LOFLLAMA   44,807
SparkPoints
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
 
 
LOFLLAMA's Recent Blog Entries

Here's what happened....

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

You all know Monday I was to start my 35 days to better habits. Of course Monday I did not, BUT it is not my fault. I started the day horrible. I walked into the computer room & BOTH light bulbs blew out. Now you have to admit this in & of itself was reason enough for me to go eat everything in sight. Hell, I could have used it as an excuse to drink, but I did not. Instead I looked through all of my hiding places to find my light bulbs because I hide them from the family. I do this so nobody can ever replace any bulbs throughout my house.

In fact, Monday I also had to replace the one above the stove because it's been out for about a week. Nobody else could change it because they have no idea where to find the bulbs. I move the bulbs, garbage bags, paper towels & toilet paper to different hidden locations so my family can never replace any of those things. I figure it's MY job so I don't want them spoiling my fun. I would never dream of keeping these things in the EXACT same place for the LAST 8 YEARS!!!

So then I am sitting down to a very healthy breakfast. 1/2 cup granola & 1/4 skim milk. The granola is 50% protein. 50% fiber & 50% something else really good for me that I can't remember, but it is 150% pure goodness. I know that! Just as I am getting ready to eat, Lenny grabs me from behind & stuffs two extra large chocolate chip cookies into my mouth. He forces my chin up & down until the cookies are chewed. I HAVE to swallow them or I'll choke to death & probably die.

Then he takes me outside & ties me to a tree & pours Pepsi down my throat. Not one, mind you. 6 little bottles throughout the day. Thankfully, we ran out of Pepsi & cookies. To top it off he wouldn't even do sit-ups for me!!!

Tuesday, again I was doing great UNTIL I went to meet a friend at Barnes & Noble when out of nowhere... I went to order a GLASS OF WATER when the barista slipped on something & poured a 4 shot 32 oz. mocha breve down my throat!

Luckily, I spent most of the rest of the day alone so there wasn't anyone around to undo all the great things I did for myself. So, here I am on day 3 & I will do better! I promise.

That's my story....

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EILEEN828 7/24/2014 6:48AM

    I can see I will have to nail your foot to the floor so that the next time you make that zombie move for the cookies again you will only spin. WOW what a whirling dervish! LOL I can so relate. There are certain things that I can't seem to say no to. Pizza would be criminal act #1, Chips and or Crackers would be #2 and #3. I don't know why it is but if they are any where in the vicinity, ie: the top of the refrigerator and one short phone call away; then all bets are off and I will eventually, if not actually rapidly, soon find myself in their golden glowing presence. But I have made some progress, this morning I made a green smoothie out of organic kale,celery, frozen raspberries, chia seeds, and coconut milk. It tasted really good and I got a really smooth blend on it.

I have read a magazine article about the author of a book due out in September that gave really good information about increasing the amount of fibrous foods and how that really affected the gut. Yeah I already know this stuff but he went to a whole different level with it and I will be waiting for the book to come out to read it. The take away I had so far was to include the tough fibrous parts of the plant that people normally discard as it takes these extra tough fibers to make it all the way to the large intestine to do it's magic. That would be the roto-rooter aspect and the big step up in nutrition. The softer fibers usually get dismantled long before then and so the end result is a flabby large intestine that can't do it's job optimally and therefore runs down your health. So there I was being all health conscious and chopping up the stems and putting them in my magic bullet and made sure it was smooth so I could drink it easily.

Here's another thought I came across today that I hadn't ever thought of it like this before. If you change just one meal a day to be really healthy, that that alone would mean that you are changing 1/3 of your diet for the better. Wow that's so true. It makes you feel like you've accomplished something big with a small step. I went to Trader Joes and bought some various goodies. One was a small package of candies. But these candies were actually pretty good for you. They were actually little squares of nuts stuck together with a thin coating of something sweet that acted like a glue to turn the nuts into a block. Inch size cubes were then dipped in 60% cacao dark chocolate with a hint of sea salt. They were great, sure tasted like an indulgence to me, but they weren't just empty calories. I didn't eat them all, my husband got half, and I spread it out over two days. I think that's a pretty good compromise for giving yourself a treat and not having it be a worthless calorie blob.
My other little treat, a package of dried wasabi/ mustard peas. Big flavor, with a kick that is not a pepper which I'm hyper sensitive too. I gave my husband the spicy rice crackers which I didn't realize when I bought them that they were spicy. I won't eat those, even though I want to (ding, ding, ding, a yummy cracker) because I'm working really hard to lay off the peppers.

So you can do this too, just do the little baby steps you know to do. One at a time and let it flow naturally. High five!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHERYLE51 7/23/2014 10:08PM

    I needed that laugh. Thank you. You really need to do stand up because you are actually funny, not like a lot of these people.


Report Inappropriate Comment
AJDOVER1 7/23/2014 3:13PM

    for a minute there I thought Samantha hijacked your blog! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
COASTAL6 7/23/2014 9:03AM

    I'm in the same shoes your in, I had candy candy early this morning, but I promise myself and you that I'll try to eat better, and more fruits and vegi's.
emoticon
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
_RAMONA 7/23/2014 8:26AM

    emoticon
(you are SO funny... and if nothing else, at least you are assessing and blogging)

If it makes you feel any better, you are in part responsible for the fact that I'm already here typing 4 hours earlier than 'usual' in an attempt to create a new 'usual'.

(so far, not sure I like it, lol)

Here's to both of us streakin' onward!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDRALEET 7/23/2014 7:57AM

    What a imagination

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/23/2014 7:30AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GHOSTFLAMES 7/23/2014 5:28AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GBSLIM 7/23/2014 5:09AM

    OH poor Lisa. Don't cha just despise when those things happen. emoticon
Hope 3's your lucky number.

Report Inappropriate Comment


Okay, so day 1 was a flop!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

I have no excuses. In fact, I don't even have reasons. Laziness? Lack of concern? Lack of??? I honestly don't know what is wrong with me.

Sunday night Lenny prances into the house with a pizza, (I asked for it) cookies, & soda. I wanted the pizza as kind of a last meal. Whatever. BS. I wanted a pizza. Anyway, we all agreed no more soda & cookies. WTH I said to Lenny. He says I forgot! It turned into such an ordeal I'm sure he won't forget again. Mikhail is like a crack addict with soda. They were going to the fireworks display at 10:30 PM & Mikhail wants to take Pepsi for him & Orion???? NO! I actually slapped my 13 y/o son's hand! He was practically throwing a tantrum over these small bottles of Pepsi his dad had bought for them to take with them.

Mikhail says Dad said. I said Dad forgot the new old rules. Lenny said mom's right dad forgot. Mikhail starts throwing a tantrum & grabs a soda. I slapped the back of his hand. HONESTLY! Act like a 2 y/o I'll spank you like a 2 y/o. GADS!

I talked to my dad on the phone & got a 5 minute lecture from him on the evils of soda. Yes, Dad I know! My dad is at least 70 lbs overweight & has been Pre-diabetic for going on 7 years. He is a large part of the reason I lost my weight & changed my eating habits! The people in my family who aren't alcoholic seem to be diabetic. Helluva choice, huh??? I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to avoid the diabetic!!!

Hopefully, tomorrow will be better news. I need to get my stuff together!

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COASTAL6 7/23/2014 8:57AM

    This has been a bad week for me too!
emoticon
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBTEVELDAHL 7/22/2014 9:24PM

    Not to worry Lisa, I've gone the "one last time" route too. My downfall has been chips and diet Pepsi. I can't seem to keep away from the Lays. It can be any flavor Lays too. Earlier in the week it was Magnum Double Chocolate Caramel bars. I stayed within my calorie ranges, but all that I ate was junk. Now I am back on track today. I am manufacturing the will power from your challenge. We can do this! I have no doubt that you will pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back to the basics. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon See you on the threads, Deb

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/22/2014 6:45PM

    I HAVE DONE THE ONE LAST TIME BIT MYSELF. I HAVE KICK SOFT DRINKS TO THE CURB THOUGH. I DO LOVE PIZZA. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIM22211 7/22/2014 1:10PM

    hubs is the same with soda. it is terrible he will not drink water unless he has flavor put in it. He CLAIMS he drinks water at work all the time. I call bs on it. There is no way he does because if he did it there why wouldnt he do it at home,right?!

Report Inappropriate Comment
_RAMONA 7/22/2014 11:10AM

    We'd all do SO well, if it weren't for our husbands and kids, LOL!
emoticon

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDRALEET 7/22/2014 9:38AM

    Yelling controlling gets you no were put the behavior not admired

Report Inappropriate Comment
GBSLIM 7/22/2014 9:27AM

    Yep soda is EVIL! Sugar is more addictive than crack & just as bad for your health but much harder to avoid.
I think our success in most things is determined by our state of mind. But often I wonder who controls that emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Didn't the boy who cried wolf end up in it's belly???

Monday, July 21, 2014

Lenny went to pick up Orion last night so he could spend the night. Samantha told Lenny the condensed story of how she got drugged & robbed. The 'thief' took her car back to the motel Wednesday & gave the keys to the clerk for her. Supposedly, she did file a police report on the money stolen out of hers & Gabe's bank accounts. She is waiting for a toxicology report from the hospital.

I'm hoping real life is like 'Law & Order' & when they see video of HER taking money out of the accounts she gets arrested for lying to the police. She needs to be stopped. It would never have gone this far if her sister hadn't posted on FB that she was missing. It would have just been between her & Gabe like it usually is, but now she needs to let the world know that she had something bad happen to her....She's saving face!

I probably seem really cold blooded about all of this, but 14 years of BS is just too much to take. I still believe NONE of it and even IF it did happen she put herself in a really stupid situation like she has 100 times before. It's time to wise up & grow up. She has 2 little boys to worry about! She's going to end up dead.

Today is the day I start my 35 Day to Better Habits! I'll let you know what & how I did later. I'm too tired to write this morning. Gawd, how I hate stress!

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERYLE51 7/22/2014 6:03AM

    Stressed is my middle name. Cheryle Stressed Roberts. LOL No, seriously, Samantha's story gets more and more crazy each time it is retold. You can't put everything on Facebook for the world to know. I love Spark because only friends would know and it is a closed community. I will put almost anything on Spark because I know it will not go any further.
I can't believe she is saying now. This story seems even more unlikely. Why would a thief steal a car and then give the keys to the hotel clerk? What would be the point of stealing the car???? I guess someone "made" her take the money. She has issues or should I say a subscription. Good luck with this one. She needs to get herself together before something really serious happens.,
Take a deep breath and drink some herbal tea...

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/21/2014 6:42PM

    I THINK YOU HAVE A LOT OF PATIENTS TO PUT UP WITH THIS SITUATION AS LONG AS YOU HAVE. GOOD LUCK.

Report Inappropriate Comment
_RAMONA 7/21/2014 11:44AM

    emoticon

Crazy family is the worst stress... you can't help but have an emotional investment and be affected, yet you have zero control. (multiply that by 10 when your kids are living in ways you cannot support)

I'm rooting for you for your 35 days to better habits!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDRALEET 7/21/2014 11:44AM

    Life is stressful

Report Inappropriate Comment


I'm all ajiggly with disgust!!!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

I have been on a junk food terror streak! For the last month or two I have been eating the worst of things. Chips, ice cream, soda, candy...you name it. Normally I don't keep this stuff in my house. For some reason I got super lax about it. So much so that Mikhail was calling his dad at work almost daily to ask him to bring home a 'treat'. Lenny finally brought it to my attention & we all had to have a family discussion about why we don't eat like that.

I can give you a bunch of excuses as to why, but the truth is I don't know. If I used stress as an excuse to eat bad I could easily weigh 600 lbs. I'd find stress if I didn't have any. Hell, I might make some for the fun of having it!

But, now it's just time to stop. I haven't gained any weight YET, but my muscle has 'turned into' fat! HA! My arms still look good, but my midsection is getting jigglier by the day! My pants still fit, but I'm needing to wear T-shirts to cover what is coming up over the top. UGH! That is not good. Muffin tops are NOT a delicious treat!

Mikhail surprised me when I got after him for calling his dad about buying treats everyday. He said, 'But, Mom, I'm not fat.'. Despite the fact that I have tried to teach him to eat good & exercise for health reasons, my own body image issues have spilled out on to him.

I don't have any 'bad food' in my house now & I plan to keep it that way. No matter how much I weigh (lately!) I seem to think of myself as a fat chick. I call myself fat on a regular basis. Obviously, out loud way more than I realized or my son wouldn't think so much about it!

I need to get back to a frame of mind where I keep myself in shape for my health. I want to look good, but more importantly I want to feel good. I have been having terrible digestive issues again. That is much better under control when I eat right. When I exercised everyday even my fibromyalgia symptoms were less.

September 1 falls on a Monday, so that's the date I am aiming for to have my good habits reestablished. I'm not putting a number on the scale or a specific waist size. Just that my good habits have become habits again!

If anyone wants to join in on my '35 days to better habits journey' please let me know. I can use all the support & encouragement I know you all have to offer! Let me help you help me!

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERYLE51 7/20/2014 12:05PM

    I will join you, with one exception, I have to be able to have cake on DH's birthday on August 26th. I usually don't eat junk. I somehow don't care for the chips and Dorito's. I go more for the sweets and sometimes pretzels. I guess I am not a salty person. I can't believe that it's only 35 days until Labor Day. That makes me nervous as school starts back on August 25th and I am not ready for that.
So enjoyed talking to you. I am so sorry I had to cut my conversation short. Too much drama in this house.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/20/2014 10:57AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDRALEET 7/20/2014 7:49AM

    Heath or junk food

Report Inappropriate Comment
BRITT831 7/20/2014 7:13AM

    I'm with you, girl! I like that you aren't starting "tomorrow"....I want to get rid if the junk I have in the house but dont have the heart to just throw it away. I know it's bad for me but I paid money for it and some people aren't so lucky to afford to buy food, be it healthy or unhealthy. We got this!
Brittney

Report Inappropriate Comment
BMCOLLEY 7/20/2014 6:43AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
COASTAL6 7/20/2014 6:42AM

    I'm up for the challenge! When do you wont to start?

Report Inappropriate Comment
EILEEN828 7/20/2014 6:05AM

    Ohhh I'm such a chicken sh##. I want to, but I've been working on this all along and I still struggle with it. I will try. Now look what you started. Tell Mikhail the reason he's not fat is because he normally eats very well, but that you're noticing that your whole family is starting to change your habits for the worse. Time to straighten up. Ugh. Oh woe is poor me. Good thing you're kicking me in the pants. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLLYONS51 7/20/2014 5:53AM

  This is a challenge I need right now. I have been emotionally eating everything in site since the end of march. I have gained at least 25 lbs. I am starting my new old habits today. I retest for a test that I failed at the end of march. I need to be in the best mental and physical condition I can be in. I'll join you!!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


It's not me...It's YOU!

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Honestly, I have a great life. I have a smart, funny kid. I have a man who's love for me shows in his eyes when he looks at me. I have 2 wonderful grandsons that I get to help raise. I have an old fat dog that thinks I walk on water. I have a cat. LOL!

BUT there is always somebody to come along & mess with my little piece of happiness. You all know my PITA...er, I mean DIL, Samantha 'went missing' Monday night. Well, she got home Tuesday night & Gabe STILL has not bothered to call to tell us 'she made it home safe'. You know I never believed any of that story, but now they can't even call to let us know the outcome? Gee, I wonder if it was real??? What happened (like it always does) is that now Gabe is embarrassed & so we won't hear from him for a couple of weeks. Samantha usually calls after a couple of days, but Gabe cannot. Samantha has no sense of dignity at all. Well, I messed up...is her way of dealing with stuff, if at all. Usually we all just go back to pretending it never happened.

Gabe's a liar, too, tho so it's not all on Samantha. I point blank asked him if you had to wait for 24 hours to file a missing person's report & he said no. YOU DO! I called the police department...I'm not an idiot! So, either he lied to us about how long she was really gone, falsified a police report or never even filed one. Any of those scenarios makes me furious! The ONLY thing I ask from my loved ones is honesty! He wants my help, but lies to me??? NO!

I have not called them either because I am not going to pretend I believe ANY of this story! I know I've said it before, but I am done with this! If they don't get professional help I HAVE to back away. I spend hours, if not days, pissed off after these events! It brings up too much stuff for me. My mom, my ex, myself, etc, etc, etc.

I have EARNED Happiness & Peace! My life has been hard...much of it self-inflicted, but still. I like my boring life. Lenny goes to work. I home school my son & take care of the house. We have dinner together as a family. We watch a little TV. Our grandsons come over a couple times a week. We do fun things on Lenny's days off. It's boring, but it's safe. I LIKE IT THAT WAY!

Boy, did I get sunburned at the fair. I haven't gotten that sunburned in years. I was wearing a tank top. My shoulders, arms & nose really got the sun. I'm so light skinned I should know better, but it never even dawned on me to put on sunscreen! GADS! My back muscles are a little sore, but luckily I don't have much neck pain. I've had that titanium plate in my neck for 10 years & had neck problems for years (I have degenerative bone disease) before that so I'm a little surprised those rides didn't hurt my neck more.

I need to get my poor doggie, Laila, into the vet. She has some kind of swelling on her foot. At first I thought maybe she's gotten a thorn (we have blackberry bushes all along the edge of our backyard) in it, but it doesn't seem to be an infection. I was just going to buy some penicillin & give her a few shots of it, but this needs to be seen by a vet.

I also need to get Skunk in for his shots & to be neutered. When he's grown I'll give him his shots like I do with Laila, but now he's still so little I'm afraid I'll hurt him. Gawd, he's funny! I forgot how fun kittens are. & how bad they can be!!! LOL! Lenny was standing in the living room Thursday morning & out of nowhere Skunk landed about halfway up his pant leg....TWICE! Thankfully Lenny was wearing jeans! Laila has had to put Skunk in his place a couple of times! She does not like to play at 3 AM!!!

I named the kitten Skunk because one of his front paws looks like the back of a skunk, but he is now earning that name by smelling up my house! If any of you know what kind of food & litter I should use PLEASE let me know! I NEED your help!

Well, I think that's it for today. I'm going to try again today (for the 1000th time) to learn how to meditate....I never shut up! We'll see. I'm going for 2 minutes of silence! HA!


Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EILEEN828 7/20/2014 4:31AM

    Sorry you are getting such a headache from having to roll your eyeballs so much. Tee hee, definitely annoying. Take care of your sunburn, Ouch! Poor Laila, I hope it's not too serious. I saw that i'm a little devil"look on the picture you posted of Skunk. Totally wants to play and is in that firecracker phase, I can totally picture it. LOL I love kitties too.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/19/2014 9:32PM

    GLAD SHE IS OK. MAYBE THEY WILL GROW UP SOONER THAN LATER. I DON'T LIKE PLAYING AT 3.M. EITHER. emoticon .

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIM22211 7/19/2014 7:58PM

    I watch too much real crime tv so I would have been a wreck. Glad she is at least alive! Is it too late to beat their butts for lyin?! lol!!! errrr! I know what you mean! hate that!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAREN608 7/19/2014 2:23PM

    When I had inside kitty, I used scoopable deodorant kind... but in layers with cheapo clay that the cat liked better so the clumpable was in the middle and clay on top for kitty to like to use. It's never pleasant. It is up to the boy to scoop twice a day, right?

OH DRAMA from relatives! Mine are like that, liars and evasive, and glad they are far away. Now the grand daughter at 23 is newly pregnant and in jail for 1 1/2 years for 2nd owi AND just picked up for drug paraphernalia so not sure what her sentence is will be whatever. I heard that first weeks she cried all the time. She was in a teenage lockup for a year at 16 but never learned anything. Her Mom is a functioning alcoholic. Wants me to write said daughter. Any hints what to write as we know she has to get her act together. Her plan when she gets out is to go on welfare with the baby and not claim who the father is (a druggie in prison, again for burglary etc). WHAT? It is her life but so far I just sent a card with a quote on it and said I and bible study ladies are praying for her. She isn't a Christian. None in the family seem to be. So it is like looking inside from the outside in freedom at their choices. I like my quiet homelife.
ALSO DH has one friend that got nasty at the house and I told him he could go home if he was going to attack me verbally. DH did nothing. Friend mad and now he comes around to DH and says mean things to me. And I can't react as it is not worth it. I am civil and get away as quickly as I can. DH needs a kick in the butt. When he has only a day off to do chores I can't, spending it with mr nasty is really irresponsible. Maybe he will stay away now for a week. He has no friends that put up with him. DH is the only one. He has a disabled wife at home. She ate herself into a state of nonmoving and is in her late 60s I think. DH can sure pick some kind of friends. Leaves the nicer ones who ask him fishing alone most of the time. WHY? Life is weird. OOH a rant.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BRITT831 7/19/2014 9:29AM

    Wow, life is anything BUT boring at your house :-) I do understand the need for safety tho. Been there, done that, had to take control over my own life to achieve it but boy, was it worth it :-) Keep fighting for that happiness and peace...it's worth it! Have a great weekend!

Brittney

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDRALEET 7/19/2014 8:42AM

    Get a relaxing tape

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 Last Page