Saturday, October 26, 2013
I'm stressed. I'm lazy. I'm addicted. I'm tired. I think that pretty much sums it up. I'm going to try again to do better this week. Of course, how many times have I said that in the past? I hate to say it again because it seems that each time I say it, I fail. However, I can't succeed if I don't say it/try it. I know what to do, I just don't do it. I allow small excuses to get in my way. My knees hurt, dishes aren't done, I'm too tired to get up in the morning, My husband doesn't like me working out at night..... I need to do something though. I don't feel good. (physically or emotionally) I know in my head this would help some of it.
There are small times where I think, "yeah, I CAN do this." "....I really WANT to do this!" Then 2 minutes from that positive thought, a negative thought comes in. I don't feel very strong (emotionally) to keep trying. I read through a few motivational articles, but really, they don't motivate me. I just need to get over my lazy self and get up and do what needs to be done.
We'll see how this goes. I really hope and want this time to go better.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
I walked past the teachers' workroom today while picking up some kids. I saw a box holding some sweetly glazed pieces of fried goodness. I started to get kinda mad. I mean, people put food in there quite a bit and yet no one ever emails people to let us know that there is food up there. I am down in the "old town" section of the school and don't always make it up to the top. Then the next thought slammed into me: I don't WANT that doughnut! I know, really! I didn't want it. Okay, yes my mouth did, but my hips and hiney didn't. My brain didn't. My sore muscles that worked hard last night, didn't want it either. Woo Hoo! I felt so much better after thinking that. Okay teachers, you can keep those nasty treats up on your "high society" end. (The school has been added onto so many times and I am in the oldest section of the building...it feels like an expanded Z or maze.)
Now, I did eat pizza for dinner. I had made turkey meatballs last night thinking I would get a head start on supper for tonight. They always take so long and hopefully making them the night before would speed up supper and the family wouldn't have to wait as long. Well, this idea only works if you put them into the refrigerator after they cool down. Leaving them on the stove all night doesn't do anyone any good. (drat!!)
I will work out again tonight. I just dreaded it yesterday, which irritates me. I'm weird, I know. :) I did so well at the beginning of the year and keep comparing myself to the way I was then. I've had a pretty bad attitude about working out. Why? I mean really, why? It's kind of stupid if you think about it. I grumbled through the first half of my workout and then by the time I got on the treadmill I was feeling better about my choices. I'm really glad I stuck with it. I can only remember regretting 1 workout. (actually it was because I pushed myself too hard and was VERY sore afterwords...I didn't regret actually working out.) I am a little sore tonight but just enough for my muscles to signal to me that, "yeah, we worked out yesterday." I know I can do it again tonight. :)
I hope the rest of my spark friends are having a successful week!
Saturday, September 07, 2013
I keep having to repeat that to myself this morning. I sat down earlier this week and planned my meals. I mean, really planned my meals and my snacks. I tried to make breakfast and lunch very simple. My suppers aren't as healthy as I would like, but I'm also feeding my husband. I can be extra careful at night and really watch my portions. I'm also going to try and add extra veggies to the main meal. He isn't a big fan of vegetables so I can choose what I want and load up on that.
Now, if I can just get off my hind end and work out. I did so good at the beginning of the year when I was entered into the biggest loser contest at school. I don't know if they are going to be doing it again, but unfortunately I'm thinking about it. I really hated the stress of it near the end. I can get very depressed about how things are going, but the nice thing is that it did keep me focused for several months. (Plus I earned "buzz bucks" to use to pay my way out of lunch duty. lol)
I am anxiously awaiting for Aldi's to open so that I can start my new week. I'm REALLY tired of wearing these same jeans that don't fit. I'm not small enough to fit down into the next size I have here at the house, so I thought I might use that as motivation to make better choices. I have said that I don't want to buy new jeans until I'm down where I want to be, but I would like a decent pair that I could wear for jeans day at school.
I have also been very stressed out this past week with work and kids. Usually my health gets pushed to the back burner until things settle down a bit. It's just an easy thing to "let go" while I try to focus on other stuff. However, the weird thing is, if I would make healthy food choices and work out, then maybe I wouldn't be AS stressed. I would feel better and maybe be able to deal better with the stress that is going on.
Here I go....
Friday, August 30, 2013
I realized today that I use my fat clothes as armor to sheild myself against others. While I was standing and waiting for my group, I was taking a look at the other teachers of all different sizes. Then I got to thinking about my clothing. I wear very baggy jeans (they were given to me) and have a very baggy shirt. I believe though, that I use that clothing to 1) Hide how big I am (although wearing big and baggy doesn't really help you look that much smaller.) 2) And to help me hide in the background. I wondered if one reason that I don't try harder is the fact that when I do start losing weight that people will eventually notice and talk to me. Although I really want to talk with people and connect somehow it also terrifies the pants off of me! :) What do I say, will I remember what they say? What will they think of my answers? What questions do I ask? It is easier to just fade into the background and want for all of that rather than to be in a "spotlight" (or even just on the stage) and end up having to interact with someone. (and to think that I used to be on stage in High School in starring roles no less....)
I don't know...this was just some thinking that I was doing this morning. I am writing this on my short lunch break and am very thankful that I am actually getting to say all of this before I forget.
I want to lose weight and it would be neat for others to notice, but I think I do worry about what they would think of me and how I would respond to their comments and questions. (good and bad....hopefully not the bad though). Then there is also that element of what if I get started really well, people notice and then I screw up. I fear those glances (I know this is all in my head...and if it isn't, those people aren't important.) that say to me, "See, I knew you couldn't do it."
I hope you all have a wonderful and relaxing 3 day weekend! :)
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