Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Old Lady Who?
Why are you yodeling?
Gee, I hope you aren't yodeling 'Old Lady Who?' in your head now! Teeheehee! I need to know somebody else is such a weirdo that they'd actually do this too! (Yea, YOU...ya weirdo!) For added enjoyment put a 'Swiss Miss' on the end of Old Lady Who & if you are from the USA & old enough you'll have an old hot cocoa commercial to remember. I'm a mean one sharing the junk in my head, aye?
8 days from now I'll be 47 years old. I have had Old Lady Who stuck in my head since the beginning of March! How did I get to 47 years old??? I remember when I was a kid I thought I'd never see the year 2000. Now, it's 14 years later. WHAT???
I'm going through a weird time. Who am I? What am I? Where do I belong? Who needs me? Who wants me? Who loves me? Who do I love, want & need???
Don't get me wrong....I'm Lisa Gail....I'm in a weird time often! BUT, now I am questioning everything I want to be & everything I have & HAVEN'T been.
I expected to have either set the world on fire by now OR at least everyone in the USA know who I am...if even by infamy! Why, I'm not even a serial killer. Strange! There aren't REALLY people in my garden! HA!
Naw Ruz, (As a Baha'i I celebrate The New Year) Spring & My birthday all land on March 20. What better time to examine who I am? I guess. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do?
Since my med change 6 months ago I feel like I've lost a little bit of who I am. My Bipolar Spark has been spritzed. Not fully extinguished, but dampened some. I don't care what anyone thinks I love feeling GRANDIOSE!!!
Spring is such a great time of renewal. My herbs are coming up. Mikhail's apple tree (he grew from seed that's now 3 feet tall) has buds on it. I always feel like this is the beginning. I don't think it was by accident that I was born on Naw Ruz & the first day of Spring. How can you not have Hope this time of year?
I don't even know why I'm blogging. It just seemed like a normal (HA!HA!) thing to do when I'm feeling like this.
What's Next??? I'm kinda hoping my fame won't come at the expense of anyone's life!
Wednesday, March 05, 2014
I did it! I know I said I was going to buy a new wardrobe for my birthday, but I couldn't wait! After wiping out 75% (it ended up about 90%) of the clothes in my closet I really didn't have any choice but to go buy clothes.
I bought new blouses, all size medium. No matter what size my waist is I think medium is as small a blouse as I'll ever wear again. When I was sick & got down to 125 I could wear a small, but I couldn't maintain 125 even if I wanted to...which I don't because at 5' 9" that's skinny for me. I like being thin, but I don't think skinny is attractive.
What kills me is that I still wear a size 7 jeans??? I wore a 7 at 115 when I was 19 years old!!! I weigh 140 now! It's stupid! Do clothes' manufacturers think that American women are so vain as to pretend to be the same size we were at 19...even at 25 lbs heavier???
Now the Levi's I bought were a little more realistic! I bought a 32" waist & had to shrink them in hot water, but they fit. I think I'm finally okay with a big waist....well, for this moment anyway!
But, ah, I came to a HUGE problem. I thought that it was logical that you would wear the same size underpants (Man, that word is funny to me ...in a 12 year old kid kinda way!) as pants. NOT TRUE! Do you have any idea how large size 7 underpants (teehee) are??? If I were to sew straps on the top I could wear it as a one piece swimsuit! HONESTLY! I want my rear end covered, but sheesh!
Every time I buy underwear I have to take a package back the first time! You'd think I'd remember. Is it really that long in between times when I buy them??? Maybe I need to consider this as part of the problem.
& the final funny. I tried on a Large (HAHAHA!!!) 'Genie bra'. It squeezed fat out of my armpits?!!! I have fat armpits???? OMB! Seriously??! I did not even know you could store that much fat UNDER YOUR ARM!
I guess big booties are in...big boobies out??? Why else would I need tiny underwear & a large bra??? Good grief! What is happening in the world of clothing???
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Seriously!!! My favorite pair of sweats fit in the waist, but otherwise are huge! The crotch hits about 4 inches above my knee! WOW! What's really embarrassing is that I actually bought them like this! They aren't left overs from my fat girl days! When I lost the weight I got rid of ALL my clothes. So, why now would I be dressing like a fat girl still????
I would NEVER wear these out in public!! So, why then do I subject the people I love the most to see me like this??? (Including ME!) I realized how horrible I've been dressing again. WHY??? I admit I love to be comfortable, but does comfort have to be UGLY too???
I'm so ready for Spring so I can wear all the new shorts & tank tops I bought last fall! In the winter I dress SO bad. I'm cold all the time so I usually wear at least 2 big shirts & sweats or leggings. I did update my wardrobe & bought 3 pairs of vinyl running pants to wear over my leggings. REALLY, Lisa???? GADZOOKS. When did I become such a bum???
My house is too cold for skirts, (which I love!!!) but why can't I buy some decent looking slacks? Because it's too much work??? I have long legs & a big waist, but not real big hips so buying pants is HORRIBLE! On average I would say I need to try on 20-25 pairs of jeans to buy 1...Yes, ONE pair! It's awful! I will keep a pair of jeans for YEARS! Style, schmyle!
If I ever become rich I will have ALL of my pants tailor made!!!
The one good thing about it tho is that if I start gaining weight I lose it FAST. The thought of buying pants keeps me more accountable than anything else?!@! I'm not the kind to walk around with a big ol' muffin top either! When I lost the weight I bought tight shirts for the first time in my life. I am not walking around with my big belly out there for all to see!
I need to get back to REALLY working on my midsection. I can't wear this pair of sweats much longer!!!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Is it Spring yet??? Seriously, by the end of February I need Spring!!! GADS...why does winter last 3x as long as every other season???
I went into my closet last night & wiped out about 75% of it. I kept a couple of long sleeved blouses & sweaters to wear until I go buy new ones on CLEARANCE! Now I HAVE to! I know most people probably keep their clothes until after they buy new ones, but as you are aware I am not like most people!
I am in the mood to purge. When I am like this the only things in my house that are safe are people, plants & animals! Everything else is up for grabs...no matter how long I have had it! There are so many things that I am just sick of looking at. (& NOT dusting!)
Lenny says he'll clean out his closet today. We'll see.... He knows I'm in a mood so he probably will to protect his things. HA! I'm going to need to send Mikhail to the movies or something so I can 'clean' his room. Oh, you wanted that? I'm sorry....I didn't know. Lenny is a hoarder of clothes! Mikhail of everything boy! (I have Legos taped to the top of my monitor!!!....What happened to MY stuff???)
My computer room looks like a kids' room. Giant drawings all over the floor. Nerf guns. Ranger Rick magazines. ...It looks a lot like Mikhail's room now that I am looking around! When did my son take over my life?...Oh, Yea...the DAY HE WAS BORN!!! Ah, well, a clean computer room isn't really that important in the big scheme of things, I suppose! I mean we'll clean it up, but would I trade a spotless house for my son & grandsons??? Yea! .... I don't think so!
Do you ever look at your things & think 'What the hell was I thinking when I bought THAT?' I got some ugly pictures in my house! GAWD! I need bright & colorful stuff. I have old, dull pictures that belong in a Dr's office! Mother Lisa must have bought those! Sheesh!
I'm a red & pink girl. NO yellow, greens or oranges....UGH! Especially in clothes! Yellow & orange make me look...well, yellow or orange. I'm much too light skinned to wear that! I'm what they call 'glow in the dark' white!
It's time for me to go. The more I look at my computer room the more I need to get rid of stuff. WHOOOOAAAHHH!
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Monday, February 17, 2014
& Not because it's Welfare Christmas Season! (That's what we Poor Folks call tax return season because we get to buy the stuff we wanted, but couldn't afford, in December!) Actually, I can't even really consider myself poor financially either. I have a house, car & food! Why, I even own a dog! I have so much to be thankful for! I have electricity, water & heat....& the bills are even paid!
I am richer in love & family tho! Mikhail often wears a baseball cap and when we are out he gets too hot so he takes it off. He usually puts it in my head for safe keeping. Goofy boy! Anyway, the other day when we were out we did this & I said, 'Oh, I'm so cute.' He says, 'No, mom. You are not cute.....You are beautiful. It's better for a woman to be beautiful than cute.' My 12 year old son thinks I'm beautiful & TOLD ME??? How lucky am I?
I told Samantha that she hurt my feelings & she apologized. She seemed genuinely surprised about what I was upset about. As always I am giving her the benefit of the doubt & we are okay again. Her apologizing is actually a huge step in the right direction. For years she never took her part in ANYthing so I have to consider this a win!
I don't know why, but I had been holding onto stuff again. I decided I HAVE to tell people at the time I get upset rather than hold onto it! I think it's part of why I've been sick. Holding onto anger or hurt feelings makes my stomach (& my soul!) hurt! It seems like my depression triggers old unhealthy habits!!!
Lenny has every other Sunday off and Monday & Tuesday every week. Many times he works his days off because he doesn't have enough cars out toward the end of the month. He's promised me for years that he'll quit doing it as soon as 'he starts making better money'. Saturday he told me he was going to work Sunday because he has only made X amount of money & they were having a sale. Of course, I just said okay. Sunday morning when he got up I told him it was not okay & reminded him that he has already made better money. He went back to bed! I was very proud of myself for letting him know how I felt!!!
I know some of you may have a hard time believing that I don't always voice my opinions! HA! I think it goes back to when I was a kid & my dad told me my opinion was WRONG! I think that's also why I get SO adamant when I do voice an opinion about anything! If I talk about it I have a STRONG opinion about it!
I've still been having my stomach issues, but my mood & pain level are so much better!!! Boy, I hope I NEVER have to change meds again! That is awful!!! I'm not sleeping 12-20 hours a day any more either! YEA! I'm just back to my regular crummy sleep pattern of waking up at weird times or not sleeping. Ah, well...it's better than over sleeping!
I personally do not understand why Valentine's Day is so important, but I hope you all had the perfect one you were hoping for! I love you!
For the love of Bipolar & all who are blessed enough to know it!
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