Monday, March 10, 2014
So in the month or so that I've last posted I've been so-so. Not perfect, but I've lost about 6 pounds and I've been more active than I was for the past 3 months. I'm starting to see the effects of eating healthy, and exercising again, and I like it. No longer am I afraid to look in the mirror, though I still don't love what I'm seeing I'm slowly getting more comfortable with it, and I can see small changes that make me happy. This past weekend has been rough though.
I had a very stressful 2 weeks with classes. I had something due 3-4 days a week each week and I had to keep up with all the work for other classes, and my gym time. It's funny. Gym time used to be the first thing that was cut. This time around I actually chanced it with an assignment because it was two days until I was done with everything, and running was the only thing keeping me sane at that point. So I went for an hour and said I'm better off doing this than that paper. Thankfully the paper didn't end up being handed in, and probably won't be until 2 weeks from now. I wouldn't normally put something like a run over school, but it was the right decision that day.
While I was busy I was pretty good about eating. I had one day where I lost it and just at everything in sight for dinner... there was an event at school, and it had free food, not only free but tasty yummy free, and I didn't have the will power I thought I did. But I did well past that. My issue is the after the stress... I don't know if reverse stress eating is the right term, but it's all I could think of. Sometimes I stress eat, but other times I don't. I'll stress and eat at the minimum of my calories, and exercise a lot because running has always helped me clear my mind and helped me sleep. After I hit the end of that stressful time though I become a bottomless pit. I can control about half of it. But the other half it's like my brain says "remember that burger you weren't letting us have when you were stressed... we're having it now instead, with fries". I'm not looking for a solution here, but I just wanted to put it out there that stress eating isn't always an issue, that you can have relief and de-stressed eating too. I think it's helpful to realize this in myself so that I may have one day where I just don't care, and do have what I want. Rather than trying to be healthy and controlled for 3 or 4 days and ending up being not so good for all of them. I also hope, though who really knows, that someone sees this blog and realizes they too do that, and so maybe they can develop a plan of action that works for them.
Past that like I've said things have been good I'm training for my 15K and while my legs are certainly tired because of it, and my hips are feeling the extra weight I still feel good, and still get the same joy out of running. Nice to know I haven't lost that. Past that I'm slowly working to be back on track again with controlled eating. It always takes a few days to ease into but I know it will be back, and until then I'm going to keep running and STing and have positive thoughts, because few off days of eating are not the end of the world.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
So I know that losing weight is not an easy thing. I know that healthy lifestyles do not come instantly, but right now I'm frustrated. I've gotten back on the bandwagon of tracking and being active and yet I'm not really seeing results. For example, I was down 2 pounds on Thursday and Friday. I did not have the best eating on Saturday and Sunday, but I was very active on Saturday, and neither day was out of control eating compared to many a bad day I've had. Today though after getting back on track I'm up 2 pounds. I know I did not eat 7,000 extra calories. I know are bodies sometimes do weird things, and that the scale is only a number, but seeing that number go up is still frustrating. More so because when I look at how things are fitting I don't feel like I weigh as much as I do. Sure some of it could be muscle, or water weight, but either way. I'm annoyed because I've been trying to make this work and get back on track and I'm not seeing any indication that it's actually working.
Another frustration I'm having is beyond the scope of Spark, but I want to talk about it because I think getting all of this off my chest will just feel better. School is so busy this year, and admittedly I've slacked off some, but lately I've been able to catch up in two of the 3 classes. This means that I've really only been at my apartment to sleep and read, which is not fun. I've also had a lot of stuff going on at school so I'm really just so tired when I get home and I don't get to do much. I know school is busy but right now it seems extremely so and it's getting me down. Lastly, even though I've started to catch up I don't understand anything in one class and that's never good so that's stressing me out.
Lastly, I'm frustrated with my own mind. Normally I don't have an iron clad self-control, but I have some. Lately though it's a struggle to say okay lets cook dinner, and make sure that we measure out what's being cooked. Also, I haven't been into running, my mom finally started running again, and I have no desire what so ever to do it. I'm still walking, and walking a lot so it's not an issue of exercise, I just don't want to run. I've gone through phases like this before, and ever time it happens I get super annoyed with myself. I love running most of the time, but when I hit a time like this it just seems like the worst idea out there. I'm hoping that wanting to run comes back soon though because my mom said we could run the local Turkey Trot together, but right now she would definitely beat me if we went.
While overall I haven't been in a great mood lately it isn't all bad. I'm proud of myself for catching up in class. It was a week long effort, but I did it. Also while I'm still not entirely pleased with how I look in things I don't hate it, and I don't think I look as big as the scale says. Lastly, I'm still moving, even being busy I'm still getting out there and moving about 4 times a week so I'm still burning the calories I said I would, and I'm for the most part actively measuring and tracking. But I'm still frustrated, and I want this feeling to go away.
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
So I have a confession. I have not tracked at all with getting my teeth out, well I did a few days, but for the most part that didn't matter because I don't really care if I'm in range or not. Right now I've decided that I just need to focus on the recovery, and one thing the doctor told me was to eat when I was hungry because eating will help the healing process. That being said I have made an effort to not go too crazy, though I'll admit to lacking self-control with ice cream.
I intend to get back on track the instant I can have solid foods, right now that's looking to be this weekend or Monday. I tried some yesterday, but it didn't work out. I got really paranoid that it was going to get stuck and I'm not allowed to use the little tool to fix that until Thursday so I have decided I'm definitely not do anything until at least that point.
I haven't been completely horrible though. While I can't run because of the drugs, and worry that the holes in my mouth will throb I have been able to do a lot of ST. So I've been doing all kind of crunches and push-ups. I've also been working on strengthening my hip flexor. It still gets sore, but I'm definitely noticing a difference. I'm so ready to be running though. I really hope this motivation stays when I actually can, and isn't just a passing phase because I can't.
Anyway that's my brief update. Recovery is definitely coming along fine and hopefully everything will be back to normal soon
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