Friday, April 27, 2012
Yes, it has occurred to me that is part of the Seven Last Words of Christ. It's just the best heading for this blog.
Tuesday my divorce was finalized through a legal ruling to dissolve that in TX is called a Rule 11 agreement. True to form, he showed up in court although I was assured he wouldn't be there. My attorney - who I've nicknamed Grizzly Adams - was great: whisked me in to the courtroom past himself and his attorney and down in front on the right (random thoughts: I was heading for the "bride's side" ). He said" I'm going to find me a judge" and next thing I knew it was "all rise" and Grizz was back. He then called me to the bench and himself and his attorney followed but stayed behind me. He then read the ruling agreement and asked if I understood and agreed - said I did. The only question the judge asked me was if there was any hope of reconciliation. I assured her there wasn't (holy cow -- but she doesn't know him, right?). His attorney then asked me not once but 3 times if I understood the temporary support ceased. I assured her 3 times I did - this is important in a moment- and the judge then agreed to dissolve the marriage. The only piece to be completed is the signing of the final decree - working on the draft with Grizz now.
Grizz then whisks me out of the courtroom, past himself, who had stepped into the aisle to talk to me (whaaat??) and into the elevator, out the door, and back to his office, which is next door. We chatted very briefly and and as I was leaving the inner offices and stepped into the reception area, who should be standing there but his attorney? I almost knocked her over. Here it comes: she says" S****, I am so sorry this happened. J** wants to know when you are removing him from your insurance, he needs a colonoscopy". I was stunned -- the nerve!! -- and I said something about abiding by the rules of my company's policies and stormed out.
Ok, first of all, he's been saying for over 2 years that he was going to do that, and he has now had 5 months to get that done since he moved out. Remember -- this was NOT my idea to separate and divorce. His insurance costs me over $400/month. And this was on top of asking me if I understood HE was not going to be paying me anything more in front of the judge. My attorney and staff couldn't see that she had entered the reception area so had no idea that I had been accosted. I stormed out of there, walk/ran to my car right past himself standing on the curb, where I breathed deep and drank some water (yes, Sparkies, always carry it with me) before daring to drive home.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I got: what bloody nerve some people have - and then to sneak into my attorney's office!!! But, consider the source: true to form to the very bitter end. Can't expect those that behave badly consistently to suddenly acquire decency. Just doesn't work that way.
Anyhow, that's over except for some documents. I feel 100% relieved and better - put my house up for sale and have fallen in love with another house back in the area near my best friend and her husband live , yes that would be in the same area as the house himself insisted I sell and ....whatever, water under the bridge.
On to better things...the future is bright. I will return to my Sparking in a few weeks when the dust settles. I miss you all!!
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Hey Spark Friends --
Yes I am still here and adhering to the program. I haven't spent a lot of time here - exciting developments in my career and my travel schedule has exploded. I am having the time of my life -- seeing old friends/colleagues in DC and getting back into client facing work, which is wonderful. Everyone can't believe how good I look and most in the DC crowd haven't seen me in over 20 years!!
On the divorce front - not great news, not finished, extremely stressful. Less said the better. Now the challenge is I am so rarely in the area, it is hard to schedule next steps. I'm loving it though - am more comfortable in my own skin than I have been in my entire 57 years on this earth.
Thanking God everyday for my good fortune in connecting with old friends and making new ones - know that I am here, Spark family and keeping the course. Thoughts are with you - I will surface again in mid-June when I transition off this special assignment.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Some of you may have noticed I haven't spent as much time here as usual. I've been dealing with something in private, in secret, that I feel ready to share but couldn't until now.
The Sunday before Thanksgiving my husband informed me that he was leaving me - after the 1st of the year. I was frozen in shock...he gave me a long list of my faults and told me he wasn't willing to go to counseling. He claims to be a Methodist minister but the brutality of the content and style of his message was anything but Christian. He advised me to find a therapist to deal with my problems, but wouldn't answer direct questions about the real message - "are you writing me off?"
The kiss off conversation started when I protested that he had just gotten back from a 2 wk trip in Europe - new clothes, new luggage - and was talking about buying an iPad. You see, he hasn't contributed a dime to household expenses in almost 2 years. I couldn't believe that he was now talking about buying something - that I would love but decided I couldn't afford - so I pressed him about that. So,he clobbered me. The timing - right before the holidays - was particularly cruel. And the specifics about when he was leaving he would not answer. And this was a secret - I wasn't to tell my family or friends and he wasn't going to tell his kids and friends until after the holidays. Are you following this? He ruined my holidays but let's not touch his or his kids. He kept saying he had gotten over me years ago and the pain I was feeling he felt then too. Rationalization.
That first week was awful - I had scheduled vacation for that week and didn't have work to distract me. I did find a therapist - and a lawyer - the next day. I also spent the afternoon with my best friend, confessing all and what had been going on in my marriage over the last 4 years. And went to see my doctor - since part of the accusations had to do with physical problems I had - who was very kind, prescribed an antidepressant, and so kindly prayed with me before I left the office. He expected me - and I did - fix unThanksgiving dinner for his family and friends - one of whom is I am certain acting as his attorney and who he, BTW, dated in high school - that came out over dinner. UnThanksgiving because we had to schedule our Thanksgiving around his kids and his ex-wife's wishes. I had been invited to my best friend's home for Thanksgiving with her and a friend who I ironically haven't seen since our wedding 7 1/2 years ago. But no, I worked like a dog to fix a nice dinner for his family and friends and make everything look "normal".
Since then, with the help of my family and friends, and a great therapist, I've gained clarity. One of my flaws is that when I love someone, no matter what they do or say, it takes me forever to figure out that those feelings are not returned. And what that ties into is my secret - I don't feel worthy of love. Always a struggle for me and something that I need to work on. I recognize the thing that I most feared - being abandoned and being alone - had already happened long ago. And I was ok - I was broken but not beaten. And I needed to move on. I also have come to understand how many friends I really do have. And how I am loved. Just not at home. My trip to LA this week was fraught with worry - I gave him the papers for the divorce ironically on the 7 1/2 anniversary exactly - and he was trying to negotiate staying longer. I stayed awake the night before I left with that little message - and finally told him the next morning that his message was devoid of kindness and compassion. I was showing him more than enough kindness and compassion allowing him to stay in this house and put on the charade of Christmas with his family. You see, I've gone home to be with my family - after decorating the house by myself - for the last 3 years. He encouraged me to do this again this year months ago - under the guise of my mother's age - and was still expecting me to do that again - after emotionally napalming me before the holidays! I haven't touched so much as an ornament here. Instead, I helped my best friend and her family decorate their tree.
So, I've gained understanding, awareness, stopped shaking all the time and started to heal. I am reconnecting myself with my friends and had to do that with my Spark family as well. I ask for your understanding and support - which I know in my heart I can count on.
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
The Big Theme for the month of November is gratitude -One of the items on my Gratitude list is the Rootin for Ruby team. I feel really grateful I was invited to join this team. It is a great support, place to vent, get questions answered, play silly games, and in general a nice place to call home. Thanks for all the leaders and members who make it so worthwhile!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Ok - so for my frustration -- I'm spitting mad right now; yesterday about noon the power started to flicker and then went out - called the power company and got a recorded "we're really sorry the power should be back on between......" I had just stuck some spark recipe muffins in the electric oven. So much for muffins.
So that on again/off again continued for a couple of hours. I was scared for the appliances and computers - we had a whole house surge protector installed when we moved in but I don't trust it...Unplugged all the computers. But not the router or modem. Important detail - didn't occur to me. They were already plugged into an ADDITIONAL surge protector - should be ok, right?
Also realized - as I was headed out to Starbuck's for a hot spot so I could get some work done that I'd promised my boss - garage door doesn't open with no electricity. Duh. It probably does somehow but I couldn't figure it out. Probably has something to do with that frayed red cord that appears to have snapped off about 8 feet above my head. My DH left for Denver Saturday at about 6 am so no one to consult on this.
So I waited until we had a partial current - I know because all the smoke alarms chirp - got the door open and closed, and left for Starbuck's. Got back in a few hours - power on. BUT no internet. Rebooting modems, routers, PC's didn't fix it so....I figure too late for tech support and I'll try again in the morning. Hoping for a return of my patience as well.
Started with my ISP provider early this morning - got that back on and working but no wireless. They would help me with the router ...for 14.99 a month and a YEAR's COMMITMENT! So I say, no, just spent $270 to get Geek Squad Black Tie protection so it doesn't make sense for me to pay you $179 when it could mean you tell me the router is dead and I'm no better off.
Call to Geek Squad Black Tie hot line - by now almost 1:30 Sunday.
Hour or so on the line with Geek Squad dude - who kept trying to install drivers for my wireless card and won't listen to the problem or the fact that I have been using the same router and same PC for over 2 years - then finally gets it that the wireless isn't broadcasting, says pack up the router and go to Best Buy. On a - by this time - Sunday afternoon. Aiy yi yi Lucy!!!!
So I drive over there (30 minutes)......stand in line to talk to one guy - who tells me I'm in the wrong line (apparently under the Geek Squad sign when you have purchased Geek Squad black tie protection is the wrong line - go figure). Shows me where the right line is and 30 minutes later I talk to new Geek Squad guy...who tells me....wait for it....he can't help me because the store is on a broad band connection. I argue that Geek Squad phone guy sent me in there and told me you could help. He finds me the phone number for Linksys - manufacturer of the router I bought from Best Buy!! - and tells me to go home and call them. I'm sure you see the irony. Sort of a Catch 22 wouldn't you say?
By this time it is almost 4:30 - I buy a new router not wanting to risk driving home, calling Linksys and being told router is dead. My day is shot and I need it for work actually today. BTW in a fit of insanity, I purchase Black Tie protection on the new router.
So 5:30 pm Sunday - I open the box for the new Linksys router and there is nothing in the way of documentation/instructions. Nada. Just a cd. Pop that in.....nothing; try again and the installation fails. Tells me I need to disable whatever other software is managing my networks. Funny, that would be Linksys software wouldn't it from the old router?
I call Geek Squad again -- long story short, he can't help, and gives me the phone number for Linksys. It is now almost 8 pm. I'm am stomping around the house mad - my weekend is gone.. I finally figure out what box to uncheck to disable the wrong software and get the through the installation. Have you ever noticed that all their links for additional help require a connection to the internet? If I had that, i wouldn't have bought your stupid....never mind.
Now I'm re-installing laptops, printers, yadya, and I haven't had dinner.
Yes this was a rant. Can't help it. Feel like telling someone to go hang themselves with their Black Tie.
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