Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Yesterday I was really down and depressed. It was bad...worst I've felt in a long time. Some of it had to do with consuming too much sugar on Easter, but that doesn't account for all of the feeling. I do feel a little better today and I'll take it. Now I have to do some major damage control at work for all the deadlines I've missed in the last month or two. I know it's my own fault and my actions (or inactions) have consequences, but it's scary. My husband lost his job 2.5 years ago and we are surviving on only my income. I make enough money that if I lose this job, it will be hard to find a similar salary elsewhere. I honestly don't know what I would do if I do get fired. :(
A few days ago, my 6 year old daughter was sad that her friend wasn't playing with her. She asked if she could have a piece of candy and I told her no. She said to me, "but mommy, it helps me feel better". She's just 6 and she already feels the emotional relief of eating! I'm so sad that I've passed this terrible habit on to her. I was so taken aback that I just said "I know, but it's not healthy for you"...could have handled it better, but I didn't know what to say. I need to start being healthy for her and my son, if not for me.
I want to start meal planning so that I know what to make for dinner and we're not just having cereal, hot dogs, or mac & cheese all the time. I'm just not that organized. Often times I don't feel like cooking after working full time. I know I need to just do it. I can ask my husband to help me with it, and he would if I tell him exactly what to do and make sure it's not too challenging. All the resources online have meals my family would not eat, so it's discouraging. I can make a list of things we do eat and start there, but it's hard for me.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Today is the worst I've felt in a long time. Not sure if it's all the sugar I consumed yesterday, or if it's just depression rearing its ugly head again. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry. I am really struggling emotionally lately. I've been eating like crap and haven't exercised at all, so it's really no surprise that I've gained back nearly all of what I lost with my DietBet in November. I feel so overwhelmed by everything in my life and I can't seem to get motivated to do anything that I need to do. My house is a wreck all the time - there's stuff everywhere - and I hate it, but there's so much of it I don't know how to start. I can't even get motivated to do much of anything at work...just the bare minimum. And I'm forgetting things all the time, which makes me look bad. If I'm brutally honest, I'm actually nervous that I will lose my job if I can't get it together but even that doesn't motivate me to get going.
Most of my extended family celebrated Easter together at my aunt's house, which was nice. It's good to see everyone and catch up / visit with them. Seeing my cousins all losing weight and getting healthy is bittersweet for me. I am genuinely happy for them, but it makes me even more self conscious and unhappy with myself.
Things will get better, right?
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
I started my first DietBet back on 11/04/13 at 254.8. I knew it would be challenging at best. 4% of my start weight was 10.4 pounds - which meant that I'd have to lose 2.6 lbs per week on average. I told myself that I was going to do my best and whatever happened, happened. Well, the game has come to an end.
This morning I submitted my final weigh in at......243.8! I have to wait for the referees to verify my pictures before I officially win, but I'm pretty sure everything will be fine. I wore the same clothes and used the same scale in the same place in my house as my initial weigh in.
I lost 11 pounds in 4 weeks! Here's the before (left) and after (right) picture.
I'm very pleased with my progress!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Feeling pissy today. Ya know, just angry. At everything. Ugh.
First, I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm up 0.5 lb from three days ago, even though I've exercised and stayed in the lower end of my calorie range. Next, my son's school called - about an hour and a half after school started - saying that he threw up and needed to be picked up right away (and he can't go to school tomorrow)....of course he seems fine now but still has to miss school. Then when I was driving home for my lunch break, I almost got into 3 different accidents because people can't drive anymore. Seriously, people, pay attention! Put the damn phone down; pull over and stop to take notes; ride the bus if you want to read your book or the paper. Geesh.
It's close to TOM for me; maybe my cycle is early this month and messing with me. I don't know. I just want to binge on ice cream and chocolate and liquor. But I'm not going to do that...I'll have some more water and a planned snack and take a deep breath and remember that just as good times change, bad days don't last either.
Hoping you're having a better day than I am
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