Saturday, December 20, 2014
Remember when you were a child and met Santa? Was it at the mall or in those Christmas houses that used to be pulled around on a trailer?
This is my great granddaughter Autumn and she looks at him as if to say " Who are you?" It is so much more fun with little ones at Christmas. Our youngest grandchild is 17. They are all growing so fast. It is fun to watch her explore and see new things. Her laugh is so contagious.
Remember to have fun and take each moment and make it precious.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
I wrote the best blog and lost it all. So now will try and rewrite it. Please bear with me because I really want this to bring about a spirit that grows within and makes you feel the light that you are. ...the shining goodness and miracle that you truly are. I hope it lets you know that you are worth everything good and holy.
I finally found my Christmas spirit this morning. It is slowly bubbling up from inside. We have had a very hard year but we are together, finally at home and Christmas is all around.
Still have not put up the tree but have a little one that I won playing Christmas bingo in the nursing home. It is white and only about a foot tall but one of the activities ladies made all the prizes and they were beautiful. There were these little trees, wreaths, angels etc. Each was more unique than the other. The smiles on the older ladies and mens faces when they one embodied the spirit of Christmas. At that time the feeling of loneliness was put aside and laughter rang through the dining room where we were playing. Some of these people never had visitors yet the friends they made in the home made their spirits boost.
My hubby and I are so lucky to have family and friends and a home to share together. We are able to see one another and to love and care for each other.
Maybe Christmas has come to mean how much do I get...how many presents to some but to me...it is a time of sharing, caring and just being together. It is a time to reflect on the year past and the coming year. We are spending it together this year and that is what counts.
Hubby is finding new ways of doing things. He has a leg amputated but he has two arms and hands he can use. He is taking it slower so he doesn't fall again and learning how to do things for himself. He lets me help but only if he can't do it alone. We are blessed with a home, food, family and friends that care.
Christmas is a time of magical wonder on childrens faces. It is the birth of baby Jesus, or at least a time of celebrating it. It is a time of surprises and of calling people that we have not heard from for awhile. It doesn't matter if there are no presents or how much money you spend but a time of renewal and love.
Sometimes we sit and blame God for our missery but he gave us life and free will to do with that miracle what we want. We are the ones who over stuffed ourselves on sugary foods. We are the ones that ruined our health with sitting around and eating unhealthy foods. It is not God that took my husbands leg but diabetes from all the years of not taking care of himself and I have done the same. God is there to give us strength and love.
Spark is here to help us renew that health. We can't undue what we have already done but we can make it better. We can eat healthier. We have all the tools right at our fingertips...but do we use them. You have to use them to make it work. I still don't use the nutrition tracker like I should but I will try and put it in before I eat it so I know beforehand how many calories, carbs etc...I am taking in.
The teams help with support, challenges and making new friends. You can meet people from around the world and learn from them. Spark is a blessing that I so much appreciate. I don't always show it but I bless Chris for starting all of this and all the coaches for their help . Sparkguy, I think you are a human Angel in disquise and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I want to hear a laugh, a deep down belly laugh that shakes your body right down to your heart. I want to see that glow light up your darkness and turn it into positive, Christmas spirit. I want to hear it ring through the world with kindness and caring, love and faith. I want us to unite and turn this world into togetherness instead of tearing us apart. This is the time of year when we can see miracles if we just look. God is there with us but we have to let him in!
Let's do what we can...Let's find that spirit and let it shine. Turn on those sappy Christmas movies. Listen and sing with the Carols. Call old friends and forgive ourselves and others.
Get up and renew those sparks that can grow from dying embers until they light the night.
We are not giving up...and neither should you. Hope is a word that lives in all of us. We just have to keep it alive and not let it become cold with lost faith or depression. We have to do it. Others can support us and give us advice but we have to do it!
I wish I had the vision to know how to make the world wake up and realize we are all on this planet to help each other...to cure disease...to stop the greed and taking of lives, just snuffing them out like they were a peice of nothingness. But each life is a miracle and a precious thing that God gave us.
So lets hear that laughter, that love and that peace ring out this year. I hope God blesses each and every one of you with a light that brings you laughter, joy , love and peace. Namaste to you all. That means " the spirit in me speaks to the spirit in you."
Love yourself and realize that you are worth it. God gave you that life and a light inside that can shine brightly if you let it.
Let that faith grow and let that light shine.
Let that spark grow. Keep it strong and let that ember grow into a full time fire. Spark has the tools..you have the ability and you just have to do it!
let that laugh grow into a deep belly laugh and keep the Christmas spirit all year long.
I have pushed myself and broken out of that nightmare. You can not let your life turn into a nightmare..you have to fight and make it better. Even if all seems lost, you have to not give up!
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
I have lost my Christmas spirit, my hope and my way. My hubby had more of his leg amputated and is having so much trouble. We are finally home but everything is just not right. It is like we landed in a nightmare and can't wake up.
Yesterday he could not get off the toilet. He would not even try to use the walker and pull himself up. So he got down on the floor and was going to crawl to the bed. He couldn't, I told him he would have to use his amputated leg too and it is not healed. They are still staples in it. So he grabbed the wheel chair and tried to pull up but could not. I called an ambulance and the put him in the chair.
Later that night, when I came out of the bathroom, he was on the floor again and said he slipped out of the bed. I couldn't get him up. I called the ambulance again and they got him in the chair. I don't know what is happening. He was doing great in the hospital. He used the transfer board but it was a plastic one that has a seat that slides over. The one that medicare pays for is shorter, more narrow and just a piece of wood that you have to try and slide over. It is much harder. I think he is giving up.
He wouldn't go to dialysis this morning because he was sick. He wouldn't do it a few times in the hospital either. They keep telling him the more he refuses to do it, the sicker he will get.
I can't have the stint taken out of my kidney Monday because I have to have another ekg because my other one had an arithmia and I don't have a way there to get one. My daughters transmission went out and our van is in the garage with the fuel pump out. Jack can't drive right now anyway. She has a truck but I can't get in it. If this seems like a pity party...it is. I am so tired and so frustrated, I lost my Christmas spirit. I love Christmas but didn't even put up my tree and don't know if I will. I just feel like I can't get out of this nightmare and can't find the hole in the universe that I crawled through.
We always seem to come through whatever we are thrown but I don't know this time.
I ordered a commode with a drop down arm with money his mom sent us fro our anniversary and hoping that will help it take away one of his problems. There are many amputees and I guess it is learn as you go. Even with all the therapy and them showing him how to do things, when you get home and don't have all the help...it is totally different.
I am sorry I was not there to do the challenge I started. I am sorry to all my teams that I was not there for you. I could not get on the computer to let you know why I was not there, and to be honest, right now, I do not have the mind to make up the daily challenge. I am just walking in a fog. Going to go dress up my page...maybe that will at least boost me up from this dragging feeling. Namaste. Pam
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