LYNNARDB72   22,934
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Tough Times

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Tough times.....

Well I did it this week. I broke up with my PT after almost 5 full years. Honestly I'm somewhat devastated. I feel as though I have broke up or lost a very very good friend.

I feel a sense of loss that makes me want to cry.
I feel a sense of fear.
I feel a sense of relief.

The Loss is that of a friend. I think I was co-dependent on her. I used her as my counselor sometimes more than a trainer.

The Fear is I'm so afraid I can not maintain or continue to lose without her. I'm going to have to pull everything i have to keep moving forward. Actually I have gained some weight over the past year so I have to re-train and lose it again.

The Relief is that it's done.... I've felt as though my sessions have been good but really she wasn't paying attention to me. I noticed she was spending a lot of time "watering flowers" going potty... checking on her kids.... over lapping clients.... talking about how overly busy she was.... Really not paying attention to my workout needs. No correction on form, talk about how her nutrition wasn't great. So it is a relief that I'm done.

I have to thank her for taking me so far and believing in me when I didn't believe in myself. I have to appreciate what she taught me I could/can do. I have found I'm stronger than I ever imagined.

I'm on to a new journey.... Lets see how this goes. Really, I can always hire someone else.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRYN2SURVIVE 8/30/2014 10:24AM

    Good for you for knowing when its time to move on! Detachment isn't easy but you took the step and did it. Congratz!

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Was I that bad?

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Okay on the quick side....
A few things on my mind today....

Over the weekend I had lots of pictures take of me. I HATED how I looked in everyone of them! I looked chubby and not good. That has motivated me to do something. Something is better than nothing.

Next... a few weeks back a fella told me I was HOT. LOL I have never in my whole life been told this before. Note even from my husband. So, anyhow he was flirting up a storm to the point I was flustered, my friends mom narked on the guy and got him in trouble with his family. He came up to me to appologize, and my friend completely went off on him for the inappropriate way he was talking about her mom. WELL..... my other friends have expressed that besides the inappropriateness they think its more like she doesn't like that I receive attention. THIS makes me question my life up until my weight loss at 40..... WAS I that bad? Was I hideous? What is it that makes my friends get rude to me? Am I obnoxious? I mean.... she hates my tan, she doesn't say anything nice about my hair.... when people compliment my how my teeth are white and I have a good smile she glares at me. WTH?

She has been nicer to me over the past year cuz I've gained some weight back. Struggle struggle struggle that's what I go through but I've worked out every morning this week... Not hard mind you but I've gone and something is better than nothing!

Next....I'm thinking is it bad of me to try and get to my best fit self just to get more of a rise out of her? Huh? I'm a bitchy bad person with a tender heart and messed up mind full of insecurities.

Last but not least.... This weeks mantra "Do not let anyone dull your sparkle"


Random.... babble..... Re-Grouping

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Hard work and consistency is easier said than done.

Right now I am consistently eating bad, not working out, and working overtime at my job. I see nothing good in those 3 scenarios.

Let's think.... talk....type random thoughts just as they come out. (this may not make sense to anyone but me....)

What can I do to pull myself out of this year and a half downward spiral???? Let's take the moment of time I need to take for myself and make a list.....
1. set small goals... tell someone my goals.
2. bring back the morning workout.
3. Get excited about something.

What do I really want???? My leather jacket to fit good!

Okay to do that 1st I have to plan my menu..... Lets see salad salad and more salad! Bring back the salad with no dressing.

Go anonymous again. I think I like being where nobody knows me. :-) I know it should be the opposite but it's not when it comes to weight loss.

Maintenance is harder than losing........ Well I'm not maintaining so I best start losing again.

Maybe I should cut chips and crackers out again. Well unless I make my own chips with my chip cooker. I have no control once I start in.

Hmmmmm take beer out? I don't think that is as much of my problem as not exercising. I think I really really really need to bring back the morning workout.

Yep.... that settles it. I'm starting with exercise. I know how great I feel, I know how tired and grumpy I get but I can do it! Workout/family/myself is more important that getting to work super early and working till I drop.
My clothes are more important! I LOVE clothes I want to fit great in my clothes and right now I have no jeans that fit! ugh! Must lose enough before jean season hits.

Okay so I will bring back the morning workout.
I will start with 30 min cardio. 3 days a week. - CAN DO GOAL!


Alkaline Water Not The Cure!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

This week has been draining. Emotionally, physically and mentally. I mean whew work wiped me out. Early long days, light workouts. But its done and now I can enjoy the weekend and my family.

My blood pressure has been high all week. Here's what happened...
I was drinking my Alkaline Kangan Water. (PH 9.5 for those smarty pants that get this stuff). Anyhow I was drinking it faithfully about a full 2 quarts + a day. Drinking my water that is supposed to be super healthy. As I do this for a few weeks I notice I am BLOATY I'm just waiting for the day I really start peeing out all this water. Well it just wasn't happening. So I check my blood pressure.... Hmmm little high. Next day super high. I stayed home from work and I also noticed when I pee it was like Orange color. I know that can't be good. Several things are going through my mind... First was, I'm dying. 2nd was WTH????

So looking at the past couple of weeks I thought yea I had some beers and chips but one should be able to do that now and then. I thought Oh, the only new thing is my water. I figure better stop drinking fancy water. Okay.... I stopped and the fancy water and a couple days later the swelling came out of my fingers. I can bend them better again. My pee is now normal looking... LOL ha ha ha Blood pressure is still high but it's cuz my weight is high too.

Moral of the story.... I have learned drinking Alkaline water made the sodium in my stay in me and counter act all of my blood pressure meds. I was swelling and basically filling my body with sodium. LOL Oh man, what's a girl to do? It's bad when it's the water that is going to get me! Its amazing the swelling that is coming out. I mean 6lbs of water weight this week alone!

On to the next mirical huh? I can't take my fany vitamins either until my blood pressure goes down! grrrrrr..... It's all related. The vitamins help me lose weight that and losing weight will lower my blood pressure but the vitamins actually make my blood pressure go out... OH man its a vicious circle. Seriously am I going to have to rely on diet and exercise?????

Now- Here I am on the day before Easter saying... WHAT THE????

Okay so Easter dinner doesn't have to be challenging does it? NOPE Not when you host.

So the menu is... smoked turkey, ham, carrot casserole, asparagus bundles, salad and cheesy potatoes. Oh... and rolls. (need to make sandwiches with the ham).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHYSOASIS 4/19/2014 1:48PM

    I have never heard of the stuff. Scratch that off my list.

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Easier said that done?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Well being on task is so much easier than done! I am doing better however. I am tracking my food even when it's not the healthiest choices. I'm drinking my special Kagan water that my PT wants me to drink. I'm exercising (not yesterday though because I had a massage teee he he)

The weight, has not dropped at all! I'm actually up from last Thursday. Hey no worries though... Ask me if I'm discouraged? NOPE! I feel healthier and my jeans are fitting better and the sun is out so I'm in a good place this week.

My super vitamins are on their way to me. I believe when I start taking them I will start dropping weight again. Looking back through my stuff I realized I started struggling when I stopped taking my vitamins. Coincidence or not? I'm going to find out soon! I really think the things go hand in hand.

I have also started my doodle diary back up. You know I just want to finish something. I always have the best intentions but I never seem to finish my stuff. So I started doodling again.

My number one man is going to be gone this weekend. Hmmm I'm supposed to go to my sisters and drink beer eat smoked meat and spend the night. this does not sound conducive to weight loss. LOL We shall see how this goes!

If I had to give today a title I feel.... Dare I say Grateful and happy?
Yep lets go with that!
Happy Thursday!


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