Wednesday, October 15, 2014
There are times I wonder if I'll ever completely get over the pull of emotional eating. Most of the time, it's not much of a problem - not like it was 10 years ago. Then there are days, or incidents, where I find myself circling the office M&M man like a shark circling a baited cage.
Friday night someone hacked my Starbuck's account and got my credit card information. I caught it very quickly - within an hour, but it still created a lot of work for me. I thought it was all taken care of, but last night Verizon called and somebody was trying to charge a "new device" to my account and have it mailed to a different address.
Starbuck's and the credit card company both said I wouldn't be liable for the charges made Friday night, but they still showed up on my bill yesterday. No one actually got anything from Verizon, but I had to add secondary security to my account. I can't keep track of all of the passwords I have now, and adding extra ones?!
I handled this in a very mature way... by eating a stack of Girl Scout cookies. I have to work late tonight, and so I'm treating myself to take-out. Choices I probably wouldn't have made if I wasn't stressed.
Sometimes I think there are only so many things a person can competently deal with at once.
(photo from Stephen Frink Collection via National Geographic)
Monday, October 06, 2014
So, last week I was feeling kinda good about myself. I had looked at my charts and data, and knew I could do better, but was happy with the weight I had lost, and the inches I had dropped. I had an improvement plan for October...
Then I went on Facebook...
There, I see great before and after pics for one of my coworkers. Clicked "like." Read the post.
And instantly "disliked" myself.
My colleague had lost more weight in three weeks than I had lost in the last three months! "No pills!" "No gimmicks!" "Only hard work!"
I instantly started to look at my progress as proof of my laziness.
Her success was evidence that I just needed to work harder. Needed to stop fooling myself. Needed... I don't know.
It was like a punch in the gut.
It's a trap I have to work hard to avoid. Comparing myself to other women. It's something I've done, at least since middle school. The age I became a professional dieter.
Looking at pictures, and sizing yourself up negatively.
Looking at workouts, and sizing yourself up negatively.
Looking at career success, and sizing yourself up negatively.
It's so easy to see yourself as "less than."
Part of it is probably because I grew up in a household where we were always told that that is exactly what we were. We were stupid. We were lazy. Dumb as rocks. Absent of common sense.
Decades later, those words still echo, like a whisper following you in an abandoned house, and you just can't find the source, or turn it off.
This is not who I want to be.
This is also hard to change.
Saturday, October 04, 2014
Time to set some fitness goals for the month.
I actually fell a bit off the wagon at the end of September. And for a really stupid reason. A guy who works at the gym asked me if I would research something for him, and I haven't had time at work to do it. So I've been avoiding going there because I didn't do what I said I would do.
For a week and a half.
Sometimes I don't understand myself.
I'm still struggling to get back to weight training. My general goal is to weight train 3x a week. That would be 13x in October if I was perfect. I'm going to aim for 10 of 13.
For Cardio, I'm still aiming for 30 minute workouts. I'd like to hit 25 of 31 days there. Hopefully my week off the wagon won't kill me when I get back to the gym.
I was thinking about starting P90X3, but there is actually a new Power 90 coming out. Beachbody is taking pre-orders, but you have to sign up for auto-ship on their supplements right now. You can't just order the DVDs. I haven't actually seen a release date, though Tony is selling it hardcore on YouTube and Facebook. I think I would like to do the new Power 90 before I do X3. I have a tendency to rush things with fitness, and then hurt myself for going to hard, too soon. Even though I know better, I want results yesterday!
I just want to get back to "happy weight."
Thursday, October 02, 2014
Can you believe it's only 90 days until 2015?! Time has a way of passing quickly and slowly at the same time.
Almost every month I post some goals, and to be honest, I haven't always been terribly thoughtful about how I chose them. This month, I sat down and actually looked at all of my sparkpeople charts and reports, along with my WeightGrapher and FitBit information.
I wasn't doing as well as I thought I was!
I did lose 3 pounds and 2.5 inches, but that was probably despite myself.
I only stayed in my calorie range 11 days in September.
I hit my protein goal 12 days in September.
I hit my fiber goal twice.
There wasn't a single day I got 5 miles in, or a single day that I hit my calories burned goal on Fitbit.
Obviously, I have room to grow.
So my October goals will be growth-based. Not aiming for perfection, but aiming to be better than last month. I'll share more on that tomorrow. In the meantime, my weight graph for September is below...
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