Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I made a conscientious decision yesterday to begin my wellness journey again - I'm "starting all over again, it's gonna be rough but I'm going to make it."
I was at a convening for my job yesterday. I brought a nice deep purple jacket and felt very comfortable with myself. At least, a little more comfortable than usual. I talked with myself about being me and although I'm overweight (there I said it!), I'm still the best me I can be at the moment. I ignored the muffins, drank a cup of coffee and listened to the presentation.
A picture of was taken of the group and that's when I knew, for sure. It was a feeling of OH, NO, I hate to see myself and I've got to do something. I knew that it was ME who needed to make that decision. It was ME who needed to take action, and it is ME who will lose weight with a lot of faith, support, and perserverance. ME!
I got up this morning thinking Oh, this hurts! But I put on my walking tape, I set it to 1 mile to start, and I walked for 20 minutes. This is my start, 15 minutes this evening - 30 minutes/day/5 days. My gift to me. Let's go, Lil.
Monday, January 04, 2010
”This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
- Shakespeare - Hamlet -
As a woman, who is African-American, it is acceptable that I take care of everyone– children, grandchildren, boss, or parents. As a single mom, there wasn’t time for me – I kept my sick time for kids’ illnesses, my vacation to get them to medical appointments, no time to take off – I needed my job. I encouraged my children to participate in sports, but I didn’t exercise. I stretched my dollars as far as I could which didn’t mean the healthiest meals. One minute I’m 160 pounds and the next 250! What happened? I didn’t take care of myself – it’s as simple as that. Always putting off exercise and medical care, anxious, not sleeping, or eating properly. I’ve heard many negative comments about the overweight woman that I never thought would link to me.
Michael Jackson’s, “The Man in the Mirror,” is one of my favorite songs. Throughout my life, I put on so many masks for so many roles for so many people. The word personality comes from the Latin root persona, meaning “mask?” What happens when I look in the mirror? At first, I can’t believe I let myself go – depression. Reality settles in and the truth is it’s done so I start the slow process of reclaiming myself. I begin the process of communicating and journaling to know who I really am. This is where I discover losing weight is only part of my problem. So, I begin to embrace myself by starting to love and take care of me. Loving me is hard because for years, I haven’t been focused on me. Now that my children are grown, I have time to focus on me and I don’t know what to do! I don’t know how!
This is the start to being true to me. Being true to me, is about reclaiming myself through empowerment, it’s about taking care of me and moving beyond what others think of me and coming into acceptance of who I truly am.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The most damaging “lie” I believe sabotages my lifestyle success is “I can’t do this – it’s too overwhelming.” This is usually voiced in my head when I am too hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. I just can’t do this. So how can I, Lileen, turn this around?
I need to reflect daily, sometimes every hour or every minute on my thought process.
I need to learn to write things down (write down a grocery list and stick to it); eat healthy, small meals throughout the day to take away hungry feeling. Prepare for the next day!
Rest, reflect, revive myself with bubble baths, make a quiet time for myself and just do nothing, not even think!”
Call someone and speak a minute, friends you have not talked with in quite awhile. Engage in a healthy conversation with my spouse – talk about plans and keep positive.
Turn the self-sabatoging thoughts into healthy, positive thoughts and actions. Rather than I can’t do this – turn it into Yes, I can – chant it! Repeat it! Smile while doing it. Think about all I have accomplished. Know that I’ve climbed mountains to keep surviving. Yes, I can.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
It's important to me because I need to take back that "child in me." The child in me is full of laughter, love, and compassion. This child detests the cruelty and hatred in the world. I don't want the cruelty and hatred in the world to be a product of my physical self. I don't want my excess weight to be about all the things I've asked forgiveness for. I need to lose weight as a way of forgiving myself.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
You didn't reach your steps this month? A lot of things going on in your life, and your eating was just off-course. Gained weight instead of lost weight? Oftentimes when we become discouraged events in our life are just out of control. This is where faith in God comes in to place. Realizing that God sees the events in our lives before we do should help us not feel so overwhelmed. In my case, I know this, but I still become discouraged. I'm human. So what I've learned to do is take a step back, I mean a big step back, and look at life and perhaps change some goals or behaviors. Some action steps that can help are: 1. Be realistic - discouragement is a part of life, and it does not mean we are failures; 2. Give Discouragement to God - "When we have confidence in God, we have confidence in ourselves"; 3. Rethink Goals - Pray and ask God for a fresh direction; 4. NO "What ifs" - Stop thinking about the what might have beens; 5. Don't focus on feelings - Stop focusing on feelings and focus on change and asking God for help; 6. Keep a Journal - Name it "discouragements that become encouragements." and, lastly, 7. Be ready - Be ready for what God has in mind for you." (taken from 2009, Clinton, Tim and Hawkins, Ron)
Get An Email Alert Each Time LILELLEN Posts