Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I've had an insane couple of months and I learned A LOT about myself. I can't really do it justice in a blog, but maybe I can give you an overview and come back to specific things in greater detail in the next week or two.
Sadly, due to a string of family tragedies, I had to come home early. I absolutely loved my time in Europe and I'm already dreaming about how to go back. It was probably one of the best experiences of my life and I grew as a person in almost every way imaginable- except one. I lost weight. A lot of weight. I went from about 138 to 114 in a matter of weeks. My family was shocked to see me and my jewish stepmom has already set to work to fatten me up. (I've gained 5 lbs since coming home and I'd like to stay around 120, which is my goal weight, my "happy" weight.)
So, what I ate in Europe: LOTS of wine and cheese, croissants, fried potatoes, plum cake, brioche, butter, whole milk, espresso, more pastries....
What I didn't eat: Fruits, veggies, lean protein, water.
I didn't really realize it until I got home, but even though I lost weight and probably looked better, I was definitely NOT healthier. And It has all caught up to me with a weird flu that has developed into an ear infection. Ouch. Although I was walking (a lot) everyday, I skipped all my other work outs, including my beloved yoga and threw my healthy eating to the wind. (In my defense, the food I had available to me was mostly fried meat!) Ok, I know, no excuses, I could have bought and eaten more frozen fruits and veggies at the grocery store. Also, my skin is blah and breaking out, I feel sore and achy and weak and I have this over-all feeling of being nutrient-deprived.
Anyway, I'm home now and recovering the best I can. The farmer's markets are in full swing right now and I am pigging out on fresh fruits and veggies and getting more sleep and more water and I'm going to try to either swim or strength train today and I have yoga tonight.
I'd also like to maintain the weight I am now with intuitive eating. I think it's going to be a little tricky because there are so many foods I love and missed while away that now I see them and I get hungry, but because I want to eat whatever it is and not because I am actually physically in need of food.
I also have this weird fear that going back to eating healthy will make me gain weight back. I hear over and over again on the boards that when you go back to your old eating habits, you will regain the weight and to make lifestyle changes instead. What if your lifestyle changes included eating large amounts of cheese everyday? I'm just going to have to keep an eye on the scale and adjust my eating accordingly.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
I have arrived safely in Germany and I'm settling in. I still have a few details to sort out, like where I'm going to work and lining up a car, but everything else has pretty much fallen into place.
I'm staying for 3 months, which as long as I can stay legally without a visa. I'm staying near Frankfurt and I think that Germany may be one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.
(Don't be jealous San Francisco, you still have my heart.)
Have you ever known in your bones that you needed to change the inertia of your life? Like you are just going along the same path and you realize you aren't going in the right direction?
I've felt that a few times. On one occasion, I realized that I needed to improve my health. (I have since lost 40+ lbs and radically changed my diet.) Loooooong ago (6 years) I realized that I could do more than be a half-ass student and worked my butt off to earn both my AA and BA with honors. It's just a feeling I get when I know that I need to change something in my life.
So here I am in Europe. And I'll let you in on a secret, I'm not brave. I'm terrified! Buying those two tickets, both the first one to come in may and then the one to come back in July were some of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I love certainty and order and plans. Not knowing what was coming next was terrifying. I am also a huge people-pleaser and my BF and family weren't wild about the idea. To put it mildly.
But it's really a gamble and the higher the stakes, the bigger the potential pay out. It was just something I had to summon up everything I had in my and do because I knew that if I didn't, I would always regret letting my fear get in the way of really living.
And anyone can live the life that they want and do things that make them happy. There were some things that I identified as things I was unhappy about with my life. To sum it up, I felt stuck in a rut and like my life didn't have either growth or direction. It was really, really hard for me to choose to change those things and I am still working on it everyday.
I have to make new friends (hard for a girl who has social anxiety in a group- gulp) and I'm prone to turning down invitations. I've decided not to turn down a single invitation while I'm here unless I have a really good reason (like a safety issue). I also have to conquer my fear of driving and drive in europe with it's tiny, twisty roads and high speed limits and sudden merges- I have a hard time doing that at home! Now add in not being able to read street signs, daily rain, and the fact that people park in the street and you've got a panic-inducing situation. On top of that, I want to feel like I am completely self-sufficient and I have the self-confidence in myself that I can handle any situation so that I won't let fear keep me from living life to the fullest.
I hope to blog a little more, but it is hard because I am really busy. If you have any questions, let me know and I'll answer them in another blog. With more pics. : )
Saturday, July 03, 2010
I had an amazing time in Europe. I am quite seriously trying to move there. I'm getting a job lined up so I can get sponsored to live there, then I'm going to ship some clothes and stuff and then I'll buy a plane ticket and go. I got really lucky and I have an internship at an ad agency in new york in the fall so I think I'll live in Europe for the rest of the summer before moving to NY. This trip literally changed my life. I love Europe. I went to Paris (and lots of places in Germany) all by myself. It feels wonderful to know that I am able to get around in a country where I can't speak the language. It's hard. And you have to carry and use a pocket dictionary for everything but it is completely possible. I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to now. Since I've gotten home, I've been conquering my fears one at a time. I feel like I've grown more in the past month than I have in the past three years.
And I lost 13 lbs while in Europe while eating cheese, croissants, chocolate and coffee and I've kept it off since being home. People just eat really differently in Europe. Smaller portions, more fat, more flavor, better quality food... I love it. They aren't afraid of butter. They eat cookies for breakfast. Wine is 3-4 euros a bottle and it is perfectly normal to order a beer with breakfast.
Everything was so beautiful and rich in history. Everyday I felt like I walked out the front door and into one of my art history text books. I can't describe how amazing it was to see some of the things that I'd studied in school. It almost feels like being in love to see art that you know and it's right in front of you. Or walking into a cathedral that took 600 years to build and understanding the historical significance of how the walls are supported and why the windows look the way they do. I know not everybody likes or is as informed about art as I am (everyone has their passions- that's normal) but art, for me, is almost like flying. It takes you to places you just can't get to by foot. You can see things from another perspective. It has the power to make you feel and think and dream.
Monday, May 24, 2010
It was awesome: juliesproject.blogspot.com/2010/05/r
Sorry to make you click through, the recap and pictures are in the link. I'm leaving for Europe tomorrow so I don't have a lot of time to re-load all the pictures to SP.
While I'm in Europe, I'll be posting pics and video to the blog (in case you're interested).
Monday, May 17, 2010
Hey! Just wanted to let you know that I have been using a different blog lately.
It's kinda a work in progress, but that is where I will be posting more often. I've been starting to feel like maybe SP isn't the most appropriate place for my blogs now that I've moved away from weight loss and into just a healthy lifestyle. I'll still post some blogs here, but there will be a lot more over on my other blog and I will be posting everyday during my Europe trip from that blog. (!)
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