Sunday, April 06, 2014
We always have today. A new start, a fresh beginning. Or that is what I like to tell myself each and every time I mess up again. Ok, I know this is a way of life, I healthy journey, I'm just not feeling it. I haven't for quite a while now. Oh I go through the motions, I exercise, I even sweat on occasion, I eat the good foods, I measure sometimes, I even weigh in once a week. But you know what? Nothing changes. In my head or on the scales it is all the same. October I got a fitbit from a friend for Christmas. This was my gift of health and I was going to succeed.....October and I'm down all of three pounds. I mean that isn't even a pound a month average. She is almost to goal. So who is fooling who here?
Oh I can pretend it is all the same and good, but in my head and my heart I'm so unhappy. Why? Because I can't get my mind in the game any more. I don't know what happened, when it happened or how, it just did. One day I was at goal and the next I'm twenty five pounds over goal. I know some will say "that isn't much" but with a 5'1" frame it is too much. Way too much. In fact I'm now obese. I left overweight a while back. So again who is kidding who here? I'm not fooling anyone but myself about this. My friend says "just push away from the table". Yeah sure that works, for a day or so. I'm a boredom eater I've discovered. So I joined the YMCA and I head to workout after work. Ok so I do that a couple of night a week, when I don't talk myself out of it, and the rest is spent at the table eating. Junk. My hubby works overnights five to five. So I have plenty of time to be alone and fill my face with crap.
Ok yup, I know if I didn't buy it it wouldn't be in the house. But then again I get this feeling like I just have to have it. I may not get more tomorrow, what if it is gone from the shelves tomorrow? You see my dilemma here folks. It is called addiction.
I want that moment to be now but I just don't have that much faith in myself. I've let me down so often over the last couple of years that it just seems like I'm faking it. But I will put one foot in front of the other and just begin....every great ending started somewhere.