Saturday, January 11, 2014
I am unsure if I will actually post this or delete it after I write it. Maybe just writing all my frustration out will help...
I have been up here in TN for over four months. It is beautiful, I have seen snow for the first time, and my husband is happy up here with his job. I am just not so happy up here. My husband is the only one able to get my car started, I used to be able to but now, I just can't. There is no trick to it either, it's just picky. So I can't go to the park to walk when I want. I wouldn't be able to leave the park! My husband has the car mostly anyways for work. Just not being able to go no where... At least there is a little playground that just got finished not too long ago here at the apartments for my son to play at. He enjoys that. The only time I really get out of the house is to pay bills and grocery shopping, and my husband hates going out with me to do it. When I can't start the car, though, I kind of need him. It is usually done and over with quickly so we can be back at our apartment doing nothing...
I haven't had a cell phone in a couple of months. My husband drops his to where it won't work, and he has to have one for work, so the next day he goes out and buys one. Which is fine by me, I know he needs it, but the way he acted about for less than 24 hours! It was like he lost his arm or something. I was upset with the cost of the phone, he'll be paying extra every month on his bill to pay for it. I just want to get me a cheap pay as you go phone pretty much, but we can't afford it right now. I just miss being able to talk to my mom.
I have very few friends. The ones I do have, I talk to maybe once a month. Now, this move up here to TN made me realize that my true best friend is my mom. She is the person I miss the most. I lived with my mom until the move here. I figured I would always be with her ever since we found out she was going blind. But when my husband couldn't get work in FL and he started looking out of state, we moved. I felt so torn. My mom wanted me to go live my life and be with my family and do what was best for us. She had her brother and mother move in to help her. So she has someone to help her, but I still feel guilty. I know she is not as happy as she could be. My mother is a worker and hates not being able to work. Once her sight got so bad to where she couldn't drive, she had to throw in the reins. My mom hates to be a burden to anyone. But she isn't. Not to me. We worked well together. I know that even when her sight is gone, she will be as strong as ever. She is very independent. She is my hero. I miss her so much, and I try to talk to her as often as I can.
I have three older siblings that I rarely talk to... My oldest brother will send a message on xbox to tell me to call my dad because he has been trying to call me. He did call me once when I moved up here, and I know he was trying to be helpful, but I guess I was more annoyed when he was trying to tell me what I should be doing with my life. I've tried to call him, but he either tells me he will call me back or doesn't answer. He doesn't usually answer my husbands cell number :( My other older brother, is very hard to get a hold of. He is always working or sleeping or hanging with friends. He called once to find out where I lived. He was working up in northern Georgia and if I was close enough would crash at my place while he did a job. Which was fine by me, I don't mind in the least. I was too far away, though. I'm closer to Kentucky. It upset me, though, that that was the only time he called me. My sister... I haven't talked to her since the move. I made dinner for the family before moving up, a last goodbye. She complained the whole time about the food I made and didn't care to hug me goodbye. It hurt, but I just shrugged it off. When I was just 18 she stopped talking to our family for 3 years. She wanted nothing to do with us. She started talking to us again when she got pregnant. So I was used to her ways of being stand offish with us. I can't even go into the reason about why I do not talk to her. She did something so horrible in my mind that I can't wrap my mind around it. I can't see how she could have done it. I just cried. Her excuse was pathetic. She doesn't bother to contact me either, so cie la vie.
My siblings believe my mother favors me the most. I just want to scream at them. She has done so much for all of us in her own way. She paid the down payment on a house for my oldest brother, she has gotten my other brother out of trouble constantly and helps him so much, and she has fought to be there for my sister no matter how stubborn she was on ignoring us and wanting nothing to do with us. If she needed something, she would ask, and mom would do her best to give. They don't see that, though. I don't even know how. My mom and I do have a good relationship, we always have. We understand each other. We are so much alike and it causes no rivalry between us. I hate that I don't have a close relationship with my siblings... We used to be so close growing up, but that is the past now.
My dad...he didn't talk to us for five years. When I was 19 I went to his apartment to see if he even still lived there, and there he was. Since then, it's been on and off with him. Sometimes a year goes by...maybe a few months. He has called me a few times now since I moved up here...which is a lot for him.
I try not to let all this bother me, but there are times, I can't stop the thoughts of all of this. I just feel like crying. Writing this has made me feel a little better. I can't really talk to my husband about this anymore. He just says forget them. It's hard when it's family. I miss my family. My son is such a blessing and he is the light of my life. He makes life worth living. I love my husband, and I love my son. I am really trying to love TN, too.
God Bless anyone that read this through to the end. At least I didn't go to the fridge to eat! That would be where I would have ended up if I didn't sit here and type this out. So I will post this...sorry for it being so long.
Friday, September 27, 2013
I have been in Tennessee for a month now. I have found a park that has a walking track around it that I want to go to at least five days out of the week, weather permitting. There is another park right down the road that has a playground that I go to after walking so my son can play and run around himself. I have been hoping to find a friend to lose weight with in this area I moved to but so far I cannot find anyone.
It is really beautiful here. My husband has always wanted to live in the hills and mountains. He hated Florida's flatness. I do love it here, but I do miss home. It has been quite an adjustment living here, but I hope to get more comfortable as time goes on.
I am trying to get back on track in losing weight now that we are settled in to our new apartment. So here is to a new start in Tennessee, healthier eating, more exercise, making friends, and being happy.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
I have been wanting to stay strong in losing weight, but I have failed...I have not given up, though. I just want to be healthy and fit. I know one thing that could really keep me motivated is having a workout buddy, and I tried to get my husband to join me and my mother, but neither one were very inclined to, even though they both want to lose weight.
It's time for me to get in shape even if I don't have someone to workout with. In a couple of months, I will be moving to another state and hope to maybe find a friend to workout with. It would be wonderful if my husband would join with me, though. Our son is just over a year old and I cannot put off losing weight any longer. I have wanted to go for walks, but I tried that and it was early in the morning around seven and just too humid. I felt like I was breathing in water and the mosquitos were terrible. Kind of eager to move north and maybe walking in the morning will be so much easier.
Here's to hoping for a better and healthier future. A new start. I know I will be able to do it.
Friday, December 07, 2012
I joined this site a few months ago and I have not been dedicated to eating right or exercising. I put myself down too much and think "Who cares about how I look?". I care, but I always tend to eat the wrong foods or just eat too much. I do not exercise and always hate how I look. The only thing that gets me going again is thinking about my almost seven month old son. I start thinking about when he begins running around or wants to go to the park or play ball, and I will not be able to keep up. I want to be the mom who runs and plays with her kid and not get tired after a few minutes.
Today I am trying to get back on the horse. No more lazing about when he goes down for his nap, though that is all I want to do. It is hard, but I know I can do it. I do not want to keep looking in the mirror and hating what I see. My husband tells me I am beautiful the way I am, and as sweet as that is, I am not being healthy.
My goals: Get Healthy. Lose Weight. Get in Shape.
I can do this.
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