Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Well, my sinus and allergy problems are driving me insane but it's that time of the year. Almost time for the corn to be harvested in the fields around us which is really reeking havoc on me. I got a shot yesterday and I have an antibiotic prescription to pick up. A new problem was the chest wall pain - ugh! I was at my therapist office on Monday and my allergies were flaring up terribly and I had a bad coughing attack. Major pain hit almost immediately so I knew what I was going to have before it set in totally. Been there before so this isn't anything new for me.
My Aunt also had an appointment at the doctor yesterday and so afterwards we went out for breakfast. We only do this when we have a doctor's appointment so it's usually once every three months. I don't mind an old-fashioned country type breakfast on occasion but I certainly don't make it a habit. At least this local restaurant's idea of breakfast is a lot less than Cracker Barrel! So it's not too awful but when I do eat that the rest of my afternoon is a minor snack usually just to tide me over until dinner.
My body went in to a total pain state yesterday. First with the migraine which was triggered by the fact I couldn't eat anything until after the doctor's appointment because of blood work. Then, we got in road construction on the way down there - they were blacktopping the road - ugh! That stuff makes me physically ill. So by the time we finished with breakfast they were at our location. Needless to say my Aunt and I took a scenic back road adventure home - actually I think I took my 86 year old Aunt places she'd never been before. She kept asking where we were going to come out I told her and she wasn't sure she knew where we were but when we got to our last turn I told her which direction we were headed and where the others went and she finally figured out that she had been on that part of the road at some point in the last two years. So then she was worried where we would come out because she wanted to go to Dollar General and I said we'd come up behind it and then pull in the parking lot. She was happy to hear that. By the time we got to her appointment it was just after noon and this heat and humidity was starting to take a toll on both of us. I took her bags in for her and then we went to take me home and she drove back home. She said she made it just fine when my dog and I walked over later on in the evening. We cooled off and rested while visiting. Then it was starting to get darker out so we had to brave the heat again to get home. Aw but it felt so good to come in to a cool house. I collapsed in the chair and that's when my body went into full rebellion. I felt like every nerve from my neck down to my knees was hyper sensitive and sending millions of screams of pain through me. Cold made it worse so I heated up my "sock" in the microwave and got it just warm enough to feel and sat down with it behind my back. Slowly the warmth did it's magic. I slept fairly well last night too. Today I've felt pretty good. I've had several walks - this morning my son dropped me off at the local BBQ stand and I got him a sandwich to take to lunch and bought a pound of bbq for dinner tonight and a sandwich for me. Not exactly health food but filling and it's got me through my day. I walked back home from there. Then I was getting ready to head out to walk to get my hair cut and my Aunt drives up after leaving the senior citizens center where she had lunch and said she was driving me to my appointment that it was too hot out there. So I took her home and walked over from her apartment which is directly behind the building. Afterwards I walked back over to visit with her before walking home. I was so hot! 95 with a heat index of 109 at that time - thankfully part of my street was shady so I did get some relief from the sun for a couple minutes. That wind they keep telling us is blowing is non-existent. Any way I'm waiting for the sun to sink a little lower before I walk my dog again. We walked a little while before I went and got my hair cut.
Trying to catch up with some of my "computer" stuff and email before tonight. Not a lot I need to do today other than get the trash out since tomorrow's garbage day. I'm sure there's stuff I should be doing other than a load of laundry to wash my son's work clothes but I'll do that later.
Tomorrow I have to go to the drug store to get all my meds but other than that I"m enjoying the day with my son. Friday is going to be super busy. I'm taking my Aunt to the grocery store, maybe the farmer's market, to put gas in her car for her and maybe out to lunch, not really sure. Then come home and of course walk my dog and then clean on the house, change sheets on the beds, and of course get my stuff ready to leave - pack if I can remember where I put everything! Saturday morning I leave.
First leg of my vacation is back to my brother's house for the rest of Labor Day weekend and until we're in Florida on September 12th. We'll leave just before midnight on the 11th. Shawn, Rhonda in one vehicle and my brother and I in the other headed to New Smyrna Beach, Florida - shark bite capitol of the world (mainly two miles up or is it down the beach from where we'll be staying) right now it's jelly fish time - yuck! Last weekend there were over 400 treated for jelly fish stings. Not much telling how much higher the numbers were of those who treated themselves and didn't bother with the beach patrol. So it looks like I'll definitely be looking down while I walking on the beach again this year. I don't need a jelly fish sting. My brother jokes about the sharks and jelly fish - he's always ready to buy that peanut butter snickers to feed Rhonda and I so the sharks will come get us. Although he's the one that better look out. He goes out in the ocean more that anyone else but that's only when him and Shawn are fishing off the beach.
With that I'll say I'm sorry for being long winded today. My brain's just in overload right now. Too much to do and the pain is setting in on my back again so I'm just trying to decompress and relax. I'm playing with the dosages on my migraine meds - maybe she was giving me too much meds and it was causing the pain, so I'm backing off and trying to see how a much lower dose will do. Right now I'm trying half the amount to see what that will do. Wish me luck, I'll see the neurologist in October when I get back.
Oh yeah jury duty starts September 29th! I'll get home the 28th so I'll be vibrating still from all those hours in the car when I head up to the circuit courtroom! Should be an interesting rest of the year!
Love & hugs
Friday, August 01, 2014
I was so thrilled to get to the Farmer's Market today! Today they had more than tomatoes for a change.
I got fresh green beans - already snapped and ready to cook! I also got tomatoes, yellow squash, onion, cucumbers and bell peppers. Wish they had other things but it's a small market so I am just thrilled to get all this.
Took my nightly walk and came home to a fresh seedless watermelon waiting for me. My son's great uncle sells watermelons in the summer and he told me last night how much he wanted for them and told me he'd drop one off for me. So tonight it's made it's way here. I sent him a text message and told him I had the money for it so I'd catch him tomorrow and pay. I just love summer veggies!
Monday is grocery day so who knows what else I might find elsewhere.
I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend. Enjoy. Live. Laugh. Love.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
To many people I am not what I seem. They see a fat person and first thoughts are you need to lose weight. Well duh...don't you think I've tried? You don't know a thing about me but you rush to judge me on a three second look at. I smile and keep walking, all the time knowing what that scowl on your face is saying...you're disgusted by my presence. Well, suck it up buttercup because I'm not a size zero doesn't mean I'm not a worthy person. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings. You can't begin to know my struggles and my victories. You don't even care to find out my story: that I've lost over 65 pounds so far, or that when I started this journey with SparkPeople that I could barely walk out that front door to my car. No! You don't care. You sit on your high horse and judge me for what you see if all my fault because I can't keep food out of my mouth, in your opinion.
I'm sure many people have felt this way at some time or another. I still feel like that at times only now, I ignore them unless they keep staring and then I enlighten them as if they care. Sometimes I keep walking. The important thing is NOT to let them make you feel worthless and bad. YOU'RE NOT! God made you. He loves you and that's the most important thing. Now you need to find your self love. Okay, I realize that's the really really really difficult part sometimes, okay most of the time. I'm still working on it. I have good days and I have bad days but I try my darnest not to let those bad days bring me down.
Also many people of all sizes can relate to this, getting the once over if you have an "invisible" illness than causes a disability. I know I can relate all too well. I have asthma. I have fibromyalgia. I have moderate to severe arthritis in both hips and knees, plus just about every other joint in my body. I'm diabetic. All these diseases can cause major mobility problems in people of all sizes and shapes. Fortunately (knock on wood) no one has ever called the law on me for parking in a handicapped spot. I try not to on my good days because there are so many people who don't have good days that really need that spot. People are so sadly misinformed about medical issues its not funny. I've even got stared down when I take my 86 year old Aunt to a store and I'm getting her walker out of the trunk. Anyone caring to look longer would see this but no...they see me get out of a car and go to the trunk, not paying attention to the whole picture.
As a result of all this bias and rudeness I've really been pushed to be more helpful to others. I'm sure some of you know how it feels to be going into a store behind an able bodied person and if you're using a walker, wheelchair, cane, or crutches, how it feels to basically get the door slammed in your face. Not a pleasant experience. Or if you've been a caretaker of someone you've probably experienced that too. Yet out of the blue here will come some amazing person and do everything they can to assist you, not being judgemental but acting out of pure kindness and love. I want to be more like them, opening doors and asking if I can help someone when I see their distress. I don't want to be invisible.
I hope that anyone that has experienced people and actions like this isn't destroyed. A lot of people with these problems also suffer from depression and anything they feel is bad or makes them feel bad or worthless can all but destroy a person. I suffer from bi-polar depression and until I got help I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I didn't care about living. I didn't care what I was doing to myself. I was hated, worthless and not even worth the time of day to so many people. I didn't want to leave the house ever again. It took some time for my current therapist and psychiatrist to work through all my past issues and come up with the final diagnosis but they did. I"m on medication to manage it - I still get depressed and have those days where you look at me and I bust out in tears. I still get overwhelmed by things but I manage and if I'm having problems I can talk to my therapist, whom I see every 4-6 weeks for the most part. That works generally, if I"m having difficulty we change the time frame. I take the meds because I can't deal with all these "bad" emotions constantly battling inside. There is hope. No medication is perfect, not all are something I would take nor would I recommend someone take. It's an individual decision. You have to do what is right for you. I chose to live again and slowly I'm doing just that. I also pray a lot! Some days it's like a runny conversation with God and my Angels. My Guardian Angel works overtime with me being such a klutz and accident prone but God and the Angels look out for me and for you too.
Part of my Not being Invisible anymore self has decided, hey, it's time to take care of myself. The other night I was kind of meditating and decided to take better care of myself. A week of tomorrow I'm hopefully getting my new glasses. They're definitely different from what I've had for the past (I don't know how many years). So right now, I'm on hold with the losing weight because I'm trying to figure out my new ideas and thoughts. Trying to develop the bigger picture. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop - oh no, I have too much more to lose. Since I'll be going on vacation in a few weeks (yes yes! My brother's coming to get me Labor Day weekend and then on the 12th of September we're all headed to Florida for two weeks on the beach). I foresee lots and lots of walking with my best friend, Rhonda too!
When I return I"ll get my new plan in place and start - worst time of year too but I take that in to consideration because I bake so much between Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. I'll be working on a new work out plan, new weight loss goals - short & long term, coming up with a new me.
So do you want to be invisible? Or do you want to live your life to the best of your abilities NOW? I want to live life to the fullest and have fun. As I've found out we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. I was lucky to get another chance to live. I plan to live my life, explore new things, do new things, and learn new things. After having that major concussion, learning is a little harder than it used to because of short term memory damage but that doesn't stop me. So, who wants to live and enjoy life to the fullest with me? Are you game? Step on up and join me and we can make our world a better one and maybe even help someone else in the process.
Sending you all Love & bunches of hugs!
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