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Fall down 7 times, get up 8?

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Well, I've heard this before, but now I'm living it.

I'm back, like that bad penny that keeps turning up.

I've let myself gain back all the weight I lost (which granted wasn't much, but still).

I'm in more pain now than ever from my back and knees under all this weight.

Time to do something about it.

My husband and I are going to our local rec center to join in the morning. They have an indoor pool with hours set aside for adult exercise / lap swimming times. I can't do anything else right now, so pool walking it is.

I've said it before, but I am determined this time to get this weight off. I have to. I'll be 40 before I know it (287 days! eek!), I want to get (and stay) pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I want to be able to walk again. I want to be able to do things with my husband. I want to be able to take a trip for our 10th anniversary (in 2014) and not have to purchase 2 airplane seats because I'm too fat.

Something has to change, and that something is me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHICA_BORICUA 6/21/2013 8:34PM


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KACAR51 6/19/2013 10:50AM

    Water workouts are awesome and you can actually burn more calories in the pool! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IAMFAT4NOW 6/19/2013 10:14AM

    I have PCOS too (and hypothyroid) and went through the fertility route (to no avail, unfortunately) so I recognize your struggles. But I do know that you can do this. You can lose weight even with PCOS. It's harder, yes, but there's nothing we can't do. Hang in there and congratulations for getting back on the wagon. Be proud and celebrate that as your first success on your new journey. emoticon

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MYKIDSRSWEET 6/19/2013 8:40AM

    Good luck...I am probably on my tenth time losing weight. I am 38. We have to believe each time that this is it!

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TAMANTHA101 6/19/2013 7:29AM

    You can do it.

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So angry

Monday, October 15, 2012

I am disappointed.

I am disgusted.

I am depressed.

And I am so unbelievably angry.

At myself.

I let myself gain back all the weight I lost.

I'm back where I started, in pain, uncomfortable, disgusted and feeling disgusting.

When am I going to change?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSANS706 10/16/2012 1:29PM

    As you can see, you are far from alone! Forgive yourself, and welcome back!!

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MINDYJ1 10/16/2012 10:04AM

    I have done the same thing many times over! We just have to turn that angry into determination to get the job done! We can do it! We just can't give up! emoticon

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BKNOCK 10/16/2012 9:52AM

    I have been there too. It is a horrible feeling but you know what to do, baby steps! Take one day at a time and one meal at a time and move as much as possible and you will start feeling better again.

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BLONDEE53 10/16/2012 8:40AM

    Aww, honey girl....
I can identify with this dilemma. As others said, pick up and take off again. You CAN do this. God loves you and you matter enough for your best efforts.
Blessings to you as you get back on track and move forward again.
Love and hugs,

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FREE_SPIRIT4 10/15/2012 10:55PM

    Been there, done that. Just take it one day at a time. Set small goals to help you stay on track. This is what works for me. I don't look at the big picture. You can do it!

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LINOVER 10/15/2012 10:24PM

    Hang in there! I've gained back some of what I lost this summer. It is irritating but you just have to make yourself start over again! emoticon

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KARIDIAN1 10/15/2012 10:19PM

    Don't beat yourself up! You are not alone. I have gained back 15 pounds over the summer. I know what I need to do, I just have to do it. I need a good kick in the rear.

You give me a push, and I will push you.

Right now- tag your it!

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RACHELBUGSMAMA 10/15/2012 10:03PM

    Last year I lost 35#. Then I gained back 45#. But here I am, just gotta keep on pushing on. I know it will be a lifelong struggle, but it's worth doing it for my health. emoticon

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HEALTH4LYFE 10/15/2012 9:20PM

    No matter how far down the wrong path you've traveled, TURN AROUND!

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LORRAINE10141 10/15/2012 8:27PM

    Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Japanese Proverb

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LOSING30TOWIN 10/15/2012 7:51PM

    I've lost 40 with 25 more to go and I just joined the maintainers team. My biggest fear is gaining it back as I slowly have done in the past. The team has a lot of great information on how to maintain. You may want to join as you lose again.

I know it is easy to beat ourselves up but try self talk. Tell yourself, I will take the past as a hard learning experience and I will use those lessons to permanently lose the weight again and this time I will stay at goal weight.

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DONNAMBRUTON 10/15/2012 7:26PM

    Today for sure. .you can do it..let this be a lesson learned...I've been here before. Iv'e lost 60 lbs..and I gained 40 back..It's like in my head..oh I've came so far and I just wanna take it that doesnt I just want this more and more..Don't give up..please don't !!!!!! Just get that passion you had back when you lost all the weight before!!! emoticon emoticon

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ZIGGY122 10/15/2012 7:16PM

    oooooooooooooh dear! pick yer-self up and do it again... you can do this... start small step at a time emoticon emoticon

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TRAVLNWOMAN 10/15/2012 7:08PM


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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Well, I knew in my heart it would happen. As hard as I tried to avoid the inevitable backslide that comes from me losing around 20 happened anyway.

I know I allowed it to happen. I knew while I was doing it exactly what I was doing. Does that mean I stopped it?


And that's my fault.

I allowed it to run it's course.

I allowed myself to gain back 10 lbs of the weight I had lost.

I allowed myself to think "Ah, tomorrow I'll be fine. Tomorrow I'll start again."


It's tomorrow TODAY!

Time to get serious again.

Time to start logging food again.

Time to start making healthy choices and doing what I know is best for my body, for my health, for my future.

Only I can make that happen.

By the grace of God, and with His help, I will be strong enough to do this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RODERUNR 7/26/2012 10:46AM

    Welcome back my friend!! I was also on a slippery slope and gained my weight back. Time to get real and stick to it! Baby steps!

((HUGS)) emoticon

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KARIDIAN1 7/25/2012 10:14PM

    I have gain back 9-10 pounds also. Am working hard at losing it AGAIN! Was stuck on a plateau for so long and then I went the wrong way. Slacked off on walking and have eaten too much fast food along the way. This heat hasn't done much for my motivation. We can do this together to get back on track. Hang in there.

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AMANDAETR 7/25/2012 10:04PM

    You can do it!!! I lost 30lbs last year and then quit doing what I should have been and gained back 7. When I saw that number on the scale I was so disappointed in myself. Since then I hopped back on the wagon and have lost 25 more pounds. You CAN do it!

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Non-scale Victories

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I know a lot of us, myself included, gauge success at weight loss by just that. How much weight we've lost. The number of pounds we see vanishing from the scale. But, sometimes those numbers become demons stalking us at every turn. We don't see what we want or expect one week and it throws us off and derails our entire motivation train. I know. I've been there.

To keep myself (and hopefully others) motivated, I decided to start posting a weekly Non-Scale Victories blog. Since I've been at this for just about 3 weeks, I'll post all of my victories up til now in this post, then start a new one every Monday.

NON-SCALE VICTORIES (6/15/12 - 7/9/12):

My work uniforms are fitting better. Even a slight bit loose.

I can buckle my seatbelt again.

I can move better. I am not out of breath after 5 minutes of standing.

I don't have to use a chair in the shower anymore!!! I can stand on my own and take a shower again!!!

I walked 1/4 mile today (equivalent to 1 lap on a standard track)!!!!! emoticon For someone who has been largely (pun intended!) immobile for over a year, this is huge. Monumental even!

What have been your most exciting Non-scale Victories during your weight loss? Post in the comments below!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMMABE1 10/15/2012 7:02PM

    Non Scale Victories are very important - all the more so for those of us who may be mobility limited
In the Chair Exercise Team wee have a thread for you to record NSV's - and read and comment on others in the team - this is amazing motivation!!
Keep up the good work

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DEBPRE16 7/11/2012 6:27PM


I am glad you are feeling healthier already. Non scale victories are so good.

Keep up the great work you are doing. You are worth it!



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SLJWATTS 7/10/2012 10:33AM

    None scale victories carry you through the lean times... Keep on going and you will be zooming even more.

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KSCRAP363 7/10/2012 8:13AM

    GREAT JOB! Keep up the good work!

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CKLROBERSON 7/10/2012 7:54AM

    Great Idea! I've been struggling with a stalled scale. I think I'll start keeping track of these non scale victories. At least one a day. Thanks and good luck.

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SLUNDQUIS 7/10/2012 1:11AM


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KARIDIAN1 7/10/2012 12:18AM

    Buying a size smaller pair of pants or jeans to wear. Buying some new tops to wear to work. Donating/giving away clothes that are too big.

Finding it is easier to bend down to tie my shoes, and then get up without needing to grab something to help me up.

Walking 8000 or more a day compared to barely making 2000 steps when I started.

Feeling better than I have before with more energy.

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Turning point

Friday, July 06, 2012

I've now lost (according to my home scale...not sure how much I trust it!) 22 lbs. Yes, this is great and I am thrilled! However, I'm also freaked out. The 20 lb mark is (has been) a gigantic speed bump for me. I said this time when I started this that when I hit 20 pounds, it would mark a turning point for me. That I would *know* at that point that I was really doing it. That I was truly losing weight. That I was (dare I say it?) succeeding.

You see, I've lost the same 15-17 lbs for years. Each time I lose that amount, something happens...whether it's consciously or subconsciously I'm not sure...and the wheels come off my wagon and I backslide, fail, jump back into old habits.

Never in the past 5 years have I lost more than 20 lbs while on a diet. But now, in the past three weeks lost 22. I'm scared that I will fall back into old habits and gain it right back. When I have hit this point in the past, I've allowed my fear to stop me. I have tried to look at this fear and figure out exactly what it is that I'm afraid of. Am I afraid of failing? Yes. Am I afraid of succeeding? Yes. Am I afraid of letting other people down. I am afraid of letting myself down. I am afraid of this being just another failure. I am taking steps to prevent the backslide. I have talked to my husband about it, made friends aware of it, my family is very supportive...but I'm still scared. I don't want to fail again.

Why am I afraid of succeeding? If I succeed, so many things will change for me. I will feel better. I will look better. I will be able to go into a store and buy clothing off the "normal" size rack, not have to search for the largest size in the plus size section. I will be able to do the things I want to do without constantly needing to stop and rest or be doubled over in pain. I will be able to walk. I will be able to run. I will be able to ride a bike again. I will be able to go to the Renaissance Faire in costume, something I've wanted to do for years! I will be able to go swimming without feeling and looking like a beached whale. I want to get dressed to the nines and go out on the town with my husband. I want him to be proud to be seen with me.

The fear of success for me lies in one simple (or not so simple) fact. I have NEVER been thin. I was a chunky child, I was an overweight teenager, I was a fat young adult, and I am a morbidly obese adult. I don't know what a "healthy weight" me looks like. What a healthy weight will feel like. How to operate in the world as a person that is not obese. I've navigated my entire life as an overweight/obese person. I have the emotions and social reactions of a "fat girl". I'm so used to being viewed as a fat person, I don't know if I will know how to operate in the world as a person of normal weight. If you've been overweight your whole life, it's challenging to change your thought processes and reactions.

And yes, I know that all of this is my skewed perception of how things could "possibly" work out. I know that this is not necessarily rooted in truth. It is simply how I'm feeling right now, and something I need to work through as my weight loss continues. If anyone else has gone through similar emotions in their quest to lose, do you have any advice on how you got through it?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RICHILA 7/6/2012 7:36PM

    I am like you in that I don't have a frame of reference for me at a normal weight. I don't know what it looks like-I don't know what I will look like. To give myself a frame of reference, I found a picture of a celebrity at my height and a goal weight that my doctor and I could agree on. It is still scary for me-so I take it a month at a time. I focus on tracking my food every day, drinking my water and getting 30 minutes of cardio everyday. Those three things are my daily priority and my fail-safe. when I feel overwhelmed, when I get scared that is my drop back point-not back to my old habits. This has worked for me for more than 11 months. I haven't lost weight fast-but I am at my lowest weight and smallest size in 20 years. In less than 5 pounds, I will no longer be morbidly obese. That is my focus right now. Shortening my focus keeps me so that I can "breathe", just take one day at a time. You can do this.

Spark On! We Got This! emoticon

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KARIDIAN1 7/6/2012 6:21PM

    Focus on your success. Don't be afraid of the changes you are making in your life.
Embrace them and greet the new you!

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