LADYVOLSFAN1954   82,916
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LADYVOLSFAN1954's Recent Blog Entries

I'm not all that I seem

Sunday, July 27, 2014

To many people I am not what I seem. They see a fat person and first thoughts are you need to lose weight. Well duh...don't you think I've tried? You don't know a thing about me but you rush to judge me on a three second look at. I smile and keep walking, all the time knowing what that scowl on your face is saying...you're disgusted by my presence. Well, suck it up buttercup because I'm not a size zero doesn't mean I'm not a worthy person. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings. You can't begin to know my struggles and my victories. You don't even care to find out my story: that I've lost over 65 pounds so far, or that when I started this journey with SparkPeople that I could barely walk out that front door to my car. No! You don't care. You sit on your high horse and judge me for what you see if all my fault because I can't keep food out of my mouth, in your opinion.

I'm sure many people have felt this way at some time or another. I still feel like that at times only now, I ignore them unless they keep staring and then I enlighten them as if they care. Sometimes I keep walking. The important thing is NOT to let them make you feel worthless and bad. YOU'RE NOT! God made you. He loves you and that's the most important thing. Now you need to find your self love. Okay, I realize that's the really really really difficult part sometimes, okay most of the time. I'm still working on it. I have good days and I have bad days but I try my darnest not to let those bad days bring me down.

Also many people of all sizes can relate to this, getting the once over if you have an "invisible" illness than causes a disability. I know I can relate all too well. I have asthma. I have fibromyalgia. I have moderate to severe arthritis in both hips and knees, plus just about every other joint in my body. I'm diabetic. All these diseases can cause major mobility problems in people of all sizes and shapes. Fortunately (knock on wood) no one has ever called the law on me for parking in a handicapped spot. I try not to on my good days because there are so many people who don't have good days that really need that spot. People are so sadly misinformed about medical issues its not funny. I've even got stared down when I take my 86 year old Aunt to a store and I'm getting her walker out of the trunk. Anyone caring to look longer would see this but no...they see me get out of a car and go to the trunk, not paying attention to the whole picture.

As a result of all this bias and rudeness I've really been pushed to be more helpful to others. I'm sure some of you know how it feels to be going into a store behind an able bodied person and if you're using a walker, wheelchair, cane, or crutches, how it feels to basically get the door slammed in your face. Not a pleasant experience. Or if you've been a caretaker of someone you've probably experienced that too. Yet out of the blue here will come some amazing person and do everything they can to assist you, not being judgemental but acting out of pure kindness and love. I want to be more like them, opening doors and asking if I can help someone when I see their distress. I don't want to be invisible.

I hope that anyone that has experienced people and actions like this isn't destroyed. A lot of people with these problems also suffer from depression and anything they feel is bad or makes them feel bad or worthless can all but destroy a person. I suffer from bi-polar depression and until I got help I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I didn't care about living. I didn't care what I was doing to myself. I was hated, worthless and not even worth the time of day to so many people. I didn't want to leave the house ever again. It took some time for my current therapist and psychiatrist to work through all my past issues and come up with the final diagnosis but they did. I"m on medication to manage it - I still get depressed and have those days where you look at me and I bust out in tears. I still get overwhelmed by things but I manage and if I'm having problems I can talk to my therapist, whom I see every 4-6 weeks for the most part. That works generally, if I"m having difficulty we change the time frame. I take the meds because I can't deal with all these "bad" emotions constantly battling inside. There is hope. No medication is perfect, not all are something I would take nor would I recommend someone take. It's an individual decision. You have to do what is right for you. I chose to live again and slowly I'm doing just that. I also pray a lot! Some days it's like a runny conversation with God and my Angels. My Guardian Angel works overtime with me being such a klutz and accident prone but God and the Angels look out for me and for you too.

Part of my Not being Invisible anymore self has decided, hey, it's time to take care of myself. The other night I was kind of meditating and decided to take better care of myself. A week of tomorrow I'm hopefully getting my new glasses. They're definitely different from what I've had for the past (I don't know how many years). So right now, I'm on hold with the losing weight because I'm trying to figure out my new ideas and thoughts. Trying to develop the bigger picture. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop - oh no, I have too much more to lose. Since I'll be going on vacation in a few weeks (yes yes! My brother's coming to get me Labor Day weekend and then on the 12th of September we're all headed to Florida for two weeks on the beach). I foresee lots and lots of walking with my best friend, Rhonda too!

When I return I"ll get my new plan in place and start - worst time of year too but I take that in to consideration because I bake so much between Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. I'll be working on a new work out plan, new weight loss goals - short & long term, coming up with a new me.

So do you want to be invisible? Or do you want to live your life to the best of your abilities NOW? I want to live life to the fullest and have fun. As I've found out we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. I was lucky to get another chance to live. I plan to live my life, explore new things, do new things, and learn new things. After having that major concussion, learning is a little harder than it used to because of short term memory damage but that doesn't stop me. So, who wants to live and enjoy life to the fullest with me? Are you game? Step on up and join me and we can make our world a better one and maybe even help someone else in the process.

Sending you all Love & bunches of hugs!
Ramona emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWDESERTLOVER 7/28/2014 1:23PM

    Love, love, love this blog! Yep, people are definitely so quick to judge based on appearance. But you know what? The loss is theirs, not yours. Judgmental people miss out on opportunities to have amazing friends because of their own ignorance. You are a remarkable individual and an inspiration to many. Keep up the good job and keep your head up high girl!
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FINCHFEEDER80 7/28/2014 8:52AM

    emoticon emoticon Thanks for sharing and all of the support!

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MSLZZY 7/27/2014 8:56PM

    emoticon attitude and a message for everyone! YOU ROCK!

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JEANINNEWCASTLE 7/27/2014 5:02PM

  I'm sorry that you've been hurt over the years. I'm glad that you are seeing your true worth and are taking steps to take care of yourself.

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PICKIE98 7/27/2014 4:58PM

    After quite along time, way too long, I finally learned that I was allowing OTHER PEOPLE'S problems become my problems. I was allowing their ignorance, insecurity and impatience to fill my head, thoughts and self-worth!!
When the big floodlight finally glared in my face, I realized that I must always ask myself, "Does their opinion even matter to me? If it does, then why?"

Once I realized I had no emotional attachment or obligation to these humans, they were living their day and stealing mine too. NO FAIR.. I was given this 24 hours for me, they got theirs.
No problem ever since then..

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The Greenbelt in Kingsport, Tennessee while on vacation

Sunday, July 20, 2014

My brother is always talking about hiking on the Greenbelt, although I think he rarely does because I wore him out on our short 3.35 mile hike there. In fact I know he doesn't get the exercise he needs anymore because I couldn't get him out walking unless we were hiking to a waterfall this year. He told everyone I walked him out. The tables were turned for a change and he had to keep up with me. I have to admit on a few of our waterfall hikes he did go further but that's another blog.

Anyway after breakfast one Sunday we went to Kingsport, which is a hop skip and jump from his house. He pulled into the parking lot of a strip mall and headed towards the pet store and I'm thinking what's going on? Anyway he drove around back and parked. When we got out of the car I saw the sign. So I started tracking our hike. The hills and all didn't block the gps signal so I was happy about that.

Nice trails along the Reedy Creek for a while.

tree laying across Reedy Creek.

Reedy Creek



Soon we left the creek behind and began our uphill journeys. Up and down for a while. The trail changed from paved to more of a wide dirt/gravel path. At this point I didn't think about making any more photos. I was too concerned with getting up those hills. I was getting a little hot and watching those mile markers. By the time we turned around - because I had to go potty so bad - all I was worried about was making it to the port-a-potty just about a half mile or so from the car. Darn! If I had known we were going hiking I wouldn't have drank as much tea as I did. The joys of my brother - you never know what he'll decide to do!

Part of the trail was in the shade so it was nice. Where we passed the meadow it was sunny and hot. I wish I had made more photos but I had other things on my mind. I was hoping we'd get to go there again but we never did.

More on my adventures in other blogs - much more to show you. I hope you enjoyed this and if you're in the Kingsport, Tennessee area you should try to find the different places you can join the trail. I believe there are many more trails in the surrounding communities. I wish we could have tried more!

Take care and have a fantastic Sunday and the week ahead. Sending you love & Hugs,
Ramona emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DANCINCAJUN1 7/21/2014 7:22AM

    emoticon for sharing ....roc

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SPARKFRAN514 7/20/2014 8:56PM

    emoticon

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JEANINNEWCASTLE 7/20/2014 5:41PM

  I've had a few of those desperate hikes back to the port-a-potty! Tell your brother to let you go to the bathroom in the pet store first next time!

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FINCHFEEDER80 7/20/2014 3:28PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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MSLZZY 7/20/2014 2:50PM

    Fantastic trail and scenery and a great workout, I am sure! Thanks for sharing!

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Vacation Adventures: Boone Lake

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

My best friend, Rhonda and I walked around the Lake area a lot. It was a lot of fun. Waving at people driving by or out on their boats. We didn't make it out on the boat this summer. Too much other stuff going on so we either sat out by the lake or walked around it. Shawn and Rhonda live across the street from my brother, Scott and they are on the lake so we sat out on their back deck several nights, on the 4th of July by the bonfire next to the lake so we saw plenty of it.

I'll leave you with some photos of Boone Lake in Gray, Tennessee.







  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPIRITSEEKER2 7/18/2014 9:14AM

    emoticon glad you got in some fun !!

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MSLZZY 7/16/2014 9:55AM

    Lovely!

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DANCINCAJUN1 7/16/2014 9:29AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FINCHFEEDER80 7/16/2014 8:52AM

    Beautiful pictures, looks like a great place to visit!

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FRAN0426 7/15/2014 11:19PM

    Lovely pictures, thanks for sharing them.

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GINNABOOTS 7/15/2014 8:27PM

    Very beautiful! Thank you for sharing them with us.

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JEANINNEWCASTLE 7/15/2014 8:06PM

  Beautiful!

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I'm Home!

Friday, July 11, 2014

It's hard to believe I've been home almost a week now. Whew! Where has this week gone? It sure has been busy. I like staying busy. Now to get adjusted to this hot & humid weather! At least when I got home the Missouri watermelons were just starting to come in. I bought my first two - oh they were so sweet!
I finally got all my tracking caught up here on Spark. I think I have it all in - at least I hope so.
I still haven't uploaded my vacation photos yet. My son has the camera because he's working on the fireworks show DVD we do annually. My brother is a big 4th of July fireworks fan so he goes all out and puts on a show that the neighbors all look forward to. Since he lives across the street from Boone Lake folks come up in their boats to see the show too. So I film it all and my son edits it down, adds some music and puts it on DVD. I can't wait to see it. I think he said it was about 21 minutes long this year. Yes that's a lot of fireworks - this is my brother's favorite holiday and he goes to a fireworks supermarket and buys lots - all sizes. I think we had three shopping carts to take to the car this year. Talk about fun unloading! My arms ached for three days.
Of course, Shawn and Rhonda have a cookout every 4th of July too. It was really nice. Shawn smoked a pork loin roast and some type of sausage. Rhonda made baked beans and a yummy macaroni salad and her Mom made potato salad. I enjoyed the day - I did show a little restraint this year but heck I got full just off the small amount I ate. We sat around talking until time for fireworks. After the fireworks and the first clean up, we went over and sat around the fire and had s'mores. Yes, I ate one since that's the only time I ever eat them. Great night with great friends and family.
Had my neurologist appointment Monday. She upped my daytime dose of "preventives" to a full dose like I take at night. Will see her in October to see if that's doing the trick. Since I had a lot of migraines while I was gone. She said the change in elevations could have affected them too, since I live at about an elevation of 300 feet and my brother's it's between 1700 & 2000 feet in elevation. Plus all the times I got sick in the mountains - not a pretty sight. The OTC stuff just didn't cut it. So in the future she said ask my primary care doctor about the patches, so I will. Anything to avoid throwing up like I did. Ugh!
Woke up with severe rib pain today. Must have been from loading and unloading some "heavy" things I got at the store yesterday that triggered it. That's my guess anyway. Feeling much better now. Nice hot shower and some tylenol helped.
Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend! Love & hugs!
Ramona emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPIRITSEEKER2 7/12/2014 1:24PM

    Hi, glad you got back safe and had a good time - even with being sick.. hope you are feeling better .. I would not have thought of elevation .. but yes it could effect everything .. I am by the ocean - but love the mountains - have not been since got sicker and went on disability ..
I want to be rich and have a house here and cabin in the mountains :0)

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CTUPTON 7/12/2014 10:03AM

    Ramona, I just read this blog of yours. Migraines are the "pits." I hope those medicine changes do the trick. Your hobbies are so cool! I am just trying to get my stuff organized and many things gone totally. I guess that will be my hobby for a couple more years.

chris

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CARMEL_466 7/12/2014 7:47AM

    Welcome home.

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FRAN0426 7/11/2014 10:30PM

    A week can go quickly when we have things to do.
Sounds you had a terrific fire works display at your brothers this last 4th.

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SPARKFRAN514 7/11/2014 7:07PM

    Time flies by quickly it seems we are also having warm weather here but to soon for local watermelons but I enjoyed the one you sent my way. sorry you hurt yourself take care. glad you enjoyed the vacation . emoticon

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DANCINCAJUN1 7/11/2014 4:31PM

    so glad you are back safely and got to visit and run around ..... roc
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FINCHFEEDER80 7/11/2014 3:00PM

    Welcome home! Good to hear from you!

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JEANINNEWCASTLE 7/11/2014 2:54PM

  Welcome home! I hope the meds help.

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Sharing part of my daily walks

Thursday, June 05, 2014

My dog and I walk several times everyday. Mostly just on our street and some of the other streets here in town. The honeysuckle has been smelling just wonderful as we walk along our street especially at night. When we walk we try to catch a sighting of the baby red foxes - there are three. They are adorable but neither myself or any of my neighbors have been able to make a photo of them. They stay well hidden. Late at night when you come down the street you'll catch them playing in the street.
So I thought I'd share some of the honeysuckle photos I made a few days ago when they were in full bloom. They smelled heavenly. I hope you enjoy.

This is my walking buddy, Precious. She's 12 years old now and just loves to walk. Everyone who sees us out jokes with me about whose walking who. I tell them I let her lead me where she feels like walking.







Wish you could smell what I smell every night. Hope everyone has a great night & hey, it's almost the weekend!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 7/12/2014 10:04AM

    Oh thank you, Ramona for sharing these lovely photos! chris

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CARMEL_466 7/10/2014 2:07PM

    Beautiful...keep emoticon .

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CLAIREINPARIS 6/9/2014 1:55AM

    Oh how beautiful! I love honeysuckle and it smells divine. Lucky you!!!
"I let her lead me where she feels like walking"... That is a wonderful dog's life! emoticon

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DANCINCAJUN1 6/8/2014 10:36PM

    thank you for sharing .... what a beauty ! roc
emoticon

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SWDESERTLOVER 6/6/2014 4:36PM

    Thanks for sharing the pics and Precious is, well, precious! emoticon

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FINCHFEEDER80 6/6/2014 9:43AM

    Your doggy is adorable! She looks just right for hugging! Thanks for sharing some your pictures, they were great! The honeysuckle smells great here, too. It took it a little longer to come out this year, but now that it's here, I'm loving it.

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SPIRITSEEKER2 6/6/2014 8:41AM

    your baby is a sweetheart.. and love the smell of honey suckle - very little around here - enjoy it if I spot some ... thanks for the great pics emoticon
have a great weekend

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CARMEL_466 6/6/2014 8:14AM

    Cute doggie. Keep up the excellent pleasure of walking. Beautiful sights and smells I'm sure.

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MSLZZY 6/6/2014 6:58AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing!

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FRAN0426 6/5/2014 11:18PM

    Thanks for sharing the pictures of what you and your dog see on your several daily walks. I wish we had a button to smell the beautiful smell of the flowers.

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JEANINNEWCASTLE 6/5/2014 9:20PM

  Lovely flowers and Precious is precious!

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