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Friday, July 18, 2014

I walked again tonight and actually did better than yesterday. I would grade myself about a C on my food choices today. I had 2 meatless meals, some veggies, and a smaller portion at lunch. There were a few upsets of course. I did drink some water. I'm not sure about how much because I had one water bottle and kept refilling it before it was empty. I'm not exactly sure how much it holds full anyway. Plus I keep a lot of ice in there. I do feel better about today. Right now I'm tired and sweaty and that is a good thing. I also turned down my husband when he just left to get a snack at the gas station up from our house. Now for more water and to relax a little before bed. Tomorrow I hope to stop at our farmers' market and make some good choices at the grocery store too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSHINE5268 9/1/2014 10:13PM

    I am soooooooooooooo PROUD of you and the choices you are making , hugssssssss

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KATIBUG49 7/19/2014 11:30AM

    Sounds like a plan - good luck!

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DEEEBEE 7/18/2014 11:53PM

    Yes! Fresh fruit and veggies at a farmers' market sounds good to me! I'm trying to eat more vegetables.

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GODSCHILD2_2011 7/18/2014 11:14PM

    You should be very proud of yourself because overall all you made good choices for yourself today. Keep up the great work.


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Long road back

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Well, I have been making some healthy changes this week. It's been a long while since I have tried thinking about healthy food, water or exercise. I have a horribly long way to go, but in some ways I have proven a little bit to myself with just trying to trim my portions and drink more water (less soda) and walk on the treadmill. I'm trying walking with incline instead of running. Hopefully I can work my way up.

I am very extremely blessed. A lady from my church donated several bags of clothes to me. Many still have the tags on them. The tops fit pretty well, but would fit better if I were a little more toned. I am determined to fit into the pants. The funny thing is that they aren't that small. In fact, I used to wear those sizes a lot until I just let myself go. I want to benefit from her blessing. I can't afford a lot of clothes and I think wearing some of these would help me feel better about myself. My school district does put an emphasis on what you look like. The clothes I wear now were given to me by my great aunt who passed away several years ago. And while many of those clothes are fine, they are not current fashion or look the best on me. I don't want to talk about the clothes given to me by my under 5' sister in law who is built as the exact opposite of me. Nice folks with nice intentions. Maybe I can gift these clothes to someone else in need.

Here I go on another journey. I'm not going with anyone, any group, any contest or anything in particular. I kinda want to do this by myself to prove to myself how strong I am. Yes, I realize that more people fail when by themselves, but I think I need to do this alone (with the electronic help of SparkPeople excluded). :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOFLLAMA 7/18/2014 4:12AM

    I'm glad you are back.

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DEEEBEE 7/17/2014 11:53PM

    Speaking for myself, I continually work on eating smaller portions and adding more vegetables to my diet. I sincerely detest the taste of soda (except for A&W root beer, and I have no idea why that is!) so I much prefer drinking water. Spark has helped me exercise more, and I have turned into quite the walker! It's something I really enjoy, especially walking with other people. Talking while walking doesn't seem like exercise at all. The 10,000/step/day team on Spark motivates me quite a lot because of having to post my daily steps. But it's the food that I have to watch out for. Stay strong!

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HOTPINKCAMARO49 7/17/2014 10:47PM

  Baby Steps ... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Quitting...not quitting....

Friday, January 31, 2014

Not trying to be a drama queen.....I really am continuing to wrestle with this decision. I know that no one else can make the decision for me and I think that is what I want. I want someone else to say, "Yes, continue Biggest Loser!" or "No, you can quit." I mentioned to three people this week that I was thinking of dropping out of the "game." I know I threw a big fit last year and said that I wasn't going to participate this year. My reasons for joining was that I did do better when involved. No, I didn't stick with it all the way through the end, but it was better than with nothing. However, this year all I feel is stress. It was something that I thought I could just eliminate and not worry anymore. I've been stressed about paying the entrance fee, stressed about getting all of my exercising in and then paying for healthier groceries. Yes, I know that sometimes healthy food is cheaper than junk food, but I have learned a few cheap/filling meals that aren't exactly the best health wise. However the first two weeks I lost a pound and a few ounces. Then the school counselor (who is weighing everyone in) convinced me to weigh in one more time. I had lost 2 pounds and some ounces. So then I feel like with all of the crackers and soda ingested this week what would have happened had I really tried? It comes to 10:30 at night and I think that I really need to get some sleep rather than workout and the guilt and shame spiral begin as sleep and working out war within me.

She said that she would encourage me to continue to weigh in on Fridays even if I don't pay and participate. She also made it sound like I would continue to earn "buzz bucks" (teacher money that we can earn to buy rewards like a principal doing our lunch duty). She also said that later on if I decide that I want to be in the running for the winning pot, I could pay. I don't know what to do. I need to be held accountable. (like pinterest said, I really need someone to walk beside me and smack the junk out of my hand) It's stressful but I know if I could continue and get it "under control" then some of that stress would go away because I would be doing something good for my mind and body. I'm just a swirling mess right now....GRRRRRR!

I'm also frustrated because I can't get as organized as I was when I did this last year. I don't have snacks or breakfasts ready. I've been buying TV dinners because my husband has been gone and it's just been easier this past week. I'm sure that helps with portion control during meal time.

Well, I took a break to eat dinner with the family and am back. I have forgotten what else I was going to write. Thank you for listening and letting me whine. I'm sorry!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRENDA_G50 4/13/2014 2:14PM

    Here it is April and I found this particular blog to read. I've also been having that same war playing in my head. Since I broke my arm in January and haven't been able to exercise like I was before this happened, I pretty much gave up on myself. It seems, at least with me, that if I don't exercise...I can't lose weight.

So here I am, having a pity party for myself instead of doing what I know I CAN do. I'm still trying to keep within my calorie range, I'm going to Physical Therapy twice a week for the arm, but I'm still having that inward battle with myself. My motivation is non-existent since I don't have anyone I can talk to about my feelings or to even workout with.

We BOTH need to emoticon with the excuses and get back on track!!! WE are both WORTH IT!!! In fact, we DESERVE IT!!! The healthier life is a better life for us.

emoticon emoticonand together emoticon

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TRACYDH 2/1/2014 11:55AM

    I'm glad to see you sharing your feelings - I can tell you that the worst times for me, taking care of myself-wise, are when I am not sharing, but just keeping it all in and hidden. Reaching out for support is the best thing you can do, and it shows that you really want change!
I'm proud of you for putting this all out there!
I believe you can do this, but it's ultimately up to you. It sounds like they are willing to be very supportive, and I like that. Also, I find my stress reduces hugely when I exercise, so that may help!
But as Susan says, it's for you to decide, and you know whether you're ready to go for it! We're here for you regardless. Hugs!

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SUSANYVONNE68 1/31/2014 9:17PM

    I think you are putting the cart before the horse and making it harder on yourself. Why not try, since they are willing to let you and if it isn't for you then step down and do it when you feel more ready. Nothing has to be perfect, all that matters is that you try. Good things can come from it. ONLY you can decide.

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Undeserving of Any Success

Friday, January 17, 2014

Well, I lost 1.4 pounds this week. I didn't really try. In fact, I think I consciously and unconsciously sabotaged my efforts. I have been extremely tired this week, both physically and emotionally. My husband started a new job and while I think that will be nice. (The paycheck will be coming in handy since freelance work is so sporatic where payment is concerned.) He was super stressed and nervous this past weekend. He has OCD so the normal worrying about a new job is greatly intensified with him. I try to be supportive, but I don't know how do help him without stirring up additional worries or giving the impression that I don't care. Anyway, we haven't been sleeping well. My caffeine intake has gone through the roof. Partially because I'm trying to stay awake at work, but it burns off so quickly that then I go and get more. (not good, I know...)

I took my son back to the pediatric psychiatrist this week for a medicine check. Things seem to be going okay there. I'm glad that we have finally found something that seems to be helping him. Although it is more than 4 times the cost of the original medicine he was on. (Another good reason why my husband has started working outside the home again.) Since we had to drive an hour to the doctor, I took off a 1/2 a day and we stopped at a few places together. He got to eat at whatever place he wanted, which was McDonalds. I bought a cheap meal although I know it wasn't good for me. When we got home, my youngest saw the trash and was very upset that she didn't get to enjoy it as well. I told her I would spend a special day with her next week. When she calmed down (she did it herself and I was so proud of her!) my husband said that he would buy all the kids a meal from McDonalds so there was another horrible food choice for me again. Then I brought my son lunch yesterday because he was star student this week and since I didn't have a lunch prepared...again another poor lunch decision on my part.

I have just been too worn out to try and put forth any effort to try and eat well. I have been so exhausted and mentally beat that I haven't worked out either. I did get on the treadmill once this week. So, to make a long story longer, I don't feel like I deserve that weight loss of 1.4 pounds. Why? It's gone. It's not even a matter of deserving? When you work hard you earn things. Work at my job, I earn a paycheck. Work at eating healthy and exercising, I earn weight loss.

Anyway, I'm headed to my parents for the weekend to finally celebrate Christmas with them. While I know I probably won't exercise a lot and my food choices won't be the absolute best, they will be better than McDonalds. I also have next week to continue working.

I did finally join Biggest Loser because even though I hate the competition portion of it, it does help to keep me motivated and accountable. (usually...this last week, not) I heard of one girl losing 9 pounds this past week/2 weeks. Immediately my brain starts shooting out defeating messages. Why even try? I hate the feeling of defeat even before I have gotten out of the starting gate. (I'm not saying that losing that much weight is good, it is just the whole idea that she is off to such a huge lead in the game.) I thought I was ready for this round and that maybe this time would be my time to make some actual progress. I need to get my head out of my rear and get in business.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a blessed week!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALNUTT1961 1/18/2014 3:34PM

    Hang in there. Moonstream has some good advice! Take care of yourself and the 10 minutes a day have been working for me too.


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MOONSTREAM 1/18/2014 11:33AM

    #1 take care of yourself. I started with a committment to exercise 10 minutes a day. Just 10 minutes - you can do that. I'm on Day 400+ and it has made a huge difference in my life. You can't change control what happens with others but you can make sure you are taking care of your self (which will help you take better care of others). Advice I'm now finally following myself. Hang in there. emoticon

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Back At It

Friday, January 03, 2014

Well, I went back to work today for the first time in two weeks. I was kinda glad to get out of the house (even though it was really cold!) and get back to work. I am so tired of all of the sickness that has hung around our house. I didn't like getting up early, but I was even willing to let that roll off my back simply for the chance to see other adults!

Well, the weigh-in began for Biggest Loser at our school. I know I said last time that I would never do it again, but here I am contemplating it. For the most part, it does help me to be more least halfway through it before I decide that it is stupid and I give up. What are your thoughts? I need to get back on track. I have gained back almost everything that I have lost through the last 2 challenges. I feel yucky and can't afford a new wardrobe. Although, if my husband doesn't get paid soon then I won't have to worry because we won't be buying food. (just kidding...although things are tighter than we would like). Grrr...that is a whole other complaint that I don't need to get into right now.

What are some of my major struggles? Ideas on how to solve them....???

*Hungry (yes, stomach growling) after school gets out. I tutor until 5 then pick up the youngest, and head home to fix dinner.

*Getting up in the morning to workout. When I do get around to doing it, I do it of an evening, but then I'm keyed up before going to bed.

*Staying motivated to keep with the working out...and eating healthy although that is a little easier than working out. It seems like everyday is a struggle to work out...even a little bit.

Well, here it goes....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACYDH 1/3/2014 8:41PM

    me too friend, me too - back at it. do whatever you think feels best, if you think the challenge works for you, go for it!!

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