Sunday, July 01, 2012
Growing up I was a water baby. Mom and grandma were always smearing lotion on me WHEN they could catch me. Grandma said I was so dark because I ate too much chocolate, but it was because I could run fast and didn't like the feeling of sand scratching with the lotion.
When we moved from NY to CHicago, my swimming turned from Jones beach to a pool and began to swim competitively around the age of 4/5. I remember the boredom of laps and racing in a pool, and yet it surprises me that I don't remember how much water I swallowed. Have I become so uncoordinated that I swallowed half the pool today or just forgetful about the water in my lungs?
These days have been so warm, yet in the pool I don't notice the heat, even with my heart racing.
In high school the first two weeks of school included 14 days of grueling, twice daily workouts with the coach's promise that we would shorten the time to gain back muscle tone.
So here i swam my second mile in four days and thinking maybe the crash after a workout from both high school and the last days is so my body can clear the chlorine. Blech. Chlorine and pool scum!
It feels good to think, I could have muscle tone in ten days. I would like add a run tonight, after the thunder stops.
On a great note, I did bring pumpking seeds to the pool and began feeding as soon as I showered. When I got home I ate a healthy sprout, tahini, lentil and chicken wrap before the hershey bar, and didn't pass out, but had to recline a bit for recovery. I also didn't eat the whole Hershey bar. If I can keep these habits with me, I have a much better outcome to maintain weight loss. I erased chance, because it's down to choices not probability.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
I will take another swing at this tomorrow, but wanted to jot down thoughts about my relationship with food, eating, and physical activity. .. might as well tackle it now while the idea is fresh.
how and why I eat.
I noticed today that after a long workout that I ate mindlessly and then fell asleep.
I came home after a mile swim in the outdoor rec center and was looking for a book on tape and wandered from room to room and then exhausted sat down and woke up hours later.
I have been noticing that I eat to fuel up, but at the point I need fuel, I am making bad choices.
I will need to bring fuel to my workout, to avoid the crash.
Friday, June 29, 2012
I am overwhelmed by the chaos of possessions, housekeeping dieting and exercise. I have a plan to simplify my life. Today
i am going to exercise and simplify, realizing that I create most of my own stress by the inflexible way I have been responding to work.
And it is so hot. Will the whole summer be like this? I am hoping as I increase my fitness the heat wont be so much of an issue.
On a positive note, I did swim a mile today and will be tweaking that goal to be able to swm a mile in 100 and 200 meter sets, instead of 50 meteres at a time..
Thursday, June 28, 2012
I went to fill up my 5 gallon carboys with filtered water and noticed one was green at the neck where the water sits!
I have been having a rumbly, unsettled stomach for a few weeks, and wonder how much was caused by algae? With a recent uptick of heat, it may have only bloomed in the last weeks, but sheesh! Algae is not good for your body.
I usually rinse them with baking soda, but perhaps I missed a rinse! I took the cooler tank apart and rinsed that too. I don't use the cooler setting because I like water room temp. Since it's going to be hot,
i will have to plan ahead to let the water cool down, one 32 ounce bottle at a time
Some gains were giving up coffee. Now
i have no reason to buy half and half!
Monday, June 25, 2012
My sister tells me what I failed to do. I tell her "but I just did all these things for you and mom". I guess they weren't the right things.
Now it's midnight, she went off to bed and I feel a little nauseated. I brushed my teeth; I am not eating. I sure as hell am not smoking, but you know I am thinking about lighting one up and smothering the ache with a deep drag.
I hear she is hurt, I am leaving in a day, and some how I let her down. I guess this is the guts of my historic emotional binging; so I try swap eating with pairing the words with the underlying hurts and unmet needs. Yes, I have some responsibility. I guess tomorrow I will apologize for what I own, and what I lack. But I have busted my butt for the last three days, fixing their computer, a few $100 bucks in chainsaw work, fixing the bicycle, putting together the infrared bbq. I also feel like, each person is responsible for their own happiness and good christians should focus on their own failures. I feel like as adults we are repeating the dance of my parents, transferring blame and disappointment onto family targets.
I feel like I don't want to be in this family, but it's the only one I have.
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