Sunday, December 30, 2012
Well I gave up ... again, but this is my forgiveness letter to myself to remind me that this journey I've chosen isn't easy. I am an emotional eater. I eat to celebrate, to soothe my crazy emotions and just because, no reason.
I'm not using this as an excuse, but I have many unresolved issues with my life that I haven't dealt with very well and food became my comfort.
Compartmentalizing doesn't work for me and when I was in therapy and had professional support, I still couldn't face my demons. I sorry that I lied to myself and I forgive me for lying to me and to those who would help me. I still don't know why I told them what they wanted to hear.
I forgive those who have hurt me both physically and mentally. I know that you can't hurt me anymore and even if you had the opportunity, I have the strength to not let it happen again. I am no longer afraid of you. I don't hate you, I don't wish you to hell but I won't forget what you have done to me, even though I forgive you.
This coming year I am making a plan. First and foremost I will accept myself for who I am now. I will no longer try to please others at my own expense. Most importantly, I will endeavor to find contentment for the first time in my life. My needs are very few and I will look for my own happiness within myself and my family. Everything else comes a distant second.
I enjoy helping others but if it causes stress or I feel put upon, well the answer is no thank you. There, I said NO. I don't say that enough either because of my need to please.
I now realize how much I say, "It's alright when it isn't." So if I feel that you hurt me, I will tell you. If I feel put upon, I will tell you. If I don't feel like it, I won;t. If you love or just like me, you will understand just as much as I give you understanding. If not - so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu, adio, adios. Love and friendship is a two-way street.
Here's to a happy, healthier, more contented New Year All!