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April 9, 2007

Monday, April 09, 2007

I've spent the last five days in bed. I've got pnemonia, an infection of the lungs, throat/tonsils, "sinus", and right ear. Anyway, April 1st was my 1 year anniversary with Spark... and I'm reinvigorated to continue losing weight. I'm going for another 20 pounds.

Of course, there is motivation from elsewhere too. Work is going well, and I'm actually creating relationships with co-workers. I went on a hike last week (which I shouldn't have, since I got much more sick afterwards) and of course was at the end of the group. But you know what? Someone else was slow as well, and we did it together. It was a lot of fun. The nice thing was that I thought she was stuck-up, simply because she is so pretty. She's actually very cool. I was very glad to have someone else share my un-athletic-ness.

The TC 10km is coming up, and I'm walking it, likely with several other co-workers. It's been a long time since I've actually walked that much in one stretch.

I'm also excited for when our office moves to the new location. There is a gym on-site. I haven't gone back to the gym since I left my old job. Since my old gym is right next to my old work, I haven't wanted to be put in that area of negativity. Unfortunately, it's also taken a toll on my weight-loss. (or lack thereof.) Anyway, the new building has a super fancy gym right inside, and I'm going to start going on a very consistent basis.

Our company is also doing a pedometer challenge right now. We're trying to hit 10,000 steps a day, and schedule walks at lunch 3 days per week.

This is all for now. I'm happy it's summer... the winter was pretty harsh on my enthusiasm.

  


Change

Saturday, January 27, 2007

The word change is interesting. I remember going on a trip with my mom during the pre-Edmonton days, and hearing the song "Change - will do you good". I sang along with it. Near the end, my mom was being jokingly upset, and said something like "Wow, you'd think that the singer thinks that change would do you good." The song basically repeats that the entire time. Anyway, that always stuck out in my mind. I fear and hate change. The interesting thing about that, is whenever I've undergone change, often it has been a great experience. Whenever I've come out of a long relationship, I've actually enjoyed dating various people. After moving, while being anxious in a new place, it has always ended up positive.

And now, I have some more change. Monday morning, I'm going into work, and resigning. I've been with Ford for 3 years now. I can't believe it's that long. But things have been amassing for quite some time. Almost the entire time, to be honest. There has always been something keeping me there. Such as:

1. My mom. She was so proud of me having a great job, and me not wanting to dissappoint her by leaving.
2. Niilo not working, and me having a steady job to pay for things.
3. My mom passing away, and them giving me 3 weeks off. I have always felt indebted to them for letting me have the time back, and making the return so seemless.
4. The promotion. I felt that while I had the experience for the promotion, I didn't have the education. I feel that they gave me a big boost in my career.
5. Guilt. Debbie was told I was her "last chance" ... and if I didn't work out, the structure of the office was changing, and my position would be moving to another location.
6. The turnover. There was always someone coming and going. This made it that the timing was never right, and when there was turnover, Debbie and Carry were inevitably nicer to me, as I was more valuable to them. This is likely the biggest reason.

I do have a lot of things to write... but the daunting task of putting fingers to keyboard to write something worthy of one day being read to myself has kept me away from this site. So I'm going to end this rather quickly, and say thing things are progressing for the positive.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANDYMORDAN 2/1/2007 3:41PM

    i have always embraced change but understand hoiw scary it can be for poeple. it is nice to see that you are putting yourself first this time. best wishes!

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Sunday, January 07, 2007

I have specificially not told people about the meds before because Iíve been worried about a reaction. But this site is quite different. And really, if Iím going to progress, I need to be honest with myself.

Iíve been extremely consistent with exercise over the last week (thank you Motivation to Move!) and am very pleased. After tabulating my calories for yesterday, I was quite shocked. I ate just over 2000 calories. My ďprescribed goalĒ of calories is 1350 - 1750 given my activity level. I had to remind myself that the REASON I went to the gym was so that I could go over on my calories. But really, I was dismayed that I *treated* myself to just over 600 calories of rice. Rice is not THAT important. 600 calories!??? Ouch. Anyway, except for the chocolate soy ice cream, it was all quite healthy food. I need to keep reminding myself of that! And I RARELY go over calories, so itís okay. Itís hard to get that through my head though.

Well, Iím still in bed, deciding what I want to do today. Iíve spent an hour or so on the internet replying, posting, and reading. What Iíd really like to get motivated to do is go to a rec centre and go swimming. Well, I donít actually swim. I mainly sit in the hot tub and sauna. I read the book ďUltra MetabolismĒ a few months ago, and it really helped me out of a plateau. While it seems as though Iím always trying to get out of a plateau, I have lost weight consistently since April. Already this year I have lost about 3.5 pounds. Iím getting off topic now. Sauna. Apparently you can sweat out toxins, and thatís good for you. Apparently your metabolism and your body works best at burning fat when itís not trying to keep you healthy in other areas. Iím not interested in doing a real cleanse of any sort, because Iím not big on playing around with my calories. The liquid cleanse for a day or two that Scott mentioned sounded rather interesting though. I might give that a try on my next plateau. But at the moment, Iím doing really really well.

One of my life issues is that I get very very bored. At work, I canít sit still. I literally do WORK for 8 hours a day. One of my favorite things to do is to be so ďoverwhelmedĒ with work, that I take a five minute lunch, and get right back to working. Some people sit in the lunch room, and basically stare at each other for a whole hour. I canít do that. Why waste an entire hour? I heard a quote recently that went something like this: ďWork very hard at your job for 8 hours a day, so that one day you can be the manager and work 12 hours a day.Ē I found that inspiring to put my work away at the end of the day. My goal is to do a good job at whatever Iím doing. This carries over in other areas of my life. I read until the exact moment that Iím falling asleep and canít even reach up to turn off the lamp. When I walk - even to the bus - I put on either music or a podcast. This includes the treadmill. Some people workout without headphones. How do they do this? When I ďrelaxĒ, it must be to some form of spoken meditation. If I really have nothing to do, Iíll play a computer game. And this brings me to the thought of: Why canít I be alone with myself? What am I worried that I will think about, if I let a stray thought in? A long time ago, I read something about how people always have to have background noise. The TV needs to be on in the other room during dinner for some people. The radio has to be on in the car. Being around someone must always be filled with conversation. I remember this, but I donít remember the solution or the explanation.

Last night, my boyfriend and I put the MTM episode 75 on our respective music players, and walked home from a friendís house. It was a half hour walk, so the timing was perfect. It was nice to know that as I was hearing something funny that was being said, so was he. We did pause it from time to time so I could explain something to him (ie, ďthis is the guy I was telling you about whose friend said it was unlikely that heíd get in shape for the trip they are planning!") but in general it was quiet. Except, of course, for the podcast. I havenít listened to the afterburner yet, and really want to. But Iím still in bed, and my headphones are on the kitchen counter. How lazy am I!???

Anyway, Iím glad to get this out. I used to be an avid journalistÖ I have daily diaries going back to grade one or soÖ (Which were really silly, I might add.) When my mom died, I didnít want to remember too much, so have kept it down to an update every few weeks or so. This much consistency makes me feel fuzzy.

Meredith

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONICA_W 1/20/2007 10:35PM

    Hey Mer! I just wanted to pop by and check in on you. Sounds like you're off to a pretty great start in 2007! I hope it continues to be fab for you. 50 pounds in 2006, eh? That's just jaw-dropping. I'm glad you're proud of yourself! You deserve all the body confidence in the world. I might have to look up that book you mentioned; I've been totally stuck in a plateau since October. On the bright side though, I've been rocking the cardio and strength training, so I'm feeling pretty good. What's "Motivation to Move"? Looking forward to keeping better track of you - I'm subscribing to your blog right now so you'd better keep writing in it! Keep up the great work babe and I'll talk to you again soon. ~Monica

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Saturday, January 06, 2007

Well, I figured that since Iíve been neglecting the other couple of sites I go to, I might as well have some form of journal over here. Let me start by saying that friends often call me ďMerĒ (pronounced Mare)Ö Mer in French is a pretty common word, meaning sea. (Sea food, ocean, etc.) Anyway, Jour díMer is the day of Mer, or the day of Sea. I donít know. Iím just feeling wacky, and wanted to write something other than ďMeredithís Journal.Ē Jour díMer sounded much better.

So far 2007 is going pretty darn great. I had made a few resolutions, and Iím still excited about them. Yes, I do realize itís only the 5th of JanuaryÖ But things are looking up in general. During the past few months, I have become increasingly depressed. I donít know how others specifically feel about medication, but after my mom died rather suddenly almost 2 years ago, I went on some. About a month ago, I had it changed because I was feeling like I just couldnít cope. I had a happy person somewhere inside of me, and it was hurting me even more to realize that. However, when Iíd get home from work, I could do little but sit on the edge of my bed and cry. I WANTED to do moreÖ I just felt so desparate and sad. I canít really explain it. Things were bad. Real bad. But Iím bouncing back now, and am really glad for it. For once in my life things seem to be going pretty well. (knock on wood?)

One of my New Yearís Resolutions was to become a more positive person. Thatís pretty vague, I know. But any progress in the direction of Ďmore positiveí is certainly welcome in my life. Iíve also resolved to get right to the root of my emotional/mental problems. Iím planning to start seeing a psychologist again, and will stick with it. I also bought a book called ďYour Depression MapĒ and have found it to be pretty helpful in finding out some of my triggers to being sad, overwhelmed, anxious, and so forth.

Another is a bit more weight loss. I lost 51 pounds in 2006 (gained one back over Christmas! so I ended the year at a 50 pound loss overall) and wouldnít mind seeing another 15-30 pounds gone this year. However, now that my eating habits are better, and I actually LIKE exercise, I donít think that Iíll have too much of a problem doing that. My self-esteem is pretty high after losing all that weight, that Iím pretty happy where I am right now. Iíve never been this light, except on the way up. And it was only this weight briefly!

So, Iíve found a few things that I can work on, and am hoping to get plans in action on how to succeed with them. Scott Smithís story of his journey with his wife over the last half year has really made me look deep into my own loss. I am not sure if I hadnít properly dealt with it or not. Iím not sure what really IS at the root of the depression. But I am determined to find out. And I think thatís a pretty big step.

Well, this is all for now!

(enter clever and witty phrase here)

Meredith

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATIESUNSHINE 1/9/2007 5:31PM

  Sweetie, don't ever feel bad about being on meds! I've been on antidepressants(and many others) since I was 13 (i'm 24 now) and there have been several times that i've gone off them thinking, there's nothing wrong with me, I shouldn't need them, and then would stop and crash. I think that they can be such an amazing aid in life and there's no reason to feel bad about being on them. I figure anything that can help in dealing with life is worth a shot! Keep up your amazing work you are truely an inspiration to me! Stay strong and let me know if you ever need anything!! Sunshine and Smiles! Katie

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HIPCHICKNY 1/6/2007 10:15AM

    Hi Meredith!!

Happy New Year! It sounds like you are on the right track this year. I understand about depression. If you ever want to chat about it - let me know. After 9/11 (I live in NYC) I became even more depressed than normal and it's been a long road back to feeling better and it can be a struggle - but I'm feeling better. It's great that you are going to go to therapy. It will help!!

Have a great weekend!

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JANDYMORDAN 1/6/2007 9:48AM

    best of luck! i have also committed to making this a great year. overcoming loss is never easy, i lost my brother in 1992, and the holidays are still difficult for me. i've tried to grow stronger from the experience and learn what i can from it, as it is not within my control. as for the weight loss...WAY TO GO! 50 pounds is amazing. keep up with the positive thinking day to day and everything else is cake. hmmm maybe a need a new phrase with my current situation?

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Day 5

Friday, January 05, 2007

Day 5...

I'm not sure how I feel about rest days. Let me tell you all what I've been doing in general. Unless I know I'm going to be particularly lazy (and not go to the gym, or do any major sort of exercise) I work with weights either legs/butt on one day, abs the next, and arms the next day. I vary cardio incredibly, because I get bored fast. I alternate between the stair master, the elliptical, treadmill (including majorly random intervals, occasionally hills, fast/slow, whatever!) the bike (both in the gym, and outside) as well as general yard work and dog walking. While I will inevitably have a rest day, which is usually on a severely rainy day watching movies non-stop, I just don't think I need to plan them.

Anyway, yesterday was heavy on the legs, and today I went heavy on the arms at home, with my heaviest dumbbells. For cardio, I just did the normal skip-the-bus thing, as well as had a mild walk at lunch.

I really am feeling good about this challenge, and am glad that everyone is around here to help me out. I'm definitely learning a lot, and making some friends! So, thanks!

Meredith

  


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