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It's August 1st. Do you know where your Spirit is???

Friday, August 01, 2014

Some very strange dream woke me up a little after midnight. I have no idea what the dream was, but I wanted to go back as I was waking up. That's a GREAT sign to me. I remember thinking I'd go to the restroom & go back to my dream...in that moment in between sleeping and wakefulness.

It's not even 2 & all my bills for the month are paid. I love debit cards & the new pay by phone systems!!! Skunk & Laila are getting flea & worm treatments today. It's already been a productive day & I get to go back to bed soon! How awesome is that???

I do believe I've turned another corner in the successful life of Lisa G!

I'm going to call my dad's wife (I HATE the term step mom! I had the Evil One!) today and ask if I need to make amends to my dad. He can't tell me. I don't talk to Laura very often even tho we are friends, but when I need to know how my dad is REALLY doing I call her. She's a wonderful lady. She has been very good for my dad.

She was the very first 'religious' person I ever met that I believed really believed in ALL of her convictions. She never had any ulterior motives with it & me. It was refreshing. Up until her all the religious people I knew tried to use religion against me or make me feel bad about who I was.

They've been together for going on 30 years. Their 29th wedding anniversary is in January. My dad has been married to Laura over twice as long as he was married to his first 3 wives COMBINED!

It probably helped that I was an adult when they got married. We've always had a good relationship, but it's never been parent/child. We aren't 'close', but I have respect for her. She is Laura to my son. Which kind of makes me feel bad, but it's just the way it is. My mom was Grandma & he just never had another. Lenny's mom isn't even called Grandma. Mikhail has never met her.

It's weird because I am loving, caring & giving, but I am not at all sentimental. I guess I've always kind of thought 'Why get attached?'.....that's not really where I want this blog to go tho so....

My '35 Days to Better Habits' hasn't exactly started with a running jump, but after the first 2 days (When people we forcing me to consume things that I didn't want) I have been eating good again. I started a 'Lose 5 lbs. by Sept. 1' challenge in my team. I've been hovering toward 150 again. I cannot stay here. I feel huge. I know most people don't give themselves so much leeway during maintenance, but I have to or I get obsessive about 'dieting'. I don't like that.

I like to stay between 140-145, but if I do get up as high as 150 I just start reeling it in again. It's time for that! My scale gets mean once in awhile & says I weigh something like 151.4, but it never is more than 1 day at a time so I figure the scale is just being a jerk because it KNOWS how to torment me & LIKES IT!

I am going to have a day full of rainbows, kitties, puppies & balloons. How about you???

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GBSLIM 8/1/2014 5:47AM

    It's in the sky emoticon Happy August emoticon
Beware! Scales are portals to the demon crib. Evil does lurk there.

Comment edited on: 8/1/2014 5:51:06 AM

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Do things like you HAVE to!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

I realized that I would only be 32 years old if I hadn't procrastinated so much of my life away! emoticon

I had this huge epiphany a couple of days ago: I need to do things like I HAVE to do them. I know that seems weird, but when I HAVE to do things they get done. I procrastinate everything that doesn't have a timeline (usually other people's) on it.

Tuesday I took Skunk Key (YES, My cat has a middle name!) in to be neutered. He turned 12 weeks on Monday. I got him neutered Tuesday! I had to take Laila to a Different vet the same day for her knees. At 7:30 I took Skunk in, came home, drove back (to within a mile of the place I dropped him off) at 11 to take Laila to her vet. Gabe brought the boys over at 1 & at 2:30 I drove clear across town AGAIN to pick Skunk up from his vet.

I know for some of you this is a typical day. It is NOT for me. As outgoing & charming as I am, I can spend weeks without leaving my house. But when things HAVE to get done I do them!

Now, I need to start treating my every day life activities like I HAVE to do them. And technically I should have to. Exercising isn't really something I should not do. I have several health problems (degenerative bone disease, fibromyalgia, bipolar) that will just get worse without exercise! I cannot afford to atrophy like my mom did. (Mostly from MS, but probably (more so) from her alcoholism!)

I get very frustrated when I read things here on Spark about people with health problems that are a DIRECT result of people not taking care of themselves! I do not understand how you can't learn to control your diabetes thru exercise & diet. Will it take losing a limb??? Sorry...This isn't about you...it's about me.

I need to remember why I started all of this all those years ago. My dad was diagnosed pre-diabetic about the same time I saw a picture of myself holding Orion....OMG....I had a shelf butt!!! 188 is NOT a good weight for me! Not just did I look bad, I felt awful ALL the time!

I started making myself frozen fruit smoothies for breakfast. A few days ago I started replacing one of the cups of fruit with a cup of Normandy Blend vegetables. It's delicious! Plain yogurt, Fusion juice, fruits & vegetables blended together! YUM. I'm not big on breakfast so this is a great substitute.

I'm kinda scattered this AM...in case you didn't notice. Oh, wait, I am usually kinda scattered...geez! This morning I was up at 1. I usually get to sleep until at least 2. UGH!

Oh, yea, before I forget I wanted to apologize for Making you all read my cussing. I had been REALLY good about not cussing until I get mad or around other people who cuss. I used to have SUCH a mouth! Anyway, when I took Skunk to the vet the tech who checked us in kept cussing. I was not amused. SO unprofessional. It actually made me uncomfortable, BUT it made me realize how bad I have been talking (& writing!) the last few weeks. So, please except my apologies. I'll clean it up!

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN-IS-HERE 7/31/2014 10:42PM

    keep on sparking

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CHERYLE51 7/31/2014 7:19PM

    Thank you for your comment on my blog. You know we really try with these kids. I think like a lot of parents, you feel like they may be listening one day and the next maybe not so.
My dogs all had middle names along with the current ones. Chloe Elizabeth and Scobby Doo LOL
We have fish, but they don't have any names.
I said damn over the PA system at school. My principal told me about it. I usually don't swear, but somehow that came out. I am 100% that these kids could out cuss me in a heart beat. I know from typing up the discipline reports. They called their teachers a bitch in Spanish and the teacher knew the word and wrote them up. Ted and the girls, yes the girls are the curser's in the family. I keep telling the girls how unattractive it is and they try.


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ICECUB 7/31/2014 3:13PM

    FROZEN FRUIT YOGURT SOUNDS DELICIOUS. NO APOLOGY NEEDED.

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AJDOVER1 7/31/2014 1:54PM

    sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly -- I guess we all get it when we get it (or not at all).

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_RAMONA 7/31/2014 8:33AM

    "I need to do things like I HAVE to do them. I know that seems weird, but when I HAVE to do things they get done.... I know for some of you this is a typical day. It is NOT for me. As outgoing & charming as I am, I can spend weeks without leaving my house. But when things HAVE to get done I do them!"

ROTFLMS-BO! Yep... twins separated at birth!

I get frustrated, too, with people here who won't change thought their lives depend upon it. When I started here I could feel death stalking me. Now I'm well enough, healing daily and getting my life back.

As you noticed, I'm on my way to changing that 'HAVE to' dynamic, too. Thank you so much for the support in doing this... you really were the last spark I need to really TRY (35 Day to Better Habits you said...).

If I can do this, YOU can definitely do this (remember separated at birth)!

How can I help?

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Comment edited on: 7/31/2014 8:34:38 AM

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SANDRALEET 7/31/2014 7:36AM

    Keep going

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Stepping Up!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Have you ever been walking on uneven terrain & for a split second thought you were going to trip or fall and in the next instant you realize the next step was just a little higher ground than the last? You just stepped up hard? That's how I consider all this nonsense that I have been going through with Samantha & memories from my childhood again. A hard step up!

I didn't fall. I didn't even really misstep...just stepped up a little harder than I had anticipated!

The great thing about memories are just that...they are memories. I do not have to LIVE there anymore. I really do believe tho that these things come up & need to be dealt with for a reason. I'm not totally sure if I'll know the entire reason, but I do know that there are places in my motherhood & nanahood that I can improve & that is what I am going to do.

My grandsons have never seen me drunk & won't! My son knows me as a sober alcoholic & will continue to! My role now is to show them the damage alcohol can cause, but teach them it doesn't have to be a part of who they are!!!

I feel bad because I had no idea the stuff I was bringing up for my dad when I called to ask him about MY memories. When I called him yesterday he called me the scab picker offer. He said, 'Boy, Lisa, you know how to rip a scab clear to the bone!' In my selfishness for MY truth I never even thought about the truths he has to live with.

I thanked him for not bailing on us when I was a kid. He could have & nobody would have blamed him! I spent so many years angry at him that I couldn't even see what he'd done for us! He took FULL responsibility for us...medical insurance, food, housing, clothing...My mom never gave him a penny for child support even tho the judge had ordered her to.

It breaks my heart to see the similarities between my dad & Gabe even tho there is no blood relation between them at all. I know that there is a reason I am part of Gabe's life & the circumstances that he is in. I know he has his part in all of it, but I feel like there is going to be something only I can offer him to help him come to the right decisions regarding some of his life patterns.

Neither my dad or Gabe have alcoholic tendencies BUT both of them love alcoholic women & come from alcoholic parents. I hope that I can break the cycle with MY son & grandsons! I will do everything in my power to teach them that they don't need to follow this family 'tradition'!

If you have an alcohol problem you need to stop thinking it's about YOU! My dad hasn't had a drink in probably close to 30 years & never drank alcoholically. Gabe drinks a beer every few years. Yet, both of these men have probably been more impacted by alcoholism than I HAVE! Alcoholism is a family disease & if it runs in your family IT AFFECTS YOU!!!

This is true of drug addiction, compulsive eating, etc. You think your kids don't know??? Wise Up!

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
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BMCOLLEY 7/31/2014 12:12AM

    Very thought-provoking. emoticon

Bettie

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CHERYLE51 7/30/2014 9:05PM

    You are a terrific writer. I so enjoy reading your stories. I know they are your life, but you tell it so well.
You may have been an alcoholic, but you saw it and did something about it and changed. That is not an easy thing to do. I think all of my children's parents were alcoholic, but so far none of them seem to have a problem with it. I hope and pray that they continue on the right path.


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ICECUB 7/30/2014 6:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EILEEN828 7/30/2014 2:35PM

    Oops posted twice.

Comment edited on: 7/30/2014 2:47:43 PM

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EILEEN828 7/30/2014 2:35PM

    Lisa, I don't know if you've ever addressed this with your Dad before, or if this was a new realization, but I hope you do see that this is a very powerful healing connection you have made with your father. Sh** happens and often times people won't talk about it in a healing way because of the bad memories, the bad feelings, and the sheer embarrassment of it all. A lot of times you can't even speak of it until time has managed to give it proper perspective. Your Dad had a huge responsibility that he did not shirk and probably did the best he knew how at the time. Forgiveness is not always easy to give, sometimes it seems to come with baggage attached, but for your own sake alone it is worth it. Forgiveness is a quality of the soul's maturity that I think a lot of people just don't appreciate. For some reason they think it's caving in or belittling in some way, or even being an exercise of being fearful. It is none of these. It is in reality, empowering. The soul expansion that you will feel will be mind blowing and you will marvel at the release of pressures you have put upon yourself. How or why should all of what went down be only on you, you say? Well because that is the true reality of life on earth. You can only be responsible for yourself when it comes to how you process what life presents you with. It can come at you with breakneck speed that you simply cannot process all at once, but in the end you are the one who decides what you are going to do with it. Knowing that is extremely empowering. The statement, life is what you make of it, takes on new meaning now. Learning to cultivate that outward expanding view of the world, the power of forgiveness, is in direct correlation to your soul's perfection, your purpose of your lifetime on earth. The peace you will have will feel like balm on the old wound, for you and for him, and this time the scab will go away for good, scarcely leaving a mark. You, get to decide what is important to you, and when you see the good that can come out of it when applied to others then you begin to see how it is possible to make the world a better place; one idea, one person, one cause, one pursuit at a time. It is with in all of us, we are all qualities of the perfection that is God. Go tell your Dad again thank you and give him a hug. He raised a pretty cool daughter after all.

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SYLPHINPROGRESS 7/30/2014 2:12PM

    You're on to something, babycakes.
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_RAMONA 7/30/2014 2:03PM

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...this was a truly redeeming blog. Never let anyone tell you to stop speaking your truth.




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SANDRALEET 7/30/2014 1:26PM

    We can not cure they have to cure themselves just like we did Each person is responsible for there own sole There path to change All we can do is show them

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Shockingly, It's about MY mom AGAIN!

Monday, July 28, 2014

I've known since all of Samantha's latest adventure began that my anger was too deep-seated to be just about her. She does stuff constantly that irritates me and sometimes just flat p!sses me off, but the anger I have been feeling was way too intense for just that stupid little girl. Don't get me wrong...of course, I'm protective of my grandsons. I'm protective of Gabe even if he doesn't want, need or deserve it. I love Samantha, but I don't trust her, believe her and more often than not don't even especially like her so my anger was just too over the top for her.

So, of course, I had to go digging. MY mom used to stay out all night. MY dad used to bundle all 3 of us girls up in the car to go looking for her...often at my older sister's insistence. I called my dad & asked. He was hesitant to tell me. He knows tho that if I ask him a question I want the truth. I know better than to ask questions I'm not prepared for the answer of! He just confirmed my suspicions.

My anger makes way more sense to me now. Now I can use it to make myself a better person. I've always said that I don't regret relapsing when my son was younger because it helped me understand my own alcoholic mom better. I say it made me realize that she didn't choose alcohol over us. It chose her. BS! She didn't deal with her problems the way she should have!

When push came to shove I chose the right thing! Lenny got a restraining order against me for him & Mikhail because he was afraid I'd leave the state with our son when I was drunk. There was NO abuse!!!...Other than my drinking. I GOT SOBER!!! I went to a rehab for 2 weeks so I could come home & have the restraining order lifted. I spent 6 months in relapse prevention classes & haven't had a drink since!

Thankfully, my drinking days as a mom were relatively short & Mikhail doesn't remember my day to day drinking. I have been totally honest with him no matter what he asks me! Some people think I have been too honest with him. He has the right to know.

Surprisingly, my anger has subsided now that I am aware of where it really comes from. Tho I do have to admit I did some cussing at my dead mother...Again!

It may be time to return to counselling for awhile. I thought I dealt with my childhood, but so much time was spent on the molestation & other abuses that I never dealt with my mom at all, it seems. So much of my memory was still gone when I was in counselling before. I don't know why it has to keep reappearing. Cripes...let it go!

I'm sorry I have spent so much time on this. Writing helps. I wish that at my age I didn't have to still think about this junk! Hopefully, it will make ME a better mom & nana! I am assuming that's why I need to deal with this. So I can improve!

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDYT63 7/31/2014 4:21PM

    I feel like you do, why can't I be over this yet! Apparently it doesn't work that way. But what you did do was so healthy~you untangled your anger enough to understand it and now you are taking responsibility for what you can change within yourself.

Alcoholism is so mind bogglingly confusing. Especially trying to make sense of a childhood affected by it. I am impressed and encouraged by your honesty and sense of personal responsibility. There may be no answers or reasons that make anything go away-like intense anger. But we can continue to strive to be better people ourselves, you are doing that and that's really all that matters.
Counselling or no, you are doing great work!

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CHERYLE51 7/30/2014 9:00PM

    I agree that writing does help. I used to keep a journal, but now, I'm too tired at night to write anything. It helped sometimes.

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KIM22211 7/29/2014 6:43PM

    writing it out does help so much!

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KAREN-IS-HERE 7/29/2014 12:47PM

    alcoholism/addiction is tough, it leaves a trail to each family's door one way or another through blood or marriage or location. That anger is a killer from the inside out. I think you're a smart lady to consider taking up the matter for a little more resolution... for your own sobriety and household peace. You are refreshingly honest and a pleasure to read. Of course I'll be back to see how more of your life unfolds.... keep sparking- you are wonderful.

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Comment edited on: 7/29/2014 12:48:58 PM

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WINTERRAIN 7/29/2014 8:31AM

    such honesty and bravery, very nicely melded together.

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BRITT831 7/29/2014 6:45AM

    Wow, you have come such a long way! That's amazing! :-) I do believe it's human nature to want to better ourselves. Keep on wanting more for yourself....you are worth it!!!
Brittney

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WEARINGTHIN 7/29/2014 1:08AM

    Sorry you're going through this. Glenn

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ICECUB 7/28/2014 6:51PM

    IF WRITING HWLPS KEEP WRITING AND TALKING. COUNCILING SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. emoticon

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EILEEN828 7/28/2014 2:42PM

    This realization is proof that you are learning to nurture and heal yourself. You can go to counseling if you feel it draws ideas out that you wouldn't think of yourself. I tend to think that you've already learned to think critically for yourself, and have learned the methods of how to deal with withheld information. Hidden information is like an abscess. It's there, either festering or just in limbo waiting for the hidden trigger to come along. In this case, it was a hurtful thing that was still hidden and biding it's time. Well it's been lanced now. When that happens and it's been fully cleaned out, (for you that means examined at all angles and put into it's proper perspective, that is, it's ability to actually affect you in your present life) this means it's ability to hurt will go away. Already you feel the relief of hidden pressure. Now it has been relegated to simple factoid status, the emotional pain has been released. I would say either it was of lesser status of other emotional pains or that you simply are able to put it aside quicker because you've grown emotionally into a much stronger person in command of their life. You know the old saying "the truth shall set you free!' Well I for one think that deserves a high five. Knowledge is power in so many ways. By now you should be feeling like Wonderwoman with her magic golden lasso of truth. As for your query as to why these little (or big) pimples of life keep popping up, it's because you are bettering yourself. Healing yourself and acknowledging all of the beauty within. Purging yourself of things that weigh on you unknowingly. They are really not a part of who you, the soul, actually is. This is a sign of practical maturity, something to be proud of accomplishing on your own. In the most positive light it has been a character builder and you are all the stronger for realizing that these things don't now and never really have, defined you as a person. Walk tall my friend! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/28/2014 2:49:08 PM

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SYLPHINPROGRESS 7/28/2014 11:56AM

    And now you know why I wrote this on your blog yesterday:

"The daughter-in-law is on her own, my dear, and doesn't merit the energy, and I can wager a wild, crazy guess as to why you're so invested in her... "

Seeing a replay, regardless of the variations, of your own childhood roils the waters that had stilled. You may be right about a little outside help to gain/regain perspective...and peace of mind.
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_RAMONA 7/28/2014 11:16AM

    I'm so glad that you figured out the link that has you spinning! Now you have the opportunity to grace-fully disentangle yourself.

Ditto: "It may be time to return to counseling for awhile. I thought I dealt with my childhood.... I don't know why it has to keep reappearing.... I wish that at my age I didn't have to still think about this junk!"

I find myself living this loop over and over again, but always in a new and empowered way. I think it is just simply part of the on-going process of reclaiming who we are meant to be. Instead of dwelling and stewing (though I still do too much of both), I try to be grateful that there always remains an opportunity to reclaim what I once thought stolen from me.

I once read that survivors of childhood abuse and neglect will often have a resurgence of memories/feelings when their own children/grandchildren reach key ages that align with the memories/buried feelings. I try to be mindful of this as my daughter grows up... there seems to be something to it, so now I'm watchful.

You are incredibly strong and indescribably BEAUTIFUL to have come out of all you have, and be the person you are. I pray your week is blessed with much JOY and PEACE.

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Comment edited on: 7/28/2014 12:50:05 PM

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SANDRALEET 7/28/2014 11:00AM

    I had found that bit at a time comes to the for front Deal with that more comes forward bit by bit Never stops To me a life long process

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JOHNMARTINMILES 7/28/2014 9:21AM

    Honesty and recognition of a condition are giant steps toward a normalized life.

Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

emoticon Until Tomorrow!


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Ya'll can't help me???

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Last Sunday I wrote 35 day to better habits talking about the first of September being on a Monday. That is true, but it's 35 days from Today...not Last Sunday! Good Grief! I'm such a goof! None of you noticed??? Or you didn't want to embarrass me??? WTH??? I would embarrass you!!!

The great news is I feel like I gained a week!!! And since I was a horrible horrible person last week it's a good thing. After Monday & Tuesday my eating was just fine, but my idea of exercising was walking to the kitchen after a nap! The weather really cooled down so I don't think I even walked to the edge of my deck! GADS.

I have been super stressed about my idiot D-I-L so I've been sleeping more, but sleeping fitfully! I'm waking up with the nightmare anxiety again. Man, I hate that! I can't remember the dream. Just that I wake up having an anxiety attack. It is what wakes me up most of the time again right now. It happens at night &/or if I take naps.

I'm sure some of them are drunk dreams, but I have lots of nightmare quality sh..tuff to dream about from my real life! I wish I knew how to separate her junk from my subconscious!

This has been the worst lie I can remember from her...& there have been MANY...almost daily. I went so far as to call the motel & the 3 local police departments to find out if her story is true. IT IS NOT!!! There is NOT a police report about her 'drugging & robbery' ANYWHERE! The welfare check (missing persons report) has her stating (& I quote) 'She is fine & going home with friends' when they we able to locate her.

Neither of the kids have called me. Lenny talked to both of them in person, separately. Samantha said she was waiting for a toxicology report from the hospital. (Which is another lie...WHO would have ordered it???) Gabe never even mentioned the 'incident'...as usual.

I KNOW I have spent way too much time on this, but I am at a loss as how to get it out of my head!!! I know the Serenity Prayer, Let It Go, Let Go & Let God, Blah Blah Blah.

It's reminiscent of looking for my ex's hidden needles or searching for him for days at a time. And of my mom not showing up on her EVERY OTHER MONTH weekend visits. It just stirs up so much anger in me!!! Things I put away a long time ago!

I keep hearing Orion say, 'Samantha didn't come home last night.' No 7 y/o child should EVER have to say that about his mom!!! What's the worst part is he said it so nonchalantly!

I may need to go back to Al-Anon for awhile. Samantha lies all the time & makes me mad on a regular basis. She has pulled some GIANT crap over the years I've known her, but this is bigger than all of it! Lenny says I've probably given it more thought than SHE has! I just don't know how to let it go yet.

Bipolar Mania! www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEARINGTHIN 8/1/2014 5:27AM

    Life is too short to have to get involved in all of it's hassles. Do something really kind for yourself, and then maybe you can get in the habit of living the good life that sets an example for those around you. In my life, we call I caring for the caregiver. A very important thing that I have been learning. Glenn

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CHERYLE51 7/30/2014 8:56PM

    I totally get where you are coming from. You have Samantha and we have Audrey. I honestly wouldn't really be too upset about the whole Audrey incident, but it involves Deonna and she is going through all the stress and anxiety that she had a few months ago after the break up with the jerk. She is not sleeping, she is blacking out again. We have told her we are going to hire an attorney to represent her and she will not have to talk at all, but I know it still bothers her.
Her latest boyfriend came here today, so I hope that made her feel better. We can get through this, even if we have to talk every day. Call me we can discuss Samantha and Audrey and solve all the world's problems along with them.
Love you,
Cheryle

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KIM22211 7/27/2014 7:34PM

    would you mind lighting a fire under my bum!

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SYLPHINPROGRESS 7/27/2014 2:10PM

    The daughter-in-law is on her own, my dear, and doesn't merit the energy, and I can wager a wild, crazy guess as to why you're so invested in her. What matters is that two little boys drew losers in the parent lottery. Since you love and put energy into them and care for them a couple-three days each week, you can show them that there's more to life than a dark presence hovering. They think their dysfunctional unit is normal. Expose them to things that may capture their imaginations and they'll get it -- museums, botanical gardens, water parks, children's theater, city or county parks dept. children's programs, organized sports for kids, anything and everything. They'll understand their home situation when they get older, but it's time for them to develop some awareness that what they have now is not what they must be consigned to forever. You can be their guide and have fun in the process.

Sez me.

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ICECUB 7/27/2014 11:37AM

    SORRY I DIDN'T CATCH THE DATE IT WENT WAY OVER MY HEAD. I KNOW IT IS HARD TO LET IT GO WHEN THERE IS CHILDREN INVOLVED. BUT YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY TO PUT IT AWAY BECAUSE YOU DIL WILL NEVER CHANGEE UNLLESS SHE WANTS TO.. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. SORRY I WISH I HAD BETTER ANSWERS.

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_RAMONA 7/27/2014 11:06AM

    emoticon

I've spent a lifetime of separating my junk from that of others. SIGH. It's never easy, and I'm sorry you've been hit so hard by this. Roiling anxiety is the worst.

Lenny has a great point and I have an evaluative statement that helps me get perspective in my relationships: "There's a problem when I am spending more time on your life than you are." (you already know that, and have identified it for yourself)

My mantra for disentangling myself from relationships that bring me down and PI$$ me off is "The best revenge is a life lived well." (for a long time all I had was anger to motivate me... sounds like your DIL fits in this category)

Honestly, I'd encourage you to let them all (Samantha and Gabe) 'have it' (letter, in person, phone: "how you choose to hurt yourself hurts me too much for me to continue to be involved in any way") and then set some clear boundaries... the biggest of which may be "only polite conversation allowed" ...you don't want to hear it anymore. And as much as I hate to even suggest it, perhaps you need to let them both know that should they continue to choose to behave in ways that hurt your grandchildren, you will be reporting them to DCS. We had to have this exact tough conversation with my BIL/SIL. As had as it was, it made the difference where nothing else had. They were furious, but they finally smartened up, and they did eventually start talking to us again, LOL!

Then get so busy with your own happiness you don't have time to invest in their nonsense.

"We do not think our way into new ways of living, we live our way into new ways thinking." RICHARD ROHR


Sorry about the day mix-up... had I even noticed the discrepancy, I'd have said something, but I am not a numbers person, LOL. I got excited about the idea and ran with it, and didn't even worry about the day count!

Oh... and horrible, horrible YOU are NOT!

I tell myself this at the end of every day:

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” RALPH WALDO EMERSON

May your day/week be filled with the blessings only JOY and PEACE can bring!

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P.S. The best remedy that I've found for getting to sleep and staying asleep is a 1 TBSP of raw honey in a cup of hot water 20 minutes before bed. I m out like a light, I stay asleep, and I get he best sleep I've ever had.







Comment edited on: 7/28/2014 11:02:44 AM

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SANDRALEET 7/27/2014 7:56AM

    Your kids have to deal with the mess they sew Just say I am out of it

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 7/27/2014 7:53AM

    Rise above your DIL and live YOUR LIFE happily!

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COASTAL6 7/27/2014 7:31AM

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