JAY-NINE2   12,120
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JAY-NINE2's Recent Blog Entries


Wednesday, February 27, 2013

What a winter! I have been ill off and on - mostly on - since the first week of December. Because of my age (69) and the fact that I am asthmatic, I have been getting the flu shot since it was first available years ago. This year was not exception and so I felt protected.
In early December, I noticed that my breathing was becoming wheezy and laboured. I went to the doctor and she prescribed and anti-biotic and prednisone. 2 weeks later I was sick again and my breathing only improved marginally. So I got a second round of anti-biotic and steroids. Again my breathing improved somewhat but not completely
Of course my depression reared its ugly head and I was down for the count, not getting a restful night's sleep, dragging myself around and just feeling like garbage.
I now believe that I have been suffering from the interstitial pneumonia during this whole time and then I caught the flu bug and ended up in hospital.
One of my biggest problems is not being able to read my body well which isn't a good way to be when you are asthmatic, depressed/anxious, old and overweight. and trying to loose weight.
I am not seeing the signs of diminished breathing.
I don't see that my depression/anxiety is becoming a problem.
I keep forgetting to read my birth certificate.
I can't read when I'm full.
My main goal this year is to find some contentment. Somehow I think it's going to take as much work as correcting how I ignore my body/mind.
I don't look at this as a negative. But it will be a challenge.
The last word? Get your flu shot. Although it was not effective for me this year, I hate to think what would have happened if I didn't get the shot.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANJAYS-JOURNEY 2/27/2013 7:42PM

    awesome that you are on the mend, reading your body will come in time

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LYNCHD05 2/27/2013 7:17PM

    You are right about the flu shot. We always get it and have for several years. I hope you are feeling better soon. And don't forget we are always here for you!
Ps you are just a little older than me.....I will be 68 in September. We are young seniors.....

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SNUGLBUNIE 2/27/2013 6:01PM

    Great thinking and realizations. You've made the first step.....time will help.

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VOLARI52 2/27/2013 3:46PM

    So glad you are on the mend and out of the hospital...one day at a time....take care.

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The Road to Mental Health is a Slippery Slope to Climb - Again.

Friday, February 15, 2013

I've had a relapse with the depression. It's been brewing for a couple of months.
I'm back on anti-depressants and have a temporary med to help me sleep.
Now to find a GP Psychoanalyst practitioner. They are covered by our Health Plan. Unless you have the money or private insurance - and I don't - Psychoanalysts charge - a lot. The ones that are covered by our government medical plan are few and far between and I have to be referred by my family doctor. At least knowing that I'm doing something positive helps me stay steady most of the time.
The biggest thing that keeps going through my mind is why am I like this? There are so many people that are and have gone through so much both physically and mentally and yet seem to be content with their lives and yet here I am feeling so sorry for myself for things that happened to me as a child and young adult. I have a wonderful husband, great children who have made me proud and 6 healthy grandchildren who are doing well.
I don't even understand myself. How could anyone else? NO, I'm not suicidal and would never entertain it. That is not the kind of legacy I would leave.
Thanks for letting me vent.
My prayers for you is that you go around the corner and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been there often, I just can't seem make it entirely out of the tunnel.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JODROX 2/15/2013 10:00PM

    Oh - I feel for you! It seems when you start talking about these issues, you find out how very common they are. Very. You are not alone. One of the best cures is being with people -- make yourself interact. Also movement. Whether you feel like it or not, get out and move. A walk or a swim or whatever trips your trigger -- it helps so, so much!

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MINIMOE1 2/15/2013 7:24PM

    emoticon We're all here for you, Janine.

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LYNCHD05 2/15/2013 6:34PM

    Janine you are so brave being able to talk about this so openly. I was thinking about you today and there you showed up on the daily chat. You have lots of friends rooting for you. Feel good very soon!!!!! Sending lots of hugs!

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1EMMA2011 2/15/2013 4:41PM

    I can completely relate. Depression is anger turned inward they say. You are not alone. Good for you for getting therapy.


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VOLARI52 2/15/2013 2:52PM

    My prayers are that at one point in your life you will be free of this burden.... emoticon

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Getting back on track

Saturday, January 05, 2013

I'm feeling much better getting back on track but it is difficult after the over indulgence of the Holidays. I made a resolution to forgive myself as easily as I forgive others for any missteps. It only makes sense really. Why are we always so much harder on ourselves?
Someone once told me, "Take care of yourself first. You are no good to anyone else if you are not healthy and rested." Why did it take me so long to really get that?
Well, I do get it now and that's what's important to me. This journey is taking much longer than I first expected but that's okay too. Maybe I was meant to struggle to find out what I really wanted and needed. I am getting there though.
By revising my expectations I hope I have smoothed the road of my journey but if it doesn't, then so be it. I still fully intent to finish - no matter what. It may take longer or it may be shorter. Whatever, it is MY journey.
May the road rise up to meet you all.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VOLARI52 1/6/2013 11:31AM

    We are all here to encourage and help each other...hope your journey to a healthier lifestyle is accomplished...we are all here to help...take care.


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1EMMA2011 1/5/2013 5:59PM

    I agree about the length of the journey. Mine is long also. I agree too with everyone that it is a blessing because once we get to the destination we'll be more grateful. I'm glad I'm on this trip with you - otherwise it would be so hard!!

emoticon emoticon

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LYNCHD05 1/5/2013 3:44PM

    I think when to takes longer it will stay longer. We all know about the fad dieting which does not work but the healthy lifestyle is slower, harder because we are I patient, but it is the only one that works for a lifetime. We are I this together and we will plod along together and become healthy together!

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OHIOSTAR58 1/5/2013 1:08PM

  I always think getting back on track is harder than staying on track. Congrats on revising your expectations and moving in the right directions for you.

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What Happens When I Don't Eat Well.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

1. I feel bloated
2. My stomach feels upset
3. My mood is bad because I feel guilty
4. My skin gets extremely itchy from eating foods I'm sensitive to
5. I'm lethargic
6. I feel like a failure.
7. I'm feel sorry for myself
8. I feel like this is my punishment for 'being bad'
You get the idea. All those bad feelings both physically and mentally. For what? A bunch of food that I ate too fast and quite frankly didn't taste as good as I thought.
That's why I love Spark People. Today is a new day to eat healthily and feel better about myself. No belly bloat, no moaning and definitely no guilty feelings.
I accept don't accept my body the way it is now because it is NOT healthy and I hate taking the medications I have to to be healthy.
This year is going to be my year. Eating within my goals, exercising daily and getting out more. Nothing shocking, nothing I can't do but something I can do.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNCHD05 1/2/2013 5:13PM

    Way to go Janine with heading back to,your healthy lifestyle. You had so much happening almost sine the fall that it does feel good to get back to normal. I know you will do well.


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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 1/2/2013 3:30PM

    Honesty is the first step to progress, way to go!!!

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JODROX 1/2/2013 2:18PM

    Whoa - that's a lot of bad stuff. I hope you feel better. I think it's okay to have a "bad" thing now and then as long as you don't go overboard or mentally go too hard on yourself.

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CHICKPEA23 1/2/2013 12:10PM

    I totally agree! Sometimes when I'm really tempted to eat junk food or overindulge, I think about how I felt right after the last time I did that.... and that's often enough to get me to resist.

Take care and I wish you the best in the new year!

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Another New Start

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Well I gave up ... again, but this is my forgiveness letter to myself to remind me that this journey I've chosen isn't easy. I am an emotional eater. I eat to celebrate, to soothe my crazy emotions and just because, no reason.
I'm not using this as an excuse, but I have many unresolved issues with my life that I haven't dealt with very well and food became my comfort.
Compartmentalizing doesn't work for me and when I was in therapy and had professional support, I still couldn't face my demons. I sorry that I lied to myself and I forgive me for lying to me and to those who would help me. I still don't know why I told them what they wanted to hear.
I forgive those who have hurt me both physically and mentally. I know that you can't hurt me anymore and even if you had the opportunity, I have the strength to not let it happen again. I am no longer afraid of you. I don't hate you, I don't wish you to hell but I won't forget what you have done to me, even though I forgive you.
This coming year I am making a plan. First and foremost I will accept myself for who I am now. I will no longer try to please others at my own expense. Most importantly, I will endeavor to find contentment for the first time in my life. My needs are very few and I will look for my own happiness within myself and my family. Everything else comes a distant second.
I enjoy helping others but if it causes stress or I feel put upon, well the answer is no thank you. There, I said NO. I don't say that enough either because of my need to please.
I now realize how much I say, "It's alright when it isn't." So if I feel that you hurt me, I will tell you. If I feel put upon, I will tell you. If I don't feel like it, I won;t. If you love or just like me, you will understand just as much as I give you understanding. If not - so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu, adio, adios. Love and friendship is a two-way street.
Here's to a happy, healthier, more contented New Year All!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1EMMA2011 12/30/2012 10:33PM

    Everything happens in its own time. Good for you for acknowledging where you are on your journey. This year, 2013, will be ours to conquer!

Happy New Year!!

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FENWAYGIRL18 12/30/2012 7:16PM


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LYNCHD05 12/30/2012 6:41PM

    Janine this is a wonderful blog and a very good way to start the new year. We not only have to look after the physical side of our life but also the mental side. More of us should take your advise and think about that. I wish you great success on your journey.
Happy New Year my friend!

Comment edited on: 12/30/2012 6:42:17 PM

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FLSUNSHINEGRL 12/30/2012 5:50PM

    You have a positive outlook and you can do it. I know exactly how you feel.

It's a new year, a new decision and a path to a new you.

Good luck! emoticon

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