LADYIRISH317   72,465
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Is it just me, or...

Monday, October 27, 2014

I'm so crabby, I can't see straight. And I don't even know if I have a real reason or not.

I'm on the Social Committee at work. We've been trying to organize a Halloween competition among the departments, with different themed costumes and area decoration. The winning department all gets a half day off. My department is refusing to cooperate. Two will be gone (I understand that). One doesn't celebrate Halloween. My slightly psycho deskmate (I've written about her before) says she'll only participate if we're guaranteed the win, but if she can't win she refuses to participate. That's not only childish, it's ridiculous -- how can you know you'll win if you don't participate? Two others are just ignoring me about the whole thing. Only one of my department mates is even trying. Tomorrow is Community Day and we're having a potluck lunch. I'll be interested in seeing if any of my department mates actually bring anything.

I find myself imagining the stupidest things. Like not having my groceries delivered any more but going to the store (Sacha says I can use the car for other things besides work). Going to the butcher shop for my meat or to a fishmonger for my seafood (I know, probably too expensive). There's a Methodist church near me, and the Methodist church has been advertising heavily on the TV shows I watch. The Methodist church seems like a good fit for my social and religious views. I'm just SO scared. I've been put down so many times by perfect strangers for my size -- I spend my time off sitting in my apartment with the blinds and windows shut.

I'm rambling, I know. I'm just emotionally exhausted right now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEAUTY_WITHIN 10/29/2014 7:36PM

    HUGS

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SPEDED2 10/28/2014 7:07PM

    emoticon

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IMAVISION 10/28/2014 6:54PM

    Without taking the time to read all the responses, I'd like to add my two-cents worth.

Mary, you will never know what you have been missing unless you make that initial step & attend a church service or a function at the church. If you wish to meet a few folks before actually attending a Sunday morning service, you can ask that someone (I would specifically ask for females only) to give you a home visit or you might wish to find out when the night time UMW Circle meet(s) & attend one of those meetings. Also, you might wish to check on what night time Bible studies are on offer --- attending one of those would give you the opportunity to meet & feel comfortable with some folks, before attending the larger group for a church service. Those are all good ways to break the proverbial "ice", without doing the scary thing (for some) of attending a Sunday morning service on your own. Once you have made that initial step (whatever it is), you will feel more comfortable to go a second, third, etc. time --- that has been my experience anyway.

If you do decide to attend that church --- please give it a good six weeks before you decide if it is a fit for you --- during that six weeks become as involved as you can --- you miss so much if the only thing you participate in is the Sunday morning service.

I am sorry that you have received such resistence among your department members. Except for the one who explained that she did not celebrate Halloween & the one who came on board, they all seem like a bunch of party poopers. Who needs them? Just enjoy your part in it, okay?

God bless!

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1CRAZYDOG 10/28/2014 3:59PM

    I worked with mates who weren't "into" the social thing either. But you can only do what you can do. Not worth stressing over, that's for sure!

((((HUGS)))) Nobody deserves to be put down for their appearance or beliefs. People are just cruel and ignorant sometimes. **SIGH**

What's to lose trying out the Methodist Church? The worst case scenario - it's not a good fit. The best case scenario -- it is. You won't know till you try it.

Good luck.

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MONETRUBY 10/28/2014 3:40PM

    I understand your frustration with your co-workers, but I agree with some of the other commenters and think you should go ahead and do your own thing, regardless of what they do. Enjoy the day! And I hope you can work up the courage to attend the church near you. I think it would be wonderful if you made some social contacts. At least give them a chance.

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HOPEFULHIPPO 10/28/2014 3:06PM

    emoticon

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PEGGY-BEE 10/28/2014 12:36PM

    About the Methodist church:

I grew up in a Methodist church and I am now 60. I have never met a nicer group than them. When I was a kid we had several gay couples in our congregation and I did not know that gays were ostrasized until I was 18. My sister was obese, over 300 pounds, I never heard an unkind word. I understand that no church is going to be just like mine but I would certainly give them a try. My local Methodist church is some distance from me but I attend on occasion and I find them kind and welcoming when I do attend.
I am also of Irish heritage with Gramma being Protestant and Grampa Catholic so I have read all your blogs with great interest (and understanding, all that was missing in my home was alcohol).

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LIS193 10/28/2014 12:16PM

    Having the use of a car is a great opportunity to venture out.
Other people's opinions are other peoples - they are their problem, so don't worry about what they think or say. It says more about what kind of person THEY are!
Take that first small step and get groceries and take it from there..

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JEANNETTE59 10/28/2014 12:06PM

  Where to start.....because non-participation seems to be on ongoing issue, start small.
For example, the pot luck lunch, provide index cards for each person that brings a dish.
Ask them to name the dish and note if it contains dairy, eggs, nuts, soy and/or meat. Also, ask them to provide their name. Explain that the information is to help people with allergies or dietary restrictions, as well as to let everyone know who to complement when they enjoy a dish. The trick here is that without making a big deal out of it everyone gets to know who participates in the eating but not the providing of food.
As to Halloween, dress up, decorate your workspace and enjoy. You might also want to tell the fool, that wants a guaranteed win, that nothing in life is guaranteed!

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MRS_TOAD 10/28/2014 10:44AM

    The Halloween issue is so frustrating. What happens if you don't push the issue and your department just doesn't participate. I'm beginning to think you are banging your head against a brick wall.

As for the Methodist church. Each church, even within the denomination, is different. If the one closest to you isn't a fit then you have lost nothing. Perhaps you could make an appointment with the pastor and get a feel for what he/she is all about.

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SWEETNEEY 10/28/2014 7:47AM

    I think you should respect or understand that some co-workers are just not into social activities organized by the company or at all. I don't participate in social activities organized by my company - it just doesn't appeal to me. So people have choices and there are some who chose to participate and some who don't. For those who choose work with them and you guys enjoy the activities. As for the church - the 1st step is always the hardest, go.. As my Mom says they won't bite you.

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PURPLESPEDCOW 10/28/2014 7:40AM

    You owe it to yourself to try out something new - the butcher, the fish monger, or the church. Keep looking until you find what you need. It is out there.

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ICECUB 10/28/2014 6:09AM

    I AGREE. IF THE OTHERS DON'T PARTICIPATE JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN. GOOD LUCK.

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TWEETYKC00 10/28/2014 5:59AM

    Sounds like your department workers need to get a clue! I hope you can find some peace and be able to move ahead. Hugs.

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MBPP50 10/28/2014 4:58AM

    I hope you find the courage to do what YOU want and need to do to make YOU happy and whole.and I say screw all those people who put you down or make negative comments. You are a beautiful child of God and deserve to be treated as such! emoticon

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NILLAPEPSI 10/28/2014 3:59AM

    Ohhh! I agree with goal-wt-met. Do what you can by yourself & if you win, you're the ONLY one who can take the day off. Love it!

I hope it goes well though. Chin up! Keep smiling! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOAL-WT-MET 10/28/2014 12:29AM

  I would decorate all by yourself and if you happen to win for the department, only you can take a day off and you can keep their day off and keep it for yourself. Who do I talk to, to implement this new rule at your workplace.

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SHAMROCKY2K 10/27/2014 11:43PM

    I agree with what everyone else said. One thing it seems like EVERYONE is now is tired. I have no excuse for it.. unless it's gonna be a whopper of a winter and we are going into hibernation mode? I was cranky tonight too. One of our cars is out of commission.. so it's me that cannot have wheels. Anyway, I recognized my mood and worked out extra hard to get those endorphins going.

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LINDA! 10/27/2014 11:05PM

    I was on the social committee when I was employed. Many co-workers just don't want to participate for some reason. I hope that you can make it to the Methodist church. They may be warm and welcoming.

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NASFKAB 10/27/2014 10:50PM

  just leave them alone its easy to say but so hard for you all the best

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 10/27/2014 10:49PM

    It sounds like the people in your department are just 'NO FUN!' I don't know how you can MAKE them participate in the Halloween event, but I hope they WILL bring something to the potluck lunch. If they don't bring anything, will they still get to enjoy the food that others bring? I hope not.

Use Sacha's car to run errands to get the things that you need. About the church, don't be scared. You may meet a lot of very kind and friendly people there. If someone 'puts you down,' that is a problem that THEY have, and not YOUR problem at all. Just be your sweet and friendly self, and people will like you no matter what you weigh. YOU CAN DO IT!

HUGS
Pam

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MT-MOONCHASER 10/27/2014 10:32PM

    I don't quite get the "imagining the stupidest things" stuff. The things you mention are NOT stupid, they are things that most of us do routinely, although I don't have a fishmonger in the neighborhood (there may not even be one in the state) and the butcher shop is in our grocery store. Try baby steps. Try going to the butcher shop or fishmonger first, they should be easier to get to. When that is comfortable (or less scary) you could tackle a neighborhood grocery. Just work your way up from there.

As for the Halloween thing, I don't particularly like the way Halloween is currently being such a celebration. I feel that it has been too commercialized (as have been most of our holidays and other special days). Why not just give it back to the kids? Okay, rant over...

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CTURCOTTE 10/27/2014 10:16PM

    Coworkers can take a lot out of you. But hey if they don't want to attend then well it just makes them look bad not you. Don't beat yourself in the head over it it hurts to much emoticon
Don't be afraid to go to the church try it you may like it and if you don't well you can go back to what you do now. People are rude and mean but a true Christian will see you for who you are. Best wishes. Stay strong.

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Saturday randomness

Saturday, October 18, 2014

It's been another long week at work. But my boss was out sick the last two days, so I was able to get a lot more done. My former carpool buddy has loaned me her spare car while her husband works on mine. I can't believe what kind of friends they've turned out to be.

Today I finally settled on what I'm making for the Halloween baking contest at work, and it'll involve FINALLY christening one of my Good Eats cookbooks. Alton has a chocolate pie recipe that looks spectacular. It's based on silken tofu (not going to mention that part), then swamped in chocolate -- chocolate cookie crumb crust, melted chocolate chips, Kahlua -- it looks amazing. I'm going to dress it up with a "spiderweb" made of white piping icing and "spiders" made from dark cherries. I saw how to make them from olives on Food Network this morning, but the same technique will work with cherries. Cherry halves form the bodies, and cherries cut into eight slices make the legs. I'll put them randomly on the web and hope everybody likes it.

Ex continues to recuperate at home, and Frank continues to tell him not to hurry (as he gets his pillow fluffed and his toes massaged). Frank does NOT want to leave Nurse Heaven!

Now it gets REALLY random.

When I was growing up my parents would both drink and snack all evening. My mother would eat most of a regular bag of potato chips just about every night. My father? Pretty much anything that wasn't nailed down. I've never been much of an after-dinner snacker (thank God), but I've noticed now that just about every other weekend I will eat a party-sized bag over the two and a half days (plus Friday evening). The weird part is that by the bottom of the bag I'm not even liking them. Somehow they put all the big pretty chips on top and the bottom is all greasy crumbs.

Then there's the wine. I enjoy whiskey or rum, but if I don't have it for a long time it's not even close to an issue. Ditto for beer. But wine is different.

Once I was watching an online episode of Chopped After Hours, where the judges from Chopped have to cook the competition basket. Then they share the dishes they made and also drink wine together. I didn't have any wine in the house that night, and I actually burst into tears. The wine to me represented all the fun, creativity and camaraderie they were sharing. it was a scene I wanted into SO badly. (And if a dream I had one night can be believed, judge Marc Murphy is an incredible kisser. But that's another blog post.)

Unique among alcoholic (or any other) beverages, wine occupies a huge place in art, literature, culture and even religion. And in a life that (right now, anyway) has very little grace to it, the wine feels like its one "grace note." This makes it very difficult to let it go.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. It's just something I've been thinking about.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 10/20/2014 6:51PM

    The chocolate pie sounds amazing.

You're in my prayers.

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SPEDED2 10/19/2014 8:25PM

    emoticon

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IMAVISION 10/19/2014 7:09PM

    The pie that you are planning on making sounds quite nice --- I am sure everyone will be impressed with your creativity & with the taste of your creation.

Unless it is around the 4th of July & we are having a get-together, I simply do not buy potato chips. I have a hard time resisting them. My MrV doesn't eat them --- so, at other times of the year, I can't even pretend that I am buying them for us to share. What works for me in resisting them, is to not cave to bringing them into our home.

God bless you, Mary!

Ima

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 10/19/2014 6:37PM

    hugs. thinking about our relationships with food is important, and it's helpful! You may not have an end point right now, but you're digging into how you feel about food, and that's good. emoticon

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JEANNETTE59 10/19/2014 6:12PM

  I'm sending emoticon your way, please share one or two with your wonderful friend and her husband. I am so glad they came to your rescue.
Wouldn't it be nice if your boss could work from home? emoticon
My chip weakness are the Veggie Chips made from sliced dehydrated vegetables, not as bad as potato chips, but I find them addictive and the carbs add up. emoticon
I enjoy wine....but more carbs, frustrating isn't it? emoticon

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NILLAPEPSI 10/19/2014 5:16PM

    emoticon Hope your car is fixed soon. I'm so glad you had some better days at work. You deserved a break! emoticon

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LIS193 10/19/2014 12:35PM

    That pie sounds awesome! Please share a pic with us when you made it!!
Can't wait to see it. So creative!

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MRS_TOAD 10/19/2014 9:50AM

    I can't wait to see and hear about your pie. It sounds delicious!

What an awesome friend!

Comment edited on: 10/19/2014 9:51:23 AM

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LOSINGIT26104 10/19/2014 8:25AM

    Be sure to share a picture of your dessert. It sounds wonderful. And one glass of wine a day is supposed to be good for you...everything in moderation is my belief.
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MBPP50 10/19/2014 6:58AM

    I want to see a pic of your pie after you make it! Sounds awesome.

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GOAL-WT-MET 10/19/2014 5:38AM

  Funny, but my favorite snack would be lay's potato chips with sharp cheddar cheese with a glass of sparkling wine. So I make sure I never buy lays. I will give in to a small single serving bag once in a while but not lay's. One that satisfies my chip craving but nothing that amazing that I'll want more after the small bag. I love wine but it makes me lose my resolve and eat more. I believe in enjoying life so I do allow myself wine once or twice a week and I do two glasses but can easily do three if I allowed it.

Moderation is the key and I try to remember that as best I can.

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ICECUB 10/18/2014 10:49PM

    YOU DO HAVE GOOD FRIENDS. THAT CHOCOLATE SOUNDS TERRIFIC.

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MONETRUBY 10/18/2014 10:43PM

    Thank goodness for good friends!

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PEGGYO 10/18/2014 9:55PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 10/18/2014 9:51PM

    You have an angel for a friend!

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NASFKAB 10/18/2014 9:36PM

  all the best happy you have some good friends

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The Friday befuddle

Friday, October 10, 2014

(Warning: This is going to be long and likely boring.)

Today my manager told me that our lead representative is quitting in two weeks and guess who is inheriting a nice-sized chunk of her workload? With no corresponding raise in pay? But just last Friday she told me the Big Boss thinks I'm underworked. Right.

Ex is continuing to recover from his recent hospitalization, because he wants to bring Frank back home. Frank is thinking no offense, Dad, but I'm in the lap of Nurse Heaven here! He is in NO hurry at all. Frank turned THIRTY-FIVE on Wednesday. I'm a bit traumatized that the guy who was the size of a football seemingly day before yesterday is now in his mid-thirties.

The depression has been terrible lately. Between losing my sister, getting sick and needing to be rescued and now my carpool buddy leaving the office, I've been in quite a black fog lately. But there have been a few developments.

Sacha's husband is working on fixing my car so I can get it smogged and finally get the tag fixed so I can go out fearlessly. AND she told me tonight that if he doesn't get it done this weekend, they're actually going to find me a car to borrow so I can get to and from work until it's done! I don't know too many friends like that. I had planned to give them two pretty wineglasses and a nice bottle for Christmas, but it's going to have to be WAY more special than that. Maybe one of those wonderful gift boxes from Swiss Colony (I always loved those)?

Thinking about getting my car back with a current tag makes me think about possibly getting out other than to work? I've thought about the local Methodist church (sorry, grandmas). I confess that I had the knee-jerk thought, but what about the Sunday morning Good Eats marathon? I had to sternly remind myself that a) I have a DVR, b) I've seen all of them at least ten times, and c) sweet Alton is a gentleman -- he'll wait for me. I think about things most of you probably take for granted, like going out to breakfast or touring the Christmas lights in December. I've felt for the last couple of years like the world is contracting and I'm vanishing. Maybe that can change?

Mentioning my sister Lynda's name still puts tears in my eyes (she's going to be my profile picture for a long time). But lately I've had mental images of her shaking me and saying something sarcastic (she was VERY proud of her fluency in sarcasm). I know she wouldn't want me to grieve (although that's not humanly possible). But is it also possible that I have a third guardian angel, along with my daughter and grandmother, one who speaks native-fluent sarcasm?

Just waiting for dinner to finish while I watch Cutthroat Kitchen. JMHO, it's the funniest show on TV and God knows, I need the laughs. Looking forward to a SLOW morning tomorrow.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MPARKER67 10/13/2014 9:59AM

    emoticon

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MRS_TOAD 10/13/2014 9:41AM

    I so hope things work out for you. Lifting you up in my thoughts and prayers.

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MONETRUBY 10/12/2014 8:38PM

    That IS a wonderful friend! I have an idea of how constricted life can be without a working car, so I am very happy to hear that you're getting closer to having wheels again. And how great that you now have 3 guardian angels!

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SPEDED2 10/11/2014 9:44PM

    emoticon for you

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ICECUB 10/11/2014 8:53PM

    YOU DO HAVE GOOD FRIENDS. LOVE SWISS COLONEY. BEEN YEARS SINCE I HAVE ORDERED ANYTHING FROM THEM.YOU ARE NOT BORING. SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. HOPE THING KEEP LOOKING UP.

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IMAVISION 10/11/2014 8:40PM

    I so enjoyed your blog --- things are certainly looking up for you & for that I am very thankful to our Creator God. See prayers are answered in His timing & with everyone's best interest at heart.

God bless you, Mary, as you learn to spread your wings once again!

Ima

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 10/11/2014 7:58PM

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your car will soon be up and running again. I also hope that your boss isn't going to give you too much more work, or at least you should get paid more to take on another person's work. Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

HUGS
Pam

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AJDOVER1 10/11/2014 6:24PM

    The positive new developments sound great! I wish you blessings in all areas of your life.
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JEANNETTE59 10/11/2014 5:14PM

  So glad your friend is standing by you and her husband must be a special guy.

Sure hope the new work load comes with a hefty raise to match! emoticon

Good to hear that your ex is recovering and that your son is enjoying the attention from the nurses.

Best of all, things seem to be looking up and that is wonderful emoticon emoticon



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LIS193 10/11/2014 12:10PM

    You have a really good friend, she sounds very special.
Yes! your sister is looking out for you - listen to her voice and be comforted.
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CHEFSOPHIE 10/11/2014 10:05AM

    So glad your car is almost fixed. It has been a long time.

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1CRAZYDOG 10/11/2014 8:36AM

    So glad you have such a wonderful friend and her DH to help you out.

You're right, your sis is your 3rd angel for sure. FEEL that presence.

HUGS to you.

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NILLAPEPSI 10/11/2014 7:38AM

    emoticon Glad things are on the up-swing! Keep smiling!! emoticon

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LOSINGIT26104 10/11/2014 5:23AM

    It's wonderful to hear a small amount of hope in your writings now. It sounds like things are going to start moving in the right direction for you and some doors are beginning to open. Hang in there.
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MBPP50 10/11/2014 5:10AM

    I am praying that all your problems will go away and/or be solved. Hugs!

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NASFKAB 10/11/2014 2:20AM

  your buddy & husband are great hope the car can be fixed, be firm with your boss about what you can do all the best

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LINDA! 10/11/2014 12:14AM

    Your friend, and her husband, are so much more than words can express. I am so happy that they are helping you with the car.

Good luck with the work situation. I know it sucks!

Because, I also suffer depression (PTSD, anxiety....etc.) I won't say that you are going to feel better soon after all that has been happening. But I will say that you are in my thoughts.

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SKIRNIR 10/10/2014 11:55PM

    You really do have a good friend in the carpool buddy. I do hope her hubby manages to fix your car and you manage to get out a bit more than just to work and back.

When it comes to work, anyway to tell your boss that you can't do your current job and add more work?

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Is there still a point?

Saturday, October 04, 2014

I still don't know for sure what's happening with the car. My friend's husband wants to try to fix it. I hope he can, because Friday is Sacha's last day at our job.

Friday my boss asked me what I was working on. I told her I'd caught up all my daily assignments and offered to help clear some claim errors. She said no, then told me that the Big Boss has "singled you out as the person with too much time on your hands." So She doesn't want me doing a task but I don't have enough to do? I would give ten years off of my life to be able to retire but I just can't afford it.

Is it ever going to be better? I'm beginning to wonder.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRS_TOAD 10/13/2014 9:40AM

    emoticon Virtual hugs to you, dear friend.

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IMAVISION 10/10/2014 7:35PM

    Just wondering --- do you log the work & hours you spend on each task?

That might be a wise thing for you to have on record --- just in case there is a dispute about it along the way.

God bless you with a most peaceful & restful weekend!

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IMAVISION 10/10/2014 7:32PM

    Is there any reason that you cannot start looking for different employment?

That sounds like a very unhealthy place for you to be working.

Hang in there --- there has to be an answer!

God bless!


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LIS193 10/5/2014 5:22PM

    emoticon

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 10/5/2014 4:57PM

    *hugs* I hope things get better soon!

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JEANNETTE59 10/5/2014 4:02PM

  Your boss sounds Logically Challenged emoticon Is there any chance you can meet with the Big Boss? emoticon my emoticon

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MBPP50 10/5/2014 2:52PM

    Your boss sounds like an a**! Sorry for the language but my gosh.

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MONETRUBY 10/5/2014 2:48PM

    Hmmmm, your boss sounds like an interesting one. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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PATTYKLAVER 10/5/2014 2:04PM

    Still saying a prayer that you are able to find other employment.

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CHEFSOPHIE 10/5/2014 1:10PM

    I sure don't understand your boss's reasoning on that.

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PURPLESPEDCOW 10/5/2014 9:52AM

    Your boss makes no sense at all. It sounds like you are a hard worker, who puts work first in the workplace, and doesn't want to waste time. Maybe your work ethic is making hers look bad to the Big Boss and she is taking it out on you. emoticon

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LOSINGIT26104 10/5/2014 8:25AM

    Someone once told me "If there are too many obstacles in your path, maybe you're on the wrong path." There has to be a reason for all the struggles you're going through. Stay strong and continue to search for the answer. Sometimes just getting out of bed is hard but you have to do it and continue to live your life for the ones who love you and need you most.
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NILLAPEPSI 10/5/2014 7:45AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 10/5/2014 7:19AM

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1CRAZYDOG 10/5/2014 7:14AM

    Prayers that your friend can get your car running. **SIGH**

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NASFKAB 10/5/2014 6:45AM

  hugs & prayers that your situation improves

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RASPBERRY56 10/5/2014 6:03AM

    Yikes - talk about a dysfunctional workplace! None of that makes any sense *at all*! I hope you get some sense of relief from that ASAP - in one way or another! You deserve *better* than that!

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 10/5/2014 5:16AM

    I hope your friend's husband can get your car up and running again. I don't know what to say about your boss. It must be very hard working for someone like her. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

HUGS
Pam

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FORZACHANDMATT 10/5/2014 1:04AM

    That sounds like a tough situation at work

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AJDOVER1 10/5/2014 12:07AM

    You're in my prayers.
I know the feeling. I'll never be able to retire....

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SARAHL817 10/4/2014 11:54PM

    Is it ever going to be better? Yes. But who knows when - it may not be for a while. The important thing is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep hoping that the day it gets better comes soon.
Maybe "too much time on your hands" means they want to give you more responsibilities and a salary raise (you can always hope ...)
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ICECUB 10/4/2014 11:50PM

    I AM SORRY FOR YOUR SITUATION. HOPE THINGS GET BETTER. IT IS POSSIBLE YOUR BOSS IS LYING.

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.DUSTY. 10/4/2014 11:20PM

    Because your boss has always in your posts come off as a Biatch, she could just be making up the part about, "The Big Boss has 'singled' you out as the person with too much time on your hands."

I'm sorry you're so trapped!

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