Monday, June 24, 2013
I have this perfectionist attitude that is really becoming a problem , Now I don't expect others to be perfect but I expect myself to be , and although I don't often comment on others behavior I do get a bit whiny when they dont see how hard Im trying to please them ! And then I realized hey that's messed up ! If your trying hard to please someone and they arent * getting it * then dont punish them just try to please yourself and when you please yourself you end up pleasing others ! Happiness and self confidence are contagious !
Anyways thats kind of getting off topic so it seems but really I decided today , that I was going to try Just for today ! * I dont know when I will have a relapse !* not to try to be perfect for anyone else or myself . So I went in to Zombie Mode ! Other days I felt that if I didn't totally feel like exercising I was being a failure even if I exercised an hour a day ! and food lets not even go there , If I wasnt loving that cauliflower on my plate and looking at it with the same lust I have for cheese cake I felt like I am somehow weak .
I tend to over think things alot ! lol.
So today I said to myself .. Just dont think about if you want to exercise or not just do it , Dont ask yourself how your feeling , or if you think its good enough or what results you will get or how fast they will be just TUNE OUT AND DO IT !
Same with eating , I just tried to gauge how many calories to distribute for each meal plus snacks and didnt think about IF I LOVED THE FOOD or not ! Zombie style . Today that worked for me , To give my brain a rest from the overload of my over thinking things . I might continue to be a Zombie tomorrow it went so well today !
Monday, June 17, 2013
I have to be proud of myself and my ex , It went well , there wasnt any snide comments from either of us or rolling of eyes , and NO YELLING lol. we werent buddy buddy but it just goes to prove how much we both love our son and although he knows Mom and Dad will never get back together ,He also knows that because of our love for him we can be civil and thats great !
Saturday, June 15, 2013
My son said he wants to take both his fathers out to dinner tomorrow , He said I am his psychological father and his dad is his biological father hehe ! How is it going to turn out ! My mother in law whom I adored gave us the nick name SID AND NANCY ! I will cleanse my karma , memorize some mantras , have a predinner drink and keep reciting the serenity prayer ! lol Hope it all goes well !
Sunday, June 09, 2013
I keep saying to myself , I have to motivate myself , I found the scale is a real detriment for motivation. If I lose then I kinda feel I can cheat a little.. If I gain I am depressed. I decided to open my eyes and see what motivations are lurking around me that I haven't seen .
1. The other day my son and I went shopping , we decided to take the bus instead of driving. An older lady, sat down next to my son , you could tell she didnt have much and had some handicaps and her English wasnt great , She was talking loudly to my son in some language with a few English words thrown in. but his face... When she came on the bus being loud everyone tensed , like oh Gosh dont let her sit near me ! but he smiled at her. I watched him with her , he was gently nodding and smiling , even though he didnt understand her. The sun was shinning through the bus windows and reflecting in his blonde hair and even his little goatee and his green eyes were shinning bright as he accepted the book she pulled out of her bag to show him . I thought wow Thats MY KID !~ I made that ! When she got off the bus, she hugged him and said " I DONT REMEMBER YOUR NAME BUT NOW WE ARE FAMILY ! YOU MY FAMILY ! " and he gave her the best smile in the world ! I don't take credit for him being a kind and loving person, even though I am a pretty awesome mom ! lol.. I know lots of good parents with not so great kids and great kids with not so great parents ! So really I dont take credit for that or for him being handsome * he looks just like my ex mother in law * hahahaha ! Anyways I must have done something right ! and the kindness that he always shows people and the way he feels comfortable in his own skin really does motivate me :)
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Our thought process is like a two edged sword , It can cut both ways . I learned this this week ! The scale wasn't budging and that lead to a lot of negative thoughts and also amnesia . I am a failure . always will be a failure , I am ugly , disgusting . and also I forgot I lost 40 pounds . I forgot how much weight 40 pounds is . I forgot that I threw out a lot of my clothes because they are too big for me now . but then I think God gave me a message because I KNOW IT DIDNT COME FROM ME ! not with all the negative thoughts I have been having lately ! I always tell my son "When God wants to communicate with us , He starts out with a whisper , then if you don't listen he Yells ! and then if you still dont listen HE KNOCKS YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER .. So listen to the whispers if you can. " I think he got sick of me insulting what he made , so this time He didnt have to shout or hit me over the head , I listened to his whisper.
I was putting some sunscreen on and all of a sudden I went ! Wow , I feel muscles in my legs I never felt before ! Then as I was doing my arms I again said Wow more muscles I never felt before ! As I got dressed I put on a pair of shorts that last year would have looked like daisy dukes on me but this year they are baggy ! Something in my mind told me to remember the day I bought those shorts.. and how disapointed I was that they were way to revealing for my taste , and now they hang on me and nothing clings !The other day I had a sundae and I thought omg ! I over ate I blew it I am a failure again but when I came back and tracked my food on Spark , I saw I had 23 calories left for the day ! Ive decided not to be hard on myself . To make smaller goals and to listen to the whispers and say to myself everytime I have a negative thought , That thought is making you gain weight ! get rid of it ! Not only that but this morning I got on the scale and I Finally lost a pound .
My advice is to anyone who wants it , I was eating on track and exercising I didnt lose . The fact that I realized some positive truths about me this week was what made me lose that pound ! So please realize that your mind can play a huge difference in your health even if you are eating and exercising well. Please remember your accomplishments . Start looking for even the tiniest changes for the better and do not be hard on yourself ! I wish that every single person here will meet their goals because if we all feel better about ourselves , its the first step in making this world a better place for everyone ! End of sermon !
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