MALEXANDER4   147,890
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MALEXANDER4's Recent Blog Entries

Happy Easter

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Happy Easter to all my Spark friends. I hope this new awakening brings you much in new beginnings or continued success.

I'm so looking forward to a bit more sunshine and just relaxing evenings spent on the porch. I'm also looking forward to changes in me as well as the season. So as I step forward into a new fresh beginning and awaken myself to all the possibilities of the season I also awaken to all the possibilities in myself.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NELLJONES 4/20/2014 7:53AM

    Have a wonderful Easter!

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NUTRON3 4/19/2014 9:12AM

    Happy Easter to you!!!

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SNS1968 4/19/2014 8:54AM

    emoticon

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JEB03253 4/19/2014 8:52AM

    In northern New England we have a ways to go yet, but I always think of spring as new beginnings as well. Yesterdays step forward was the town street sweeper getting to our curvy, hilly street. We can walk again without the hazard of slippery loose sand everywhere on the pavement.

Happy Easter! emoticon

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RIDLEYRIDER 4/19/2014 8:36AM

  Spring is about new beginnings, isn't it? Happy Easter to you! emoticon

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Today is a new day or is it?

Sunday, April 06, 2014

We always have today. A new start, a fresh beginning. Or that is what I like to tell myself each and every time I mess up again. Ok, I know this is a way of life, I healthy journey, I'm just not feeling it. I haven't for quite a while now. Oh I go through the motions, I exercise, I even sweat on occasion, I eat the good foods, I measure sometimes, I even weigh in once a week. But you know what? Nothing changes. In my head or on the scales it is all the same. October I got a fitbit from a friend for Christmas. This was my gift of health and I was going to succeed.....October and I'm down all of three pounds. I mean that isn't even a pound a month average. She is almost to goal. So who is fooling who here?

Oh I can pretend it is all the same and good, but in my head and my heart I'm so unhappy. Why? Because I can't get my mind in the game any more. I don't know what happened, when it happened or how, it just did. One day I was at goal and the next I'm twenty five pounds over goal. I know some will say "that isn't much" but with a 5'1" frame it is too much. Way too much. In fact I'm now obese. I left overweight a while back. So again who is kidding who here? I'm not fooling anyone but myself about this. My friend says "just push away from the table". Yeah sure that works, for a day or so. I'm a boredom eater I've discovered. So I joined the YMCA and I head to workout after work. Ok so I do that a couple of night a week, when I don't talk myself out of it, and the rest is spent at the table eating. Junk. My hubby works overnights five to five. So I have plenty of time to be alone and fill my face with crap.

Ok yup, I know if I didn't buy it it wouldn't be in the house. But then again I get this feeling like I just have to have it. I may not get more tomorrow, what if it is gone from the shelves tomorrow? You see my dilemma here folks. It is called addiction.

I want that moment to be now but I just don't have that much faith in myself. I've let me down so often over the last couple of years that it just seems like I'm faking it. But I will put one foot in front of the other and just begin....every great ending started somewhere.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAKAROO 4/7/2014 5:43AM

    emoticon

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 4/7/2014 3:10AM

    Dear Michelle,
I could have very easily written the same blog. I know exactly how you are feeling, and I hate that feeling of I HAVE TO HAVE IT!! Here is to both of us having a better week this week. We don't have to be perfect but we do have to try. I am proud of you that you are still exercising. I'm rooting for you.

Much Love,
Joan

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NUTRON3 4/6/2014 10:41AM

    emoticon

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Week #3 and final week of ZP Challenge

Saturday, April 05, 2014

Well the scales stayed the same. No movement at all. At first I was upset but then I thought heck it could of been a gain. It was my TOM and we all know that means water, no matter how you work it you will have water gain. But the challenge is done. I was a success because I lost two pounds total and for me that is wonderful. So I may not have won in their eyes but in mine I succeeded in completing something.

I have been having thoughts of just quitting. I mean why bother if the scales aren't going to change anyways. Right? I mean this is getting frustrating. My friend is so close to goal and I'm down two pounds, what is that? I mean when she tells me I need to just push away from the table....I wanted to cry. I was hurt. But you know what she is right. Had I been doing what I was suppose to be doing all along I would be at my goal. I got my Fitbit in October and I'm down a whole five pounds since. What the heck is that? A hiccup really. I don't know where my mind has been at in all this. I have said I wanted this but to what length? Obviously I'm not willing to give up the foods, or mindless eating to reach my goals, I'm not willing to head to the YMCA that I pay good money to be a part of to work out as I should, So what gives? Do I want this or not?

I want this but do I want to work for it? Here is where the waters get muddy. I hate that hunger feeling, so I eat because it might or might not happen. What the hell is up with that. I should just have foods at the ready in case in happens, not eating for it to happen. I use my food scales when it is convenient for me, not as I should, cups and spoons to measure? What and waste time and see what little I really can have? Give up breads? Give up fats? sweets? what the hell do you mean moderation? What is that? Who does that?

Ok as I've rambled on I have also shown you some of what I've been going through. It isn't easy, pretty, or for the weak at heart. I hate myself on a daily average, I kick myself while I'm down because I know better I'm just weak. So no excuses about where my journey is going. NOWHERE if I dont' wake up and smell the coffee so to speak.



Really? I believe a lot of us have felt like failures in the past. Those that have overcome I applaud you, the others like me stuck in a pit of despair I push you to succeed. We are worth it. We just need to realize it for ourselves.

So today I may end my ZP Challenge for work, but I wake up myself to a whole new future me just waiting to emerge.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MILLEDGE2 4/6/2014 7:14AM

    Keep smiling, Michelle! Getting fat is NOT the answer, is it?

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KRICKET4 4/5/2014 10:23AM

    I did an experiment last year where I dropped all bread and wheat products for a month. The surprising result - no cravings!

As far as hunger goes, stay away from processed foods and fill up on real food. That's what you'll want to be eating anyway whether you're losing or maintaining.

This is not a temporary thing, Michelle. Once I wrapped my head around that, things definitely started looking up.

And what about negative self talk and hating yourself? You know the answer to that...

And what about giving up? Don't.

Strategy: Baby steps.

emoticon

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CAKAROO 4/5/2014 8:44AM

    emoticon

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LOVELESMILLS 4/5/2014 8:34AM

  emoticon DRINK! emoticon

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Week #2 Weigh-In

Saturday, March 29, 2014

emoticon Ok I'm down another 0.4 this week. Bringing my two week total to 2.7 pounds in two weeks. So the ZP Challenge may be what I needed to jump start myself back to good habits. Last week begins now and lets see what that brings.

Will I continue when it is all over? Well of course. I have a goal to see again and I'm ready to begin shopping in my own closet and wearing some of my favorites again.



Michelle

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MILLEDGE2 3/30/2014 6:49AM

    Great work, Michelle! Stay positive!

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 3/30/2014 5:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon I am so proud of you. All we have to do is repeat, emoticon

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KRICKET4 3/29/2014 10:06PM

    emoticon
Keep up the good work.

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ZP Challenge week 1 weigh-in

Saturday, March 22, 2014

DOWN 2.3 lbs this week.



Really that is all any of us can do.

Michelle. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRICKET4 3/24/2014 11:19PM

    Oh yeah! You go girl!!

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 3/23/2014 5:15AM

    You go Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAKAROO 3/22/2014 9:06AM

    emoticon emoticon

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