Sunday, June 09, 2013
I keep saying to myself , I have to motivate myself , I found the scale is a real detriment for motivation. If I lose then I kinda feel I can cheat a little.. If I gain I am depressed. I decided to open my eyes and see what motivations are lurking around me that I haven't seen .
1. The other day my son and I went shopping , we decided to take the bus instead of driving. An older lady, sat down next to my son , you could tell she didnt have much and had some handicaps and her English wasnt great , She was talking loudly to my son in some language with a few English words thrown in. but his face... When she came on the bus being loud everyone tensed , like oh Gosh dont let her sit near me ! but he smiled at her. I watched him with her , he was gently nodding and smiling , even though he didnt understand her. The sun was shinning through the bus windows and reflecting in his blonde hair and even his little goatee and his green eyes were shinning bright as he accepted the book she pulled out of her bag to show him . I thought wow Thats MY KID !~ I made that ! When she got off the bus, she hugged him and said " I DONT REMEMBER YOUR NAME BUT NOW WE ARE FAMILY ! YOU MY FAMILY ! " and he gave her the best smile in the world ! I don't take credit for him being a kind and loving person, even though I am a pretty awesome mom ! lol.. I know lots of good parents with not so great kids and great kids with not so great parents ! So really I dont take credit for that or for him being handsome * he looks just like my ex mother in law * hahahaha ! Anyways I must have done something right ! and the kindness that he always shows people and the way he feels comfortable in his own skin really does motivate me :)
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Our thought process is like a two edged sword , It can cut both ways . I learned this this week ! The scale wasn't budging and that lead to a lot of negative thoughts and also amnesia . I am a failure . always will be a failure , I am ugly , disgusting . and also I forgot I lost 40 pounds . I forgot how much weight 40 pounds is . I forgot that I threw out a lot of my clothes because they are too big for me now . but then I think God gave me a message because I KNOW IT DIDNT COME FROM ME ! not with all the negative thoughts I have been having lately ! I always tell my son "When God wants to communicate with us , He starts out with a whisper , then if you don't listen he Yells ! and then if you still dont listen HE KNOCKS YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER .. So listen to the whispers if you can. " I think he got sick of me insulting what he made , so this time He didnt have to shout or hit me over the head , I listened to his whisper.
I was putting some sunscreen on and all of a sudden I went ! Wow , I feel muscles in my legs I never felt before ! Then as I was doing my arms I again said Wow more muscles I never felt before ! As I got dressed I put on a pair of shorts that last year would have looked like daisy dukes on me but this year they are baggy ! Something in my mind told me to remember the day I bought those shorts.. and how disapointed I was that they were way to revealing for my taste , and now they hang on me and nothing clings !The other day I had a sundae and I thought omg ! I over ate I blew it I am a failure again but when I came back and tracked my food on Spark , I saw I had 23 calories left for the day ! Ive decided not to be hard on myself . To make smaller goals and to listen to the whispers and say to myself everytime I have a negative thought , That thought is making you gain weight ! get rid of it ! Not only that but this morning I got on the scale and I Finally lost a pound .
My advice is to anyone who wants it , I was eating on track and exercising I didnt lose . The fact that I realized some positive truths about me this week was what made me lose that pound ! So please realize that your mind can play a huge difference in your health even if you are eating and exercising well. Please remember your accomplishments . Start looking for even the tiniest changes for the better and do not be hard on yourself ! I wish that every single person here will meet their goals because if we all feel better about ourselves , its the first step in making this world a better place for everyone ! End of sermon !
Monday, May 27, 2013
Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.”
― Norton Juster
There's been a quiet for days .I have been questioning myself , what is wrong with me that I can stay on track and exercise and not lose . and then binge and know Im binging and how bad I feel afterward and yet not stop it. I have been trying to analyze myself to really get to the bottom of it . I think sometimes my weight means more to someone else then to me. The encouragement when I do good and the reprimands when I do badly...but even the encouragement feels bad sometimes.The compliments feel bad . When your told your pretty but you don't feel pretty . Then when you feel the need to be perfect and it makes you just notice every one of your imperfections .
I never really notice things about other people . I remember one lady I worked with and she said something about how she had lost her teeth , I was shocked and never noticed ...Another time someone said to me about a girl I know . She would be really pretty if she didn't have that one droopy eye . I never noticed... My best friend says hes going bald , I look and I cant see it.Even though he repeatedly shows bends his head down and says LOOK !HERE !!.
I just wonder what would happen if nobody noticed my imperfections and just saw me .What would happen if I stopped looking at my own like I never look at other peoples. I don't know . I hope this quiet I feel inside right now will help me understand why I do what I do and feel what I feel, and to learn to see myself the way I see other people.
Friday, May 17, 2013
The other day I was talking to my friend , shes in her mid fifties and she is always talking about her OLD AGE! Hey I do it too ! I am trying to change my mindset about this though. So , to make a short story long. my friend was telling me she was watching her new neighbor . Her new neighbor was young , perky had cute red pig tails .,My friend said " I used to be her .I felt sad looking at her . I am old now...
Well she called me yesterday. This "how the conversation went.
"My new neighbor came over yesterday.We had coffee."
"Really? how was she ? whats her story ?"
"Shes divorced , has two kids 30 and 27"
"Two kids 30 and 27 !!! How old is she ! "
"Oh shes my age.."
Theres a lesson in this Story I think. American movies ,tv shows ,and commericals tend to show women that are Perfect ! Nobody is over weight , wrinkle commercials show 20 year old models. or if they are older they are air brushed , tucked , sucked. pinned, injected, dyed , enhanced..oh the list can go on !
Why don't we start looking at real women in our neighborhood, that we can use as healthy role models , !
My son said to me the other day ... "Have you noticed there's a lot more older chicks on BBC and they are hot ! " Well I don't know how I feel about my 21 year old son saying that ! lol but I checked it out ! yeah theres lots of shows on the BBC that feature older women or realistic looking women as the main character so to quell the negative voices in my head I am going to start doing two things !
1 .Look at women in my neighborhood that embody the qualities I want to have !
2. Start watching more BBC !
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