Wednesday, July 30, 2014
I don't like asking for help. It makes me feel weak. When someone asked me what my formula for a successful 40 year marriage was I put it to them this way"
"I've spent 40 years walking around in the basement muttering "shoot," walking around a bit more and muttering "shoot" again. Joan spent 40 years standing at the foot of the stairs asking "What can I do to help?" My answer usually has something to do with re positioning space and time.
Where am I going with this? My good friend CARTOONB said this to me in a blog comment last week:
"If hungry ain't the problem, food won't fix it. Sucks...but it's true."
I trust my intuition and when something stings a bit or sorta exposes me then I'm pretty sure its valid. For two days I thought about what she said and then another friend commented to me
"You know all my problems started when I joined Spark People."
And suddenly................ it all made sense.
It's more than diet and exercise. It's about that dad gummed internal gyroscope of ours that guides and directs us. We can blame mom and dad, spouse partner or kid. We can rationalize that this what God wants for us; to suffer and be in a state of chronic agony. Some of us even blmae God, dont we?
Yes, all my problems began close to 5 years ago when I created this account and began this journey. I lost weight, gained weight, experienced the thrill of exercise victory and the agony of defeat. But what I am learning now is that being true to yourself, authentic and creative in your own life can be just as agonizing as training for a 5k.
"If hungry ain't the problem, food won't fix it. Sucks...but it's true."
Thank you Barb............. seriously, thank you.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
There is always that tiny bit of let down. You focus on laying a good foundation and you work towards an initial goal and you attain it - In some cases even surpass that goal.
Then you realize you have to begin again.
You do the happy dance for a moment or two and then its back to basics.
I know............ it's why diet's don't work.
My goal was to lose 3 pounds last week. I thought that to be a realistic goal. I lost 5 pounds and yes there is always the danger of doing the math in your head and the voice saying:
'5 pounds per week at X amount of weeks equals......"
I have to lose weight to hang on to the slim margin of health that I have. I have been fortunate until now only running into normal stuff that happens as you age. This isnt negotiable so as Jesus once instructed the lame man "Pick up your pallet and walk."
Life goes on
Monday, July 28, 2014
I looked forward to yesterday with a bittersweet attitude. Our oldest grand child turned 9 and we went to her pool party - a Harry Potter theme. Just between us, she has been around the longest and she has a special place in my heart. So the 4 hours in the car yesterday were just a minor annoyance. (That's why God made Ibuprofen.)
I almost didnt go. See, I knew that as soon as we got there someone would shove a plate of goodies in my face and when I demurred they'd say "Aren't you feeling well?" At any rate, you know how the conversation goes........
Everyone has a weight loss strategy. Someone told me yesterday that if I sucked a whole lemon before every meal the weight would just drop off of me. Yeah, okay, that'll work. (Joan says I can be sour enough some mornings without the assistance of a lemon.)
I lingered in the background until DGD said "Pappy, wont you have any cake? I helped mom make it." And I did. Joan sliced it for me. (Can you say "transparent", LOL?) It was more than enough. I hadn't eaten any processed sugar in 7 days and I had a minor headache but other than that I was okay with it.
I passed on the other stuff, had a bottle of water and we went home. Challenge faced, challenge succeeded. I stayed on point and within my calorie limit.
Another reason to be healthy
That's me and the youngest grand child. He'll be a year old next month.
This morning was my weigh in day and I lost 5 pounds in the past week. Thank you for supporting me.
I love you all
Sunday, July 27, 2014
I had a good day yesterday, busy but good.
I stayed within my calorie limits and my challenge today is venturing out of my rabbit hole and attending DGD's birthday party. She will be 9 on Wednesday.
It's getting a bit easier to cope with my renewed routine. It's good to share my thoughts, fears and dilemma's. It helps me to work through them when I type them and look at them on paper. Sharing them with you creates another avenue of accountability for me. Knowing that I made the commitment to check in daily with you tells me I have to be accountable.
The excerpt below is from a news letter I get from one of my mentors Ms Stella Orange. It was so powerful that I had to share it with you.
"Just did a VIP day with a new client in the Writing Brigade yesterday.
Really impressive woman.
She’s an exercise physiologist with a bone to pick with the softer side of weight loss.
“Stella, it’s science! No one is teaching the science!"
She believes in scales.
She believes in food tracking.
She believes in smaller portions.
The concern is, if she actually *said* this stuff in her marketing, that she would become wildly unpopular.
Friends, this is where you must go.
If you want to run a provocative business that doesn’t get drown out by the noise…
… you are going to have to say some things that not everyone resonates with.
And that’s actually a GOOD thing.
When did so many of us get so scared about saying what we really think?
I’ve got my theories (we were witches).
But darling, the time has come.
It is a different time.
You are a different person.
And you have come too far to sit on all the wisdom you have built up over your journey…
Without sharing it with other people.
As the poetess and author Audre Lorde wrote, “Your silence will not protect you.”
And as I say, “If they don’t like what you have to say, you don’t want to work with them, anyway.”
Thank YOU for your honesty and your love
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Before I share my thoughts on yesterday let me clarify something I wrote yesterday.
I referenced the fact that "one more salad would engage my gag reflex." Someone pointed out that I'm acting like I am on a diet.
Okay, two things. I would have used the same reference if we had been given the option of only eating my all time favorite food, which BTW is just about everything that isn't good for you. My choices for the first 3 days of this past week were severely limited to salad and a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't in my best metabolic interest. I know what some of those food choices do to me physically and so I make every effort to avoid them.
Secondly, God rest his soul, my dad would have been 90 tomorrow and he told me something once that stuck with me most of my life: "If it doesnt pinch a little it's not worth it." I wish I'd have had more healthy options the first three days, but I didn't. Eating a pre-packaged salad wears not only on your tummy but on your soul. But ya know what? I survived and yeah one more salad would have made me gag.
I think we are all different people and if you are able to splurge every now and then I am genuinely happy for you. I know being an emotional eater who has some minor to moderate panic and anxiety issues that my long term health comes down to the choices I make as to what goes in my mouth.
I make bad choices. It is that simple. I choose things that will hurt me rather than help me and then wonder why I feel crummy or gain weight at the speed of light. Maybe you can have a burger and fries or a piece of cheese cake every now and then and maybe you can handle it just fine. I cannot and it is refreshing and redeeming inside of me to know that. When I change my choices then my life options change.
In a few weeks I'll be 61. Who are we kidding here. I've got maybe 20 years left and that's if I start taking better care of myself and quit making excuses. To me, an uneaten slab of pizza, a polite "no" to a tray of cookies, cakes or pies, is a great trade off when I can see one more sun rise, a grandchild take their first step or graduate from high school or college.
One of the voices in my head? It was Brandy Reid. You don't know her but she is a fitness instructor at my gym. A few years ago I took one of her classes and she asked us to hold a plank for 30 seconds. I made it okay until the last 10 seconds and then I sorta scooted my butt in the air to take the pressure off my back and abdomen. She crouched down next to me and whispered,
"The only person you are cheating John, is yourself."
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