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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

No longer a Spring Chicken, but there is a spring to my steps and the best birthday gift.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

I am celebrating today. I am officially 65 and certainly not a Spring Chicken anymore. However, there is a lightness and a spring to my steps. I have the energy of happiness. Like MJREIMERS says, " I feel like I am aging younger."

I commented that I once went to the grocery store and bought 5 20 pound bags of potatoes. They filled up the cart. I looked at those potatoes and envisioned them on me. That is what I used to carry around. I donated them to a shelter. I may just do this every Xmas as a reminder of the past verses the present.

My best birthday gift was finding my mom a caretaker in a private home. When I found that my brother had moved her, there was an immediate lightening of my stress. I physically felt a relief and felt so much happier. I had not realized the weight of the stress that I have been carrying was so heavy. Stress really does invade you.

I felt like I had lost the 100 pounds of potatoes.

I am grateful for my life of maintenance. Next month I will officially reach my 3rd year of maintenance and my 4th year of being binge free.

I am the healthiest I have been in years and plan to stay that way.

My Sparktime is invaluable. The warmth and support here is a joy to my life.
I thank all of my friends for being here.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDISOCAROLINA 10/17/2014 9:57AM

    I must have missed this wonderful blog of yours during the storm of packing we were doing! Wishing you another Happy Birthday and I love love your potatoes analogy. You are one awesome woman making a big difference here and elsewhere. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CORNERKICK 10/13/2014 5:54PM

  emoticon (belated!)

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DIANNEMT 10/11/2014 12:16PM

    Fantastic!! YOu are a role model to me!!

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TUBLADY 10/8/2014 7:53AM

    So happy for you. And belated happy Birthday.
I wasn't feeling the spring in my step at 65, was obese and could hardly walk.
But now at near 73 it's another story.
A whole different wonderful life that I am so grateful to have ..
With Spark and the amazing friends, I will continue to have faith and belief that life does get better. You just have to be on the right track.
Stay strong, positive, believe in yourself.
Spark on.!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Hugs Tisha

Comment edited on: 10/8/2014 7:54:20 AM

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BOOKAPHILE 10/1/2014 10:26AM

    I love the potato illustration. I've been thinking similar things as I've hauled some items from Dad's home. It's a good feeling.

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SCOUTMOM715 9/30/2014 10:01PM

    Happy belated birthday & congrats on 4 years of being binge free! emoticon I love the idea of donating the 100 lbs of potatoes to represent the weight you have lost. emoticon

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SUNSHINE20113 9/30/2014 3:20AM

    Congratulations! So much truth about stress. I submitted an important paper last week, and the next day weighed a pound less!! (Weird, that)

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CUTENHEALTHY 9/29/2014 12:25AM

    Congratulations on 3 years of maintenance!!! You are so inspiring and also so giving and supportive to others. Enjoy your lighter load! Happy birthday! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/29/2014 12:26:53 AM

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NASFKAB 9/28/2014 1:05AM

  Happy Birthday ONLY 65 am 72 keep pushing

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MVKNET 9/27/2014 1:05PM

  Praying that this next phase of your life is wonderful. Full of happy moments. Eating healthy and exercising is going to keep you young for a very long time. Blessings emoticon Blessings Marsha

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TORTISE110 9/27/2014 7:16AM

    Happy birthday, you spring chicken! (I'm 67...) You look awesome and I definitely know the 'aging younger' feeling. Isn't it awesome?

Hugs to you!!

PS Also understand about the care around your mom. Hard and stressful. I hope her new location gives you more meaningful time with her.

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SUSANNAH31 9/26/2014 10:37AM

    Happy birthday! Shedding stress is just as important as shedding the weight.



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KELLIEBEAN 9/24/2014 8:06AM

    So sorry I missed this! I hope you had a great birthday and here's to continuing to age younger!

emoticon

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MRSRIGS1 9/23/2014 7:43PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TJOHNOCONNOR 9/23/2014 2:55PM

    Congratulations! We can celebrate together. Swing by my page and take a look if you like. emoticon

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JEWELY_ROADS 9/21/2014 2:05PM

    emoticon Fellow Virgo friend!
You are an inspiration to me! Thank you! emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/21/2014 2:05:36 PM

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HAKAPES 9/21/2014 1:57PM

    You are a role model!

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ARTISTSBRUSH 9/21/2014 1:25PM

    Congrats on growing younger! Its kind of like a reverse mortgage in a way! Congrats especially on being binge-free. I know that does a lot to lighten the soul.

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WRITERWANNAB 9/20/2014 12:53PM

    Happy belated birthday! A young man recently asked me if I mind getting older. I replied, "Not when I consider the alternative!" Enjoy all the life in your years & here's to burdens being lightened! emoticon

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IRON_RESOLVE 9/20/2014 12:15AM

    I love reading your blogs, and everytime I do, I come away feeling better about my own life, and that I am going to someday be in Maintenance for 3 or 4 years, and someone will read my blog saying I also did it.
You really are an inspiration.
I also find, every time I read your blogs, that other people's posts echo my thoughts, and I believe you reach so many people on a deep level.
I am so glad you blog. I am not good at it. I use the backspace key more than I post.
One thing I found most shocking was that you said you were 65, as you clearly look 10 years YOUNGER. Yes, you are indeed aging younger.

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 9/19/2014 9:19AM

    Happy Birthday Pat! As much as I don't wish to be years older, at 63 and 9 months, I am seriously looking forward to my 65th birthday and Medicare. What a load off my mind that will be. And when Du hits that magic "65" in three years, it will sure relieve a lot of stress. Insurance has been a real struggle lately. And when Du can't work, we will have to pursue insurance via the ACA, and I've certainly got more questions than answers about that. Glad you got your stress taken care of, now perhaps you can concentrate more on yourself, although I know there are always others that we women seem to have/take responsibility for caring for. As I take care of Du and all the struggles we are enduring, I wonder who will be doing this for me someday when I am all alone. My boys are very involved with their own lives. Sometimes, I want them to quit obsessing over their own (to me) trivial problems and help me with my more serious difficulties, even though there is nothing they can do really. But someday, when I need help with these issues, I sure hope they are there for me. I know what you mean about feeling like you've got a "spring" in your step today. I feel better today at 63, than I felt at 43 or 53, and I KNOW I am healthier!!

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ALEXZANDRIA999 9/18/2014 3:03PM

  Happy Birthday and thanks for the inspiration.

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ALIIDA 9/17/2014 5:29PM

    Belated emoticon. I think the idea with the potatoes is great, too, and I think I understand what you mean about aging younger because with the help of Spark, I think I'm aging younger too. I'm so glad your mother is in a safe place and your stress has lifted. You have several great anniversaries all together! emoticon

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BETRHO48 9/17/2014 5:16PM

    WOW! What an inspiration you are to those of us who are coming along behind you traveling the same road.
Thanks for sharing.
~Beth

Comment edited on: 9/17/2014 5:17:28 PM

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MRSFANCYLADY 9/17/2014 2:21PM

    emoticon
Happy belated birthday! Your success is a valuable inspiration to us all! We appreciate you sharing your story with us. Looking forward to joining you in maintenance! Hope you had a wonderful birthday!

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MARYJEANSL 9/16/2014 11:51PM

  Happy Birthday to you! I am so happy for you that your mother's situation is working out well and your stress has gone down. I know how difficult that is. My mother has dementia and it has been very tough (though, truthfully, almost all of the work and stress fell on my sister) finding decent caregivers for her.

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JRRING 9/16/2014 5:16PM

  emoticon

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1STBUCKETITEM 9/16/2014 2:49AM

  emoticon You made me emoticon when you told us how you looked at the bags of potatoes. I'm glad I'm not the only one that looks at food that way. I walk to the grocery store, and Saturday when I got home I actually weighed myself, still holding all the bags of groceries which I carried home (a mile walk). I weighed the same weight as when I started with SP on June 24th. I have lost just over 33 lbs. since then! All of those grocery bags full of veggies, fruit and healthy protein weighed 33 lbs. I actually started this weight loss journey on May 5th when I weighed in at 278 lbs. So, today I weighed in and discovered that I have lost more than half the pounds to my goal! Wow! Rid of 63 lbs.! emoticon Just another 60 lbs. more to goal!! I'm really going to do it this time. This website has really been such a help to me. The tracking, the fitness videos, the nutrition guidelines, the articles, and most of all the interaction and support from people on the same journey.
emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/16/2014 2:50:51 AM

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BLUEJEAN99 9/16/2014 1:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JERICHO1991 9/15/2014 11:52PM

    Thanks for sharing your successes. Great job!

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JIBBIE49 9/15/2014 11:48PM

    Since so many people today don't know how to cook, (yes, real potatoes even), I'd buy boxes of Instant Potatoes if I were going to make a donation of them to a shelter.

I'll be 65 next month (signed up for Medicare already) so I know where you are in this race. Just found out on Facebook that a girl I knew in school who was a year younger died this past week-end as she'd had cancer, and then her brother came home from the funeral and had a heart attack and died. Frank was 68. So, we really have to work at taking care of ourselves. Glad you are keep keeping the weight off.

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ROCKYCPA 9/15/2014 11:01PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BONNIEB1947 9/15/2014 7:53PM

    Good for you and you look amazing! I would never have guessed your age! You sound wonderfully confident and you are so inspiring!

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JSEATTLE 9/15/2014 7:53PM

  You have done so well!! Please keep it up and keep on inspiring me to do the same. So glad you found a good place for your Mom. Family stresses can be so hard.

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HARROWJET 9/15/2014 7:22PM

    emoticon

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NEPTUNE1939 9/15/2014 5:15PM

    emoticon

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DOLLIE6 9/15/2014 5:11PM

    emoticon These have no calories. Just happiness. This was a wonderful blog. I am looking forward to being able to write the same uplifting blog.

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IAMAGEMLOVER 9/15/2014 5:07PM

    emoticon emoticon I like your idea of the potatoes and donating them to a shelter. I lost 120+pounds and it will be 2 years of maintenance for me on 12/28. I never could have done it and kept it off without sparkpeople and my friends.

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NONNAOF2 9/15/2014 4:07PM

  Happy Birthday! What a wonderful idea in donating food in the weight that you have lost! Congratulations on the maintenance, too! By losing the weight and keeping it off, you have extended your life to enjoy it with a healthier body! :-)

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LINDAKAY228 9/15/2014 3:57PM

    I missed your birthday so a happy belated birthday! I love the idea of the potatoes!

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CHARTHESTAR 9/15/2014 3:29PM

    emoticon
great idea about the potatoes! Someday I am going to do that with you!

This was a wonderful positive post. emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 9/15/2014 2:32PM

  emoticon and Many, Many, more!!!!! And.........I hope you don't mind if I borrow your Potato Donation idea...........That is the best idea I have heard of in a long time. emoticon
And........... emoticon on ridding your life of stress in the very important area of your Mom's care and on maintaining your Healthy Lifestyle.

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CELLA_P 9/15/2014 2:12PM

    emoticon You are as wise as you are pretty and youthful looking, and I'm delighted you recognize how vital good health is emoticon

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BOB5148 9/15/2014 1:27PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LCRUMLEY81 9/15/2014 1:01PM

  Happy Birthday

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IDICEM 9/15/2014 11:17AM

  emoticon emoticon

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SHOAPIE 9/15/2014 11:05AM

    emoticon and emoticon

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LIVINGLOVINLIFE 9/15/2014 11:03AM

    Happy Birthday and so happy you found a caregiver for your mother. I am sure that removed a lot of stress from your life. Can't imagine you with an extra 100 lbs. you are so tiny. Congratulations on 3 years of maintenance. emoticon

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TUTUNAN 9/15/2014 10:58AM

    Happy, Happy, Birthday! To me you're still a spring chicken! Wonderful news about your Mom. And I really like your donation idea, I'm going to copy it.

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COLLEENCONQUERS 9/15/2014 10:47AM

    AWESOME !! and a great big emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

A decision about what to weigh is a decision on how to live and clues on successful maintenance.

Saturday, September 06, 2014

I like this quote. " A decision about what to weigh is a decision on how to live." In other words, if you are committed to staying at your goal weight, you have to adopt the life that goes with it. This means that you not only have to live in a way that matches your goals at the moment, but you also have to accept that you will be doing this for the rest of your life.
I am content with this life I have chosen of maintenance.

In Refuse to Regain the author offers clues about reaching what she calls Senior Level of Maintenance. This is when you realize that you are more comfortable with your food choices and are a lot better at managing your weight than before.
Here are clues to this new level;

You rarely miss your old way of eating.
( I do not miss the bingeing on unhealthy foods that I used to do.)

You enjoy and prefer your new eating habits.
(I have healthy foods that I do love to eat)

You no longer feel controlled by food.
(I do feel much more control over my food choices and that food is no longer my enemy.)

You are comfortable with eating many of the same types of food repeatedly.
(This is very true.)

You are not particularly interested in Sugar Foods or Refined Carbs.
( I have lost much of the desire for these foods..but not totally!)

When you do occasionally eat these foods, you are not compelled to overeat and are able to return to your plan the next day.
( I have stopped bingeing. Once in awhile I might eat to being too full but it is on a healthy food.)

When you choose to eat foods that are off your plan, you generally find them less enjoyable.
( Here I deviate..I usually enjoy the foods I choose to indulge in.)

You know intuitively the foods and amounts that will keep you from gaining weight.
( I do know what foods and amounts will be keep me maintaining.)

You are acutely aware of unhealthy diet habits of those around you.
(This is an odd clue. I have noticed that I am very aware of healthy fit people and admire them for staying toned and thin.)

You feel free.
(A big yes here. I feel the freedom of being thin and managing addiction.)

The final comment is helpful. " When you are a senior maintainer, it does not mean that you will never have a difficult day, but it does mean that you have found peace with the way you think about food, physical activity, and priorities."

I have found my peace.

I am dealing with family health issues. I am still maintaining and am glad that I have found peace in my weight, when other areas of my life are not peaceful.

Thanks to all of my Spark Friends for being here.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LORIVIOLA 10/19/2014 2:30PM

    GOOD FOR YOU!
emoticon for sharing!

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BOOKAPHILE 10/1/2014 10:21AM

    I needed to be reminded of this today! Thanks for the reminder and the example.

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JEWELY_ROADS 9/27/2014 2:46PM

    Thank you for re-inspiring me to "pull-up my socks" and get my priorities straight!

While I'm not far off my goal weight and I still look great ( haha, so people tell me ) "I" prefer to be a few pounds lower where my clothes fit nicer and I feel better!

So thanks for the boost! And reminder, I do want to reach the level of a Senior maintainer vs. falling back to bad, unhealthy habits.

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BLAZINGSWORD 9/22/2014 8:39AM

    Yes, I hear where you are coming from. Eating basically the same foods that have made us healthier is a lot easier than not.

I mean, look at animals, they eat the same things basically over and over again but have you ever seen a fat animal in the wild? I haven't. So that really shows me something.

And many people who we would never think has a weight problem, little did we know that many of them are careful about what they eat, and some of them are long time calorie counters as well.

Keep up the good work, you are so worth it! You truly are, and also such an inspiration Kanoe! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ARTISTSBRUSH 9/21/2014 1:37PM

    Thank you for posting this.

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MRSRIGS1 9/16/2014 7:53PM

    emoticon

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LORILEEPAGE 9/14/2014 7:40PM

    emoticon

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BETRHO48 9/13/2014 12:48PM

    emoticon

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BOILHAM 9/12/2014 10:15AM

  Great blog, thanks for sharing.

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MVKNET 9/11/2014 11:02PM

  Loved this blog. It's filled with hope and honesty. You are such an inspiration. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OHMEMEME 9/11/2014 10:50PM

    Awesome blog!!! I've heard you reference the book Refuse to Regain before and have been checking out the website. Enjoyed and may buy the book. Congrats on finding your peace. Keep Sparking!

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RR1_RR1 9/10/2014 10:57AM

    Yay! I admit I enjoy the splurges too lol. But also sometimes crave veggys and healthy food so thats good.

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NUOVAELLE 9/10/2014 3:23AM

    Those are great clues and you seem to have all the characteristics of a successful maintainer. Even at the ones you deviate like the off-plan foods you enjoy once in a while. I find it much more balanced and normal than getting to a point where you simply don't enjoy food anymore!
Thank you so much for sharing these. I may have to look into this book. It sounds like what I currently need to read.

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SUSIEMT 9/9/2014 3:32PM

    I quite agree! Especially with your statement about being comfortable with eating many of the same types of food repeatedly!
I never tire of the foods we prepare especially since they taste so good!


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NASFKAB 9/9/2014 1:30AM

  awesome thanks for sharing

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MARYJEANSL 9/9/2014 12:24AM

  "I have found my peace." Love it!

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BOPPY_ 9/8/2014 11:16PM

    Thoughtful.
Correct.
Useful.<
BR> emoticon

Lee emoticon

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DOILIEQUEEN 9/8/2014 10:23PM

    emoticon Thank you for sharing.

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JACKIEWALKS4FUN 9/8/2014 9:42PM

    emoticon

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ANNIEONLI 9/8/2014 7:56PM

    "Senior Level of Maintenance" - - I like that a lot!! Congrats on the popular blog post! Well deserved, Sparkfriend!!!!


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AJB121299 9/8/2014 7:40PM

    nice

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JEB03253 9/8/2014 5:58PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JEANKNEE 9/8/2014 5:17PM

    Congrats for finding your peace!

Wishing you continued success with maintenance and managing the curve balls life throws our way.

emoticon

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WOMANWITHGRIT 9/8/2014 5:08PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MRSFANCYLADY 9/8/2014 3:33PM

    Beautiful! I can only pray that when I reach this point in my life, I can remember this blog. Take care and stay strong through your health concerns.

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KIMBERLY187 9/8/2014 2:41PM

    I agree. Thanks for sharing!

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GOCALGAL 9/8/2014 2:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon for sharing such valuable information! For me "peace" and stress both seem to mean a gradual backsliding . I am aware that I do not make the best choices.

Those questions spoke to me especially "live the way that matches your goals". It's inspiring to know that it can be done. emoticon I hope the stress issues are quickly resolved. emoticon

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 9/8/2014 2:04PM

    Great blog Pat! I think at our age, maintenance is tough, simply because our calorie consumption (at least this is true of me) needs to be very low as we enter the years past menopause (well I can't speak for you, but I am past menopause). So anything we eat that is carby or sugary, will put us over our limit for the day and if we keep doing it, will eventually lead to a gain. That's what happened to me over the seven months between Thanksgiving and the end of June. That's when I joined my first Dietbet for motivation to get the scale moving the OTHER direction. At that point I had gained 32 lbs. from my low of 150 lbs., which I had maintained for 2.5 years. Today, after two consecutive Dietbets (both of which I won), and into my third, I am down 20 pounds, on my way back to 150 pounds, I hope! The bad food still holds an allure for me, but I am proud, that as you say, "I am managing my addiction." I do have family problems as you mentioned you do too, and that is stressful, but I know it is better to be healthy and deal with the problems, than it is to add to the problems by being FAT and unhealthy again.

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NHES220 9/8/2014 12:59PM

    This is a great blog. I am about 7 lbs from goal, but I am really at a long plateau at this point. I find myself not craving unhealthy foods or my old way of eating. If I do have some of the old foods, I am able to stop when I want to. Even if I have a desert, I am usually satisfied with a couple of bites and will typically seek to share with someone vs. ordering my own. I'm loving my new level of fitness and the muscle I've gained and looking forward to my half marathon.

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MOMMY445 9/8/2014 12:30PM

    i agree. so well said.

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LOSER_ZIMM 9/8/2014 11:41AM

    emoticon

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PACKERMANN 9/8/2014 10:58AM

    gonna go buy that book.
i have been sliding lately.
thanks for sharing!

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FERRNIE 9/8/2014 10:43AM

  emoticon Enjoyed reading your blog. emoticon emoticon

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FUNLOVEN 9/8/2014 10:20AM

    I do so want to get to the stage in my healthy journey that you are describing! Thanks for sharing and inspiring me!

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ERABEL 9/8/2014 10:19AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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GODDREAMDIVA1 9/8/2014 8:18AM

    emoticon

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GODDREAMDIVA1 9/8/2014 8:18AM

    emoticon

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GODDREAMDIVA1 9/8/2014 8:17AM

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SUSANNAH31 9/8/2014 7:53AM

    Congratulations on reaching this level of maintenance.
You can feel confident about dealing with life's issues in ways that do not involve food.

emoticon emoticon

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BETRHO48 9/8/2014 7:14AM

    emoticon

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TORTISE110 9/8/2014 6:16AM

    What a fine blog. You are controlling what you can control and accepting the peace in that even though life is uncertain. Thank you!

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BLUEJEAN99 9/8/2014 1:58AM

    emoticon

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TRAVELGRRL 9/8/2014 1:14AM

    Love your blog, and love the comment about "managing addiction"...so true. Also true that finding peace with weight and food goes a long way during stressful times. Thanks for sharing and giving me the "heads up" I need to get my own self back on track.

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DIANNEMT 9/7/2014 9:25PM

    I do think I will get there! Just have to figure out what my maintenance place really is--and be at peace with that number on the scale....

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1STBUCKETITEM 9/7/2014 9:07PM

  emoticon emoticon ... for sharing your well thought insights!

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PEGGYO 9/7/2014 8:57PM

    emoticon

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CELLA_P 9/7/2014 8:40PM

    emoticon

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SUSUSUZZZIE 9/7/2014 7:51PM

    LOVE your blog. I love having information that helps me develop goals. These are things I can work on. Some I'm in pretty good shape with but others will develop in time with much practice. Thank you for sharing.

Congratulations on finding your peace and keeping up the great work in difficult times!

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SPARKFRAN514 9/7/2014 7:28PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NONNAOF2 9/7/2014 7:28PM

  We all know what happens when we let things slide, so once we achieve our goal weight, the way we got there is the the reality of it all , we need to stay on track for the rest of our lives for sure, there is no turning back!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Transition from trying to maintain to becoming a maintainer and ice cream flashbacks.

Friday, July 25, 2014

When I initially lost my weight 3 years ago, I went through the honeymoon period where I was celebrating and happily buying new clothes. However, I had fears that I would regain my weight as I have spent my life doing. I recall almost being in tears after buying small sized clothes, wondering if I would still fit them months later.

Almost three years later, I have decided that this is my summer of defining myself as a maintainer. I am no longer trying to maintain, but I have become a maintainer.
Watermelon celebrates 5 years of maintenance with an excellent blog, 5 Years of Maintaining!

http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public
_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5739857

What resonated with me was her comment about having times when life interferes with exercise and fitness.
"I know I'll always get back to it and I do. Because it's who I am . . . " This is exactly what being a maintainer is. This is who I am and even if I detour for a while, being a maintainer is what I am.

LeslieSenior has been on a journey of health for 12 years. Her blog,
"The Gifts of Health and Fitness" Is very inspiring.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public
_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5738257


I loved this thought.
"Our good health is so very much more than the number on the scale or the size jeans we buy. We all know this, but it is finally becoming a deep thread in the fabric of who I am."

I went to the store to buy a particular brand and flavor of ice cream for a my son. As I studied the ice cream I was hit with strong memories of ice cream binges..
recognizing the flavors and brands. It has been 4 years since I have binged on ice cream. I could remember that person and the unhappiness, but happily realized those days are gone.

I renewed my driver's license. It may amuse you to learn that for years I would put down the weight I wanted to weigh, but not my actual weight.
My picture of 5 years ago does not look anything like me now and I have received strange looks from clerks. I was pleased to see the smile and the confidence in my new photo which actually looks like the current me.
The contrast of my 110 pound photo was severe. I also realized that the secrecy of addiction is gone. I now put down my real weight!

In the summer and particularly in my yoga classes, I notice my toned muscles but also notice somewhat loose skin.
Greggweisbrod has maintained for one year and has offered some great insights in Time Goes By.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public
_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5738698

This is a lovely piece of writing, especially the last line. I love perfectly imperfect in the most perfect ways possible.

"The perfect body is an illusion, as even those whom we see and think look perfect are in fact constantly struggling with the same desires to look better. You're already perfect... you just haven't realized it yet. Love yourself today, and keep journeying toward whatever future you fancy - don't waste a second feeling like you're not good enough or not attractive enough. You're already perfectly imperfect in the most perfect ways possible!



I end with Refuse to Regain comments again:
4.Climber's Fatigue: Losing weight was an exciting, attention getting makeover. Permanence requires a relentless, daily attention to detail that no one but you may notice. This phase will only work if you learn to deeply love the new you and the very process that allows you to stay as you are. Not only can you do this, but it will also be highly rewarding.

Thanks to everyone who blogs at Spark People. I value your support and insights.

Kanoe The Maintainer! or should I say The Terminator..of an unhealthy life.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IRON_RESOLVE 9/20/2014 12:29AM

    Oh yes, another great blog. I love #4 Climbers Fatigue. "Permanence requires a relentless, daily attention to detail that no one but you may notice. This phase will only work if you learn to deeply love the new you and the very process that allows you to stay as you are. Not only can you do this, but it will also be highly rewarding."

Learning to enjoy the new you and the life that you have created.

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JUSGETTENBY42 9/15/2014 1:37AM

    emoticon

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DESERT_BIRD 9/1/2014 12:03AM

    Great blog again. emoticon

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GABY1948 8/29/2014 5:13PM

    GREAT blog and I plan to finally make it this time to maintaining and am so thankful that I have finally found so many good blogs about the process!

Your page is beautiful! And emoticon on becoming Maintainer Kanoe!

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MVKNET 8/27/2014 9:09PM

  I so look forward to the day I can call myself a maintainer. You are such an inspiration to me. Blessings,
Marsha emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SNOWYOGA 8/15/2014 12:42AM

    Great blog, thank you

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MRSRIGS1 8/13/2014 6:24PM

    GREAT blog, thank you! P.S. I still lie about my weight on my driver's license (LOL)

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BABARR67 8/12/2014 11:09AM

    This was a great blog! I missed it too! I'm glad I stopped by your page today:0)

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MJREIMERS 8/10/2014 2:12PM

    I have no idea how I missed your blog. It is emoticon and well deserving of a Featured Blogger Post! You are emoticon and kudos to you for recognizing the great blogs written by others. emoticon

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MVKNET 8/7/2014 10:38PM

  Wow I feel so privileged to be your Spark friend. You are such an inspiration to so many. When I read about your journey I think Well if she can do it, then I can do it. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Blessings,
Marsha

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CORNERKICK 8/5/2014 1:19AM

  emoticon

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LWILKINS60 8/4/2014 1:49PM

    What a great read! Thanks!

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MAMA_CD 8/3/2014 8:48AM

    emoticon Excellent leading the path to maintenance for others!

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TORTISE110 8/2/2014 7:07AM

    Another magnificent blog

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RR1_RR1 8/1/2014 5:22PM

    I can definitely relate to the binging. My weakness is pizza. Im a carb addict lol. Inspirational blogpost for sure!

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NASFKAB 7/31/2014 8:20AM

  wonderful thought provoking blog thanks for sharing & congratulations on being featured in spark

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MAYBER 7/30/2014 11:32PM

    Thank you for sharing your wonderful attitude
You are a success one day at a time
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEMT 7/30/2014 9:26PM

    YEA you!! We can be terminators together!!

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MARYJEANSL 7/30/2014 8:15PM

  Congratulations! You should be very proud. :-)

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SIZE8NOTSOMUCH 7/30/2014 7:26AM

    How very well written, thank you for sharing. I hope one day to be a maintainer...

J


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SUBMOM2 7/30/2014 12:07AM

    Good for you! You are a maintainer! Glad you are finding such support on Spark People!

emoticon emoticon

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SJKENT1 7/28/2014 12:20PM

    thank you!

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ALIIDA 7/27/2014 10:52AM

    You inspire me and so many others with your kindness, and you are one of the people who prove to us that it can be done. I'm near to maintenance and you and this wonderful site keep me going where in the past, I've turned round and gone back up again. emoticon emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 7/27/2014 9:35AM

    Mega-congrats!

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TINAJANE76 7/27/2014 9:29AM

    Wonderful, wonderful blog--I just love it! I've also seen various shifts in my identity from yo-yo'er, to trying to maintain, to becoming and living as a maintainer, so I definitely identify with everything you've written as someone who's coming up not far behind you. I always love the wisdom in your blogs and how generous you are with others who are navigating this process. You are a huge part of what makes this community so great--thank you!

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ANNIEONLI 7/27/2014 7:22AM

    Wonderful blog! A much needed read my friend!

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CICELY360 7/26/2014 11:07PM

  good blog

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SHOAPIE 7/26/2014 9:51PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JSEATTLE 7/26/2014 7:59PM

  Thank you for inspiring me and so many others. Keep on maintaining!!

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DDOORN 7/26/2014 7:54PM

    KANOE10 the Defiant Maintainer! Woo hoo!

Thank you for your compendium of wisdom from our SparkFamily maintainers! Definitely a "keeper!" :-)

Don

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ROCKYCPA 7/26/2014 7:11PM

    emoticon

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STEVIEBEE569 7/26/2014 6:17PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DIANNEMT 7/26/2014 5:50PM

    Lovely!!

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PATRICIAANN46 7/26/2014 5:49PM

  What a wonderful blog!!! emoticon

You gave Kudos to others who have inspired YOU. DON'T FORGET that YOU inspire us too. You have done and continue to do an emoticon job!!!

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JUSGETTENBY42 7/26/2014 5:10PM

    emoticon

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LCRUMLEY81 7/26/2014 2:52PM

  You're an inspiration

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WATERDIAMONDS 7/26/2014 1:32PM

    I am nearly giddy from reading this and the other blogs youŽve cited here. What a wonderful, wonderful life to which we can all look forward!

Perhaps my favorite line is, šThis phase will only work if you learn to deeply love the new you and the very process that allows you to stay as you are.š

IŽd simply like to add: The weight-loss phase, which sets us up to succeed at maintenance, will only work if we learn to deeply love the REAL us that we hide behind our comic-tragic masks of unhealthy living and unhappy hearts.

I love your blogs. Thank you so much.



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LIVELYGIRL2 7/26/2014 1:16PM

  I totally loved how and what you shared. I like how you supported your thoughts with other Spark People's insights.

I do think this is the hardest part, maintaining, because it's a lifestyle. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PENOWOK 7/26/2014 12:27PM

    So true. The attention goes away when you hit maintenance do the motivation has to be intrinsic. You have done well!!

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SUSANNAH31 7/26/2014 11:14AM

    Congratulations on the best success there is!!
It is so good to have you here to cheer the rest of us on, too!

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NONNAOF2 7/26/2014 11:09AM

  I have gone up and down with my weight and various times, but now I am at a mind set where I truly believe finally I will be successful. Losing the weight can be exhilarating, but maintaining it is another thing, I will do it with a better support system!

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ALEXSGIRL1 7/26/2014 10:45AM

    love your blog and the much wisdom it contains best blog ever!!!! I love the end terminator of un healthy life. you are such an inspiration keep writing you will convert a lot of people to a healthy life hugs

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PATRICIA-CR 7/26/2014 10:43AM

    Hats off to you! BRAVO!!

I've never been able to maintain, so I greatly admire the people who is able to maintain. For me, getting down in weight is difficult but not as difficult at maintaining. Thanks very much for your insight, very motivational and encouraging for me emoticon

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IMEMINE1 7/26/2014 10:30AM

    Great blog. You are truly an inspiration and a great motivator.
Thank you for all you do here on spark people.
emoticon on your 3 years of maintaining. emoticon

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NEPTUNE1939 7/26/2014 10:25AM

    emoticon

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JERICHO1991 7/26/2014 9:56AM

    Congratulations on your maintaining healthy life. Thanks for the encouragement.

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SHARON7464 7/26/2014 9:45AM

    I'd like to promote Kanoe the Terminator....you've gotten rid of the weight and have a healthy lifestyle. Thank you for synthesizing the pearls of wisdom you've gleaned from other spark members.

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KIPSTER52 7/26/2014 8:39AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRYINGHARD54 7/26/2014 8:26AM

    thank you for sharing... emoticon

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SHERYLP461 7/26/2014 7:47AM

    What a thoughtful blog, while I am not maintaining as yet, I hope to be and your blog is most insightful!

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The longer I maintain, the more I love being thin and "you always gain your weight back."

Friday, July 11, 2014

I have decided that part of maintaining, is not only being relentless determined, but it also being feisty. I am considering myself, a feisty maintainer! Almost three years ago, two co-workers took me aside and said separately, " You have lost a lot of weight, however, you always gain it back. You should not get so thin."
At that time, I lacked self confidence in my ability to keep weight off, and I responded with something like I hope I can keep it off this time. Now, 3 years later, as I reflect on these comments, I would answer in a different way. I would say, " I have worked hard to get to this healthy weight. My doctor and I are both happy with this weight. I would really appreciate your support instead of your criticism." I realize now that these comments were very negative and treated me as a failure. I do not deny that my co-workers have seen my yo-yo pattern over the years. However, who gave them the right to comment and be negative about me doing something positive? I am much more self confident now. I have actually confronted my boss and told him he needed to support my efforts rather than tell me that I needed to stop losing weight as I was thin enough. Thus..yay for being feisty.

As I am in my third summer of maintenance, I really am growing in being calmer and believing that I am maintaining.
The longer I maintain, the more I love being thin. This is true. I really enjoy the energy, the happiness, the muscles and toned body, and the fitness that comes with being thin, I like this thin body. I still have to look at my shorts to make sure they are size 6, even if I know they are..LOL.

My summer discoveries are yoga..definitely a good new workout for me. I also am experimenting on new recipes like cauliflower pizza crust. I have also increased my daily walks by 10-15 minutes.

Thanks to all you here who write blogs. They are my daily inspiration and support.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NHES220 9/8/2014 1:32PM

    Good for you and way to go on being fiesty! I think those people were just reflecting their own failures - they also have probably lost weight and regained it. I too have done that in the past, but not this time. The difference this time is that it is not a diet but truly a lifestyle change. I am 20 months into this lifestyle change and I'm not going back!

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BLAZINGSWORD 7/23/2014 10:44AM

    You go girl! I love what Neptune said! Take a long walk off a short pier, maybe then they will cool it! LOL!

You are so right when it comes to wanting to live the rest of your life healthy, and happy! And the best thing is that as a maintainer, you will continue to do those things to keep you in the best possible health of your life.

Yay to no more Yo-Yoing! It's wonderful to wake up in the morning raring to go and enjoying your life. It's what makes you happy.

You go girl! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TORTISE110 7/23/2014 5:50AM

    I believe you! We can and do change for so many reasons. You have worked hard and are thoughtful and vigilant. Thank you for this helpful blog!

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DOKEYOKEY 7/21/2014 8:55AM

    I'm back near where I was when I began losing weight, but I'm going to take inspiration from the idea of being feisty -- and also from remembering the pleasure it is to be in a body that feels good!

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DDOORN 7/20/2014 9:12PM

    Maintenance takes incredible energy...what better way to reflect that than by being feisty! Go YOU! :-)

Don



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IRON_RESOLVE 7/19/2014 10:49PM

    I love that you are a feisty maintainer. You have worked really hard. I can't wait to one day say I am heading a 3rd summer of maintenance. Thanks for your blogs which inspire us all.

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GRACED777 7/18/2014 1:38PM

    I like this post. You are a real overcomer. Keeping weight off is hard to do, but possible. I'm working on it too! Have a good weekend.

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MJREIMERS 7/17/2014 10:24AM

    I love your blog and I believe I may be a "feisty maintainer," too. I like your take on your coworkers. I guess "you've shown them" and you've proven to yourself that you can do it!!

Maintenance isn't easy, but it is well worth it! emoticon and keep it up!!

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BROOKLYN_BORN 7/16/2014 12:40PM

    "Feisty maintainer!" I love that term. Good for you!

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TRAVELGRRL 7/15/2014 12:00PM

    Yay for you! I like all those things too: "energy, happiness, muscles and toned body, and fitness!"

I still have a ways to go, but your success is so encouraging to me. I am glad you've learned to stick up for yourself -- being feisty is a good thing!

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IMEMINE1 7/15/2014 9:30AM

    emoticon I love yoga. I am almost to my goal weight and am nervous about the maintenance part. I hope I can can do as well as you are doing. emoticon

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SNOWYOGA 7/14/2014 9:30PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JEANKNEE 7/14/2014 2:24AM

    Thanks so much for this blog. My fitness buddy and I have recently been on the receiving end of similar comments by our co-workers. Hoping to grow in conficence and join you in the ranks of the feisty.

Your accomplishments inspire me and give me hope.

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DESERT_BIRD 7/13/2014 2:23PM

    I love this blog! I am smiling as I read this and all of the comments. I can't wait for someone to tell me I am getting too thin. I will think of you and your feisty attitude and I will know just what to say!

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GOCALGAL 7/13/2014 9:59AM

   
I am ever so slowly "maintaining" my way down to goal . I've failed so many times that I began to doubt that I could ever maintain my currant weight let alone reach even lower.

emoticon for once again sharing your insight, wisdom, encouragement and "feistiness" with us! You inspire me to know that it's hard work but it is possible.
BRAVO!! for 3 years maintenacne!

I too have found yoga to be a great tool in my journey. Not only does it bring focus, calmness and flexibility but planks and Down Dogs are def cardio! emoticon


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TINAJANE76 7/13/2014 9:57AM

    Hooray for your feistiness! It can be hard to let negative comments like that roll off our backs, especially if they're well intentioned.

I'm not far behind you on the maintenance front and can see how my journey is echoing yours in many ways. It keeps getting better and better--although I still can't believe I am where I am sometimes too!

Thanks for YOUR blogs and positive presence here as well. I just love our community of maintainers!

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MILLEDGE2 7/13/2014 9:40AM

    You inspire so many of us! Congratulations on three years and here's to many, many more!

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SUBMOM2 7/12/2014 9:05PM

    emoticon
Congratulations on your third summer at maintenance, and for being feisty!! Your blogs are an inspiration to so many of us still trying to locate our feisty switch. Keep up the good work!

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THOMS1 7/12/2014 2:09PM

    I truly love your blogs as you are such an inspiration to me. Keep them comin. Have a great weekend and I look forward to reading more. emoticon emoticon

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WATERDIAMONDS 7/12/2014 9:12AM

    Having engaged in and maintained my first truly healthy streak for the last several months, I finally comprehend your statement, "I really enjoy the energy, the happiness, the muscles and toned body, and the fitness that comes with being thin."

The longer I stay on my streak, the happier I am. I sincerely love the peace of mind, the increased stamina, the swell in self-confidence that are coming my way because I have committed to--and stuck with--my new habits.

I thank you so much for your willingness to share your experiences with us. YOU are a role model and a gift!





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ALIIDA 7/12/2014 6:49AM

    I'm so pleased for you and inspired. Your kindness and your blogs help us to lose and to know that it's possible to maintain. The person who said the same thing to me is not an unkind person, but another of our group, who has always been lean, thanked us for never bugging her about it. I hope the remarks to me will stop, or that I can find a kind but firm thing to say to stop her.
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THINFITFEMINIST 7/12/2014 6:28AM

    I applaud not only you reaching a healthy weight and your maintenance, but your feisty attitude also.

I think there are 3 phases: 1)getting there 2)remaining there 3)Not thinking about it. #3 is where I want to be.

This is my 3rd SparkLife and 3rd attempt towards the #3 aspect. Tired of the re-do! I've learned a lot, endured even more and am wanting to get this over with for good.

Again, congrats and more power to you....er us!

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NUOVAELLE 7/12/2014 3:13AM

    Feisty maintainer! I love that!
emoticon
Your determination and confidence is so inspiring for all of us.I had heard these comments, too, back when I lost the weight. My response was "I'll do my best". I don't know whether I would have given the same today but I find the comment as rude and thoughtless now as I found it back then.
Isn't it great that we have fought against the odds of these people and we've been successful contrary to their beliefs? So far, at least! And we'll continue doing the same, right sparkfriend?
Keep on inspiring us!
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BUTTONPOPPER1 7/12/2014 2:57AM

    Wow, you're creating your own happy life story, and you give me inspiration to do the same! It's been such a long time since I was thin that I've forgotten what it feels like, but since restarting SparkPeople a few weeks ago and cleaning up my habits a little, I'm starting to have fleeting (very good) memories of a thinner me. Thanks for your blogs and your kind comments on everybody else's, which I love to read.

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SANDISOCAROLINA 7/12/2014 1:33AM

    You got your power back! emoticon Feisty is freedom. Good for you! Thanks for sharing in your blogs. It's a tremendous help in so many ways. HUGS.

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_LINDA 7/12/2014 12:09AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
You go girl!!! Way to stand up for yourself and with your boss no less!! So very impressive!! A good reason to show you WILL maintain, that there is no more yo yo on the horizon!
Loved to read this!! Truly motivating!!

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SWEDE_SU 7/12/2014 12:02AM

    you are a tremendous success - three years! and your blog is an inspiration, we do need to be feisty! and the way you are always there to cheer the rest of us on during our journey to reach the same place, well, just know you are greatly appreciated and admired! emoticon emoticon

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STEPH-KNEE 7/11/2014 11:27PM

    You are fabulous and I am glad you are feisty, RAWR! emoticon I really think as each day, week, month, YEAR passes and you are maintaining, your confidence grows that much stronger. I can see how in the beginning of maintenance there is still that fear, that fear that this will be like "all the other times we gained it all back", but I think if we can make it over that hump, there are only good things on the horizon.

I know that my family and coworkers were waiting for me to gain the weight back. My family didn't mean it in a bad way, and they never really made nasty comments, but they had seen me gain and lose 40 pounds several times.. so they were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. My coworkers are just nasty people (many of these people have weight issues of their own) and I do believe they HOPED I'd gain it back, they were failures at weight loss, so they wanted me to be too. If I was successful (especially without surgery), then it would prove that it could be done, and that their excuse that "no one can lose weight" was no longer valid.

Did your coworkers have a weight issue? It doesn't matter, I was just curious myself, because I know that I get the most flack from the overweight ones. But I do also get flack from the super skinny ones, which always makes me giggle. At my skinniest I won't be smaller than them, so they need to get over themselves! ;)

It just shows how much you've grown as a person, that at first you questioned if they might be right, but now, you've proven to yourself as well as everyone that you are strong enough to maintain, and more importantly you are able to stand up for yourself if need be! You are fabulous and an inspiration and role model to us all! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/11/2014 11:29:56 PM

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REBECKY441 7/11/2014 9:30PM

    emoticon

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REGILIEH 7/11/2014 9:29PM

    emoticon

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KOHINOOR2 7/11/2014 8:05PM

    emoticon emoticon You are a great inspiration to all of us. Keep speaking up for yourself and don't listen to other peoples negative judgements, keep up the great work. emoticon Thank you for sharing. Have a greet weekend.

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GOANNA2 7/11/2014 7:58PM

    Congratulations on the 3 years. You are such an
inspiration. Keep on being feisty. emoticon

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ONEKIDSMOM 7/11/2014 7:34PM

    I LOVE your attitude! I too am getting feistier about maintenance the longer I stay here. I, too, love being fit and trim. Life is just so much easier when I am. By the way, I just went back to count on my fingers... this would be my fifth Summer of maintenance... and by now? The comments about "skinny" have stopped (thank goodness) and people at work just accept me as the new me.

It takes time. And a touch of feistiness! emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 7/11/2014 7:15PM

    What a fantastic blog! Love to hear that you are speaking up for yourself and REFUSING to be criticized for your self-discipline and your success in maintaining!! Your co-workers will get the message eventually . . . and maybe someone of them will emulate your excellent modelling of healthy behaviour!!

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HOLLYM48 7/11/2014 7:06PM

    Well awesome for you! I am so happy for you for being in the 3rd summer of maintenance. This is not an easy task as we know! It takes just as much work if not more than losing to maintain and to keep the promise to ourselves that we are worth all of this effort. Keep up the great work and you decide for yourself if you look good and healthy! I am sure you do and the doubters can just be ignored! Kudos to you for all the good work you have done!

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MARILYNROBERT 7/11/2014 7:02PM

    I'm so proud of you and you are a huge (not in body size of course) emoticon inspiration to me. I'm going to be with you in maintenance someday and I look forward to learning more and more from you over time. All your lessons that you pass on to us are meaningful. emoticon emoticon

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SMILINGEYES2 7/11/2014 5:04PM

    You give me hope. I am still losing but rate slows as I get down. In the past I would yo-yo. I have seen others who had the surgery gain and I have seen those who maintained. I hope to be one who continues to follow healthy eating with activity. Thanks for showing it can be done.

The nurse warned that as we lose others will say too thin and express concern we are suck. They would not do this for a friend who has always been thin. I appreciated her heads up.

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MICKEYH 7/11/2014 4:47PM

    I thank you for writing this blog! You really are my inspiration! Yes, BIG Yay, to being feisty maintainer!! I shall follow your feisty attitude. Lol)) and you are so right about no one has right to give us negative criticism who is doing positive things for her. Right on! Keep on keeping on us!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/11/2014 4:01PM

    You worked hard and the results are there for all to see. You are healthy and you look great and feel great. It doesn't get any better than that.

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MANDELOVICH 7/11/2014 3:46PM

    Bravo to you! Firstly for 3 years!!! Amazing! And for speaking your truth and honoring yourself! Woohoo!

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LORILEEPAGE 7/11/2014 3:34PM

    How's the pizza crust? You are a great example. I've done a new yo-yo in the wrong direction and I've concluded that extra weight on my frame makes me tire more easily when exercising.

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PHOENIX1949 7/11/2014 3:09PM

    emoticon Hooray for feisty girls! emoticon

I feel privileged to have connected with maintainers through the Mental Toughness Program and my Virtual Trek through Australia.

I've stalled, yet again, in my quest; however, reading Blogs such as this are good for me to read and take in.

Thank you for sharing.

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Comment edited on: 7/11/2014 3:10:38 PM

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SUNNYBEACHGIRL 7/11/2014 3:07PM

    It is not always easy to stay with your own internal compass. Be healthy your way

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LESLIESENIOR 7/11/2014 2:19PM

    Congrats on you confidence, fitness, and good health! The people in our lives who try to trip us along our path have their own problems. They are usually insecure and jealous. It is a form of bullying. It can happen in any area of our lives. I have learned that I don't have to be defensive about anything any more. I just try each day to be a good living example for my kids, friends, and community. I'm so happy that you are doing so well. Hooray and keep enjoying your great life!

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GINA180847 7/11/2014 1:47PM

    Your blogs are an inspiration to me. When I get on this computer it is hard to find the time to blog as once I track, answer all the emails etc. 2 hrs. have gone by and I am running out of time and steam. I truly have perfected the art of letting people just be they don't need to share every thought they have as in thinking for your own good maybe you should not go as low in weight as you have. One needs to trust that people do not do these things without putting a lot of thought into them. Then all that is needed is just to be supportive of their actions showing them that you think they are capable.

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TULIPVIC 7/11/2014 1:41PM

    Once when I was a little below goal weight, my doc said not to lose any more weight. That was all it took for a 15 pound gain almost immediately! Thanks for giving me a different perspective when that happens again.

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KRISZTA11 7/11/2014 1:35PM

    emoticon to your weight loss and maintenance success!

Too bad people often just say what is on their mind, and think this is a good thing and they are just being honest : (
It is true that there is a bog risk of regaining weight - - but telling you they don"t believe in your success certainly did not help. Great job you proved them wrong!
emoticon

I share your love for yoga!
In the weight loss phase I used to think it was worthless as it does not burn many calories. But the flexibility, calmness and happiness that comes with yoga practice is worth every minute!
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SHERYLDS 7/11/2014 1:33PM

    You inspire us....as well as all the kindness you share by encouraging us.
Congrats on your success... emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 7/11/2014 1:29PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIMPLY-FREE 7/11/2014 12:59PM

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Comment edited on: 7/11/2014 12:59:59 PM

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Returning under goal weight and "I don't want to be as skinny as you are."

Friday, June 27, 2014

I am happy to report that I returned from Hawaii under my goal weight!

Family dynamics can be interesting. My sister is my height and weighs around 20 pounds more than me. It is hard when my Sister in Law comments to me..saying, "You look great. You are so thin," but says nothing to my sister. Then later my sister comments. " I do not want to be as thin as you. It is just too much work and it is too hard to stay at that weight. Plus I do not want to give up my favorite foods." She also noted that I do not do a pig out day as she does when she eats all of the Hawaiian foods that we grew up with.

I wish my SIL would not make those comments as they do not make my sister happy..but I also cannot protect everyone from thoughtless remarks.

I am totally fine with my sister's comments. It is her choice to weigh what she wants. However, I wish she could see that you really can have a happy lifestyle at my weight and can enjoy your food! It is not too much work. I am happier now than I have been in years.

However, as I reflect on my past, I also had those thoughts that being thin was too hard , I am glad that I have Spark friends to support my changes.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEWELY_ROADS 9/21/2014 2:10PM

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BETRHO48 9/11/2014 10:18PM

    Each one of us must figure out for herself where her happiness lies and strive for that. I'm sorry for the thoughtless and hurtful comments some people make about others. It is unfortunate that some folks are like that.

Congratulations on arriving at your goal weight and being able to maintain it. You are an inspiration! I hope to be there one day!
~Beth

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BESSHAILE 7/20/2014 7:11PM

    Ah. well. we each of us must find our own happy weight. It's hard to talk about without stepping on some toes.

Congratulations on finding yours.

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IMEMINE1 7/15/2014 9:37AM

    You just have to keep taking care of yourself. Everyone has to make their own choices whether good or bad. emoticon

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KANSASROSE67 7/12/2014 2:12PM

    emoticon Cheers to the feisty maintainers!

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BABARR67 7/8/2014 9:20AM

    Go you. You are a kind hearted person. Everyone has the right to make their own choices and find their own happiness. I am sure your SIL was not trying to be mean, but some people do not realize that a little tact goes a long way. HUGS

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OOLALA53 7/6/2014 1:14PM

    Your is not really saying she doesn't want to be slim, but that she enjoys her habits as they are. I relate to that. My weight now is what a lot of Sparkers and maintainers would consider too high, but I know how I ate and exercised when I weighed closer to my peers' ideal, and it was not enjoyable. I feared food at social events, and my knees were hurting and getting worse al the time. I continue to tweak and am increasing exercise for health's sake, so things might change, but if they don't, they don't.

I also often come back from vacations having lost because life is so much more full and busy with fun stuff, normally.

BTW, my sister said several years ago that she accepted that she was just going to be fat, after having gained about 40? 50? pounds after retiring. She said that even though her doctor was worried about her health indicators. (And she was a nurse!) But as time went on she changed her mind and took off 30 lbs.! You never know when the motivation will strike.

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LYNNWANNABE 7/3/2014 8:29PM

    It took me years to stop comparing myself to my sister [who has always been smaller than me] and I'm glad that the rude comments no longer have the power to KEEP me down.. it's really been a rollercoaster ride for me. But, the more I set up boundaries and learn that I don't need other peoples approval the more I have been finding healing in these areas. I love that you are going to keep the weight off and do what works for you!

It kind of reminded me of my Mom wanting contacts after losing all her weight; she was so excited by her transformation that she couldn't wait for her Mother and sisters to see her, wouldn't they be surprised.. only, the minute they saw her they criticized her [especially, her sunken eyes.. from having worn thick glasses all her life] only they made her feel like an ugly freak, she gave up and nothing we could say to her fixed it. People don't realize that words hurt and can make us turn back to our brokenness. WE NEED TO BE STRONG ENOUGH NOT TO DO THAT.. WHICH I wasn't FOUR MONTHS AGO; BUT, GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE ABILITY TO RISE UP AGAIN. But, it was painful [like getting stitches] for I had to face the pain first, because burying my heart [face] in food again for comfort, was making it worse and me fatter. I finally realized, I needed to deal with the wound/pain [emotional hurt] but, like stitches it hurts, but with God, I know afterwards comes the healing and so it was with me. I see the TRUTH, that this is about my perception not other peoples. (I hope this makes since?)

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SWEDE_SU 7/3/2014 6:47PM

    congrats on your weight victory from your trip! i for one know just how hard that is! it's difficult to deal with the comments and opinions of others, but we do know how much happier we are with our lifestyle choices...

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SNOWYOGA 7/3/2014 1:17AM

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SUBMOM2 7/1/2014 5:28PM

    Good for you for maintaining on vacation! My family and I just returned from beautiful Maui last night, and I am 4 pounds heavier. Not my healthiest week of eating, but we had a great time and and I hope to get back on track this month.

I can relate to the odd comments. Not sure if it's "helpfulness", jealousy, curiosity or what that causes people to say these things, but good for you for being able to shake it off and stay in your happy place.

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TRAVELGRRL 7/1/2014 4:59PM

    Coming back from vacation UNDER goal is a huge accomplishment -- congrats! My mother is my height and is proud of the fact that she weighs 35 pounds less than me -- I'm at the top of the acceptable BMI chart and she's at rock bottom. I see her struggle not to eat and to admit "I'm hungry all the time." I couldn't imagine living like that.

So that being said, I agree with everyone who said we make our choices and we live with the consequences. Congratulations again on finding peace in your own journey!

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IRON_RESOLVE 7/1/2014 8:55AM

    It's so encouraging to come home to come home to. I love reading your blogs. It's how I'm learning to Walk the Walk. Thanks for sharing, and bringing us on board.
It's such a shame that EATING became the national pass time, way back in the 1970's with all of the fast food chains going up across USA and Canada, and still filtering into other continents.
Eating out seems to have replaced hobbies that people used to develope.
Now while we try and remove all of the accumulated weight, from extra and larger portions, we also have people defending their size through bone structure, and lack of time to take action.
I weigh the least of all of my 5 sisters. When my Mother went to work, and we were young, it was as extra support for our family of 8. The extra income also brought snack food, which turned out to be comfort food.
We were VERY active outdoors as kids, but the habits become ingrained, and in my case, has taken a lifetime to evolve the FINAL SHRED!
Again, hanks for sharing, as we all see ourselves somewhere between the lines .
I love to wake up and discover the scale is not punishing the times I do indulge. As I also see, if I hit my higher number of my weekly 3 pound range, as I am reducing, then I know to change the next 3 days

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RR1_RR1 6/29/2014 10:20AM

    Thats really considerate to think of your sister. I didn't know you grew up in Hawaii- that must have been so nice!

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ALIIDA 6/28/2014 10:19PM

    That puts you in such a difficult position and I agree that comments about people's weight need to be avoided, whether it's criticism or praise. I wonder if this situation would be less likely to occur if you were all brothers and brothers-in-law!

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KRISZTA11 6/28/2014 5:31PM

    Congrats to maintaining your healthy lifestyle in Hawaii, and I'm glad you had a great time.
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REGILIEH 6/28/2014 10:22AM

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DESERT_BIRD 6/28/2014 9:37AM

    Love your attitude.

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WATERDIAMONDS 6/28/2014 7:27AM

    Your sister may truly mean what she says, but this may also be a case of sour grapes. Either way, she deserves exactly what you are giving her--unconditional support for her right to choose.

I think perhaps the solution lies in your comment, "I am happier now than I have been in years." Simply demonstrating that may be a better response than any words you could utter.

As for the SIL, you might thank her sincerely and then, in a one-on-one moment, gently ask her to refrain from over-commenting, as the remarks make YOU uncomfortable. Never bringing your sister's name into the conversation shows that you are not speaking for her, which is another way to respect her right to think as she wishes. Never pointing out to your SIL that she is unkind to ignore your sister when she comments about you gives SIL the opportunity to recognize that for herself, without the embarrassment of having someone else (you) explain it to her.

Speaking with her about it may not stop your SIL, but it also might, and wouldn't it be worth the risk to restore total equanimity during such a wonderful vacation?

Congratulations for having returned from your trip healthy. And sincere congratulations for your empathetic attitude toward your sister. You've been where she is and you understand. You couldn't give her anything better than such loving acceptance.


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MANDELOVICH 6/28/2014 7:17AM

    Wow! Way to go on a successful trip, caring for yourself despite some emotional challenges!

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SMILINGEYES2 6/28/2014 12:08AM

    Sounds like you handled the trip with grace and made good decisions regarding your eating.

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POSITIVEHOPE 6/27/2014 11:47PM

    I remember hearing comments like that. I always knew they were meant to motivate me but they still had the power to crush me. Choosing a weight goal is so personal. Why should anyone feel the need to defend such a personal choice. I am glad she has a goal to help her with accountability. At different times in my life, I have found the work of the journey to be "too difficult." It was all too easy to give up altogether feeling that way.

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KOHINOOR2 6/27/2014 9:46PM

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PHOENIX1949 6/27/2014 8:55PM

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ONEKIDSMOM 6/27/2014 6:45PM

    Family relationships can add complexity to inner motivation / demotivation. When we love one another, sometimes we avoid confronting issues. In the end we each have to follow our own path, we can't make someone else's choices for them. But we should not alter what's right for us just to make someone else feel comfortable about a choice they make and we do not.

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THROOPER62 6/27/2014 6:40PM

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HOLLYM48 6/27/2014 6:34PM

    Sibling rivalry can be kind of hurtful that is for sure. The important thing is for you to be at peace with where you are weightwise and to be happy. If you are comfortable and eating the foods that make you feel good and not starving yourself, then you are doing the right thing for you! KEep up the great work. I hope we get to see some great pics from Hawaii soon! Great job on keeping the weight off while vacationing. I am super proud of you for that!

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DIANNEMT 6/27/2014 5:22PM

    So glad you had a great time AND did so well with the eating!!

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MICKEYH 6/27/2014 5:19PM

    emoticon glad to hear you came back with under weight. Hope you had a really great time with your family in Hawaii. You really are our hero! Congrats and keep on keeping on! emoticon emoticon

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TINAJANE76 6/27/2014 5:17PM

    Yeah, this is a tough one to deal with. There's definitely a bit of a rivalry between me and my sisters in this department and it's hard when other people in the family make comparisons (my dad is the worst with this kind of thing even though I know he means well!), either implicitly or explicitly.

I also wish that more people could get on board with the idea that being slim doesn't have to mean living in a constant state of deprivation or misery. Like your sister, I struggled with pig-out days for a long time, but feel so much better now that I'm able to moderate myself more. I still eat rich food sometimes just not every day and not in massive quantities (though I do still have the occasional slip). As Ellen said, those pig outs are always better in theory and can be VERY hard to recover from. It's so much easier to be on more of an even keel most of the time even if it takes some effort to get to that place.

Kudos to you for doing so well on your vacation!

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LORILEEPAGE 6/27/2014 4:46PM

    You did great with you eating on your trip. Especially around the old comfort type foods! You are to be commended. And kudos for not getting sidetracked by the comments of others. Even positive remarks to me can turn me into a celebratory mood in which I go to sweets to celebrate that my low weight is noticed. How backwards is that!!

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WATERMELLEN 6/27/2014 2:43PM

    It's lovely to have the recognition of your sister-in-law but . . . more private compliments might create less sibling rivalry from your sister!! You are very forgiving of your sister and that's terrific because your genuine acceptance will be communicated. She gets to make her choices . . . and she also gets the consequences of those choices: but I agree, it's less difficult, really, than she believes. That "pig out" day is always more appealing in theory than in practice -- it's uncomfortable at the time AND it makes it more difficult to return to the moderate level of calories that's appropriate after the pig out!!

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MARILYNROBERT 6/27/2014 1:54PM

    You have a wonderful attitude towards what is said to you and around you. That's what allows you to be such a success. emoticon

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MARYBETH4884 6/27/2014 1:47PM

    As you said, you can't control what others say. We each need to decide we we feel is a healthy weight that we can maintain. I recently was at a family reunion where I was put on the spot about losing weight and it was uncomfortable. There were several discussions of diets, some I felt were unsafe, and some adult children were talking about imposing diets on their overweight parents. I only explained what I did and how I planned to maintain. One cousin pulled me aside and thanked me for my positive attitude on weight loss and the fact I was supporting healthy and advacating a particularly restrictive food program. Everyone needs to make the choice to persue better health or it will just not happen. I'm glad you can home under goal and feeling strong!

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SANDISOCAROLINA 6/27/2014 1:22PM

    Relationships with family can be as complicated as relationships with food can't they. Good to see you stand your ground with the weight you feel best with. Some people have become overweight or gained weight back due to "people pleasing" issues. You already get it that we can't please or protect everyone and that is a good thing. I am so proud of you and glad you had a good time. Well done my friend! emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 6/27/2014 12:53PM

    It sounds like it bothers your sister that you and she are not exactly the same as you used to be. It might have given her comfort that you and she used to eat this traditional food together. With your mom weakening and her having her issues she must feel vulnerable. Food traditions were a huge part of my families relationship. If one of us chose not to eat it was if we were withholding love. I think your sisters comments were less about weight and more about worrying about her perceived losses.

If your sister is only 20 pounds heavier than you then at least she isn't doing herself too much damage. You can actually be 20 pounds more and still be in a healthy weight range on the charts. I'm like you and think that it's okay for her to weight what she wants to but it would be nice if she could see your weight loss as a positive thing for you and not a negative. Maybe with time she will change her mind.

For me personally, I weighed 86 pounds for years and then gained up to 115 to 120. I do better with a little more weight on me than that though if I want to avoid communicable diseases and I can still be in a normal weight range up to 145 pounds due to the amount of muscle I have. I would like to weight 135 to 145 pounds. That's my goal if I can ever reach it.

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KELLIEBEAN 6/27/2014 12:20PM

    Congratulations!

I've had those comments before "it's too much work" or "I wish I had the time you do to work out". It's too bad people see it that way. I used to feel that way too but now I get it. Once you see it as a lifestyle, it's a lot easier than I thought.


Way to Spark! emoticon

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REBECKY441 6/27/2014 12:10PM

    Everyone has to find their own happy corner in life. I'm glad you have been able to find yours.
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TULIPVIC 6/27/2014 11:46AM

    You did well on your trip and are to be commended with staying with what you believe. Weight is a personal thing and everyone deals with theirs whether they share their feelings or not. Keep it up!

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BROOKLYN_BORN 6/27/2014 11:39AM

    When I read the title I thought it was some stranger or co-worker giving you "thin shaming" comments and I was ready to share some not so kind possible responses. With those we love and who love us, the situation is different and more complicated.

It would be best if no one commented or compared appearance out loud.

I don't have siblings, but I remember a family with 2 daughters 1 year apart in age. The older girl was quite attractive, but her younger sister was absolutely gorgeous. When discussing them, people would ask, "which one is she, the PRETTY one?" Who knows how much damage that did over the years, both to the girl's self esteem and her relationship with her sister and it had nothing to do with weight,

Congratulations on staying under goal. We can do it if we try. We prove that every day.

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GINA180847 6/27/2014 11:23AM

    So glad that you came back from holidays feeling good about yourself and having also had a very good time. To tell you the truth sometimes I wonder why anyone says anything about their weight to others. It never seems to work to anyone's advantage. Live and let live I say. Though when I am in the area with my grand daughter who is overweight I do try to get her to eat healthy with me and exercise more. But I try not to say anything that will affect her, I just give her an abundance of love. I am so glad that neither parent ever said anything to me one way or the other but my older sister got a lot of remarks and it affected her so adversely. She told me what she says to herself and it was so ugly that I gave her hell just for being so cruel to herself.

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BOOKAPHILE 6/27/2014 11:16AM

    We can't please everyone, nor should we try. You've made your choice and are living happily with it. Your sister believes she has done the same. I'm glad you're back home. How is your Mom?

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THOMS1 6/27/2014 11:13AM

    Happy you had a wonderful time in Hawaii and that is great that you came back under your goal weight. I feel bad for your sister. My mother (God rest her soul) was always trying to get us to lose weight when we were children and teenagers and if you look at pictures from back then we did not look overweight. She took us to our family doctor who prescribed diet pills. I guess that is what they did back then when they didn't know any better. Anyway I started Spark about 6 years ago weighing 350 lbs, learned to eat right and exercise. I am happier than I have been in my life also.

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