JUSTYNA7   78,326
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Saturday, April 19, 2014

I have been reminded that we all need rest days. I get very caught up in being active every day and especially this time of year as yard work and walked "call" it feel un-natural to not do some kind of work out. However one of my team mates is having a rough time and not able to work out and another spark friend recently posted a blog about how our bodies will refuse to "budge" when we are working out every day. Sometimes we need to give our bodies a break and I don't want to not know how.

I do not think having a break means spending the day in front of the computer or TV. I think it means nurturing other parts of us. Our skin, our minds, our other senses. Delight. Constant workouts put a LOT of waste products into our bodies so I think it is just as important to hydrate and eat healthy, not over eat. Give our bodies a BREAK.

So this morning I started by giving my feet and legs and arms a massage. I'm wearing comfortable clothes, listening to lovely music. I hope to get outside for a gentle walk with the dog or walk about the garden and look at what is coming up. I do have some errands downtown but if DH comes with me it can become an adventure but without a LOT of walking on concrete. Do a little, take a break. That is what today is about. My guests are not back from hunting so I even got in some paperwork organizing this morning.

I am on track today when I
egg, flax toast, ham and cheese and coffee
pineapple and cottage cheese
salad with tuna and fiber bread
ham with macaroni and cheese (brown rice pasta) and spinach vegetable medly
tea, oatmeal with peaches
5 freggies and lots of water and herbal teas

None planned.... just some time outside and gentle activities

Harp practice
Paperwork organized for taxes
Groceries and errands (DH helping and nothing for a long period of time)
RELAX, sudoku, music, massage, breath

-thinking of my spark friends in need
-thinking of my spark team leader and her birthday today
-weather warming
-husband with me for errands
-getting organized
-being able to take it slow today emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COLOR-BLUE 4/19/2014 9:47PM


Yes, it's very important that we rest our bodies, and I understand that. However, my body is really strange, at least that's what my Curves coach told me and I had to agree with her. If my body doesn't get a certain amount of exercise a day, my brain sends a signal to my body that I need cars and lost of them, NOW!!! All I do then is carb load my system, by eating a many carbs I can get during a day and night. I usually end of gaining anywhere from 4 to 8 lbs.in one day. But then when I go back on my regime of exercising, it all comes off and then some within 2 to 3 days. This is a vicious cycle for me, and I don't like it, at all! I'm sure that it's not good for my body to be going up an down like that on a weekly basis. My Coach is looking for some way to help me out of this situation, but I don't see how. My dear Spark family, if you have any suggestions, please help, as I would love to REALLY REST God's Temple!

Be blessed,

- Nancy Jean -

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MATSCHI 4/19/2014 9:21PM

    emoticon emoticon "Giving our bodies a break " captured my attention.I never really thought of that. emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 4/19/2014 5:00PM

    great point and idea love.also your spinach vegtable melody sounds lovely what do you actually put in it?keep on keeping on you are doing great. emoticon

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JUST_BRENDA 4/19/2014 3:06PM

    Very good point Justyna! "Rest" doesn't necessarily mean veggie out, but rather, paying attention to other aspects.

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1CRAZYDOG 4/19/2014 2:14PM

  Good for you for listening to your body's needs!

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.( . .) `*.Έ.*΄ designed by CHRISTINEBWD

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AAAACK 4/19/2014 12:50PM

    I love the idea of taking a walk through the garden to see what's coming up. I miss gardening. And I don't think I've ever taken the time to just stroll through to see it.

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ANDYINBC 4/19/2014 12:32PM

    Enjoy your rest day!

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DSJB9999 4/19/2014 12:26PM

    sounds a great day, enjoy it emoticon You are so WORTH a day's rest!

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 4/19/2014 12:26PM

    I think you have great ideas for "rest" days! emoticon

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Stop trying to fight the dragon?

Friday, April 18, 2014

Day 41 in the 77 day BLC countdown!

It's a working weekend and my "Friday" won't be until Tuesday when the guests check out and the accountant comes. Then I have guests coming Thursday so I don't anticipate any "down" time for a while. It is certainly time to plan some girlfriend time or some kind of "date" to look forward to... maybe in May? I have stew in the crock pot and a busy day ahead cleaning and then getting some paperwork done.

My food dragon is behaving. We are both watchful of the other. I'm doing my best to work my way through my "I Matter" list today between chores. It seems that doing that really helps. I kind of ignore the food and the dragon's desire to eat. Could it be that simple? Stop trying to fight the dragon? Right now I'm hungry after my workout so I need to have my salad. But this idea about not fighting the dragon.. I hope it stays with me today.

It's cloudy and cold out. DH and DD22 and her boyfriend just went out with their RC cars/planes and I am a little resentful that this is a holiday for them. Guests are out so I need to clean the suite while I have the chance. More of their family arrive tonight. It really will be a full house the next few days. Also have to clean out the fridge so I can do a full shopping tomorrow.

Just as an aside... dinner last night... was not so great. Many reasons including very slow service, the appetizer mushroom soup was not very good, then half our meals arriving 20 minutes after the first half of the group got their food and were finished eating. No explanation. Wrong drinks. All our meals were crosscontaminated ie. seafood and different veggies that one person got were on all our plates and sausage another person got was on my plate... plus when the waiter came asking if I wanted added spice on my meal he started adding it as I was shaking my head and saying no. My famly gave me very thoughtful gifts. DH gave me an IOU for a new music stand. I know he has been busy. We will go pick one out together he says. Hmm. Not even a card. But DD23 had stitched me a cute card and knitted me a kleenex box cover that matches my living room and DD22 gave me a stone Canada goose to match the one she gave me a few Christmasses ago AND she and her boyfriend gave me a metal Trebble cleff to hang on my fence to add to my yard "art". DD25 gave me a new tuner for my harp with larger screen. Nice feeling spoiled but mostly just loved having the time with all of them. I am a very lucky Mom.

I am on track today and on the train when I:
-oat bran carrot muffins (2) and coffee
-1.5 sausages and an orange
-greek salad
-cottage cheese and yogurt
-beef stew
-cucumbers and hummus
Mimimum 5 freggies!
Water water water!

-pool workout focusing on the arms and abs (60 minutes done)
-minimum 6,050 steps
-cleaning the B&B

-blog and chat on the BLC team
-harp practice and maybe a power nap
-keep working on the "I Matter List" when I can!

-DD working out with me again
-great music playlists
-steady income this month
-a body that is getting stronger and more flexible

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NASFKAB 4/19/2014 11:43AM

  you are doing great all the best sorry the meal was not so pleasant

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MATSCHI 4/19/2014 3:22AM

    When you say you are trying to stop fighting the dragon, I was reminded of something that I thought about recently. I kept asking myself over and over if on this journey to health I possibly might be trying too hard. When I was on vacation recently, I just went with the flow and was not obsessing about food or exercise, and I did very well. Sometimes I think that the harder we try, the harder everything gets.Not sure if this makes any sense to you. emoticon

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STRONGNFIERCE 4/18/2014 9:28PM

    Have a wonderful Easter Justyna!
Keep up all your awesome work!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/18/2014 9:19PM

  Hope you have a wonderful Easter, even though I see it will be very busy for you. HUGS

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DSJB9999 4/18/2014 2:59PM


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The dragon is asleep.. shhhh

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Day 42 in the 77 day countdown.

It has been a good day. DD25 has had 3 seizures in the past 5 days.. .which is good. A baseline to see how the medications work. She had her hair bleached today so we can dye it electric blue (her colour for the past 10 years) over the weekend.

I'm on track today thank goodness. I really am grateful to the "I Matter" list on my fridge to keep me doing positive things. Interesting to me that instead of fighting the dragon I let it feed but kept working on things I needed to do for myself to be healthy and the dragon seemed to get bored. This morning I was able to put it to sleep while I did yardwork in the sunshine.

I am on track, on the train today when I:
yogurt and cottage cheese
oatmeal and kiwi compote
tandoori chicken, spinache naag and 1/2 cup brown rice leftovers
rice Krispy square
stir fry veggies and chicken with curry sauce

minimum 6,050 steps
exercise of the day
crunches and situps

BLC posts and team contacts (buddy)
harp practice

Sunshine for sure
Family all being home
DD22's support
ALL my SP support over the past 2 days and ACCEPTANCE of me without judging. It is hard to feel like I have to "live up to" a success story and so much better to realize I am a work in progress loved unconditionally.
My "I matter list"

Have to go get changed so family can take me out for my belated birthday dinner. I am so grateful that they "get" how healthy eating is PART of my celebration and that THEY are the rest of it. I can't imagine my life without them.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STRONGNFIERCE 4/18/2014 9:32PM

    way to go!

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DFOLKARD 4/18/2014 8:27AM

    emoticon Let that dragon snooze!

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DSJB9999 4/18/2014 2:41AM

    great the dragon is sleeping

hope you had a great birthday celebration

You are doing emoticon emoticon

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POPSY190 4/18/2014 12:11AM

    Enjoy the birthday celebration!

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_BABE_ 4/17/2014 10:03PM

    Today I bought chocolate because I was stressed but I know it does not help me. In fact it sets me up for feeling even worse.....my tool...my method of combat from now on is....sticks and stones may break my bones but I am going to eat healthy! lol

Thank you Miss Inspiration!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/17/2014 9:52PM


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NASFKAB 4/17/2014 9:06PM

  enjoy your yourself all the best

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DNRAE1 4/17/2014 9:06PM

    Have a wonderful dinner celebration tonight!!!!!

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CAPECODBABE 4/17/2014 8:27PM

    Sounds like you are doing great. Happy belated birthday dinner!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 4/17/2014 8:20PM


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DRAGON-CHICK 4/17/2014 8:16PM


emoticon The dragon sleeps tonight! emoticon

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Planning a wider path

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Today is day 43 in the 77 day BLC countdown.

I am about to write back to a guest who is questioning how I decided to raise our rates since his last visit. I know what I am going to write. An answer that he will understand and accept but nothing is ever that straight forward and simple. There are chain reactions. Things are liniked together. When we started here children stayed free. Families appreciated. As the mom of a family I get that. But... I do remember that at the restarants where "kids eat free" my kids would balk at having to order from the kids' menu. And many kids are not the picky eaters who will only eat chicken nuggets and fries. Mine wanted a small size version of exactly what we were eating... veggies and all. When kids stay here... sometimes there are more towels used, more linens to wash, more toys to wash, more floors to wash, more windows to wash. More chemicals in the pool. More garbage. Families with young children tend to arrive earlier, stay later, stay all day. They may not sleep in all the beds but kids will crawl around on them, get changed on them, throw pillows on the floor. Some need a crib or playpen set up. At what age to kids eat more? I have "children" come who can devour the whole package of bacon if I turn my back. There is not a predictable age for when children start eating adult portions. They go through growth spurts. For many their eyes are too big and they end up wasting food. For the person with specific allergies I spend extra time cleaning. Or extra time shopping for special foods. Or extra time cooking. And then we bacame popular with large families. Should a family with one child pay the same rate as the family with twelve children? Should the family with three teenagers pay the same rate as the family with seven children under seven years of age? If I spend a lot of time "watching" children or involving them with helping make muffins or cookies... Should the family with a child with ADD and has every toy we have out be charged the same as the family with nine children where the oldest are like mini parents making sure everything gets away and the kids clear their own plates? And what if all the kids are not theirs? I have families that bring friends for the kids to play with. I have birthday sleepovers where usually only one child is theirs but the 7 others are not. The number of parents does not always indicate how much supervision the children will get. The number of adults also does not predict how much work I will have during the stay. I have one guest who stays here and honestly when I walk in his room I can't tell which bed he slept in and the one towel he used will be carefully layed across the tub and he brings his own granola. I have the other extreme of guest too who will leave a dirty kitchen, food crumbs and spills on the carpet or on the couch.... One guest. Now, multiply that by a group. The point is you can't predict. There are no constants. So the best I can do is make a plan, be prepared for the unexpected, reevaluate sometimes. I will never be able to predict every scenerio and I can't make different rules for every situation. Well, I could... but here is what I have decided. I have a base cost. I have a per person cost. I give an estimate for the highest cost because honestly as a customer the worst feeling is when you look at your bill and see extra costs you were not expecting. But what I allow myself is the option to at the END of a stay, reduce the cost. That is my new policy. I don't advertise that. I will not tell guests that. Most have been absolutely supportive of the raised rates. Hydro, gas, food, insurance... they have all gone up. But there is a maximum amount I am comfortable charging. At a certain point having one more person really does not make a difference. The resources I will draw from will remain the same.. the amount of work... etc.

What has that got to do with me and my food? Hmm. You can laugh but I see the metaphor. What if I said "here is my food for today" and then things happened? My life is unpredictable. When I exercise more I need more food. When I have more stress I need more food. I have been working with portions and planning ahead which is all great. Sometimes I can plan a very narrow path to walk... But the last couple of days... sheeshk! My "simple" method has not helped me stay on track. I need a wider path for this train to travel on while the route is so windy and I don't know what is coming ahead. What I'm thinking this morning is I need my "baseline" menu and then have snacks I can plan ahead if I need to add them. I think today while the stressors are high I need a "range" that I will not go over but can eat up to. I was thinking I should go back over the past two days and see the reality of what I have eaten and log it all. (shudder) but instead I'll focus on today and what I CAN eat.

Grazing is not good for me but I need carbs spread out over the day. I have been working on portions and learning to eat "normally" but when I am stressed, despite knowing I don't NEED more food I WANT more food. I look at my step count over the past few days and despite saying I would not do more exerice I am getting at least 10,000 steps so part of my emotional hunger may be real hunger. I know hunger will not kill me but added to stress I get a fight or flight panic response that says EAT! When I have the option to meditate, just drink water, sit quietly, breath, yes it will pass or I can delay my eating a little while until an planned meal time, but right now those methods are not working. PLain and simple. So.. what to do?

Today I am on track and on the train when I:
-1 cup steel cut oats and 1/2 cup fresh fruit salad and 3 whole pecans and coffee
-1.5 cup sauteed spinach and mushrooms and an egg (ready to make as soon as guests have eaten)
-slice of ham roast with mustard, sprinkle of shredded cheese, apple (ready to grab)
-1 or 2 100 calorie yogurts (add flax seed) (ready to grab)
-spagetti squash, 1 Tbsp. pesto, chicken, broccoli and carrots (start cooking at 5:30)
-a baked potatoe with chives and tsp olive oil margerine (I'll cook it this morning as my emergency food choice and can nuke it if necessary at whatever time)
-almonds (10 roasted) also ready to grab

I may end up eating it all which will be at the top range of my food today or I may not need it all... but what I do NOT want is to grab foods not on my plan. I do want to be aware of what I eat and how much. I can drink all the coffee, tea, etc. that I want. No thinking about caffeine today. I plan to make food my priority today. Foods I love to eat but portioned. No sugar (except in the yogurt), no white flour, regular carbs and protein and a good amount of fiber.

-walk in the pool 20 minutes after blogging and before guests eat (most of the food is prepared right now and they can help themselves to muffins/toast/cereal/coffee etc. if they happen to be up while I'm changing and are starving. The eggs and spinach/mushrooms are ready to cook and bacon just needs reheating. Tomatoes and bagels are ready to put out on the table with fruit and yogurt.
-doctor appointment this afternoon to interview a new family doctor. DD25 will come with me. Very stressful but DH and DD22 and DD23 say he is OK, young, new grad and made follow up appointments with each of them to look into issues he wants to investigate further. Good sign I think. DD25 is close to 300 pounds and has many many medical issues, on disability and has several specialists she sees. No question we will use every minute of her allotted 15 minutes. I am... I prefer to think of who I am today than my history. I have a very very thick medcial file which will be transfered to this office. Lots and lots of OLD medical issues. What will he see? Will he compare us to the skinny family members who were there yesterday? But I am a spark success story, lol. I have lost 65 pounds! Had multiple surgeries to deal with my problems. My drugs are reduced.... I could spend 15 minutes just reviewing my history but I would rather just smile and say things are great. Do I want to allow him to be part of my "team"? Will I trust him? Will I be made to feel small and ashamed that I have not done enough? Sigh. I think I will try and go first. Answer questions. Be positive. Then we will focus on DD25. I am so much better standing up for her and being positive about her and how far she has come. Breath. Be prepared but keep it simple. I need to see this as a positive towards being healthy and safe which is a being ON TRACK activity today. Attitude is everything.
-a few groceries and errands which will add steps (I have a minimum of 6,050 steps to aim for but today food and staying on my food plan is more important than getting in ANY exercise so I can only do them if I have my latest snack/meal in place.
-walk the dog... same as above... she is having a rough time but DD has given her some attention which helps me feel better about it.
-harp practice, sudoku, celebrate any time I sit and breath and relax or look after ME today
-this blog.. plan
-early to bed ie. in bed by 10:30 with a goal of 8 hours sleep
-I think I need to write and remind myself how sugars and chocolate and my trigger foods affect me and my dragon. My food dragon does not want me to do this at all.
-PRAYER TIME Spritual growth, reading, reflecting. Not likely in large amounts but there was a time when God and I used to have running dialogues while I cleaned and cooked and walked. When there is a lot of sugar in my sytem, like now, it's hard to do. Hard to be clear in my thinking or aware of that inner voice. The dragon becomes so much part of my decisions that I don't realize how it is stearing me and driving my emotions. There was a time when I prayed over the food I was preparing and had emmense grattitude for the birds chirping and sun shining, took delight in songs on the radio or awed over CBC documentaries I listened to. I hope to sprinkle my heart with opportunities to appreciate the world today. Crack open a window to my soul and let things air out a bit. Be lighter today in thought. Savour ideas rather than let them rattle about and ding the varnish of my "perfect plans". I want to let go and let God.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NASFKAB 4/17/2014 11:53AM

  your guests are very lucky all the best

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MATSCHI 4/16/2014 8:03PM

    Very well done! You always manage to inspire me and to challenge me. Thank you Justyna! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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POPSY190 4/16/2014 3:48PM

    Your guests are very lucky in their host! Your dr prospect is probably feeling some trepidation himself as he gathers new patients! I think you will find he respects the efforts you have made to help yourself! emoticon

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ARKPLE 4/16/2014 2:06PM

    Thank you for your SparkMail and for this blog. Our lives are complex and our stressors are complex too. But that is not license to overeat. In fact, overeating will just complicate our lives and exponentially increase our stressors.

Let's take good care (even great care) of ourselves just for today. Then we can make that same decision for tomorrow and for our next tomorrow again and again.

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CTUPTON 4/16/2014 1:05PM

    I see you are analyzing all of your complicated life. And writing about it I am sure is very helpful The finances of having groups in would drive me crazy! You seem to have a good handle on it to cover your expenses and make guests feel welcome and served. There is no way I could do what you do!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 4/16/2014 12:18PM

    hi love you are doing great.keep on keeping on.good luck tomorrow with the dr.who knows he might surprize you and become one of your bigger supporters.here΄s to that.anyway.way to go on the 65lbs lost to date.it is awesome emoticon emoticon

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STRONGNFIERCE 4/16/2014 11:53AM

    Your blogs always give me an even better perspective each day.
Thank You Justyna!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/16/2014 10:16AM

  You have done an excellent job with this analogy! We have our master plan, and it is in our power to change it up when we need. That's a good thing. Flexibility.

Wishing you luck with the new Dr. You have listed excellent things to consider and you'll do well making your decision. The younger Drs. are usually a lot more open to listening to what you have to say.

`*•.Έ ♥ Έ.•*΄¨☆¨`*•.Έ ♥ Έ.•*΄¨♥Έ.•*΄¨☆(Έ.•΄¨`Έ•
*¨♥ *`*•.Έ☆΄¨`*“
"Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude." Denis Waitley
¨`*•.Έ ♥ Έ.•*΄¨☆¨`*•.Έ ♥ Έ.•*΄¨♥Έ.•*΄¨☆(Έ.•΄¨`Έ•
*¨♥ *`*•.Έ☆΄¨`*“


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DSBRIDE 4/16/2014 10:07AM

    I give you a lot of credit just to be able to face the day! I need a simpler life, very calm and easy to handle. Perhaps when I was younger I could handle more but not now.

Hope you're day goes well and all your plans work. Hugs!

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Hmmmm two days in a row...

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

I have spent another day struggling with food. It's ironic because I read a blog that reminded me that I am powerless over food. There are many stressors going on in my life. I have "reasons" to be stressed. That does not mean I have reasons to eat. Stress is not an excuse. In me are the answers and the ability to let go. I am powerless over the food so I need to turn my life and my will over to my higher power. I need... to pray. Pray for an Aunt who has had a stroke and for my MIL who is going to see her. Pray for my DD who has a severe burn on her face and is on new seizure meds. Pray for the guests who have geese to prepare and are trying to manage with this snow and ice. Pray for DH and his struggles right now with work and decisions for what to do for his family.

My food dragon is in delight. I need to walk (yes I did say that it is snow and ice again... but... I need to walk). I need to write. I need to put my food first before preparing other people's food. I need to get some sleep. I need to blog. I need to distinguish between what I can control and what I cannot. I need big hugs which are available right on the other side of this desk. I'll be back early, I hope with the day's plan to be on track.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARKPLE 4/16/2014 2:01PM

    Big hugs to you, just for being YOU! xo

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CTUPTON 4/16/2014 12:57PM

    Justyna, think of your needs first. I know you won't neglect the other people around.

Oh-- your guests sound very, very interesting!

chris emoticon

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STRONGNFIERCE 4/16/2014 11:54AM

    I understand my food dragon has been far to happy lately, very frustrating.
I am trying to battle with not go in the other direction now in the coming days!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/16/2014 10:32AM

  My dear, you are making a wise choice to realize the powerlessness and turning to the Higher Power! That is what I have had to do too . . . in MANY situations!

HUGS and you can do this.

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IOEINC 4/16/2014 8:39AM

    Life is certainly full of struggles, isn't it but it sounds like you are doing well with it!! You certainly know what needs to be done and are committed to doing it!! I usually have good will power over candy, my big nemesis and when I first got diagnosed wit DM completely cut it out of my life. Luckily my husband and my son like different candy than I do so when it is in the house I was not tempted. But like I said yesterday I caved and ate a peanut butter cup. And don't even get me started on grapes. I could eat the whole bag. emoticon

But emoticon to get emoticon and emoticon



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DFOLKARD 4/16/2014 6:24AM

    Listen to your buddy! emoticon

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DSJB9999 4/16/2014 3:31AM

    Look after yourself first!

Just because you have had two 'challenging' days doesn't mean you neeed to make it 3 days, stop here. emoticon emoticon emoticon Donna x

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DOLLFACEDX 4/15/2014 11:54PM

    You need to put YOU first...your food, your walking, your sleep - before your guests, before friends, even before your family.

That sounds harsh & selfish, I know but think....you can best care for those you love, those who look to you & depend on you when you are whole - take time for YOU...make yourself whole so you may serve those around you.

My 2 cents.... emoticon

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KNEEMAKER 4/15/2014 11:51PM

  Sounds like you have your head on straight Lady. Just keep on keeping on. It is a Life Change and a journey to enjoy. Step by step you will reach your destination. When does not matter as long a you keeping taking steps in the right direction. Don't beat your self up along the way. We all have slip ups and back slides. You just pick yourself up and get back to doing what you love, getting healthy and loving life. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Phil 4-13 Put your mind to it and you can do anything. Your awesome and just realize that you are. You are you and have but one life to live. Enjoy every minute and every day. Good luck and have a Wonderful Wednesday. You deserve one. emoticon

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MATSCHI 4/15/2014 11:41PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am sorry you are struggling. But I know things will turn around for you again. When I read your blog I saw that you mentioned many things that you need to do. Is there anything that you WANT to do?

I will join you in praying for the numerous stressors in your life. There is a lot going on at the same time.

Please take care of yourself! emoticon emoticon

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