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No need to worry, Friends!!!

Friday, April 18, 2014

After my 'TOO Honest' blog I got several responses saying not to stop telling it like it is. HA! You don't really think that will happen, do you? Yea, NO! One of the things I've learned to appreciate about growing older is my ability to stand up for myself & my beliefs!

I grew up in Billings, MT. A VERY conservative area of the country! I was taught some very backwards ways of thinking. I didn't fit in...even as a child. The little bit of religious upbringing I had was based in guilt, hatred & bigotry. It took me years to get over the anger I was taught toward others. Thankfully, I KNEW that anger was wrong so when I was introduced to people who felt like I wanted to it was an easy transition!

The first thing I can remember writing was called Opinions. When I was 15 my dad asked how I was feeling. I gave him my opinion. He told me I was wrong. He said my opinion was wrong. Now that I am grown he knows better than to say something so ridiculous to me!

I try very hard to keep an open mind to new ideas & concepts, but my core being will not change. Right is right & wrong is wrong. I will stand up for that even in the face of all things evil!

Thanks Everyone for reminding me why YOU are my friends!!! I love you all!

Bipolar Mania!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDRALEET 4/18/2014 8:11AM

    Hate or love Peace or fight Help or harm we pick

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COCK-ROBIN 4/18/2014 7:27AM

    I love you too!

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HAPPYMENOW58 4/18/2014 7:12AM

    Good for you!! Love your attitude......Press on!

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RUTHIET_456 4/18/2014 6:07AM

    Go Lisa. It's not always easy to live with integrity but at the end of the day we can sleep easy knowing we did the right thing.
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TOO Honest???

Sunday, April 13, 2014

I've been told I was too honest. Really? I think that what the people who have said this to me meant to say was I am too opinionated. Too outspoken. Maybe too mean. & at times, even too rude. There is no such thing as too honest. It'd be like saying someone is too trustworthy. "I would never let him house sit for me, why, he's too trustworthy." WHAT???

The problem is that people don't always understand the difference between opinion, perception & fact. Perception & opinion can be changed. Fact cannot!

You have the right to your own opinion. You do not, however, have the right to your own facts.

If you asked 5 different people about a car accident you'd hear 5 different stories. They may all be 'the truth', but you'd still get 5 different stories. One person might be watching the children in the back seat. Another might have been watching the tires. Etc. These truths are based on perception.

Fact is that when Clinton left office our country had a surplus of money. When Bush left office we had a deficit. I'm not making that up. You can research it for yourself.

Opinion is that I think Clinton was a better president than Bush. YEA...I said it! (Huge surprise I'm sure because I don't come across as a Liberal at all!) A better person? Well, that depends on what virtues you are asking about in a man. I personally do not care about Clinton's infidelities....he isn't MY husband.

Mikhail told me the other day that I had implied something when we were talking. I said "Mikhail, I do not IMPLY anything.' He said 'Well, then you inferred...' NO! No, I didn't. He wanted to hear me say he was getting a new toy. I had said NO!

I watched a show called Hecklers a couple of days ago & had a very smart comedian remind me that just because you preface a sentence with To be honest you don't have the right just to be mean. He was talking about critics. I mean, I knew this already, but it really hit me.

People give you their opinion as fact & think it's okay because they are 'just being honest.'. Opinion isn't everyone's TRUTH. It's MY truth! If somebody asks for my opinion, that's what they get, but I have learned TACT over the years.

If somebody asks me if I like their new dress I don't blurt out 'That's the most gawd awful thing I have ever seen.' anymore. I might say 'Well, it's not really MY style.' Which my friends know means the same thing! HM??? Maybe, I do imply....

Bipolar Mania!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALP923 4/18/2014 8:13AM

  :)

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KIM22211 4/16/2014 6:47AM

    wait a minute! was this posted before or after I posted my dresses? lol!!! its okay! I wasnt crazy about these ones but they were my size (although red is a bit too snug as a bug in a rug still) but I will get a pic of me in the other one! I hope the person snapping the pic knows my angles! lol!! FACT!!!!!!!!!!!!

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GAILANN48 4/14/2014 6:06PM

    I think calling someone "too honest" might be a way of saying they can be "too blunt." Sometimes the things a person says to us can be more effective in inspiring change if they say them gently. I know, sometimes "not," but just sayin' is all...

:) Gail

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SUEPERWOMAN 4/14/2014 1:59PM

   

I couldn't agree more.

In my family of origin honesty is very frowned upon. It is a virtue that I put a very high value on, as an adult.

I'm with you, when a person says you are "too honest" all they mean is that you are saying more than THEY would, LOL. More power to you, sweetheart. More power to you.

Love! Sue

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MISSB8604 4/13/2014 10:08PM

    You are a breath of fresh air on here, don't let people stop you from saying what you want. It's YOUR blog and YOUR SparkPage.

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EILEEN828 4/13/2014 10:02PM

    Sometimes its a matter of discerning the purpose of the conversation. Sometimes people just need a sense of comraderie, or reinforcement of validity of a belief. Keeping an open mind when something is new and foreign to you usually will serve you well in the long run. There's also nothing wrong with sticking to your guns when its important enough to you. Here's to knowing the difference.

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GENRE009 4/13/2014 9:48PM

    I liked Clinton for the same reason too. That our country was in prosperity. I like that he played a sack phone too! I also felt that this country was flicked cause they are immoral, & our president was immoral too. At least Obama is moral.

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COASTAL6 4/13/2014 1:44PM

    People say things that hurt, maybe I should ignore them.
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KAREN608 4/13/2014 8:29AM

    Well when they said too honest perhaps it was more, that you didn't use enough tact of when you said things, maybe? There is a time to say things and a time not to.

DH likes to sit with elderly at the HyVee and one lady on the ladies side of the table won't let most get a word in edgewise. I don't lie sitting there so I usually sit a few minutes then since no fulfilling time to talk, walk around the grocery store. So he is happy and I get steps in. He will be home Monday so I have cooking/washing up on my game plan. He turned the TV off just now so we can leave the house. My goodness, the quietude. Lovely. He is up at 4am today, complaining I didn't get up until 6am. So much fun.

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SANDRALEET 4/13/2014 7:20AM

    Some things are always true Others are twisted to fit whot we believe

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GARDENCHRIS 4/13/2014 7:01AM

    nothing wrong with being opinionated, I am too.... just my opinion, and we are all entitled to ours. if others can't handle it not my problem.

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What do you hear???

Friday, April 11, 2014

Years ago I was watching Montel Williams & he had a young(er) married couple on. He wanted them to have a conversation & just LISTEN to each other. He asked the man to share his thoughts on the troubles in their marriage. It went something like this.

"Honey, I work 12 hours a day & once in awhile I would like to come to a hot meal. I realize that you are taking care of the baby all day, but it would be nice if you could do some basic household chores in the 14 hours I am gone every day. I don't think it's fair that I have to do my own laundry when it would be easier for you to wash it with the baby's & your clothes."

Montel turned to her & asked her to repeat back to her husband what she HEARD. It sounded something like this to her.

"You are a big fat slop & you NEVER do ANYthing around here! I don't think taking care of a baby is a REAL job. You are lazy. You are just here for me & my needs."



I've been guilty of this. In fact, at our house it's a running joke 'Did you just call me fat?' Somebody says 'Those jeans are a little tight.' I hear 'YOU ARE FAT!'

Before I went to the hospital in 1997 (I turned 30 while I was there!) I had NEVER said thank you to a compliment! EVER! I thought that saying thank you somehow implied that I was agreeing & that was conceited! I always replied to something like 'You are beautiful' with 'Yea, compared to Dracula'. The first time I said thank you I actually cringed!

I was told in the hospital that rejecting a compliment was rejecting a person's opinion. I don't like my opinion rejected. I don't want to reject another person's opinion! Opinions aren't right or wrong. They just are.

I have a friend here on Spark who hates having people say 'I am proud of you' because it implies that I wasn't proud of you before, but now that you are thin I can be proud of you. That's not true! If I say I am proud of you I am proud of your hard work & dedication to improving yourself. Nothing more. Nothing less.

LISTEN to what people say to you. TAKE a compliment. TRUST that people really are proud of who you are becoming!

You don't have to take every one's opinion to heart, but at least hear it for what it is! Their opinion.

If I ask you 'How are you today?' I want to know! If I say I think you look beautiful I think you look beautiful!!! It's not some underhanded snide comment!

I want you to ACCEPT a compliment today. Just say thank you! THANK YOU...that's all. End of sentence! Try it! It feels nice!

Bipolar Mania!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RABBITART 4/12/2014 8:54PM

    Great message Lisa, thank you for sharing. I have a hard time accepting complements again you for reminding me. xoxox

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GENRE009 4/11/2014 7:07PM

    I think when you are out spoken, but really used to be a shy person, it's hard to not feel funny excepting a compliment. but I try. I think people who have the nerve to come out and say someone is fat, really are over stepping the idea of having manners. it is very hurtful. relatives tend to do this, and especially your parents. You get sick trying to have people judge you, because you have top live up to their standard. eva emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/11/2014 7:08:24 PM

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KAREN608 4/11/2014 4:26PM

    Good writing!
I have gotten back handed compliments from some people but that is a whole different thing.

Then I say something like: well, isn't THAT interesting and i walk away as fast as possible as I do not hang around with negative nellies or neds.

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EILEEN828 4/11/2014 1:54PM

    I remember going through this awareness at a certain point in my life. It made me feel very uncomfortable at first. It was like bragging on yourself and against the morality "rules". I craved acknowledgement as a child because I received precious little of it when I grew up. Even my siblings all agreed that our parents just weren't very forthcoming with approval. When I entered the work force I still would follow these instincts. One of the reasons I married my husband was because he was so positive and uplifting to me. I went through my whole life just trying to get a true sense of who I am and being comfortable with that, and then allow my self the release of just wallowing in it. I'm me, isn't it great? I made that personal realization that I'm worthy at a young age but I acknowledged it only to myself, to make that a public statement was a whole other matter. I'm much more comfortable in my skin now. Now I need to make my outside match my inside and lose a lot of the self doubting emotional baggage I'be been carrying around. I've done it before just got to do it again.

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MISSB8604 4/11/2014 9:50AM

    I really need to remember this because I'm terrible about it. I'm constantly reading someone's subtext, when half of the time they're really saying what they're saying. A lot of wasted energy not taking someone at face value.

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COCK-ROBIN 4/11/2014 8:44AM

    loved it. And I am glad you mean it when you say "how are you?" For most people it's just something to say.

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SUEPERWOMAN 4/11/2014 8:31AM

   
Loved this, Lisa. What a good message!

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COASTAL6 4/11/2014 8:02AM

    I totally agree with you!
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SANDRALEET 4/11/2014 7:40AM

    I broth up 3 kids Still could cook and clean I also worked steady for 28 years All so not easy . To the wife the baby and her are important The husband is just to bring in the money and keep them cared for Each have there Jobs She is not doing hers

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MI, ME, MYSELF & I, AYE?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

First, I want to thank those of you who shared your personal stories with me about 'feeling' emotions! I appreciate your honesty & trust in me. I know it's a hard subject because people who don't feel it don't get it either. I already scream 'NUTS!' so what the hell, right???

I am NOT paranoid. I do not think people are watching me. I do not think there is a conspiracy against me. What I was talking about in my last blog is called intuition. We ALL have it. Some of us are just better connected to it. I'm not 'plugged in' like most people in today's society. I don't have a cell phone, Ipod, or any of the other endless devices to be contacted on no matter where I am. I actually LIKE face to face conversation. I think there is too much noise for people to listen to their own soul much of the time!

I talked about being overwhelmed by other people's emotions because I think so many people walk around mad. People who are angry put off a very exhausting vibe. Mad because of traffic, mad about the crying kid, mad about...whatever. Just mad. Mellow out! When was the last time throwing a temper tantrum cleared traffic on your way home?

I'm sure part of my intuition is from growing up in an abusive & neglectful home. When your very being depends on other people's moods, you learn how to 'read' people. Can I go running in there happy & giggling? Should I walk through silent with my eyes down?

Reading other people's feelings is probably as much about reading their body language & facial expressions. You don't run up on a guy who has his arms crossed! If somebody is scowling you walk up lightly. You don't bounce into a room where two people are staring each other down.

Today, if only for a minute, shut off all the world's noise & LISTEN to yourself or your kids. Look in the mirror. Are you giving off anger??? Is your son giving off happiness??? Is your husband SCREAMING with his body language that he isn't happy?

I don't believe in wind because I don't see it. I don't believe in gravity because I don't feel it. If gravity were real wouldn't we all be laying down all the time??? (I'M JOKING!)

Just because you can't see or feel something doesn't mean it isn't real. Maybe 'crazy' folks see what's real??? Maybe there is a conspiracy against that man. Maybe she does talk to angels. Don't deny something just because you don't understand it. God is the ultimate unknown, yet millions of people believe in Him. If you don't, what do you care that somebody else has Faith? What harm can it do???

Everybody sees the world through their own eyes, experiences and feelings. Keep an open mind. You might learn something.

Bipolar Mania!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAILANN48 4/11/2014 9:20AM

    Love to hear your rant. :) Seriously, your blogs are well-written and pithy, full of insight and perspective. Keep writing, Friend!

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RABBITART 4/10/2014 11:16PM

    Another excellent and well written blog as always. You are so right in what you are saying how many times do our loved ones, friends or even we are selves are guilty of telling everyone we are fine when asked "How are you today?" when our body language screams something else.

As a society, we are so ingrained to say we are fine and not wanting to honestly tell someone the truth, that we might be angry, sad or depressed etc but if we are on the asking end of the question are willing to hear the honest answer that our loved one is not fine and are we willing to listen.

Love you a bunch! Keep writing!

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EILEEN828 4/10/2014 10:46PM

    emoticon A masterful stroke!

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GENRE009 4/10/2014 2:35PM

    Lisa I think you are so smart. Even if you had not been born with bi-polar, you are as smart as anyone. You have touched on to many topics, where you were right. many people aren't dealing with feeling, not even their own. they are so uncaring toward people. Many don't love themselves, or others, are self centered or self serving. are always complaining about how the life is 1/2 empty, or not fair. People have just learned to be detached from their emotions, except when it comes to getting something. lol, eva

Comment edited on: 4/10/2014 2:37:36 PM

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COASTAL6 4/10/2014 2:16PM

    WOW! emoticon

I didn't think of that, you are right about a lot of things. I love your blogs, they make me think a lot.
Your a very smart cookie.
Hugs & Kisses.

P.S.
Do you have any jokes, to make me laugh a little!


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MISSB8604 4/10/2014 11:14AM

    "I'm sure part of my intuition is from growing up in an abusive & neglectful home. When your very being depends on other people's moods, you learn how to 'read' people."

AMAZING. Seriously. I wasnít neglected, but I certainly was physically and emotional abused by my father as a child. Because of that, I am extremely aware of other peopleís moods/vibes. You are so right, just because someone doesnít believe in it doesnít mean that itís not there or true!

Love you.


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Good Vibrations?

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Do you ever just 'know' something's not right by the 'vibe' in the air? I do A LOT! In fact, I probably feel more than I hear. It's weird. People think I am being judgmental, but it really isn't like that. I KNOW how things are. I'm NOT psychic. That's such a weird word. People put too much pressure on it. When will I die? Will I get married? I have no clue about stuff like that, BUT if you're not doing well, I know. I feel it. If you are doing great, I know that too. I can feel the difference.

For the past 4 months or so I've been getting a weird vibe at my Dr's office. I knew it didn't have anything to do with me specifically, but just this 'everything isn't okay' feeling to the place. It makes me uncomfortable.

Yesterday, I found out that my Dr is leaving the practice. Weird as it is, I was relieved. Not that she's leaving, but that I was right about the 'vibe'. Yesterday was the first time in months that I didn't feel stressed being there. I go to the Dr about once a month so I lost that Dr stress feeling years ago. It wasn't like that. It just felt off. I told Sarah that I'd been feeling uneasy and I was happy I finally knew what was going on. She knows me well enough that she said she understood.

I found out yesterday, she moved to a new city about the time I started having the stressed out feeling. She's been struggling (which is what I was feeling) with it all this time.

What's hard about this is that even if I had asked if something was going on she wouldn't have known to tell me she was personally struggling. She would have just reassured me everything was fine.

Sometimes I can't be out in public because I get SO overwhelmed with other people's stuff. I can feel all their emotions, but I can't separate them out. It's one of the reasons I can't go to group counselling. I feel like I'm in a room full of emotional vampires.

It's a gift when I can hone in on one person. Sometimes I can't do that. Sometimes EVERYBODY bombards me with their emotions. It's almost like I'm having stuff thrown at me & I can't duck fast enough.

I've always assumed it's part of being Bipolar. I've been able to feel it in the true Bipolars I've known in person. My BFF Marla & I had an electricity between us. Other people couldn't sit in between us. We actually had people complain about the 'energy' we put out if they did. It was almost like that shock you get walking through a furniture store.

It's invigorating, yet exhausting.

I'm a toucher....very huggy. BUT I hate being touched because I feel too much stuff. I have literally jerked away from people because they 'felt' so bad! I've asked people not to touch me or my son....they put off such a bad vibe.

If you don't have this you are probably thinking 'Wow! Lisa really is a nut!'. That's okay. It makes me feel nuts sometimes! It's hard to explain to people who don't have it.

Somebody wants to know they are not alone. I'm guessing (feeling) somebody is going to read this & know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. If it's you, please send a SparkMail to me. You don't have to share. I just want to know I'm right. If you would like to share I'm very interested in how you deal with it.

I need to work on honing this because lately it's getting overwhelming again. It's hard to do everyday things when it hurts to go out in public.

Bipolar Mania!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=60148

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSB8604 4/10/2014 11:19AM

    You and I are SUCH kindred spirits.

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COASTAL6 4/8/2014 2:05PM

    Thank You, for sharing this!
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GENRE009 4/8/2014 1:21PM

    Lisa, the mind does make you think you are feeling this. It's like being empathetic. That's like feeling what's it's like to feel other's pain, or be in their shoes. I do understand this, cause I too feel I am too sensitive, and have a strong understanding of this. yet I don't see it like it's a vibe of emotions, that are attached to people whom if I touch them it explodes onto my thoughts, and makes me feel their pain. many times you are very aware of how people feel distant, and you know their coolness, instead of happiness alerts you that something is going on in their life that isn't normal. But unconsciously you fear that since you maintain control, and can go out of it, yet not always know why. That you fear their touch. other's pain isn't like a disease, it can't be spread. yet when you who seems so wonderfully controlled hear others, and try to help them, when maybe their situations are worse than your, or their medications are making them worse, it some times overwhelms you. Oh yes paranoia is in there for some, but I wonder if it from the medication? I am not in your shoes, and think you are the most wonderful bi-polar I have ever had the pleasure to meet. A true friend, illness or not, I don't see you as a person whom is going to except anything that makes you feel bad if you can change it. you are a fighter. But maybe you are taking on too much trying to be a savior to others whom don't have the control, or your strengths. I too am like this. just realize that this idea of getting everyone's pain thru touch or emotions maybe your bodies way of telling you are over doing your stability. Can you send me a list of your med's, I will check, and see if it's paranoia from them. I do hope you can have a good relationship with the next doctor, and that he knows all the stuff he gives you. Always willing to help. eva

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SANDRALEET 4/8/2014 8:30AM

    Paranoia is part of your Illness Your mind can feel things that are not true Others are mostly not that bad or out of control Just like you they are living the best they can No more harmed or in trouble then you are An illness is a illness Distortion of mental illness distorts our View It is hard on our family Only we think we are normal

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GARDENCHRIS 4/8/2014 6:43AM

    Intuitions arengood things and more people need to pay attention.

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