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MRSP90X 10/21/2014 1:48PM

    emoticon My DH went through those. I feel for you!!

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KCSMOM9 10/21/2014 1:30PM

    Take care of yourself! emoticon

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FACETOTHEVEIL 10/21/2014 1:12PM

    Let your body heal. It's okay. Stress does crazy things to hormones, which can do crazy things to weight. We're giving you permission to let it go for now. Take a deep breath... God sees and He cares, and He is working things out for you.

Follow the doctors' orders!!

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NEW-CAZ 10/21/2014 12:42PM

    You're not letting anyone down! You must take care of yourself hun, that's way more important!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRANDMABABA 10/21/2014 11:45AM

    Try to relax about the weight and focus on feeling better. Your body is telling you what to do and what not to do. Please listen and take really good care of you! hugs.

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MARGOH12 10/21/2014 11:35AM

    hope you feel better soon emoticon

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CRUISEGAL55 10/21/2014 11:32AM

    emoticon
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To all my spark friends and leaving the kidney stones behind.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I have taken a pain pill and feel pretty good right now. I have dropped 3 stones so far and hope that is all. At least I am home again. I had some bad pain earlier but probably from passing the stones. They look a lot smaller than you would think for causing all the pain.
I did pass the first one in the hospital so they decided to send me home and see if we could avoid surgery and I was all for that. The first night they filled me with 3 morphine shots and a tramadol or something like that. Then I had so many bags of saline but really couldn't count because after that I slept ... a lot. It hurt less when I did not move. I passed a stone that next night and then came home the next afternoon. So it turned out to be 2 1/2 days and 2 nights.
I just want to tell you all thank you so much. I don't know what I would have done without all your prayers and kind words for hubby and me. It is times like this that you really feel blessed. I took a pain pill but hoping maybe I can do much better tomorrow. This whole week has been a mess and didn't get anything much done.
Good think I got most of the house cleaned when I first came home before all this.
God bless you all and thank you for being my friends. hugs, Pam

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEATTLE58 10/21/2014 10:16AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PICKIE98 10/21/2014 6:33AM

    SO glad you passed some stones. I have never had them, but every patient I had said it was the worst pain they ever had. God Bless you Dear and know that you are now on my prayer list, as well as your hubby. hugs..

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FLASUN 10/21/2014 5:57AM

    emoticon Pam to hear you went thru this!!!! I didn't even know till I saw your Spark Feed.........Hoping you feel better!!!! emoticon emoticon

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GOANNA2 10/21/2014 5:11AM

    Glad to hear you are alright now. Get yourself well. emoticon
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NEW-CAZ 10/21/2014 2:59AM

    emoticon emoticon

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PRAIRIECROCUS 10/21/2014 2:54AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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My 2 day hospital stay

Monday, October 20, 2014

After being in the hospital for 25 days with hubby, I got to stay home for 2 days then went to the emergency room with bad side pains. I had kidney stones. They gave me a lot of morphine and I slept a lot, then cat scan and stomach scan. I finally passed one this morning and they let me go home to take medicine and pass more. If the pain comes back I have pain pills and need to call the urologist tomorrow to make follow up plans.
While there they took another exray and found a spot on my lungs. My doctor says we need to follow that up too. Before when he wanted to talk to me in the office, I had 2 cancers so praying it is not that again. Right now I have no pain just very tired. Hopefully the pain stays away.
I am going to lay down but wanted you to know where I was the last couple of days and not just goofing off lol. Hey that is about all the sense of humor I can nuster up for now. Hugs to all of you and will try and get back on after my nap,
This is for all of us.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAWTGRANNY2014 10/21/2014 1:15AM

    I am home and I have passed some. still pretty painful so not doing a lot of exercise. I do feel better getting them out. I really appreciate all of you .

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FACETOTHEVEIL 10/20/2014 9:05PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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COLOR-BLUE 10/20/2014 8:12PM

    AMEN!!!!!

Pam,

We did receive an update on you, so we knew that you weren't goofing off! Beside when you were well, you never did that! You're in my prayers and I want you to know that I'm not the kind of person that says I'll pray for you and then don't, So, I'm going to end this now and pray for you and your DH.

Blessings!

- Nancy Jean -
GA

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L*I*T*A* 10/20/2014 8:05PM

    Amen.............
wow.......hope you will be feeling better soon.......
so soo much on your plate.....
take care dear friend......
prayers continue....
blessings and hugs..........lita

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SEATTLE58 10/20/2014 6:06PM

    Oh Pam, I hope that you feel better and better real soon. It sure is good to take good care of yourself though too, as you're doing. It's so easy to put ourselves on the back burner when caring for others I know. Hugs and love to you, Karen emoticon emoticon

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AUNTALICE2 10/20/2014 5:55PM

    AMEN!!

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LADYDL 10/20/2014 4:56PM

    Praying for you Pam! You need a hug emoticon

Kidney stones are no joke! I hope you feel better soon emoticon

-Sally


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More bad news and I don't know how much more that we can take.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

I am home and so glad but wish we had better news. Jack's leg is not healing right and they are going to try a wound vac but if it does not work, they will have to amputate more of his leg. We thought this would be the end of a long 5 year fight to save his leg. They said it couldn't be saved so it was done. Now it will be another fight and the leg Is not much there to fight for. How much more is this going to go on? It just seems like we get a glimmer of hope to have it smashed again, I need a good nights sleep and some good news. I don't see either happening but at least I am home. He can't come home yet.

I am trying so hard to be positive but tonight I just need to let it all out. I can't seem to get myself together but I know I need to. I need to lose this and get healthy so some day we can both be healthy. God I know you are with me but it is so hard to think positive and so hard to see any glimmer of hope right now. I know I have got to get moving and stop feeling sorry for us, but I just want some good news. I just want to both be healthy. I guess I want a miracle. I know they happen all the time and maybe it won't happen but I can pray for one anyway.

Please add your prayers to mine. I want to be strong for him. Funny think is he just takes it all In stride like he knew this was going to happen. I guess I am tired of trying to be positive tonight. I am so tired and have been crying most of the day. I just feel so alone right now. I feel like I am in a big hole and cant crawl out.

Tommorow is another day and thanks to blc26, I have something to focus on other than the problems that we are facing now and the ones to come after. Thank you for all your prayers and concern. hugs to you all. Pam

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STAV44 10/18/2014 3:00PM

    Praying for you both.

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AQUAGIRL08 10/18/2014 12:55PM

    I am sending you positive vibes and many prayers. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TWNOMWE 10/18/2014 10:22AM

    So sorry Pam that the surgery did not do what it was supposed to do. Let us pray that they willl be able to remove all the dead cells/tissues with this round of surgery and the healing will be fast. My prayers for you and Jack and all your family. May God give you strength to be strong for yourself as well as Jack.

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FIT4MEIN2013 10/18/2014 12:22AM

    Aww, honey! I have been there, as you know, and my heart is breaking for you. Just know that God IS in control and He will give us what we need to get through whatever trials we have when we need it. Let His strength be your strength. emoticon

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WHITNEYTEACHER 10/17/2014 9:09PM

    Pam, I just read several of your blogs so I could do some catch up. I'm so sorry, you knew it would be tough but there really is no way to know how tough. You don't always have to be the strong one, you need to let down sometimes and just let it all out for your own mental health. It's so hard having to deal with everything and feel like you're alone, I know because I've done it too. Things will get better, a lot of what you're feeling now is because you're exhausted and worried, the future isn't clear and you don't want to have to face any other bad news. I'm glad to hear that they're sending your hubby to the nursing home though. As much as you'd both like him to be home neither of you needs the "what if" stress that would bring. Hopefully he'll get some physical therapy while he's there so he can work on getting his good leg stronger. I don't think it's ever going to be easy but it will get better. My thoughts are with you.

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BLOOIZEANGEL 10/17/2014 5:30PM

    I am so sorry! I know this is so tough on you. You have been a rock for your husband. I am praying for you daily! The Tigers are here for you. I'm sure your husband is being strong for you also.

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SHEENADEE 10/17/2014 5:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am keeping you and your hubby in my prayers. It is so much that you both are going through.

I'm so glad that you are in BLC with the rest of us Tigers. Hoping these challenges help you to think about something else for a bit.

Take care of yourself.

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LADYDL 10/17/2014 2:07PM

    Pam - I just want to give you a hug!! It's alright to have a good cry. It will release some of those toxins too! You are a strong woman!

I continue to keep you and hubby in my prayers.

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Much love,
Sally


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L*I*T*A* 10/17/2014 10:06AM

    so soo sorry to hear your news!!
this is such a difficult time for the both of your
prayer continue for you both .........
blessings and hugs.....lita


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GOANNA2 10/17/2014 9:13AM

    Oh Pam, I am so sorry for both your husband and
for you also. I am praying for you both. Stay strong.
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FLASUN 10/17/2014 5:14AM

    Stay STRONG Pam for your hubby!!! He really must appreciate all you are doing for him.....don't let it get you down.......God is Good and things will work out!!! I'm sending prayers and keeping you both in my thoughts. I know you can do this!!! YOU are a very strong woman and your need to be there for your hubby.....keep him positive!!!! emoticon emoticon

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SALGUOD2 10/17/2014 4:04AM

    Pam I ran into a gentleman from work yesterday who hasn't been there in about a year. He was in a bad motorcycle accident. When he came around he was so cheering and positive even they he had lost his leg. He said at least he was still here. I know you are going through a lot at the moment, but if you can try to be thankful that your Husband is still here!!! Will keep you in my prayers

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NEW-CAZ 10/17/2014 3:24AM

    Pam I am so very sorry to hear this news, to have come this far and now this!
There must be a time for you to allow the flood gates to open, crying is a wonderful healer.
Staying strong for someone you love and cherish is hard so lean on us, your friends, and we'll share your burden.

Sending love and prayers for you both emoticon

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JJ4493 10/17/2014 1:19AM

    Oh, Pam! I'm so sorry that you are dealing with so much right now! It is too hard to stay strong for someone else all of the time. You need to allow yourself time to let down your guard and work through your own feelings. It is okay to do that and there in no shame in doing so. Praying for better days ahead! emoticon

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LJCANNON 10/17/2014 12:58AM

    emoticon Praying for Peace, Comfort, and Perfect Healing. I am so glad that you shared this with us so that we can share your burden. Know that we are Loving and Praying for you AND for Jack.

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HAWTGRANNY2014 10/16/2014 11:29PM

    thank you all very much.

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LINDA! 10/16/2014 10:00PM

    I am so sorry to hear your news. emoticon

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HELMTGRL 10/16/2014 9:54PM

    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I so dearly hope you find the strength you need. I'm not much of one for praying but tonight I will say the Mi Shebeirach (Jewish prayer for healing) for Jack.

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AUNTALICE2 10/16/2014 8:56PM

    My dear friend, I am sad that you are going through such difficult times. Sometimes you just have to cry to release some of the hurt. You have been so strong for so very long. I wish I was there to give you a hug. I am praying for Jack and for you. Thank you for sharing your load with us. You are loved. emoticon

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COLOR-BLUE 10/16/2014 8:44PM

    Pam,

This came up in my devotion time this evening and I believe that it's for you!

Evening by Evening Devotional for October 16
Charles H. Spurgeon

“With thee is the fountain of life.”

Psalm 36:9

There are times in our spiritual experience when human counsel or sympathy, or religious ordinances, fail to comfort or help us. Why does our gracious God permit this? Perhaps it is because we have been living too much without him, and he therefore takes away everything upon which we have been in the habit of depending, that he may drive us to himself. It is a blessed thing to live at the fountain head. While our skin- bottles are full, we are content, like Hagar and Ishmael, to go into the wilderness; but when those are dry, nothing will serve us but “Thou God seest me.”

We are like the prodigal, we love the swine-troughs and forget our Father's house. Remember, we can make swine-troughs and husks even out of the forms of religion; they are blessed things, but we may put them in God's place, and then they are of no value. Anything becomes an idol when it keeps us away from God: even the brazen serpent is to be despised as “Nehushtan,” if we worship it instead of God. The prodigal was never safer than when he was driven to his father's bosom, because he could find sustenance nowhere else. Our Lord favors us with a famine in the land that it may make us seek after himself the more. The best position for a Christian is living wholly and directly on God's grace — still abiding where he stood at first — “Having nothing, and yet possessing all things.”

Let us never for a moment think that our standing is in our sanctification, our mortification, our graces, or our feelings, but know that because Christ offered a full atonement, therefore we are saved; for we are complete in him. Having nothing of our own to trust to, but resting upon the merits of Jesus — his passion and holy life furnish us with the only sure ground of confidence. Beloved, when we are brought to a thirsting condition, we are sure to turn to the fountain of life with eagerness.

If and when you need me, I'm here!

Blessings!

- Nancy Jean -
GA



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COLOR-BLUE 10/16/2014 8:12PM

    Pam,

My heart and my spirit are crying out for you! You know the Word, and the Word says that when you're at your weakest, that's when God is at his strongest, and He can work through you! Don't look at what's around you and what's going on, as it all a lie! If you look at that, there is no JOY! All the things that are going on are only temporary! Press on toward the mark, and the high calling! Look to the end result, where Jesus is, that's your JOY, no matter what is going on around you. Let it go, let it fall, release it TOTALLY! Focus on the end, as there is PEACE there! There is HOPE there! There is TRUTH there!

Our Father in Heaven, we boldly come before your throne, as You told us in your Word that we can come boldly, yet we come humbly on bended knee, asking for direction, wisdom, peace, love, understanding, strength, and your mighty arms to carry us! God, we thank your for Pam and her DH's trials and tribulations, as You instructed in your Word we are to give thanks for ALL things. So thank You, Father for the emptiness, the doubt, the uncertainty, the devastation, and just the plain ole, we want to throw our hands up in the air and SCREAM! God will You hear our scream? Will You hear our cries for a MIRACLE! God our backs are against the wall, as Pam's DH's leg isn't healing the way that it should. Right now I call on Jehovah Rapha the God who heals. Please touch Pam's DH from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet, and work a miracle like we have never seen! You don't even have to touch the stump and it will be healed. You don't even have to speak a word and he is healed. Just like the woman with the issue of blood, she said that all she had to do was touch the hem of your garment and she would be healed, and that's what is going on here. We're spiritually touching the hem of Your garment, and we claim the healing that you have for Pam's DH! Father God, put the proper people in place to save DH's leg. Let there not be anymore cutting except to close up his stump, as it MIRACLEOUSLY is healed. This is all for your GLORY, Father, as everybody will stand in AMAZEMENT, wondering what happened. That's when Pam can tell them that it was YOU, who healed her DH, Jesus took the stripes years ago, just for us and our healing!

God touch Pam and give her Your PEACE, Your JOY, Your LOVE, Your UNMERITED FAVOR, and yes Lord, You LOVE! None of this is as man gives, but as You give Lord, and it is something that is so HUGE that we won't have the room to take it all in, yet it will continue to FALL on us. Lord put Pam at ease and give her rest, so she doesn't become ill, herself! It's your PEACE Lord, the PEACE that pass all understanding. Lord Pam is broken, and this is what you desire, so you're able to build her back up, into a better person, as you continue to tweak her! Lord, I just ask that you be with the two of them individually and then around them collectively as husband and wife. God I'm asking for a MIRACLE and so is Pam. So, we claim that it is already DONE! In Jesus' mighty and powerful name! AMEN!

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Better today but in the nursing home for the holidays again this year.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Most of you know that hubby had his leg amputated and he fell on it again yesterday. He is doing pretty good today but because he fell twice and there is no way that I will be able to pick him up by myself so they are going to put him back in the nursing home for about 3 months until his leg is shaped and he can get a prosthesis. We are sad but think it is for the best. He was in the nursing home last Thanksgiving and Christmas too. Nest year is our year. We are both going to be healthy . We are going to work on that plan until it comes true.

My little team is trying to keep on going. the people there are so supportive and sweet. What we were doing was not working so we are renewing it. It Is called sharing the journey. we are all on the same journey so why not do it together. I love making new friends and trying new things. I have had a lapse in doing and being there with all the things going on but I don't want to see it fail. so come in and give it a chance.
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=61293


Make new friends and feel at home....no pressure but lots of support. We are here to help each other succeed.
Don't do this journey alone. We all need friends and help.

Be you and believe in yourself. You can do this! We all struggle at times but you can do this. No matter what you do, if you try...you are a winner. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAWTGRANNY2014 10/14/2014 9:55PM

    Thanks to you all for your prayers and wishes.

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GOANNA2 10/14/2014 7:56AM

    The nursing home is the best place for your hubby.
You will never be able to lift him at home.
I wish him a good recovery and that he will soon get
his prosthetic. You stay strong my dear. Remember
that your health matters as well. Thinking of you...
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NEW-CAZ 10/14/2014 2:49AM

    MY am glad hubby is doing better!! Sending prayers.



One day at a time...............................
....... emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 10/13/2014 9:30PM

    great news about your DH!!
prayers continue.........
blessings and hugs....lita

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FIT4MEIN2013 10/13/2014 9:30PM

    Praying for ya'll!

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NUTZ4HARRY 10/13/2014 8:03PM

    Glad your husband is doing better. One day at a time is all we can do.

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AUNTALICE2 10/13/2014 7:11PM

    I am so glad your husband is doing better today! It is so annoying that he has to be in the nursing home but it would be even harder if he was at home and fell again. He will recover faster and be safer at the nursing home. Home and holidays are where your loved one is. I will be praying for him and for you! emoticon

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COLOR-BLUE 10/13/2014 6:06PM

    Pam,

It's up and going and I'm in all the way!

Now, you said that next year is your and your DH's time to get healthy. You said that you're going to work on that plan, until it comes true. Did God say that He was going to heal you? No ma'am He didn't! God said that "You are healed!" You and your DH are already healed just as I am, but you must walk in it! Be bold in your faith and dare to stand up to anything that comes against you and rebuke it in Jesus' mighty name! You, your DH, and I are already healed. I've been up out of my wheelchair doing exercises, and rebuking what the doctors are saying about me staying in it, and I feel so much better since I did that. Claim, it, walk in it, and pray it down from the spiritual realm, as it's yours for the taking!

Blessings!

- Nancy Jean -
GA

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