Tuesday, September 30, 2014
I sat down last night to fold towels and I split my pants. Now granted, these pants were getting older and have been through the wash MANY times. However, I think my thighs rubbing together so much created several worn spots that the poor fabric just couldn't take any more. Talk about depressing and slightly motivating. (Slightly only because I have been through this before...many times before.) I have really begun to become discouraged with myself on how many times I quit. However, I know that success will definitely not occur unless another attempt is made. I am down to one pair of khaki pants (which I have on today and they are t-i-g-h-t!) and some black pants which I haven't tried so see if they fit or not. I however do have several pairs of jeans, pants and skirts that were given to me that I know with a little work on my part I could fit in to. It 's not like they are a size 2 and that I might not ever be that small. These are only 2 sizes smaller than what I currently wear. Also, If I were to cut out only soda, I would drop one size right there.
My husband bought me a GIANT insulated mug the other day as a joke. I was very thirsty while frying up 20 pounds of potatoes for a church dinner and wanted him to bring me a drink. Of course, he filled it with soda and I drank it. (mainly to stay awake because I was exhausted) I did think to myself, ďYay! I can start back again and try to drink more water.Ē This will keep it cold and be 6 out of my 8 cups that I need for the day. Struggle Ė I hate drinking water. I am actually trying to drink real water and not the crystal light stuff that I usually end up drinking. I prefer the taste of the other, but am wanting to cut down the sugar too.
Another struggle: I like food and we struggle financially. Last night we had beef cutlets, glazed carrots, peas, hasselback potatoes and breadsticks. I do realize that was a lot, but I also thought my husband would be eating with us. The peas were mainly for my youngest because that is her favorite vegetable. I liked cooked vegetables and struggle with finding recipes that arenít time consuming, require a lot of additional ingredients and are healthy. Sometimes I wonder though if I put too many restrictions on the calories I allow.
Another struggle: getting off my rear to exercise. I know I would feel better and have done it before. However between the kids, their homework, dishes/laundry, and sleep I donít know how to get it all done. If you were to look at my house, I donít think that Iím really looking at things in a skewed fashion either. These are things that have to be done. I often wonder how single moms do it!? Yes, Iím married, but thatís another tale for another day. Iím sure a lot of it is just that I need to buck up and get moving. I am also mentally and physically worn out and to try and think about how to make meals healthy and fit in workoutsÖ..AHHH! It has to be done though.
Time to start logging in more to SparkPeople and getting this done!
Friday, July 18, 2014
I walked again tonight and actually did better than yesterday. I would grade myself about a C on my food choices today. I had 2 meatless meals, some veggies, and a smaller portion at lunch. There were a few upsets of course. I did drink some water. I'm not sure about how much because I had one water bottle and kept refilling it before it was empty. I'm not exactly sure how much it holds full anyway. Plus I keep a lot of ice in there. I do feel better about today. Right now I'm tired and sweaty and that is a good thing. I also turned down my husband when he just left to get a snack at the gas station up from our house. Now for more water and to relax a little before bed. Tomorrow I hope to stop at our farmers' market and make some good choices at the grocery store too.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Well, I have been making some healthy changes this week. It's been a long while since I have tried thinking about healthy food, water or exercise. I have a horribly long way to go, but in some ways I have proven a little bit to myself with just trying to trim my portions and drink more water (less soda) and walk on the treadmill. I'm trying walking with incline instead of running. Hopefully I can work my way up.
I am very extremely blessed. A lady from my church donated several bags of clothes to me. Many still have the tags on them. The tops fit pretty well, but would fit better if I were a little more toned. I am determined to fit into the pants. The funny thing is that they aren't that small. In fact, I used to wear those sizes a lot until I just let myself go. I want to benefit from her blessing. I can't afford a lot of clothes and I think wearing some of these would help me feel better about myself. My school district does put an emphasis on what you look like. The clothes I wear now were given to me by my great aunt who passed away several years ago. And while many of those clothes are fine, they are not current fashion or look the best on me. I don't want to talk about the clothes given to me by my under 5' sister in law who is built as the exact opposite of me. Nice folks with nice intentions. Maybe I can gift these clothes to someone else in need.
Here I go on another journey. I'm not going with anyone, any group, any contest or anything in particular. I kinda want to do this by myself to prove to myself how strong I am. Yes, I realize that more people fail when by themselves, but I think I need to do this alone (with the electronic help of SparkPeople excluded). :)
Friday, January 31, 2014
Not trying to be a drama queen.....I really am continuing to wrestle with this decision. I know that no one else can make the decision for me and I think that is what I want. I want someone else to say, "Yes, continue Biggest Loser!" or "No, you can quit." I mentioned to three people this week that I was thinking of dropping out of the "game." I know I threw a big fit last year and said that I wasn't going to participate this year. My reasons for joining was that I did do better when involved. No, I didn't stick with it all the way through the end, but it was better than with nothing. However, this year all I feel is stress. It was something that I thought I could just eliminate and not worry anymore. I've been stressed about paying the entrance fee, stressed about getting all of my exercising in and then paying for healthier groceries. Yes, I know that sometimes healthy food is cheaper than junk food, but I have learned a few cheap/filling meals that aren't exactly the best health wise. However the first two weeks I lost a pound and a few ounces. Then the school counselor (who is weighing everyone in) convinced me to weigh in one more time. I had lost 2 pounds and some ounces. So then I feel like with all of the crackers and soda ingested this week what would have happened had I really tried? It comes to 10:30 at night and I think that I really need to get some sleep rather than workout and the guilt and shame spiral begin as sleep and working out war within me.
She said that she would encourage me to continue to weigh in on Fridays even if I don't pay and participate. She also made it sound like I would continue to earn "buzz bucks" (teacher money that we can earn to buy rewards like a principal doing our lunch duty). She also said that later on if I decide that I want to be in the running for the winning pot, I could pay. I don't know what to do. I need to be held accountable. (like pinterest said, I really need someone to walk beside me and smack the junk out of my hand) It's stressful but I know if I could continue and get it "under control" then some of that stress would go away because I would be doing something good for my mind and body. I'm just a swirling mess right now....GRRRRRR!
I'm also frustrated because I can't get as organized as I was when I did this last year. I don't have snacks or breakfasts ready. I've been buying TV dinners because my husband has been gone and it's just been easier this past week. I'm sure that helps with portion control during meal time.
Well, I took a break to eat dinner with the family and am back. I have forgotten what else I was going to write. Thank you for listening and letting me whine. I'm sorry!
Friday, January 17, 2014
Well, I lost 1.4 pounds this week. I didn't really try. In fact, I think I consciously and unconsciously sabotaged my efforts. I have been extremely tired this week, both physically and emotionally. My husband started a new job and while I think that will be nice. (The paycheck will be coming in handy since freelance work is so sporatic where payment is concerned.) He was super stressed and nervous this past weekend. He has OCD so the normal worrying about a new job is greatly intensified with him. I try to be supportive, but I don't know how do help him without stirring up additional worries or giving the impression that I don't care. Anyway, we haven't been sleeping well. My caffeine intake has gone through the roof. Partially because I'm trying to stay awake at work, but it burns off so quickly that then I go and get more. (not good, I know...)
I took my son back to the pediatric psychiatrist this week for a medicine check. Things seem to be going okay there. I'm glad that we have finally found something that seems to be helping him. Although it is more than 4 times the cost of the original medicine he was on. (Another good reason why my husband has started working outside the home again.) Since we had to drive an hour to the doctor, I took off a 1/2 a day and we stopped at a few places together. He got to eat at whatever place he wanted, which was McDonalds. I bought a cheap meal although I know it wasn't good for me. When we got home, my youngest saw the trash and was very upset that she didn't get to enjoy it as well. I told her I would spend a special day with her next week. When she calmed down (she did it herself and I was so proud of her!) my husband said that he would buy all the kids a meal from McDonalds so there was another horrible food choice for me again. Then I brought my son lunch yesterday because he was star student this week and since I didn't have a lunch prepared...again another poor lunch decision on my part.
I have just been too worn out to try and put forth any effort to try and eat well. I have been so exhausted and mentally beat that I haven't worked out either. I did get on the treadmill once this week. So, to make a long story longer, I don't feel like I deserve that weight loss of 1.4 pounds. Why? It's gone. It's not even a matter of deserving? When you work hard you earn things. Work at my job, I earn a paycheck. Work at eating healthy and exercising, I earn weight loss.
Anyway, I'm headed to my parents for the weekend to finally celebrate Christmas with them. While I know I probably won't exercise a lot and my food choices won't be the absolute best, they will be better than McDonalds. I also have next week to continue working.
I did finally join Biggest Loser because even though I hate the competition portion of it, it does help to keep me motivated and accountable. (usually...this last week, not) I heard of one girl losing 9 pounds this past week/2 weeks. Immediately my brain starts shooting out defeating messages. Why even try? I hate the feeling of defeat even before I have gotten out of the starting gate. (I'm not saying that losing that much weight is good, it is just the whole idea that she is off to such a huge lead in the game.) I thought I was ready for this round and that maybe this time would be my time to make some actual progress. I need to get my head out of my rear and get in business.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a blessed week!
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