Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Well, I've survived my huge emotional breakdown yesterday.
Oh yea, after having an awful day at work I went on to do my workout. It was one of the most meaningful workouts I've had in years. Meaningful not in the ways of exercise but emotionally. It's something when I'm talking & working out then BOOM I breakdown and start crying. All I could think was toughen up... get your self together.... Knock it off! It was brief but it was full blown depressed tears. I got them out and in doing so I said the things that were really really eating at me. Or shall I say making me eat???
"I just feel lost"
"I can't do anything"
"I can't relate"
"I'm just... In a sink hole... I can't seem to find my way, and I can't help anyone or even myself"
THEN, my PT says "Lynn, I haven't said anything but you really bombed the 4 week healthy challenge." I was like huh yea okay well.... She said "The other PT looked it over and says you eat junk.... LOTS and LOTS of processed foods.... It needs to stop, once you get that stopped all of this will stop. Your lifestyle is great if it weren't for the bad food." I put my head down and kept working out and I said "I am not stupid, and I am no puss... I can do this! Just don't give up on me..." She said "I'll never give up on you so stop giving up on yourself. You are the physically and mentally strongest woman I know...."
All I could do was think.... She's right! They called me on the carpet. I can't give up on myself, I just can't! I have a little girl that depends on me every day and every night and will continue to want me a healthy mom around. What was the point of working out and "trying to be fit" if I was going to fill myself with processed food that I like to call CRACK.
I thought a little more and then had to explain how embarrassing it was to have failed so miserably... I'm going to do my own challenge. I told both PTs I'm going to start phasing out the crack and prove to myself and them I really do "got this".
That leaves me at today... I feel like I'm totally in the dumps but it's going to be okay. I will come out of it.
Thanks for calling me out Ladies! I needed the hard cold truth.