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Priorities and a muffin top

Thursday, September 18, 2014

I posted this on several of my teams... but it is where I need to be today.

Today, and this week... my priorities have been about my daughter still.. and I realized I need to put myself first so I can be better equipped to deal with other's needs. I do think that my "raison d'etre", or reason for being, is to faccilitate others and I get a lot of joy from it... but when I feel like my own needs are not being met, eventually I get grumpy or angry thinking that I incapable of doing the simple, basic things like walk every day or plan ahead to make healthy meals to keep healthy - when in fact it is just because I did not do things in the right order. You probably have heard the analogy about the rocks in the jar. I wrote about it in a blog once before and noticed that spark people has also put it in one of their motivational blogs. Here is the link, I do suggest you read it. It is easy for me to forget so I used to have a jar on my counter with rocks and sand... I wonder where that is?


I have been off track with food, I think because I am trying so hard to fit onto a little track. I know when stress levels are high I have to be kinder to myself. I have to ask myself if it is better to plan more food options (note the word option... I can decide I don't need that extra snack) or to find myself leaping in a wild frenzy into a bag of potato chips. I shook things up this morning and had a chicken and zucchini noodle stir fry. More protein than I usually have in the mornings and a good serving of veggies. It is now 11:00 and I am not feeling any grumbly tummy. Bigger track.

Speaking of bigger, I was just looking down at my muffin top over my pants and thinking I need to make friends with it. If I am going to make the choice to wear better fitting clothes (when I am standing) then I am going to have a muffin top when I sit. Not forever, but today. The alternative is to wear very loose clothes. They are more comfy and I don't notice the muffin top when I'm at the computer... but as I walk around baggy pants tend to fall down and they don't look flattering at all. Perfect clothes would work in both situations but hello muffin top, if there is going to be smoothness one place the fat has to go somewhere. I FEEL skinnier in looser clothes but that does not mean I look skinnier. My body is... what it is. I have gotten rid of my really large clothes - hurray! And I don't own smaller clothes... yet. All summer I could wear dresses and capris with loose waistbands. Now I am pulling out the yoga pants and jeans that I took at the end of last winter. They FIT. I am very much an hourglass shape but the belly fat does like to move around over my iron abs. I do have great abs muscles. Hurray for them. And... hurray for the muffin top. Accepting it is a process. Easier to feel "invisible" in the community wearing a sack than feeling like I fill a room because my clothes fit. Isn't that a weird sensation? That I take up more ROOM when my clothes fit bettter? Hm. Not that I have to sit often in public without a table between me and the eyes of the world. Or I can recline a bit and then there is no muffin top. In fact I made an effort to LOOK at other people and notice that they too have muffin tops. Not the really skinny ones. But many people. Some bigger than others. Hard to notice when you have a sweater or loose top of course. If I never noticed them before why do I think anyone else ever noticed mine? And if they did... so what? In fact... most people notice my face and eyes anyways. Unless someone has a muffin top fettish. It could exist, lol. If so, they woudl probably really enjoy mine today. hahaha, so today my muffin top is for them! The muffin top fettish group.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KOHINOOR2 9/18/2014 9:24PM

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CAPECODBABE 9/18/2014 7:13PM

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WORKNPROGRESS49 9/18/2014 3:53PM

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NASFKAB 9/18/2014 11:33AM

  all the best

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Clutter triggers

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I have a plan for today's food. Been a while since I did that to the point of having the meals ready. No excuses!

I know what I HAVE to do but the food dragon is pulling and pushing at me all directions to distract me. I have been so tired after getting my DD home and now the house is quite cluttered as she has emptied the room she will be living in with her boyfriend as well as the closet and preparing to move what she wants back in. So far there is a bed and desk and everything else is in the exercise room. I... knew this would happen. We joked about it as a family and I did do some problems solving with them before hand about how they could set the room up. The whole house reflects the many moves to and from University with items collected over the years, added to our own clutter.

Clutter is a trigger. I know it. I am aware. I also know there is very little I can do right now but wait. I can keep swimming and plan. Which means what I did this morning with meal planning was very very GOOD. I can write. I am doing a nutrition workshop tonight which will get me out of the house. DD is about to leave for a couple of days to canoe with her girlfriend. Which means not much will get done to declutter. Also there is a "window of opportunity" coming up to work on the pool room walls (we need no humidity outside and not too hot or cold so we can ventilate without having moisture while we paint and repair drywall with Bondo. Long story. But it means more .... mess.

I suspect some of my anxiety about mess comes from having an abusive father who would use a messy house as a reason to punch a hole in a wall. I had a mother with depression and very little support because we moved so often, five small children in small houses. When we moved we were only allowed one box each to fill with our treasures. Everything else would get tossed. It all had to fit in a u-haul. 14 moves before I was 14. So "spring cleaning" had no meaning for me. I watched my parents' house as they finally settled in one house accumulate things. They didn't know how to throw things away without moving. I suppose that is an exaggeration... but that was how it seemed. I know part of conquering my food addiction was decluttering my life... but I married a man who can fix anything which means he is attracted to things he can fix or might use to fix things. I have one DD with anxiety who is very attached to mementos. And one DD who is very visual so she likes to see all her belongings. Me? I like a place for everything and if it does not have a home it does not belong. Yup... belongings and clutter are very complicated and individual. We are 6 adults right now living under one roof with busy lives. Because I run a B&B I have worked hard to make most of the rooms uncluttered but still welcoming. But while I await my knee surgery and then while I recover there are no guests... and this transition phase while DD and her boyfriend settle in will take a while. If we have to do work project days that will not only be extended but other rooms will become cluttered. Sigh.

We are all different... I want to celebrate our differences. I want to celebrate the gifts each person brings. Hurray that they are here to help with house projects and will be here to help me with my knee replacement recovery. I will have to keep writing about this to help me accept it. Clutter is... a part of our lives. And my family are very aware that it bothers me, I know they will try. And I know it is ALWAYS a re-learning process to have things put in their places... once we find places for everything. It does help that there has been discussion about having to declutter and get rid of a lot of things. There is hope ahead. Hope is my weapon against the dragon today, and focusing on clean eating. DD is such a great support for that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHY4ME 9/18/2014 7:54PM

    Hmmm interesting about the daughter with anxiety and wanting things. OMG my dd will keep everything , her first tooth she lost everything and her hubby is going nuts. they have a 3 bedroom house full, just the 2 of them and only been married 4 years but together for 10. geesh.... but made me see her in a diff light, cos when mum died omg she wanted to keep it all..... save it even a set of blankets that didn't fit her bed, she got angry when I took them instead. they were the last ones nanny used.
Anyway I hope your clutter solutions help cos I do understand that too, Have been living in reno land for way tooo long! LOL

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 9/18/2014 11:28AM

    Your blog is very profound. You understand so much about your triggers and the results of triggers being pushed or shoved or even gently touched. Your feelings about clutter were genuinely earned in the hard battle of childhood. And you are wise to be aware of that.

So many adults under one roof! How do you spell s-t-r-e-s-s??? Running a B & B must be a juggling act because a B & B involves--clutter and the need to limit it plus food...

You are impressive! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/17/2014 12:59PM

    Clutter is not a good thing, and I don't cope well with it either without a plan. HUGS

I have learned that clutter may never completely disappear, but 15 minutes at a time each day I can make a dent in it. And definitely learning to delegate is difficult for me, but that helps too.

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NASFKAB 9/17/2014 9:57AM

  so true keep at it NEVER GIVE UP

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WORKNPROGRESS49 9/17/2014 9:51AM

    emoticon emoticon

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DRAGON-CHICK 9/17/2014 9:43AM

    Wow - this is SO true!!!

Glad you are getting support!!
emoticon emoticon

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The battle continues... with some TLC

Saturday, September 13, 2014

My food dragon is certainly cunning and baffling and sneaky. I served a cake last night to friends and she said "doesn't this have sugar in it?" and I replied, "yes it does" and she said "and you can eat this?" and I said "yes".... and had this big wave of reality hit. I have been eating a modified paleo diet... I am calling it paleo plus, but the aim is clean eating without whites. But I pulled out this recipe and thought "ah.. no grains and whole oranges... perfect! And totally ignored pulling out the measuring cup and pouring in the white death. Even when she confronted me my mind could not immediately connect with why white sugar did not belong in my diet if this was a "safe" recipe. Well, this morning I know that it is a safe recipe for my gluten free family but NOT for me. And while I was at it I looked sweet potato chips in their crafty potato eyes and challenged them... If I can sit and eat a whole bag then they have become a danger food.

Sometimes I feel like I am an "adult" and I have food down pat. I am an expert. I am responsible. And other times I step back and see myself as a toddler running, falling, having tantrums. As an adult I ask myself advice and do checks and balances. As the "mother of a toddler" I pick her up and dust her off and tell her things will be OK. They will. I just need to be patient with myself.

It's funny how things happen in waves. I certainly have a "readiness" mode which turns off at times. I can recall something and wonder why I had forgotten because it was so important. Yesterday I woke up and all I could think was "I need a sauna". I have not had a sauna in ... months but I I used to use them as part of my cleansing ritual to slow down my mind and let in "answers". In fact yesterday I threw out my routine that I follow in the mornings and started with a brief walk while the sauna heated, did a quick bin of weeding and then sat down. Ideas came to me that I used to have that somehow have slipped through the cracks. And then last night when my friend confronted me... I think it was hitting the outside of an egg and the nice shiny shell of beliefs I have been carefully crafting got cracked. This morning I feel rather raw and exposed. Sugar.

I have been playing such a game. My daughters and husband have food issues and I have been doing great experiments finding foods that they can eat but somehow my food dragon has taken advantage and said that if I am cutting out some foods then a little sugar is OK. It all seemed wonderful on the surface but underneath I could feel simmering... doubts. I am NOT my kids or my husband. Sugar ... well, it is not as though any of the sites I have been using recommend sugar. It is something that my mind has attached to and said it was OK. So I have had a little. Here and there. A new tea recipe that is just a little better sweetened... another recipe that is mostl fruit but.... yup, a little sugar there. In fact I have been eating more fruit that usual. And the consequence? The night eating has been harder. Twice now I have eaten a whole bag of "healthy" vegetable chips. I know they are not healthy. But my mind played along with the camoflaged packaging that said vegetables. Are there other examples? When I think about things I have let into the house... I have not eaten them yet... but they are there.

So I guess I was ready. I have taken leaps forward but I have been coasting when it comes to my own needs and we all know that you can only coast downhill.

Addiction is baffling. I think Bill Willson's "Big Book of Alcholics Anonymous" has wonderful insights and examples of it's power over us.

"I am thinking about experimenting and seeing if I can just have a little with meals....."
I know the story in the book was taling about alcohol but how often have I said that I can have sugar with meals? I can even use my diabetes training to prove it. But that is not compatible with my addiction. The truth? Even in small quantities and once in a while, I am affected by sugar. It sets up cravings and help create the camoflage on other foods so I start to believe they are fine. A fellow blogger pointed out that she is experimenting with foods that before never "called" her. It is interesting that at the start of my problems I was drawn to savoury foods. It was the combinations of foods and spices that got me exciited so I could eat a LOT of lasagna or chili or burgers. I did not think about chips or candy or ice cream at all.... but the disease changed. I don't know today if I can absolutely identify what my trigger foods are because food is baffling, sneaky and cunning. When I het bottom it was sugar, salt, carbs....

And in my experiments to be clean, cutting out the whiles has proved very effective in reducing the power of foods to call or trick me.

I have tripped, tumbled. But I am ready to pick myself up and say it is OK. I am on the alert for sugar "attacks". And the first thing I am gonig to do... is give myself some TLC.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MATSCHI 9/15/2014 8:33PM

    It took me forever Justyna to finally recognize and admit that I have an eating disorder/food addiction. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with this insight. It is amazing that only now after many many years can I see the truth.

Your blogs are helping me a lot. Thank you! emoticon emoticon

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KOHINOOR2 9/13/2014 9:36PM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing.

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AJDOVER1 9/13/2014 8:08PM

    cunning, baffling, powerful and patient....

you're in my prayers

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JUST_BRENDA 9/13/2014 6:29PM

Very introspective and very honest. IT really sounds to me like you really want to change your ways Justyna. Keep at it, and it will come. but beware as your Food Dragon is always ready to "get to you".
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAPECODBABE 9/13/2014 1:50PM

    Makes me think.

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DSBRIDE 9/13/2014 10:45AM

    How well I understand this. I've been doing so well and then the last 2 days the sugar dragon came back. It's so hard to stop now that it's here. Mornings have a new resolve but as the day wears on, the resolve fades. Whispers of just once more get louder and before I know it, the day is shot. Hopefully today will be the new, clean day. Good luck to you too.

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DRAGON-CHICK 9/13/2014 10:17AM

    Oh man! Me too.
It doesn't take much to make me crave more!

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HEALTHY4ME 9/13/2014 10:09AM

    OH yea... I so relate. When I went gluten free, dairy free and sugar free as per my naturopaths plan, I did fine. After about 2 wks I asked her what could I use for sweetner, only thing she suggested was honey and no more than 1/2 cup per recipe. Well I found lots of muffin recipes and hmmm lets just say GF eating is not always low fat by any means. I am not a proponent of low fat but too many muffins didn't help me at all.....

So am on the list for the book Sugar free for a year... or something similar - a mother and the family go sugar free. I am like number 20 some so has to be a popular read.

Hope you figure what will work for you once again. I was on the ND diet for 3 months strict and then started sliding, now back to where I was eating wise and wt. wise.

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WORKNPROGRESS49 9/13/2014 10:07AM


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1CRAZYDOG 9/13/2014 10:01AM

    Bill W nailed it. There just foods that may be ok, even if not totally unhealthy, that may be ok for others, but just not for US. Hard to feel that "difference" but it is what it is.


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NASFKAB 9/13/2014 9:52AM

  another thought provoking piece thanks for sharing you put it so well

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JERICHO1991 9/13/2014 9:39AM

    Great job! Thanks for sharing.

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The benefits of Spark Blogging

Monday, September 08, 2014

I don't know about you but I am very critical of myself. I have a positive side but I have a side that will beat myself up. I can do a dozen things right and my mind will focus on the one thing that I did not succeed at or did not do perfectly. I think it is part of my self sataboging. In the "old days" I could never stick to a diet, I never felt like I had willpower. At the long list of my successes I would always add "yes, but..."

I am very thankful for my spark friends who read my blogs because you are so good at helping me learn balance. You remind me to be kind to myself, gentle to myself. You encourage me to forget yesterday's binge or lapse and move forward. You share your experiences "when I exercise I notice I'm less hungry" or you keep me accountable for my actions and remind me of my goals. You slow me down to take baby steps or put on the cheerleading mode to get me to make a leap. You remind me about how far I have come and that I am have changed, that I am not the same person.

I wrote in my update the other day "don't be afraid to write things down because it is not a committment, it is an opportunity to challenge an idea". I think that is what blogging is. How I feel at any one moment is true at that moment but even the process of writing it down can make me change how I feel about it. When I write things here I am less afraid of them. I see them clearly. Sometimes I luagh at what I was thinking because if someone else had said it I would have said it was an absurd thought. When I write things here, small ideas can become big goals or stepping stones.

There is something here too about forgiveness. My spark friends are not judgemental. They can help be critical in a good way, making me clarify and question how committed I am to an idea, a way of eating, or a choice for how to pace myself. I go to write something and realize I sound whiny or complaining and replace it with a positive thought. Or I vent and realize that I was feeling some very powerful emotions that I could have eaten over.

I look at my endless list of blogs and see each as a "step" forward.

My spark supporters give me perspective. They help me realize that something that I was trivializing is actually a big accomplishment and that something that I was making into a mountain was actually a molehill.

My spark friends accept me with all my faults and failings. Something that I am still learning to do for myself.

When I blog I often realize "what happened". I try and explain where things went wrong with my food and realize there is a pattern. I write about how tired I am and realize I have not taken a rest day this week.

I have shared how frequently I have a problem and will be commenting on someone else's blog and realize that I am hearing what I need to hear in my own words. So many of us have the same issues yet the "aha" comes from helping each other.

The more I write I realize that being honest with myself is key. My spark friends will suggest "see a doctor" or "that seems extreme" or "you are not alone" and help me choose or stay on a path.

How often do I see something and think "oh, I knew that", or "I used to do that and it worked for me too".... or "I could do that, and I want to!" There is inspiration here. Validation.

Does it work to lurk? Hmm. Probably not, for me. Because just as I said before, the act of writing something out can change my mind. So I might start to write that I agree with something but as I do a niggle in my mind tells me that there is a different way to do it or I suddenly recognize a possible "ambush" ahead and can give a warning.

In these pages are inspiration and ideas and motivatoin. There is truth, support, reality. There are links to "help". Sometimes I hear things that make me uncomfortable and that is good too. I realize what I am looking for or needing and what I want to avoid. There are so many choices in spark people. Individual styles and personalities, different paces and such a wide range of goals. I feel so lucky to have found this site. Keep blogging and please keep reading my blogs. There is compassion here and hope!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICE_TENNIS 9/9/2014 6:12PM

    Somehow, speaking something out loud or putting it into writing takes some of the fear & sabotage power out of our thoughts. You did a good job of putting that into words.

I think of you as a "creative" person (with your music & clowning & word pictures/metaphors . . . and probably a hundred things I don't even know about!) and so thank you for sharing your creative spirit with all of us.

Art is supposed to inspire -- and you inspire people every day! emoticon

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EILEEN828 9/9/2014 5:22AM

    Yes, writing is like speaking out loud. Only you have the ability to edit. To clarify, to embellish, to expose your soul if you so desire. To correct mistakes before they are made, a practice in forethought, a great tool for yourself. A blog is beautiful because you get almost immediate reaction. You get to see what other people think. Most people seem to be candid, frank, and honest whether you're ready for it or not. Very helpful when you have your horse blinders on. Ha!
Thanks for the blog.

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SPEDED2 9/8/2014 8:46PM

    What a wonderful blog! Such true words!

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SPARKNB 9/8/2014 5:27PM

    Speaking of clarifying and questioning - you wondered in your comment on my blog about a rest day in my plans. I don't plan rest days, but take them whenever I need/have to. My only commitment, really, is a minimum exercise commitment of 10 min daily, which even on rest days, may turn into 15, as it did the other day, when I just couldn't get myself going (realized later I hadn't take thyroid Rx). I *have* planned a lot of exercise time, but things shift, and I'm okay with shifts; plus it's only a month or two commitment, and right now I have the time; I did a lot of resting this summer partly realizing I was going to be stepping it up this autumn. I plan, after Hallows, to take a bit of a break and also reevaluate. However; I did start to realize I might be overcommitted *mentally and emotionally* even before you mentioned it. Thanks for support and clarifying and questioning!

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1STBUCKETITEM 9/8/2014 5:15PM

  You and other bloggers are why emoticon . There have been so many inspirational, helpful suggestions. Although the replies may be directed to the blogger, they are also directed to ourselves. We can all support, celebrate and encourage each other!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/8/2014 12:49PM

    So many nuggest of wonderful truth in this blog!

the blame game - yes we ARE tougher on ourselves than anyone else! It really is needed to have that pointed out so you can be kinder to yourself.

trivializing accomplishments - oh yeah. I do that big time. NOT fair to ourselves!

catastrophizing mistakes - oh yeah again. I do that but am working on it.

journaling, blogging, writing it out - my forte as well. I do not blog here as often as I should but I keep both a gratitude journal and a personal journal. It totally helps for me to see what I'm doing right or wrong, and get my act together!

Wonderful blog full of truths. HUGS

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NASFKAB 9/8/2014 10:05AM

  am unlike you in that am not so self critical but enjoy reading about your struggles have started writing a blog but just a few sentences to keep me focused wish could write like you

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DSBRIDE 9/8/2014 9:00AM

    How we all have grown since we first came here. I've been here for years, starting as a couch potato and working my way through lots of issues. I hit a low weight and found it didn't solve any other problems so I went back to eating. That only added problems so I got back on track and now am losing again but with a different attitude. It is my friends that are helping me through this and like you, I appreciate them all. I would not be here if they weren't so supportive.

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JUSTME29 9/8/2014 8:40AM

    I agree. Blogs help both the reader and the writer. More than we realize sometimes I think.

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WORKNPROGRESS49 9/8/2014 8:19AM

    emoticon blog!!! emoticon

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MSHEALTHYMEL 9/8/2014 7:53AM

    I love your blogs and they have really helped me get through my recent knee challenges...if you can move with your knee issues...I can move too! Normally I would have just thrown in the towel with the commitment to start again when my knee is better..but really who knows when that will be, if ever for me. I need to be the healthiest I can be today and find new ways to move as much as I can even with my physical challenges. This week I am finding some new exercise DVDs to do...I may not be able to move the legs like they do but I can move the arms and upper body and that is better than nothing. Please keep on writing! emoticon

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DRAGON-CHICK 9/8/2014 7:27AM

    Great blog! Thank you! I need to get back to my blogs, too.

I love this line: "How I feel at any one moment is true at that moment but even the process of writing it down can make me change how I feel about it." YEP! So true!!!

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HEALTHY4ME 9/8/2014 7:02AM

    I wish I wrote as well as you. My blogs are just me thinking, which is fine, but not written eloquently. I don't think out my blogs, I just write LOL
I will keep on checking your blogs cos you are a friend, we have similar health issues and there is always something to learn.

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Writing to fall in love with myself

Saturday, August 30, 2014

I am reading the writing diet book and the first chapter about "morning pages" I read more carefully this time through.

What happens when you are writing each morning?
-the pages are a way to touch base with yourself and see how you are feeling
-as you spend time writing you learn to be more intimate, be honest, and figure out where your problem areas are, blocks, misconceptions...
-and then in that writing process you start to see solutions, possibilities and direction

I paused when it sunk in that writing to yourself is like learning to have a relationship with yourself. A healthy one. One that is critical but also supportive. I know that part of my problem with my food dragon is the lies it tells me.

I certainly have not had a good relationship with myself. There are "secrets" and memories that will fly up like mud under a tire and splat against my forhead to remind me that there is another side of me. And the dragon gives food way too much power.

But writing yesterday I started to get a gliimpse of the person who I also know is me. She is very intelligent and creative and powerful. Then I found myself exhausted and had to go for a nap. The book describes the process of tapping into "energy" and I could FEEL that. The potential of me. And at the same time I didn't feel ready to face that.

Today as I was writing I wrote about this "relationship" I realized I was tapping into and it scared me. I have some memories of manic episodes where I used to have to use food as a sedative. I really could be amazing.... but there was a cost. I had no balance. I was all over the map. These days I feel like I live a "boring and safe" life partly because I had to put my family first but partly because my body/mind betrayed me. I had a bad car accident with head injury and then arthritis and injuries and depression kind of "rewrote" who I was. I had to wonder about how food fits into that. Do I use food to try and keep myself boring and safe? If so, I am a slave to my food dragon when I accept a mediocre life? This may be too "artsy" thinking for some people... but it makes sense to me. Food is a block, a wall. So is the fat. But there have been moments, like when I have had an inspired conversation with someone or written a song on the harp or completed a physical challenge like a long hike or gone for a long kayak...when I have felt like food was only an energy source... and I was shining through. A lot has changed. Many many years ago I had an eating disorder (those never really go away but it was full blown and I had no control over it)and when I accepted that it kept me alive during a difficult time it was part of a process of healing. And then I also reached the point in my life when binging and purging were no longer the best way for me to keep surviving. A lot of my circumstances changes including a supportive husband and good carreer and wonderful family. And with all that, I have been changing continually... tweeking and growing and healing. So perhaps the reasons that I kept myself in a box are also changing. Maybe... it is time to go to the next stage of my life?

Interesting to me is that after writing this time and having to go for a nap I dreampt. I may drean but I am rarely aware of what the dreams are about. This one was about the view from the room that I was living in. It kept changing and sometimes felt "right" and sometimes I knew I was just visiting.

The books says as we become more intimate with our thoughts we will find ourselves more fascinating..... and fall in love with ourselves. Not the body, not the limits, but who we ARE and are meant to be. And... as we do that, food will lose importance. We will lose weight. I think that I had some doubts but there is some truth. When I am engrossed in something, when my mind is doing something else, when I am energized, I am not thinking about food or craving it. It is when I am stressed, unhappy, tired that I want food. I am not sure about the "Fat" me but I suspect it is about my "history" and making myself uninteresting, invisible. Even writing this week my response was not to feel stressed and want to stuff my face, the way going to a counselling session might have, it was to want to sleep. It strikes me that this may even be part of a healing process. Sleep. Hmm.

Anyways, I do think I am fascinating even if this is just a book, just a thing to try. There are worse things I suppose than falling in love with myself! emoticon My next book may have to be about dream interpretation!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKNB 9/8/2014 5:08PM

    Love the dragon metaphor. emoticon And your analysis around the dragon.

Just started doing my morning pages today!

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1STBUCKETITEM 9/3/2014 10:30PM

  Ah, yes... delving into our inner most thoughts of ourselves.... emoticon
emoticon Sleep does help... dreams are the way we can analyse what we really want. emoticon Sometimes it is quite different when we are awake. emoticon

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! emoticon

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MOMYEROM 9/2/2014 12:27PM

    Great thoughts!

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SUNSHINE5268 9/2/2014 1:12AM

    you are sooooo inspiring! wow!

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LEANJEAN6 9/1/2014 5:49PM

    It's a ""GO""------We shall race to Onederland--LOL--Lynda

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SEAWAVE 8/31/2014 8:51PM

    I think there have been many studies that indicate that sleep is healing. You sound like you're on the cups of some discovery about yourself that the writing pages are bringing out, and sleeping after writing might be your way of processing.

I've been thinking of starting the writing pages again. I told my care coordinator Friday "I don't hear my voice anymore", and it's true. This cancer struggle seems to have jumbled everything about me - again - and I'm back on the path of discovery!

Thanks for sharing what you're experiencing in such an open manner - you are truly an inspiration to me!


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NASFKAB 8/31/2014 11:57AM

  great you are rising above your stresses we all have them & have to get over them in some way or another

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CAPECODBABE 8/31/2014 9:07AM

    You seem to be rising above all the stresses you have encountered.

I think dreams are trying to tell you something... usually I have no idea what, but I always try to listen.
I wrote morning pages for a long time emoticon
I think they do help emoticon

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DRAGON-CHICK 8/31/2014 6:32AM

    Thanks for this! I was doing morning pages a while ago. Not sure why I stopped. I need to go find a fun notebook. :-)

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SPEDED2 8/30/2014 9:46PM

    emoticon If we can't love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us?

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1CRAZYDOG 8/30/2014 5:57PM

    My dear, sleep IS healing!!!! You are a wise analyzer. I admire you courage in being totally honest.

HUGS and I hope you have a good weekend.

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ALICE_TENNIS 8/30/2014 2:36PM

    And there are fascinating parts of you that you haven't even tapped into yet!!! emoticon

Sounds like your writing is giving you space (& permission) to explore. You've always had a lot of courage (you DragonSlayer . ..) and now you can use that for the inner journey.

Journaling is a good way to write the positive, truthful statements that we all need to fend off the lies that we've told ourselves over the years. You're writing a love letter to your inner self.

Take Care!

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STRONG_SARAH 8/30/2014 2:31PM

    Hi, nice blog. I love introspection, mine and other peoples.
This is very interesting to me, I'm at a place in my life where I think I'd like to read that book. What's it called? Thanks

Comment edited on: 8/30/2014 2:32:05 PM

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