Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Home sick today, but that pales in comparison to the email I just received. Mom Angell is failing, is not expected to live more than a few days. I ask for prayers for her, her caregivers and all of the family.
I am supposed to be at a seminar next week and the delayed anniversary celebration play days with my honey. It's all paid for except for meals and fun. I can't decide what to do. Do I cancel this and go to Missouri for maybe a funeral or wait until they do the memorial in Arkansas (where I met Mom and where she will be buried)? That service is likely to occur in the spring or summer.
I adore Mom! My gut tells me I would be in the way in MO, that she is not likely to know I am there, but how much of that is my reluctance to face facts and take the trip? How much of that is fear? I was with my dad when he died and it was the hardest day of my life. I will be forever grateful that I was there for him (he knew I was there and we talked a little.) But I don't know if I could stand to see Mom, that tall, graceful warm and loving woman now at 90+, frail and bedridden.
The ticket price between SFO and MO vs SFO and Ft Smith is only a few hundred dollars, so it's about the same either place. I don't want to go, but that is totally selfish and out of step with reality. On the other hand, Mom's daughters need as much love and support as they can get. Not to mention the rest of the clan!
I love Mom forever!