Monday, May 27, 2013
Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.”
― Norton Juster
There's been a quiet for days .I have been questioning myself , what is wrong with me that I can stay on track and exercise and not lose . and then binge and know Im binging and how bad I feel afterward and yet not stop it. I have been trying to analyze myself to really get to the bottom of it . I think sometimes my weight means more to someone else then to me. The encouragement when I do good and the reprimands when I do badly...but even the encouragement feels bad sometimes.The compliments feel bad . When your told your pretty but you don't feel pretty . Then when you feel the need to be perfect and it makes you just notice every one of your imperfections .
I never really notice things about other people . I remember one lady I worked with and she said something about how she had lost her teeth , I was shocked and never noticed ...Another time someone said to me about a girl I know . She would be really pretty if she didn't have that one droopy eye . I never noticed... My best friend says hes going bald , I look and I cant see it.Even though he repeatedly shows bends his head down and says LOOK !HERE !!.
I just wonder what would happen if nobody noticed my imperfections and just saw me .What would happen if I stopped looking at my own like I never look at other peoples. I don't know . I hope this quiet I feel inside right now will help me understand why I do what I do and feel what I feel, and to learn to see myself the way I see other people.
Friday, May 17, 2013
The other day I was talking to my friend , shes in her mid fifties and she is always talking about her OLD AGE! Hey I do it too ! I am trying to change my mindset about this though. So , to make a short story long. my friend was telling me she was watching her new neighbor . Her new neighbor was young , perky had cute red pig tails .,My friend said " I used to be her .I felt sad looking at her . I am old now...
Well she called me yesterday. This "how the conversation went.
"My new neighbor came over yesterday.We had coffee."
"Really? how was she ? whats her story ?"
"Shes divorced , has two kids 30 and 27"
"Two kids 30 and 27 !!! How old is she ! "
"Oh shes my age.."
Theres a lesson in this Story I think. American movies ,tv shows ,and commericals tend to show women that are Perfect ! Nobody is over weight , wrinkle commercials show 20 year old models. or if they are older they are air brushed , tucked , sucked. pinned, injected, dyed , enhanced..oh the list can go on !
Why don't we start looking at real women in our neighborhood, that we can use as healthy role models , !
My son said to me the other day ... "Have you noticed there's a lot more older chicks on BBC and they are hot ! " Well I don't know how I feel about my 21 year old son saying that ! lol but I checked it out ! yeah theres lots of shows on the BBC that feature older women or realistic looking women as the main character so to quell the negative voices in my head I am going to start doing two things !
1 .Look at women in my neighborhood that embody the qualities I want to have !
2. Start watching more BBC !
Monday, May 13, 2013
I am between seasons now , and have a little time at home . I am trying to f ind a way to get myself organized ! I tend to be a little ... well more then a little distracted , I think I have Add also panic attacks ! Yikes not a good combo . Using a timer is really helpful for me and also I used a program called Hott Notes to leave little post it notes on my computer , Exercise , spark , clean house , organize bills and so on .
I am also trying to be more thankful for the food I eat ! I remember my father , who was a chef , to THINK about the food ! " Look at this beautiful orange , its grown in the sun , in a beautiful orchard , taste the sunshine" Also lighting a candle , using pretty plates and not eating anything I don't truly love ! and um also trying not to stuff my face without paying attention..... I swear there was a sandwich on that plate ! Did I eat that already !
Friday, May 03, 2013
I thought I would reward myself.... change my hair color bought a box of Loreal Cherry Cordial Chocolate hair dye , I thought if I couldnt eat chocolate I could at least wear it on my head ! Now I look like Barney and the scale is going up and down . I keep weighing less with my clothes on then when I take them off and neither number is good even though I have been tracking and exercising like crazy ! Help !!!!!
Get An Email Alert Each Time KYLIECAT1 Posts